


Mario and Bowser's New Frenemy Adventure

by Mechayoshi



Category: Mario - Fandom, Mario Story | Paper Mario, Nintendo, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adventure, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Fluff, Frenemies, Friendship, Gen, Horror, Humor, I can format correctly now, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-04-04 17:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 106,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14025552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mechayoshi/pseuds/Mechayoshi
Summary: Complete! Mario and friends (and enemies) experience love, hate, and everything in between as they learn that sometimes the true villains aren't the ones fought in the games... See chapter one for updated news!!!!





	1. Go-Karting with Bowser 2nd Edition

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from FF.net and newly rewritten. Enjoy.
> 
> UPDATE: I’ve learned some basic html. Bye bye horrid formatting! ;)

Zoom! One racer used a mushroom to fly off a ramp, clear the one-thousand foot drop below, and land in third place. The racer in eighth was unfortunate enough to overshoot a tight curve. They flew off the track and Lakitu ‘fished’ them to safety. The first place racer used their Koopa Troopa shells to block the perfectly aimed red shell barrage from the disgruntled second place racer.

This was a Mario Kart race (-SPONSORED BY FUNGUS UP:: The drink that ‘springs up overnight!’), where Mario Mario, famed hero, and his diverse acquaintances routinely took it to the streets, dirt tracks, underwater, sand, snow, whatever Cheese Land is supposed to be, and anything else to win the gold. This particular race took place on the floating, ever dangerous Rainbow Road so calming music played, comets darted through the dark sky, and the nerves of ever racer were on edge. The usual. 

“Mario, you’re an idiot..” King Bowser Koopa growled as he trailed a few yards behind Mario in his kart. His massive clawed hands gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Cool wind blew through Mario’s hair and mustache as he ignored his greatest rival, more concerned with holding the lead in the final lap. An item box gifted him a single banana, immediately deployed behind his kart as he saw Bowser approaching in his rear view. 

“Caught up with ya, plumber boy!” Bowser said. The two where parallel, taking turns glaring at each other before bringing their attention back to the daring curves of Rainbow Road. “Just wait until I get a Super Leaf!” Bowser veered into Mario’s path, bumping the plumber almost off the edge. Mario did the same only to nudge Bowser about an inch.

“Gained some pounds?” Mario teased. 

“Back at you, Red.”

“Well,” Mario continued, “you know that item’s only in Mario Kart 7, right?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Which one is this?”

“Eight. I think?”

“...I knew that!”

Toad, the relatively young and new adviser to the Princess shrieked as a sudden burst of speed put him right behind hero and villain. Mario caught the entire thing in his rear view. Toad was completely engulfed by the shadow of a looming Thundercloud. Zap! In a blinding flash, Toad was shrunk, allowing Yoshi to take his place in third.

“Yoshi! Yoshi!” Yoshi said, speaking in his native tongue. 

“Good riddance. These losers were starting to get too much narration,” Bowser said. “This is about OUR rivalry. Now watch this. I’ve done all of the calculations and this will hit you smack in that stupid plumber face!”

Bowser threw a green shell at a barrier with ‘FUNGUS UP’ on it. The shell ricocheted backwards and shot right past Bowser, narrowly missing. 

Mario stifled a laugh. “Bowser? Er, what grades did you get in math again?”

Bowser’s vision went red until he took a deep breath. His new doctor had been getting on him about his blood pressure after all.

Meanwhile far up in the heavens, even farther than Rainbow Road, the Great Eldstar’s pager went off. This typically indicated that some lightning was needed somewhere on Earth. In fiddling with the pager, Eldstar dropped the star shard he was polishing and the priceless artifact made a loud clink on the marble floors of the Star Temple.

“Is everything fine?” Twink’s childlike voice echoed from across the hall.

“All is Fine,” Klevar spoke up from a pile of ancient books. “There is probably a Mario Kart occurring. Did you know that the thundercloud item has 7,000,000 bolts of electricity? I read it right here...”

The Great Eldstar finally read the message from the pager to see that Klevar was correct. Eldstar’s powers weren’t really for amusement and fake gold trophies, but he did it anyway. The pushover...

 

...Back on earth:

Bowser was so upset he was lost for words when he spun out on a measly banana. In a matter of a few minutes the competition got fierce with the twelve racers, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Koopa, Toadette, Junior, and Birdo being in one massive group. Mario collided with a fake item box and surrendered first place. He felt the prize slipped out of his hands until-

ZAP! Everyone except for Donkey Kong in 12th place were reduced to wimpy toy sized karts. It happened so suddenly that there was mass confusion. Koopa, Toadette, and Birdo fell off the edge. Junior, Daisy and Peach collided with loose items already on the track. Yoshi, that crazy dinosaur, didn’t care and drove merrily as ever in fun-size. Toad’s brain was already kind of fried from the previous thunder strike so he was fine. Maybe.

Donkey Kong silently thanked the Crystal Coconut for whatever had just happened. He barged through everyone and was about to get first.

“Not so fast, monkey breath!” Bowser threw a banana ahead of himself which bounced off of a ‘LICHEN COLA’ barrier and straight into Donkey Kong’s face. The blinded ape veered to the side and rammed into the a barrier, spinning out.

Mario pushed the pedal to the metal at the opening for first. Bowser saw this and slammed the gas as well. The finish line was only a few meters away and the two gunned it past all remaining racers. Both hero and villain crossed the line in miniature form. 

* * *

All twelve racers eagerly gathered around in the Mario Kart Lobby, a garage like area, to see their final score. The top three placements were permitted access to the ‘VIP’ lounge, often called the ‘winner’s circle’. The normal lobby, ‘loser’s circle’, was for everyone else. 

“Dfkd s flksdj f lksdfe wr!” Toad said to everyone who was getting restless.

Everyone stared back at the castle adviser until Lakitu behind a laptop cleared his throat loudly.

“Okay, I finally got this blasted thing to work. Third place.. Yoshi. Yay...”

“Yoshi!” Yoshi did a ‘flutter jump’ as he accepted his bronze trophy. He strolled right through the glass doors to the VIP area which housed drink machines full of popular sodas, a large couch, and a big TV showing replays.

Lakitu continued unceremoniously. “Second… Toad.”

Toad spun in circles, bowed, and then said, “Asdkfjsdl lksdrlfk slkfsdl sldkfjsdl kdk!” He took his silver trophy and did back flips to the winner’s circle. No one questioned anything..

Lakitu squinted oddly at the final result on screen. 

“WHO WON ALREADY?!?” several racers shouted.

Lakitu rolled his eyes. “I’ve never seen this before but I don’t really care. First place in the cup with the highest score is….Mario-”

Mario jumped in the air in triumph.

“-and Bowser with a score of fifty points. The rest of you? You lose, go home!”

Mario landed on the ground wide eyed as everyone else dispersed, skipping the losers circle to visit their own comfy houses where they wouldn’t be so harshly judged for their placement in a sport that Mario only came up with based on his brief experiences as a taxi driver. Lakitu shoved the fake gold trophy in Mario hand and then left, muttering something about needed vacation time.

“Yeah! Got ya Red!...” Bowser waved a claw in front of Mario’s face. “...Moron, hello? I know I’m awesome but you can stop drooling..”

Mario snapped out of it. “How could we tie? Eh, never mind. You’re going to call me for ‘round two’, right?”

“Well OF COURSE. You’d better be in top shape tomorrow.”

Mario raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Bowser flashed his sharp teeth in an expression that could vaguely be described as a smile.“Oh you forgot? The tennis match’s tomorrow and I changed the line up posted. You’re now my partner!”

Mario looked at him like he was crazy. “You did?! So what happened to Luigi’s name then?”

“He’ll survive on the bleachers. As pesky and infuriating as you are, you’re still one of the best players.” Bowser chuckled. “I’m not gonna shackle myself to any of these other losers ‘round here!”

“Wow,” Mario mouthed silently with his head titled up as he questioned the stars as to how much more messed up the day could be, only he heard the low drone of something above. 

“Uh, that sounds like my ride getting close.” Bowser looked around. “I'm getting a drink, want something?"

"I’m on a diet.”

“Sure.” Bowser stared at Mario’s gut briefly. “Since one of us here are comfortable with our bodies, spare me a few coins. A want a Morel Moxie and I left my wallet in my other shell.”

Mario dug in his pocket to see what he had. “If I give you the dumb coins, will you leave me alone?” 

Bowser flashed him that ‘grin’ again. “I’m the one stuck here waiting here for my ride. You could have left anytime, but I know, I’m irresistible. Ha! Why don’t you tell the princess that too sometime?” 

Mario slapped the coins in Bowser’s hand then slapped his own face. 

The rest of the day moved on like the constantly shifting scenes of a stage play. That night, Mario lie in bed mildly bothered as he was reminded yet again that all excitement in his life was often tied to Bowser. What did that mean, he wondered as he dimmed the lights, Luigi long asleep in his own bunk across the bedroom. Mario was in contact with Bowser as much as, well, all of his other friends. Their intense and competitive interactions were becoming a sport in itself. Bowser was certainly an enemy, no one who cost so much trouble could be anything but, but he was almost a friend. A friend you dislike. Mario could get used to that. Maybe forever even...  


* * *

Author note: All sodas are from Nintendo Adventure Book #12: Brain Drain.

The first of season one’s revamps. I’m going to make it a lot less slower than before, and tread less familiar ground so it’s a better experience whether or not you read the original.

(Archived) Original summary: The friendly (and not so friendly) rivalry never ends between Mario and Bowser. Reimagining of Frenemies Forever. Shorter. Sweeter. New adventure. New surprises. How far will they go? And yes, they will go farther than before. Genres: Friendship/ Adventure

* * *

Originally Completed: 3/13/18  
Edited: 6/21/18  
Revamped: 8/9/18


	2. Brothers Before Koopas/ Even Powershots Won't Save You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newly rewritten and improved. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Combined chapters?! See bottom notes.   
> Disclaimer: Mario and co. belong to Nintendo

It was a normal early morning at the Mario residence. Luigi’s heavy eyes blinked a few times as he leaned up and bed and stretched, Mario snoring loudly in the background. Luigi glanced towards his older brother and then the clock. 6 AM. 

Luigi threw his pillow at Mario. “Bro!”

Mario tossed and turned but the earth rumbling snoring continued. Just before Luigi could head over to try something else, Mario’s cellphone vibrated on the nightstand. 

Luigi saw the caller id. “Bowser?!” 

“Wha- Bowser?” Mario repeated.

Pale faced, Luigi jumped on Mario’s bed and shook him violently. “Bro wakeup wakeup it’s Bowser calling!!”

“Ahhhhhh!” Mario screamed in return.

‘You have one new voicemail.’*Beep*

They froze as the voicemail began to play.

“Hey, pipes for brains, wake up call! Bwa ha ha!” The Mario brothers could hear a loud ‘Koopa Symphony’ in the background of Bowser’s voice. “Ah hem. But anyway, if we lose our match today, you’re toast! Oh and tell the Princess I’ll be looking my best today. Just for her!”

Mario couldn’t roll his eyes harder that comment. Luigi didn’t notice over the nervous clacking of his own teeth.

“Lastly. Umm, well. What’s the recipe for that Couples Cake again? You know, the one only friends eat together? *Mumbling noises were heard*- Kamek, no this isn’t Mario- *mumbling noises* Umm, gotta go. Keep that cellphone smokin’! Wait, that don’t make sense. Whatever. See ya, plumber breath.” 

*Beep* ‘End of message. You have no new messages. 

Mario was lamenting how how messed up this day could go until he noticed his brother. “...Weegee what’s wrong?”

Luigi was on his bed lying back. “Oh nothing,” he said quietly, “I probably wouldn’t have been a good partner for you anyway...”

Mario leap out of bed, white t-shirt, red boxers and all. “I didn’t know he did it until yesterday. I’m sorry...” Somehow he didn’t feel like that was quite enough, but there was no more to really say.

“No I really didn’t want to play tennis.” Luigi got up. “...Yeah. My tennis elbow has been acting up anyway.” He left the bedroom.

Mario thought of antics from last week. There was a plumbing mishap because the princess finally gave in to constant requests to have a soda machine installed in the castle, only it went south when the water lines weren’t up to snuff. The disaster nearly drowned them both and was ultimately patched up with duct tape and prayers that a leak wouldn’t spring up again, plus Luigi strain an arm holding a door full of water back so that five orphans visiting the castle could escape safely. (Those events were somehow related.) 

Mario followed him out. “Little bro, I promise the won’t happen again.. Bros before koopas, right?” 

Luigi turned around from the open fridge. “Fine. One question though. What did that Couples Cake taste like?” 

“Bowser ate the whole thing on his own! So much for a dish that you can’t eat alone.”

Luigi laughed dryly. “That’s what you get for being friendly with a koopa! Try a Trial Stew next time!”

Luigi collapsed at the kitchen table’s chair already sleepy again. Mario however had the special ability wake up at 100%, so he rumbled through the cabinets for cooking pans. Cooking was always his thing, and with the eventual smell of pancakes in the air, Luigi found it hard to stay too upset at the red plumber.

* * *

 

“You’re just spectating??” Toad asked with some worry. 

The twitchy subordinate of the Princess ran a concession stand in front of the tennis stadium. At 8 AM in the morning, this was a bright sunny day in Toad Town with crowds already starting to gather for the tournament. Toad wasn’t the only booth around selling useless junk, but he knew his booth stood out. The tip jar half full of shiny coins testified to that fact.

“You heard me right. Do you have a chill? You’ve been jittery since yesterday.” 

“I’m perfectly fine. Want to try a shroom shake?” Toad picked up a pitcher full of something blue.

“What flavor is that?” 

“My favorite, homeboy. Purple flavor.”

“But that’s blue.”

Toad put a hand on his hip. “Listen, I’m letting you try one on the house so take it you pathetic butt munch player two option!”

“Okay okay! I’ll try it!” With a sales pitch like that, how could he refuse?

Luigi took a sip, tasting a flavor explosion of banana, melon, and peach. It almost toppled the addictively acidic taste of a Lichen Cola. Almost. 

“Did you like it?” 

Luigi did a thumbs up when Mario came walking by waving.

Luigi waved back as Yoshi joined them, just getting off of the phone.

“What’s up my homeboy!” Toad replied through a megaphone.

Luigi covered his ears. “Oww!”

“What are you selling?!” Yoshi asked.

“Homemade shroom shakes. End the domination of the soda companies.”

“Birdo and I was just talking about their business practices, especially FungusUp. We found out how little they pay the Dinosaur Land immigrants in their factories. Anyway, I’ll pass for now because honestly I don’t trust anything you make, but you’re fighting a good fight.” Yoshi dropped a few coins in the tip jar anyway. 

“Thanks, you stupid horse!”

“Hey!” Yoshi kicked boxed Toad backwards, sending him flying into the bushes behind his stand.

“Sorry, my foot slipped,” Yoshi said with a chuckle. “I’ll see you two in the stadium, bye.”

“Ha ha! Good one, homeboy!” Toad said from somewhere under the foliage.

All of a sudden, Luigi felt the need to get the heck out of there, dealing with two crazies. He made way for the entrance where there were various Mushroom Kingdom citizens moping around before the game started. Luigi got in the long line to enter the stadium. Luigi tapped his foot while he checked his watch, a gift from his grandfather Pablo Pizzacaso. It was old and the crystal was cracked, but it never lost a minute. He peered way ahead to see that the line was actually for a popcorn station! With his palm hitting his face, Luigi almost walked off before noticing the person a head of him for the first time.

“Hey, Boo. I haven’t seen you since Mario Party… whatever number we’re on. Do you still play tennis with that mean curve?”

Boo turned around and blushed under his gaze.“Sometimes, hehe. Do you know someone’s been defacing your posters?” They pulled out a poster that had ‘Mario and Luigi vs Toad and Daisy’ on it, only someone had marked through Luigi’s face with a red X mark.

Luigi sighed. “It’s true. I’m out of the game.”

“Oh no!!” Boo ripped off the white shirt they suddenly wore to reveal a green shirt underneath with Luigi’s face on it. “I’m your biggest fan, Booigi the Second! Who’s partnering with your brother then??” Boo asked urgently, like the wrong answer might rock their world.

So Luigi gave the mathematician’s answer. “Mario will be working with his greatest and most feared friend and enemy, Bowser!”

* * *

**At Bowser’s Castle**

Ludwig Von Koopa, fresh out of bed with his loose fitting robe and all, stood with his ear to the door as ‘Reprisal in A minor’ played from the auditorium within. He’d forgotten the mental state he was in when he wrote the ten minute classical piece a month ago, one of business and near burn out, so that such a turbulent six stanza piece was an outlet. He felt so great after composing it, but now that feeling of hanging on by a thread was back. He-

“Hey, Luddy-sama. I was thinking of something that could end world hunger-”

Ludwig whipped around with fiery eyes. “Do you not see me meditating on peaceful music?!?” 

Iggy made a face. “Gosh, okay. I’ll scrap that idea forever then...pfft.” 

Visiting the depths of his inner psyche, something was clouded and permeated by intense anger of an unknown source-

“Prince Ludwig, in the kitchen there’s-”

“Kamek,” Ludwig said dangerously. “I am thinking right now. Do not disturb me.”

Kamek shrugged. “Fine. I’ll give your portion of Koopasta to the dog again...”

But where these feelings his? They had to have been. What was already accomplished would lead to what was always the end goal, so why did this plan feel so alien? The music stopped and Lemmy slammed open the door, smacking Ludwig in the face.

“Sorry, Luddy. I didn’t see you there.”

Ludwig held his face. “What happened?” he groaned.

Lemmy continued to juggle five bowling pins. “The radio switched to a song I didn’t like. It’s all yours.”

Ludwig rushed in where the auditorium was empty save for the portable radio setting on the stage where Lemmy was just doing his early morning practicing. Ludwig pulled himself together and remembered what he needed to do for the plan, tune in to WMUSH. If his calculations were correct, the rest of the day would come together as well.

* * *

Bowser threw another dart at Mario. The metal tipped barb dug in an inch deep, straight in Mario's nose. Crudely taped to a wall in the men’s locker room was a tattered 36x24 poster of Mario doing a 'v' sign, speckled with innumerable tiny holes.

“Aww, you own posters of me!” Mario said sweetly. He noticed that Bowser’s red hair was gelled back and he had a kind of sweet smell.

“Yes, AND?!” Bowser retorted. “These are for ‘motivation’ to wipe the floor with you in real life. Oh, and nice for you to finally show up, fuzz face. The game is only ten minutes from now.”

Mario opened his mouth to give a sharp reply but then closed it. Bowser was correct. After saying his goodbyes to his friends outside the courtyard, Mario wandered on way of the locker rooms. First a young reporter from the Mushroom Press flagged him down for an interview and he was too nice to shoo them away. Then he ran across someone selling hot dogs inside of the stadium. His stomach refused to let him walk past empty handed. Lastly, Princess Peach was setting around in the chair umpire area and he had a friendly talk with her. As Mario was never one to wear a watch, he’d lost track of time and became ‘fashionably late’. -If one considers a plumber getup fashionable that is; Bowser would certainly disagree..

Mario began to pace. “What’s our game plan?”

“Stay out of my way so I don’t destroy you and let me hit the ball all of the time.”

“Good plan. One problem. That’s not how tennis works at all.” Mario frowned.

Bowser crossed his arms. “Well, at least I’m ready to play. Where’s your racket?”

Mario rolled his eyes as he dug into his duffle bag. Out from it came his signature 'M' tennis racket in well used condition. His fireball power shots had taken a toll with black burn marks turning the whole thing several shades darker than the blue color it originally was. Mario immediately heard laughter from the koopa king.

“You’re playing with THAT, Man in Red?”

Mario swung in the air a few times, testing his grip. “Why not? Also, going a bit soft with the insults are we?”

“Plumber, the only thing soft is that crappy tennis racket. Do you really want to fail me?!”

“You make it sound like we’ve been assigned a high-school project together.”

“Shut up. Point is, it’s toast. Literally!”

Mario noticed some black crumbly bits stuck to his glove but he wasn’t about to admit that Bowser was right again. Hiding it behind his back, he said, “Either way, I can carry myself in the game. I’d be more worried about your speed problems.”

Before Bowser could respond, the doors of the locker room swung wide open, letting the blinding light of outdoors bleed in.

"Just checking in on my homeboys! LET'S HAVE A GREAT GAME!" Toad screamed into that megaphone again. He was standing in the door.

“Oh it’s just Fungusface,” Bowser said under his breath, “Didn’t we have this talk before with extra characters?”

“Hey, I have that poster,” Toad said. “I see I’m not the only enemy and fan!”

“Back off mushroom!” Bowser said dangerously. Mario nodded in acquiescence, but he did wonder what Toad meant by enemy and fan. Since when was Toad an enemy?

-Flash back-

Small Mario and Tanooki Toad were at the end of a stage in Mario 3D World. The timer was about to run down in five seconds.

“Oh no, we’re not going to make it! Jump!” Mario said to Toad. They climbed the staircase to the top of the flag pole.

“Okay, homeboy!” Toad proceed to jump on top of Mario’s head and get a boost to the top where he earned a 1-Up. Mario on the other hand, got launched smack into the ground where the timer hit zero and he died.

Oh, yeah then...

“Gotya buddies! Toad OUT!” Toad said in the megaphone again, snapping Mario out of it. Bowser’s hands shot up to cover his ears at the offending noise, bumping Mario and making him drop the racket that was still behind his back.

CRACK!

The brittle and battle worn racket lay on the floor, broken in half. The racket that had lasted every Mario Tennis game until now was gone.

"OH NO!" Mario dropped to the floor to pick up the pieces. Each piece he grabbed shattered into another.

Bowser got something from his own duffle bag. “Stop crying, idiot. You can’t be my partner without a racket so I’m gonna be nice just this one time. Here!”

He gave Mario a heavy green tennis racket, which otherwise resembled Bowser’s purple one, down to the menacing Bowser emblem on it. 

“Umm. Thanks..I think?” Mario swung this one in the air, only to find the entire balance of it different. 

“Hmm. Yeah, try not to fall on your face, hear? It’s game time.”

Mario gasped as he saw the clock. It was now or never, partnered with Bowser or not.

* * *

Toad entered the locker room to find Daisy sitting on the benches and playing an action packed game on her phone. The Sarasaland princess had on an orange tank-top and shorts and her hair was tied back with a hair band.

“What’s up Daisy?” Toad greeted as he entered.

Daisy continued to stab at the touchscreen. “Just remember the plan we discussed over the phone.”

“Are you alright?”

Daisy shot up from her seat. “You think?!”

“Umm… no or I wouldn’t be asking you?”

She put the phone down and walked around in circles. “Forget it. I’d better live it up while this game lasts. I mean, there’s no telling when I’ll get to hang around ya’ll again.”

Then it hit Toad what she meant. “Homegirl, don’t be like that. Our roles change up all the time and not all of us are A-list, but that doesn’t mean any of us are forgotten.”

Daisy stopped. “You mean that?”

“Of course. Listen, I’m a guy named after my species. Most people don’t know if I’m one person, or two people, or clones of each other or what. By the way, the answer is all of the above. But still, people know who I am. There’s tons of Daisy fans out there considering there’s just one of you.”

Daisy smiled with her eyes to the ground. “Thanks for that, Toad. … I can see why they made you the new Castle Adviser.”

Toad blushed. “Just doing what a Toad’s gotta do-”

There was a soft knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Toad said. He opened the door to find a delivery guy. 

“Gift from a fan,” the dark boo with a ball cap covering his face said in a low snarky tone.

Toad received a brown paper bag and the door was closed before Daisy caught up. Inside were two personalized Fungus Up 12oz cans with ‘Toad’ and ‘Daisy’ inscribed on them, usually only available in lavish locations like Poshley Heights.

“Wow, I’ll take that, thank you!” Daisy popped open hers and gulped it down, feeling that the castle adviser’s words were prophetic somehow.

Toad popped open his. “I feel kind of hypocritical considering what I was just selling outside of the stadium but… Oh well!” He gulped it down, begrudgingly noting that the lemon lime taste of Fungus Up was decent even with the can tasting slightly flat. 

"YEEEAAAHHH DAISY!" She did a triple back flip which resulted in her hair band falling off. She then shook her hair loose and let it lay on her shoulders.

“Nice!! Need this?” Toad picked up the hair band.

“Keep it. It’s game time!”

“I’ll wear it then to symbolize that we’re in sync and stuff now.” Toad put the flower emblem accessory on like a sweat band. 

* * *

 

A modest sized crowd gathered in the all purpose outdoor stadium, intended to host small sports events in Toad Town. The crowd took to like, split down the sides. The right had lots of toads, bob-omb buddies, nokis, piantas, and other friendly species. On the left however were koopa troop soldiers, bandits, mean looking thwomps, and other enemies who had caught on that Bowser would be playing.

Members of the audience could hardly contain their excitement as Mario and Bowser left the locker rooms and entered the field. Bowser waved at Peach who as in the empire chair, but she sort of winkled her nose at him and turned away. Bowser growled, especially when the right side of the crowd began to laugh.

"Ladies and gentlemen...and Bowser!" Lakitu and Bowser exchanged nasty looks. “In this doubles match we have Mario and Bowser-”

The crowds on both sides cheered wildly.

“-vs Princess Daisy and Toad!”

Crickets chirped.

“That’s not nice,” Mario whispered to Bowser.

“Serves em right. Dumb secondary characters...” 

Toad and Daisy entered the tennis court and got into position. Toad and Bowser were hugging the net and Daisy and Mario farther back. Daisy looked normal if slightly disheveled, while Toad was wearing a flowery band on his head. Both he and she twitched, not unheard of from Toad considering how often he got electrocuted, but very odd for the princess. Even odder, Mario thought, was the slight foaming at the mouth. 

Thwak!

A tennis ball hit Mario flat in the face, jolting him from his thoughts. Laughter could be heard from the crowd. 

“Mario?! I was joking about using your head as a racket. Wake up!!” Bowser growled.

“For the LAST time, first serve Mario!” Lakitu said. Mario could have sworn it was never said a first time.

Mario picked the ball up. Grievances aside, it was show time.

* * *

**To be continued…**

“Author note: Get Ready To Rumble! Next chapter at least.” -taken from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 3

**Reference from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 26

Bros before koopas originally created: 3/13/18, - 3/16  
Even power shots won’t save you: 3/15/18, 3/18, 3/25  
Merge and Revamp: 8/9/18


	3. Wipeout!/ Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merge of the old chapter 4 and 5. See bottom notes. Mario and co belong to Nintendo

Luigi settled in the nosebleed section, where he liked it. The hike there wasn’t fun, but there was always room for personal space with everyone else seated so high up also doing so for similar introverted reasons. The first thing Luigi noticed was Mario with a Bowser racket!

“Hey, that’s not right!” Luigi shout in protest. No one heard him because he was about a mile away from the field however.

“I know right?”

Luigi turned to see the Boo from before beside him. “Hey, I didn’t even notice you there. Why are you up here?”

“Because I’m… a loser?”

Luigi smiled. “Me too!”

The crowd around them cut the conversation short with roaring laughter. 

Luigi turned back to the game. “What happened??” 

Boo covered their eyes. “Oh no! I think the umpire hit Mario with a ball, hehe! Uh, you know I’m not actually laughing about that right?”

* * *

 

Mario swung towards Toad who had no issue returning the ball. Bowser intercepted at the net and smacked the ball hard in Daisy’s direction. It was almost past Daisy when she did a backflip into the ball’s path and hit it backhand. The ball flew straight between the gap of Mario and Bowser.

“Love-15.” Lakitu announced.

Mario was left scratching his head at that one.

“Don’t know either, plumber boy. Let’s just win.”

Mario served again towards Toad who curved the ball around Bowser at the net. Mario sliced the ball in front of Daisy. She delivered a nasty topspin straight down the line. Bowser did a mad dash towards center and returned it, so hard it went out of bounds.

“Out. Love-30!”

Mario pat Bowser on his spiky back. “Way to go,” he said sarcastically. “...Ouch! Why did I do that?” His hand was almost bleeding.

“Shut up!”

Mario hit lightly towards Daisy. She shot back towards Mario who returned it center. Toad sprung ahead in lightning speed and then the ball was flying back to Mario before he could prepare. He was hit in the face once more.

“Game point!”

Bowser guffawed. “… Oh wait. We’re losing aren’t we?”

Mario was now extra careful, never aiming towards either Toad or Daisy directly and letting Bowser get aggressive up front. After several volleys Bowser did a power shot sending the ball like a bullet bill (literally) past Daisy. She did a last ditch backflip and lobbed the ball in the air, far enough to make a tiny shadow on the ground. 

Bowser followed the shadow. “I got it! I got it!”

“No, I’m standing under it!” 

Bowser pushed Mario aside. “You’ll screw it up, stupid. Move!” 

Mario shoved back. “You move!”

“No! YOU!”

The crowd went wild at what would be a pathetically easy shot and start of a comeback.

Toad was leaning against the net speaking gibberish and Daisy was standing on her head for no reason. Both of those things were so strange that Mario and Bowser let the ball bounce right between them. Both realizing their error at the exact same time, they swung. Thwack!

Bowser held his snout. “OWW YOU IDIOT PLUMBER!!!”

Mario covered his face with both hands. “IS IT BROKEN? I CAN’T TELL!”

“Uncover it.”

Mario did. “Okay.”

Bowser leaned up close, enough to make the plumber feel awkward. Mario still had that round face, large nose, and thick mustache. Bowser smiled. “Yep, still ugly.”

“Game, Daisy and Toad,” Lakitu announced. He ducked as Bowser affiliated crowd goers threw bags of popcorn at him. Peach was silently glad she was on the right side of the court in her umpire char.

Mario hung his head in shame, but there was more. Daisy was now spinning on her head like a break dance move, only she spun faster and faster. Toad stood in one place shaking violently while spilling unintelligible words. Before Mario could walk over there to figure out what was going on, Bowser pulled him aside.

“Where do you think you’re going??”

Peach stepped up. “Oh my! Call the medics.”

“Just in time because I quit!” Lakitu fled as medics flooded the field. Some attended to Daisy who collapsed like a spin-top that's run out of steam and others attempted to stabilize Toad. 

“We need space people!” shout one magikoopa nurse.

“Could have used a pause there,” remarked his Kong ER assistant. Just then however, they spotted Tatanga the Space Alien in the crowds, so they began to pack up and evacuate Toad and Daisy out of the tennis court.

“How dare they!”

Mario moved away from Bowser. “Because they totally chose to have a medical emergency right now in a game they were easily winning.” 

“Maybe! It could be a gambit.”

“Do you even know what that means??”

Bowser shoved Mario back while smoke threatened to pour from his nostrils. “Yes. They get the game canceled so that they can do something sneaky. Just because I go easy on ya half the time don’t mean I’m stupid.”

Mario picked himself up from the ground with a grunt and joined where Peach was without a word. Bowser sighed as well and stood back, waiting impatiently with his arms crossed.

* * *

Luigi covered his ears. “Normally it’s quiet up here.”

Then Mario and Bowser lost the first set. Crowds stood up and blocked the view of what was happening for a moment. When they started to take their seats, Luigi saw medics on the field! Just when he thought he’d imagined it, the crowd got excited again and Luigi’s view was completely blocked by a Whomp in front of him. 

“What the-?”

“We’d better go, hehe.. Getting bad vibes.” 

Luigi nodded. Already some fights were going on down low. “I agree, but how do we get out of here quick?”

Boo took his hand. Luigi’s vision went dark for a second or two then he was right outside the mostly vacant courtyard standing on the ground.

Luigi looked around astonishingly. “Whoa, what happened?”

“We just phased through the building to come outside.” 

“Thanks, buddy! Umm, we can let go now.” 

Boo let go, blushing. “Sorry, hehe. What do you think happened?”

Luigi flagged down a pianta who was leaving the stadium and asked what was going on.

“The game is canceled, man,” the pianta said in thick island accent. “They just fell out!” The pianta ran off. 

“Mario works with Bowser and then this? What should we do?”

“I got it! Go home and hide under the covers!” Boo’s invisible legs scrambled in place underneath them to run off like in a cartoon.

“Wait!”

Boo turned around with a screeching tire sound effect.

“Don’t you want to work with me? I was going to try to beat the crowd to the hospital since I know that’s where Mario’s going to be.”

Boo gasped and held the sides of their face. “Y-you really want to work with me??”

“Yeah. Remember when we were the ‘Scare Pair’ in Mario Party 6? Instead of collecting stars let’s collect bad guys who are behind.. when tennis matches go bad… or something! Deal?”

Luigi and Boo’s hands joined to from the official handshake of the bestest unlikeliest friendship.

* * *

With Toad and Daisy getting escorted out, the game was now definitively over. Peach told Mario that they would be taken to Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, her very own sanctioned hospital. Soon after, little fights were occurring in the stands and Mario heard Peach call for some security to show as well. There was one problem, he and his brother arrived on their mach bike, but if he took it now to go to the hospital, he’d be stranding his brother at the stadium. Mario dug in his pockets and they were empty.

“Mario, I’m here for you. I have enough for the bus, so let’s go.”

Mario turned around to see his dinosaur friend who seemed to know him better than he knew himself at times. “Thanks Yoshi.”

They made way for the exit. “Don’t mention it. I’m sure one of these days I’ll be repaid for how I’m constantly transporting you somewhere...”

Mario chuckled. “I’ll buy you lunch. Are we even now?”

“What about me??” Bowser said, blocking the way out.

Yoshi eyed him oddly. “Depends. What do you eat? Chinese? Greek?”

Bowser frowned. “What are you talking about? Are you guys leaving??”

“We’re heading to the hospital, so you’re free to do whatever koopa stuff you need to do today.”

Bowser scoffed at Mario. “So ya just write me off? Wow!” 

“I didn’t think you were the clingy type.”

Bowser for a brief moment tensed up in anger but then revealed in his hands two crumpled cans of Fungus Up with ‘Toad’ and ‘Daisy’ on them. Mario and Yoshi stared stupidly.

“This is why I’m wasting my time with you morons. I got bored and noticed that their locker room door was wide open with these laying around. Kinda weird, right? But whatever, smell ya later. Same for you, dinosaur breath.”

* * *

Sometimes in dreams Mario went back to that time when the Mushroom Kingdom felt like an alien environment. They hadn’t devoloped mass transport, cellphones, or internet when he first got whizzed away to this strange new world. What also seemed so much more simpler were his hero duties and relationships with friends and foes. Was it now okay to speak with your arch-nemesis semi regularly on the phone? 

“As long as you don’t let him get into your head, it’s never bad to be in the know of whatever the koopas are doing.”

Traveling down Starman Street was a Mushroom Bus packed like sardines. 

Mario blinked a few times. “How did you-?!”

“Quit acting like I haven’t known you since you were in diapers. You just had that look like you were thinking about whether or not it’s appropriate to talk to Bowser every other day.”

Mario would have broke into applause where his arms not sandwiched to his sides. “Could you scoot over some?” 

Yoshi inched over the one inch he could scoot before he himself became pressed against another bus rider, specifically a giant shy guy. Just then the bus hit the millionth pot hole that jolted everyone inside.

“You always were rough transport,” Mario jest.

Yoshi rolled his eyes. “Don’t carpool with your brother next time... What do you think Bowser was mouthing off about?”

“I don’t know. Some how I just woke up and knew it would be a weird day...”

The bus arrived at Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, a flat roofed three story building made of stone and marble. Mario checked his phone to see that Luigi hadn’t replied, but with how their YoshiMoble economy plan was, that was typical. He was sure his twin would show up eventually. He and Yoshi went inside the hospital to find the waiting room already full of people. 

Mario greeted the Toad receptionist, a head nurse named ‘Nass T.’ Her eyes were glued to charts on a computer and hand to a mouse that clicked and darted around the mouse pad frequently.

“Are you ill, or do you know someone?” she asked curtly.

“Hey, this is Mario you’re speaking to!” said Yoshi.

She pried her eyes away at the mention of Mario’s name, and the fact that her mouse was mysteriously disconnected from the back of the computer. 

Yoshi dropped the mouse cord. “Sorry. It slipped. That just keeps happening today.”

“Your people are in Room 444. Have a nice day!” Nass said, like that was a threat.

* * *

Luigi and Boo drove on the mach bike. It had a compartment on the side for passengers that Luigi typically occupied, but now he was the driver and he finally knew what it was like to be free and wild, while driving cautiously at the speed limit of course.

“Yeah, so one time some bullies beat me up other there!” Boo pointed to an item shop.

Luigi turned his head. “Isn’t that the ‘Toddlers-R-Us’?”

Boo was hesitant for a moment. “...Yeah?”

Luigi nodded. “Oh, me too! Toddlers can be fierce, especially pretty much all of them!”

They stopped at the Mushroom Press, a small building that provided offices for many local reporters and journalists with a light duty printing press in the back.

“Let me speak to someone in here, then it’s to the hospital.” Luigi took off his helmet to find Boo shaking in the passenger cart.

“C-can I wait outside?”

“It’s not loud or annoying in here, you know.”

“-Can I just stay out here? Please??”

He walked in alone. The entire floor was open and plain with office cubicles forming little rooms and hallways. 

“May I help you?” the desk clerk asked.

“Yes ma’am. Is Kylie Koopa in? She’s a friend of Mario-” 

“Right here!” A female koopa with a pink shell and green hat stumbled out of a nearby cubicle, sending paper everywhere. Others around her eyed her exasperatedly. “You gotta ‘scoop’ for me?!”

Luigi explained what happened during the game. “And so, yeah. I just thought you’d find it interesting, that is, if you don’t have other big cases you’re looking into.”

“I was only researching why peanut butter and toe jam sandwiches tasted so good, but that don’t compare to this!” Kylie snapped a picture of him before he could react. The photo that came of out the Polaroid was beautiful, blank look, wrinkled clothes, and hairs coming out of his nose and all. “I can’t believe it all went south. Susie Que over there interviewed Mario before the game.” Kylie pointed out a dark boo wearing a wig who was seated down the hall. 

Luigi checked his phone after it made a Flamenco music sound. “Oh, that’s Mario’s text that he probably sent forever ago but it’s just getting through. I have to go.”

Kylie did her signature thumb gesture. “Contact you soon, k?”

“Thanks again, and let me help you with this-” Luigi reached down for some of the papers. 

“NO!!” Kylie dove down and snatched them up while curiously keeping an eye on a green capped Toad who’s cubicle was across from hers. “I mean, thanks Green but I got it!” 

* * *

Mario knocked on room 444 before stepping in.

“Visiting hours are- Mario!?”

Toad and Daisy were unconsciously laying on some cots in the room, with Peach sitting on a chair with tears in her eyes.

The doctor stopped stooping over where Toad and Daisy were. “I-I am Doctor Professor Koopa and s-so-”

Yoshi gave him a once over. He was short, shaky, and seemed more like a creeper play dressing as a doctor than a genuine medical practitioner. “Excuse me. Who again?” 

“Y-you haven’t heard of me?”

“Of course they have not,” Peach said. 

Mario took off his cap. “These guys are tough, Princess. They’ll pull through.”

“I agree,” Yoshi said. Meanwhile, Doctor Professor Koopa slipped out of the room. 

Peach stood up. “But others have been getting sick like this all morning and no one knows why!” 

“Maybe they got too hyped up over yesterday’s Mario Kart? Maybe a stomach bug is around? Coincidence?”

Yoshi sat next to the window. “What he said.”

Mario went over to their beds and watched them sleep. “We just can’t speculate on the others, but we know that these two both had personalized soda.”

“Wonderful observation. How do you know?” Peach asked, with some color returning to her face.

“Bowser.”

The color promptly went away as she stared at Mario like he’d grown another head. 

“-Excuse us Princess.” Yoshi led Mario out of the room. “You know I love you Mario, but what the heck?” he said quietly.

“But it’s true. You were there.”

Yoshi sighed.

Mario point his finger at him. “Hey, I’m just trying to help. That’s literally our only clue.

Yoshi shoved his hand away. “But we don’t really know that they drank the soda right then or at all. And isn’t it kind of interesting that Bowser would care enough to make a big deal of-” 

Yoshi stopped talking when he saw Luigi approaching from down the hall with a Boo following his heels.

“Hey bro, I got your text but there was uh, traffic. Also I brought along Boo. What’s going on?”

Mario motioned towards room. They went in while Mario and Yoshi waited outside for a moment, neither speaking to one another because they assumed the other was upset at them, when in reality they weren’t. So their uncomfortable silence was suddenly interrupt by commotion happening down the hall, complete with a familiar deep voice shouting.

“You’re a quack anyway, out here hiding under that ridiculously fake name!”

“I-I’m calling security!” Doctor Professor Koopa squeak, backed up against the wall.

“Save it. All I wanted to know was if it was non-serious so I could win my tennis match soon. You do your thing with the Mario idiots. In fact, look at what the Cat Goomba dragged in!”

Bowser turned to face Mario, all frozen in shock. Bowser flashed that ‘grin’ Mario was starting to see a lot lately.

“Fancy seeing you here, plumber! Bwa ha ha!”

* * *

**To be continued…**

Author notes: 

_References:_  
-Mario patting Bowser on the back was a soft reference to the first chapter Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever, notable because that gag didn’t return in this remake, so I put a nod to it here.  
-Luigi mentioning ‘Scare Pair’ is from Frenemies Forever Chapter 4  
-“Give us space people!” was a direct quote from Frenemies Forever Chapter 4, but the joke after that is a meta reference to a review Magikoopa981 left.

Wipe Out! created: 3/18/18, 3/19, 3/23  
Secrets created: 3/19/18 - 3/22, 3/24, 4/4  
Revamped: 8/10/18


	4. Case X (Chapter Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newly rewritten. Yes, it get's stranger.

Somewhere in the outskirts of Toad Town was a rusty trailer in an open dirt field with a large work van parked to the side. On the trailer was ‘M.K.D.C.U OFFICE’ painted in a colorful psychedelic font. Inside, a goomba dropped his MGM Grand Casino cards on the table, in front of the snifit and paratroopa who sat across from him. 

“I declare war," Richard Goomba the mega goomba said. He had a short black goatee and wore a camouflage colored jacket. 

Sebastian Bullet dropped his. “Go-fish! Are we playing this right?” His red snifit robe was normal outside of several optimistic pins like one that said, ‘Drop 1-Ups, not Bob-ombs’. 

“Who knows. My dad just gave me this deck of cards as a present from the Real World before my mother abandoned us forever. Billy, it's your go."

Parabilly Koopa was an older red shelled Paratroopa with a beat up straw hat on he’d owned since the dinosaurs roamed. He left his cards stacked face down as he continued to type on his laptop. "Skip me this turn. I’m still waitin’ for a dern reply from my folks."

“Instant messaging your cousins again?" Richard asked. 

"No, my twin brother Probabilly. He can never decide what to send.” Billy’s computer made a ding noise. “...Well I’ll be darned. He finally sent me a coupon for half off an entree at Club Gamecube across from Club 64.”

“Gross. They don’t even have any vegan dishes. Make your move already.” A hand tapped Richard on the shoulder. 

“I have completed the mural," the tall wiggler named Wiggletron Berry, spoke in monotone. “Would you like to see it?” He was outwardly nondescript aside from his thick prescription glasses and splotches of paint all over him. 

"Sure, Wiggs. Beats these losers!"

"Hey!" Sebastian said. Parabilly typed away, ignoring the drama.

Gracing their old beat up work van was a freshly painted 'M.K.D.C.U.' like on the trailer. Each letter was a different color and the backdrop looked like a flowery explosion. 

"Nice! You’re better than half of the hacks that call themselves graphic designers!” Richard turned back towards him. “I mean, your art is the only thing that lights this dump up, and I mean it! Jimmy’s been promising we’d get a real office for two months but look at where we still are.”

“Wow. Thank you,” Wiggs said, flushing. 

Just then something small was kicking up dust in the air as it sped towards them, coming from the direction of the telegram office down the block. James collapsed before them gasping for air. ‘Jimmy’ was a plump and balding monty mole in a hazmat uniform. He was also the founder and leader of the ‘Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit’. 

“I *pant* got a *pant* urgent message. Youse won’t believe this!” 

“Breathe, Jimmy!” Richard said, kicking him over.

“Should I initiate a health evaluation?” Wiggs said.

James continued to lay on his back. “No. I’m fine. Get the others and tell em we’re hitting the road!”

 

* * *

 

“Oh, uh, princess. They didn’t tell me you were in here. Are you okay?” Luigi strut across the room with his normal lanky gate and stood next to the princess, just close enough to be awkward. 

Peach began to cheer up, finding him enduring anyway. 

“Do not fuss over me. Daisy over there needs you.” 

Luigi saw her and Toad lying in the cots like they were taking naps. There was no medical equipment attached to them bizarrely. Also, his companion had disappeared.

“Boo?” 

Boo phased into existence, their visage tinted red. “I’m sorry. I got nervous when I saw her!” 

Peach turned to Boo. “There is no need to fear. As long as you are not-“ 

They heard a crash outside the door. Luigi opened it and Yoshi was standing in the middle of the hall with his jaw dropped as Mario and Bowser brawled. Bowser shot his flames all around, burning the white interior walls black and forcing all doctors and nurses to stay back. Mario ran around behind him and picked him up by the tail, swinging him around and around. In the narrow hallway Bowser’s flailing body put gashes though the drywall with each revolution. Bowser reached terminal throwing velocity so Mario got ready to aim the Koopa King at a mine, except there wasn’t one, so the grey box on the wall marked ‘WARNING: DO NOT TOSS TURTLES AT THIS’ would do.

“So long-a Bowser!” 

Time stopped as Bowser faced him down while hanging in mid air. “Wait, so that’s what you were saying the whole time?”

Mario only winked and did a v sign with his hands.

With a boom and a sizzle, Bowser’s massive body collided with the circuit panel and part of the wall fell with him. All the lights in the entire hospital dimmed and people all around screamed in terror.

Heart racing and very caught up in the excitement from the fight, Mario looked around shiftily in the darkness. “Oh no. This must be the underground level 1-2!” 

“No, my dear Mario. You’ve already reached the castle!” Peach said, looking very disappointed.

* * *

 

Kylie Koopa stuck a push pin on another spot on the map of Toad Town. All pins were somewhere close to where the stadium of the tennis match was, verified by her fluency with a phone book. According to the dozen people she bothered by calling unexpectedly, their friends and family got sick this morning and were consistently being checked in at MK East Hospital. They refused interviews however, which bummed her out. Kylie wondered if Susie Que, the new guy, would want to come along, but they seemed a bit busy in their cubical. Maybe she’d help them spruce the place up some time, as it sparsely decorated with only a painting and the office computer.

A voice called Kylie from behind. She swiveled her chair around to face Mitch Toadstool, a green capped Toad dressed in an expensive suit.

“I need to speak to you, babe.”

Kylie frowned at him. “About what?”

Mitch leaned up. “That new guy down there-”

“Susie? Pffft. It takes real levels of douche to talk trash about someone who hasn’t even worked here for a day.” Kylie began to gather her things and walk away.

Mitch stood up as she did. “I don’t think you understand. Just be careful, okay? -And check your sources.”

“What’s this? Baby’s first book report?” She said over her shoulder. “Take your own advice, greeney.”

Mitch followed her all the way to the door heading out of the Mushroom Press. “Babe, you are such a stupid koopa. Listen just this once...”

Kylie closed the door in his face. What a creep, Kylie thought. He had been a lot nicer to her recently, but the ship of them reconciling has sailed far away, like to Rogueport or something. 

 

* * *

 

“Oh, how wonderful,” Peach exclaimed. 

She, Bowser and Mario stood outside the hospital as more of the sick with their relatives and friends poured in the main entrance. Other than that, it was as warm and sunny as it was for the tennis game.

Mario put his arm around Bowser’s back, avoiding the spikes. “Yes. Just one big misunderstanding, and not us trying to casually K.O. each other or something.”

Bowser smiled, baring huge fangs. “And I will never eat an entire couple’s cake again with out sharing it with my wonderful friend,” he said stiltedly.

“Teehee! It’s so adorable when you two get along!” 

Mario and Bowser’s eyes met briefly with a knowing glance.

“-Now let me explain what I’ve recently been told. Doctor Professor is handling ‘Case X’, the code name for whatever Toad and Daisy are sick with.”

“Oh really? He used to be a professor in my castle and ran my science lab. Ya know, chemicals and experiments and other science stuff.” Bowser said. “He’s the reason why I could teleport in exactly that one game where I turned your castle into an art gallery.”

“Well when I was a little girl he was the head doctor in my castle. I remember him as a nice, if not shy man. He later quit and moved on. I don’t see the issue."

"Me neither,” Mario remarked. “What’s the food court serving?”

The smile dropped off of her face. “Nothing, because you cut the power and they had to delay the kitchen while waiting for the circuits to flip again. That reminds me, you two aren’t allowed to enter again.”

“What?!?” Mario gasped. Bowser began to walk away from them down the sidewalk. “Bowser, where are you going?”

Bowser yawned. "To grab a bite? Don’t worry, my wallet’s in my shell this time, moustache. Have fun.”

"Let him go," Peach said dryly. “And I’m sorry I had to escort you out. If I did not, the entire staff of the hospital was going to quit on the spot. I’ll keep you informed so take a rest in the mean time. You are looking rather stressed."

Mario stretched. “Your wish is my command.” So he head towards his favorite place.

Club 64 was one of the few clubs in Toad Town that was universally loved. It was old timey with its wooden floors and clay walls yet modern with the sports bar and television sets. Mario took the short walk to there from the hospital and ordered a small drink as he spotted his rival setting alone at a table.

Mario seated himself across from Bowser. “Hi.”

Bowser glanced up like he’d seen a Boo. “What.”

“Oh uh… nothing. I didn’t know you came here.”

Bowser slammed his empty coffee mug on the table and growled.

“Whoa, okay!” Mario got up from the bench seating. 

“You want round two, huh?!” Bowser barked, seething with anger.

“I really don’t want to get banned here too, so no.” 

Bowser let out the breath he was holding. “Me neither. This is the place I can get my black as tar coffee with a pinch of cocoa. Waiter!”

The waiter came by quaking in fear and refilled Bowser’s coffee, then ran away screaming. Mario guessed it was safe to set down again when he noticed Bowser was smiling at him.

"Oh nothing, just keep your face like that, plumber boy. Looking like a nervous wreck is a good look for you!" 

Mario leaned one elbow on the table. “Something just seems off about this day.” He chugged down his Tasty Tonic. 

“It does, I mean how could I be in a tennis match and not dominate?! Stupid kids drinking stupid sodas right before the game..."

Mario thought about something while watching out the window. People walked by on their business, unless of course they happened to notice Bowser, in which they freaked out. "You and I are the only ones that believe there’s anything to the soda stuff. I wish I could have informed someone who knew what they were doing."

"Then why don’t you?" Bowser slid aside the slightly cracked coffee cup and left a one coin tip. He got up from the bench.

"Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

"It’s room 444, right? I don’t care about your flower chick and fungusface, but they need to be well enough for our tennis rematch. That’s right, Bowser’s coming to town, er, hospital. What are you waiting for?!" 

Mario really knew he shouldn’t but he did. Bowser really was irresistible in his own way.

 

* * *

 

Luigi, Boo and Yoshi were hanging around in room 444. There was no sign of Doctor Professor, but after seeing how riled up the entire staff got while begging the Princess to ban Mario and Bowser, they really didn’t want to provoke anyone.

“Room service!” A blue shy guy nurse came in with a tray full of food covered with lids.

“They’re still out of it.”

The shy guy turned to Luigi. “Sweet. That’s been the story in every room on this wing and I’m loving my job right now.” He left.

"Ever heard of people getting sick like this?" Boo asked Luigi. 

"I’m not really a doctor, so no.”

Yoshi was near the window again. “What he said.”

The only noise in the room for a moment was the TV until the door crept open. In came a young Toad nurse with orange spots on her cap and two black ponytails underneath.

"Sorry to intrude but I just heard that Bowser was here and-"

Luigi stood up, keen and alert. “What’s wrong? What’s your name??"

"Emery Toadstool.” She waved. “My mom is the head nurse here and I normally work on the roof. Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering about what happened to Bowser."

"He got kicked out," Yoshi answered, noticing the small Bowser emblem pinned to her uniform. “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have a koopa troop badge on?”

"Oh you noticed! It’s real and authentic and I got it from a koopa Mario pounded to death one day. I’m the leader of the Bowser fanclub."

Yoshi fell out of his seat. "Say what?!?" Boo also turned paler if such a thing was possible.

Emery smiled mischievously. "Let me explain guys. No, I don't support him kidnapping Peach but it’s a free kingdom after all. The full name of the club is, "Do-gooders in Appreciation of Bowser Baddies Club". You gotta admit Bowser is kind of cool!"

"I disagree, but whatever," Luigi said, respectfully. “Since you’re the daughter of the head nurse, what’s the deal? We haven’t had a doctor in here since ever!”

“They’re calling it ‘Case X’ and this entire floor is now filled with comatose or ‘insane’ patients. Don’t tell anyone I said this but my mom and Doctor Professor Koopa, her boyfriend -Eww! But anyway they’re just leaving patients in the rooms with no treatment. I’ve never trusted Doctor Professor, but I can’t believe my mom would get in on this.”

“Is your mother also a Bowser fan?” Yoshi blurted out. “That would sound just about right with the loose morals and all!”

Emery’s face turned red. “You guys are SO lame!!!” She ran out and slammed the door behind her.

Yoshi went to the door and then turned around facing Luigi and Boo who were still gaping at his cutting remark. “That was uncalled for. Sorry, it slipped. Can I use that excuse this time?”

*Creek*

Everyone’s attention turned to the window as it was being slid up. A brown boot appeared under the blinds and then the rest of the plumber.

“Shhh!” Mario said. He stuck his head outside the door and looked left and right. Satisfied, he then shut the door tightly. “It’s clear. Ready to get to the bottom of whatever this weird hospital is cooking?”

“Always with the food puns, but yeah bro!” Luigi said.

“Good. I’m going to press this alert button on the wall and when a nurse answers on the intercom, we’re going to be loud and tell her that we’re all sick!”

“I’m down with that,” Yoshi said.

“One catch. At some point this will involve Bowser waiting outside.”

“I’m not down with that,” Yoshi said, laughing and looking like he was about to break.

* * *

 

**To be Continued…. ******

********

Author note: Stay tuned and please review! Thank you!

References  
-Probabilly is a joke from here: So-bad-it-hurts-tumblr. Search: redneck!

Originally created: 3/20/18 -4/6, 4/15  
Revamped: 8/10/18


	5. Plumb and Plumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mysteries continue!

Outside of Sirena Beach’s Hotel Delfino, tourists were spread everywhere outdoors under umbrellas or on beach rugs to experience the perfect tropical weather. They payed no attention to the black shelled noki passing them by. He wore dark sunglasses and a red Hawaiian shirt. The suitcase he held was almost as big as him; he was the most average tourist imaginable. 

"Mon ami,” he said to the desk clerk inside, “Here are my conformation papers."

The pianta nodded and stamp his paper. "Gnarly, Mr. Jelectro Bond! Take this.”

"Merci,” Bond replied as he accepted his card key. He went up the stairs to his standard single bed room. It had all of the usual furnishings and a great view of the beach outside the window. Only something was off...

The noki corrected the slightly crooked wall painting. 

“Perfect.” He opened the suitcase up on the bed. He had flowery shirts of all colors, a wet suit, basic toiletries… and a silenced handgun. He pulled up a chair to the window and noticed the other tourists outdoors, getting a bit of an overload from the large group and almost going into a daze until he got a call.

“Agent 0064, have you arrived safely?”

Bond rubbed his eyes under the glasses. “Of course. Are you feeling okay, yourself?” He sensed something uneasy in the back of his mind.

"Not really," Agent N, the voice on the other line said. "I was just alerted that my niece is sick back in the Mushroom Kingdom."

Bond stepped away from the window and closed the blinds tightly. "From what?"

“That’s still being determined. Never mind my issues and enjoy your vacation. You did just assist with a counter-terrorist operation a week ago.”

A week was plenty of time to rest, Bond thought, even if he did get swallowed whole by a Draggadon during the mission that involved Shy Guys attacking an island with buckets of paint. “Yes. Good times!”

“Uh, sure. Like I said, enjoy your vacation, agent,” Agent N told him sternly. The call disconnected before enemy spies could trace their call. 

"Leaving already, dude?" the pianta at the desk asked.

Bond nodded. Outside, he threw his suitcase in the back of his Aston Mushroom and checked his Rolex Submariner for the time. There was plenty of time for a guy like him to do a friend a small favor.

* * *

Mario’s hand hovered over the red alert button.

“Hey, losers!” Bowser said from the outside the window. “What’s the hold up? These bushes out here are itching me!”

“Mario, please delay as long as you can,” Luigi said, snickering. 

“I heard that, green freak!”

Mario pressed it anyway. 

BZZZRT. “W-what is the emergency?” 

Mario screamed gibberish into the mic.

“Oh, oh no! I-I’ll be there right away!” Two seconds later, the door swung open and in came Doctor Professor Koopa.

“WHAT’S GOING ON!” Mario yelled, startling him.

Right as Doctor Professor turned around to flee, Yoshi and Luigi blocked the door. With a shriek he spun back around facing the opposite wall where right past Toad and Daisy was a window and Boo just standing around. In Boo’s eyes the doctor looked like a hunched over, beastly evil koopa with jagged teeth (which were actually just bad fitting dentures). Boo dodged right out of the way. 

“Run right past me, please. I’m not resisting.”

The panicking doctor did just so, careening towards the window and jumping out of it into the bushes. Immediately after, everyone heard the doctor scream when Bowser emerged from the greenery holding him.

“Good work bravely directing him straight to Bowser,” Luigi said to Boo. 

Bowser shook the doctor that was powerless to escape. “Grrr, tell us everything you know!”

“W-we are trying to make all patients as comfortable as possible-”

Mario ran to the window and leaned out. “Okay, now what's the menu in the kitchen?”

The doctor slowly craned his neck towards Mario. “The m-menu is tuna!” Doctor Professor swat away a bee, and failed, so it stung him on his nose. “Ouch… T-that's what you want to know??”

Mario paused. “That and we think Toad and Daisy had too much soda before the game, but that’s it. I mean, this isn't some shady operation we should be worried about, right?”

“Basically that, and honestly I'm not in the mood for much more. Anybody got anything else to add before I drop this loser?” Bowser asked disgruntledly.

“Wait, there is more,” Luigi said. “A nurse told us earlier that they're holding patients in rooms and not giving them any- Boo deliver the stinger!”

“Free pizza even though it's free pizza Friday!” Boo felt great. They'd totally nailed it. 

“...Actually I was looking for ‘treatment’.” Luigi pat his white ethereal friend on the back anyway.

Mario whipped back around to the doctor. “You aren't?!!”

Doctor Professor held his increasingly reddening nose. “I can explain- THE POLICE?!”

Mario looked all around for an escape. “We gotta get out of here!”

“Every man for himself, Mario!” Bowser dropped the doctor outside the window and fled. Doctor Professor moaned in pain but was also seen running away. Mario was jumping out of the window when the door was banged on. 

Yoshi turned to the door. “Who the heck is that?!”

Bam! The door was kicked down by a monty mole in a hazmat suit. "Freeze! This hospital is now under the control of the Mushroom Kingdom Disease Control Unit!" 

Everyone froze, including Mario whose gut was slightly too large to let him escape so he was just wedged there; strange because that was how he'd entered before with no issue. 

"...Huh. I didn’t expect youse to actually listen,” Jimmy said in a thick Italian accent. 

Boo’s hands shot in the air. “I'm sorry!! I spoke with my boss and it was only ketchup packets and not blood I'm serious!!!!” 

James gave Boo an odd look. “What? We’re a sort of health inspector and we check if youse up to code, transport people, bust into places, and make a scene. Like dat.” He pointed to the hospital’s wooden door he’d impressively toppled flat to the ground.

“I'm cool with that.”

James whistled while squinting his eyes at some files. “Case X is happenin’ here I see. And dis is the Toad Toad and Princess Daisy Bloom we're looking for. Do a check and then wheel em out, boys!” 

Wiggletron and Parabilly walked in. Yoshi, who gave the aforementioned approval, had nothing against it. They both went to Toad and Daisy and began to do a basic check up.

“Where are you wheeling them?” Luigi asked. 

“And where is the free pizza??” the half of Mario’s body that was still in the room inquired.

“The Toadley Clinic,” James answered. 

Luigi blinked. “Does that answer my question or his?” 

“Yes.”

No one could say anything to whatever logic puzzle that was. 

“Examination complete,” Wiggs said. “Subject has rapid heartbeat and dilated eyes.”

“Darn tootin’! Same with this other one,” said the parakoopa.

“Wheel em out, then. It’s a mad house here. M.K.D.C.U. out!” James slipped out with significantly more grace then he entered. Wiggletron and Parabilly wheeled the beds out of the door, and that was that until, like she materialized out of some dark corner of the universe, a middle aged toad woman with orange spots and long black hair appeared in the open doorway. Everyone instantly recognized her as Nass. T. 

“I’m going to have to ask you all to leave,” she hissed, “And you can NEVER come back!”

* * *

 

Kylie Koopa stepped off the mushroom bus at Mushroom Kingdom East Hospital. A truck vibrantly decorated with ‘MKDCU’ was parked right in front and a burly looking mega goomba guarded the entrance, though he didn’t really deny or grant anyone’s access. He just sort of stood there looking busy.

“What’s going on here?” Kylie asked the snifit driver of the truck.

Sebastian leaned his head up. “Oh, hello?”

“Howdy. I’m Kylie Koopa, ace reporter. Gotta moment to spare-”

Sebastian got excited. “The famous Kylie??? What’s the secret to your amazing lips?”

Kylie smiled. “You got the wrong Kylie, whatever you're talking about so-” She heard a whistle behind her and thought for a moment it might be someone cute, but it wasn’t.

Richard diverted his eyes quickly. “Umm, I wasn’t checking you out or nothing.”

Kylie brain stormed. None of this seemed normal for the ‘best hospital around’, and this wasn’t even touching whatever the illness was supposed to be. Just then, the door was swung open, and Richard was launched several feet away into some bushes as a Whomp and koopatrol guard dumped Mario and his friends out of the building. Luigi, Yoshi, Boo, and Mario whose body was attached to a window frame ripped out of the wall all fell on top of each other and tumbled down the few steps to the bottom. It was a prime opportunity for an embarrassing photo, so that’s exactly what Kylie snapped.

“Wow! What a scoop!”

Yoshi, who was at the bottom, pushed everyone off of him. “I don’t do photos!” he lashed out. 

Kylie put the camera down. “Umm. I’ll just be… over there!” She very conspicuously ran off into the bushes that lined the side of the building.

Luigi rubbed his head. “Yoshi, she’s on the case.”

Yoshi glared. “I don’t care! This kind of stuff wouldn’t happen if we didn’t let koopas vote.”

Mario was quick to frown in offense. “That was very speciesist, Yoshi. Keep that attitude up, and you’ll never get free pizza.”

Yoshi groaned loudly and walked away to the left. 

Mario remained fixated in the direction Yoshi went. “He had a point though. There was no need to get Kylie in on this.”

Luigi’s moustache twitched in annoyance so he also began to walk away, this time to the right which lead to the city. Mario and Boo followed him.

“Little brother, don’t walk away from me.”

Luigi responded in the same way he always when Mario used that tone: by ignoring the point and being immature. “Well, you’re a stupid-head that let’s Bowser get loose with a magic eraser!”

“I heard that again, Green!” Bowser came out of nowhere to confront them all. 

“Leave us alone,” threatened the half plumber half window frame hybrid. 

Boo and Luigi knew that this was getting ugly and pressed themselves against a building on the sidewalk. 

“Don’t speak to me, Red. We’re through!”

Mario got in Bowser’s face. “Don’t make me your doubles partner again then! Why did you wait around here for us anyway?!”

“To tell you to you tell your useless friends to not call in sick!” Bowser shoved him hard against a telephone pole, cracking the frame and sending glass shards everywhere. Mario saw red, and not just because he was upset. There were some small cuts on his face. Bowser’s ferocious grimace faltered slowly at the not so E rated injury. 

“Umm, moustache-” Was all Bowser was able to say before a fist socked him. So unexpected was this, that the next thing he remembered was staring up at clouds, at least until Mario grabbed his collar.

“Say something like that about my friends again, and I’ll ship you back to Dark Land in pieces!” Mario leaned up and stomp off down the street. 

Bowser was for a second speechless until a stock rebuttal came out. “No! You are! Wait, that doesn’t fit. Uh, I hate you too!” Bowser got up and saw the scene he was making. 

Luigi and Boo, who’d seen the entire train wreck, slowly retraced their steps to the hospital, grabbed the Mach bike, and went for some lunch, hoping this was some sort of bad dream.

* * *

 

Bowser’s Castle...

A koopaling with a blue mohawk took off his headphones and lay his laptop next to him on the couch. The ocean princess koopaling was on the floor playing the Playstation 4. “Hey, cut that out with all those downloads. You’re making the internet connection too slow!”

“Hold on Larry, gosh!” Wendy replied. “I’m trying to get my account set up.”

“Can’t you use Iggy’s like you always do?”

“I’m totes offended you would suggest a that! Don’t you know what problematic games he has? I have to redownload my personal games right now on my own account. Plus, I have privileges and you don’t.”

Larry sigh and lay back. “Who knew you’d claim a ‘privilege’ since you never shut up about it...” He knew she was actually referring to her phone and videogame privileges that were rarely revoked unlike her brethren, but it was the burn that counted, and he snickered as she rolled her eyes.

The intercom that was in every main room of Bowser’s Castle buzzed with Ludwig’s voice. “Attention! All koopalings meet in ‘the room’, now!”

“Nope!” Larry stuck his tongue out at the box.

“Uh huh, Luddy can wait. I don’t know why he’s been so ‘extra’ lately. Gosh!” Wendy proceeded to download ‘Princess Parlor 7’.

“Wonderful for some of us to be here,” Ludwig said as he sat on a homemade throne carved from imported Yoshi’s Island trees that he had in ‘the room’ for some reason. The room was a random broom closet the Koopalings used for secret meetings. The secret room used to be in a better more convenient place that didn’t have a bad smell, like the kitchen, but that wasn’t very secret. Before him were only Roy, Lemmy, and Morton.

“I got koopaball practice today. Make it quick.”

“I shall make this as lengthy as it needs to be!”

Roy shot up and gave his eldest brother a noogie, completely ruining his styled hair.

“Stop that or I will destroy you!!” Ludwig pushed him away. 

“But I need the time. I’m starting a book club, you know? I’ve been talking online on Facenote, Instaham, and Twatter, plus I have fifteen or sixteen other pinpals from Dinosaur Land to Ricco Harbor,” Morton explained. 

“What are we even doing again?” Lemmy asked, twirling a broom handle between his fingers. 

“We are here because of the plan!!”

Morton snapped his fingers like he caught on. “...I…I… Oh no, I lost it. Can I have a hint?” 

Ludwig sighed heavily. “Take a guess. Wait, do not. You might spread some of your stupid.”

“So does King Dad not know ‘bout this or something?” Roy asked. 

“Correct. Vater does not know at this moment what our plans are for the day and it would be advisable to keep the status quo. Meeting is adjourned.”

Lemmy raised his hand. “… So this means I can’t text King Dad to tell him how good my day is right now?” Lemmy held his cellphone with different colored buttons and a pink plastic shell.

“Lemmy, your phone is a nonfunctional toy and cannot do such a thing anyway. Besides, you just turned twenty-two last month. I thought Vater was going to get you a real cellular phone?”

The rainbow haired koopaling nodded and revealed a second phone, this time a real one that had a huge touch screen and was super expensive. The plastic wrap was still on it. “I know, but this new one is boring. So can I pretend to text Dad or not? I’m still not getting the rules.”

Ludwig felt his face get hot, which apparently was perceivable easily. Lemmy, Morton, and even Roy quickly left his sight.

* * *

Kylie Koopa, now covered in grass and dirt, lifted up from the bushes once things quiet down, only to get another shock.

Peach jerked her hand away from the guards, who had Nass with them. They stood at the entrance. “How can you do this?” she protest.

“That is just the new rules.” Nass delivered the line like one would a terminal illness.

“New rules? Since when??”

“Last month. The medical board decided so.”

“But- I was not invited to anything a month ago.”

Nass put the clipboard under her arm. “Yes. You have been silently dissociated from this hospital. We discussed that we felt having your affiliation was no longer needed to provide the best care for all of our patients and staff. Also, it’s an outdated concept. It is a free kingdom.”

Peach’s jaw threatened to hit the floor. “THIS is providing the best care??” She waved a hand back inside where the chaos in the hospital was visible from the glass. ”And then you take advantage of my generosity with the freedoms you enjoy? Oh my!” she said grimly.

One of the guards, a whomp with an eye patch, chuckled. “Heh heh. All you did was stand around and look pretty anyway.”

Once Peach had walked away, Kylie came right up. “May I have an interview ya’ll?”

Nass turned her back. “Security!”

And next Kylie knew, she was being body slammed by the whomp and koopatrol.

“Yoiks!” she said from underneath the pile up. 

“Pick on someone your own size, losers!” Richard came out of the truck to tackle the whomp over, sending his slap body hard against the pavement. The koopatrol got up to be headbutt by Richard. Both guards had to run in, which was convenient since the fight happened on the front porch of a hospital, but it had to have still ruined their day a bit. Kylie rolled over out of breath but glad to be alive. Did this ratty looking goomba that saved her deserve another chance?

“Oh, snap! Ha! Get it? Because you probably can’t walk now?” Richard said over her body.

Never mind, she wasn’t interested. And worse yet, he was almost right. Her everything ache something fierce.

Kylie got up. “Thanks, brother… I think. Nice fire flower on that tool belt. You trained with it?”

Richard puffed his chest out. “Yep.”

“Even with no hands?”

“You trained for that smart mouth of yours?”

Kylie rolled her eyes. “Forget it, Dick.”

“That’s what I thought, sis… How did you know my name by the way?”

“HEEEAAALLLPPP!” someone that sounded a lot like Parabilly screamed from Richard’s radio. There was the sound of commotion in the background until a calmer voice spoke up. 

“We require immediate assistance, thank you.”

“That sounds like Wiggs,” Richard thought out loud. 

“Who?” 

Richard rushed indoors. Since that snifit was asleep again in the truck and she did owe him one (and she had to find a ‘scoop’ somehow) she followed. The halls were densely packed with a mix of civilian and staff. Then, a group of people ran from the west wing. Hobbling along with her newly acquired bruises, she followed where ever people seemed to be running from to eventually find herself in the middle of a stand off. This wing of the hospital had walls brightly painted with ABCs and toys laying around. The MKDCU, minus Richard, cowered as Toad and Daisy flung random toys at them like a game of dodge ball. She didn’t see the medical emergency. Time for another photo.

‘Click’ The photo was snapped, illuminating the room for one second. Toad and Daisy faced her way with red eyes and foam at the mouth. Maybe there was a little bit of a medical emergency...

“Way to go, random lil thang!” Parabilly, who’s legs were shaking in fear, said.

“Affirmative. They can chase her with their dangerously enhanced strength and aggression that allows them to tear through almost anything in this ‘coma walking’ state,” Wiggletron explained.

When Kylie screamed and ran off, to her horror Toad and Daisy went along with her. 

Like some sort of reverse magnet, people were repelled away from Kylie as she ran back through the same hallways. 

“Smart move, going in there before me,” Richard said as he ran along side her.

“What’s going on??” Kylie exclaimed.

“Well-”

“Hold on.” Kylie got a notebook and then a pen, holding these items steadily even while running. “Okay, brother. You can explain now.”

“Just follow me.” 

Richard ran to the East wing of the hospital, knocking over anyone in his way while Kylie and her rabid tag-alongs followed. Catch me if you can as they would say, or in this case, catch me and.. Kylie didn’t want to even think about if they got caught. Down another hall Kylie could hear ruckus from several of the patient rooms, and wondered if those were ‘Case X’ patients. Soon they completed the circle and were right back where they started at the front entrance.

Richard kicked open the doors where the back of the MKDCU truck was now facing the opening. He dodged to the side nimbly while Kylie blindly ran in the van and into a huge cage. When Toad and Daisy followed her, a second later Richard hit a switch that made a trap door close on Toad and Daisy but not Kylie.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Kylie then realized she was safe and stared blankly. 

All of the MKDCU were now in the car: Sebastian drove, Jimmy was in the passenger seat, Wiggletron, Richard, and Parabilly were in the middle row, and Kylie was setting around dazed in back area with the cage.

“Thanks again, shortie. Want my number?” Richard jolted her by asking.

Kylie leaned into the backseat compartment. “Did ya’ll just use me as bait?!” 

“Richard, no flirting on the job. Hit the road!” Jimmy said. 

Kylie was pushed out the van and left her on the curb. She felt like pulling out her hair so she snatched off her hat to feel something more like a smooth dome. She felt mightily stupid as she remembered she was bald. Back on the noggin the headgear went before someone noticed, like the rather handsome Noki walking down the sidewalk. 

“Jelectro Bond?!” Kylie covered her mouth.

Bond approached and smiled. “Long time no see, Kylie.”

Kylie shook his hand. “Sorry to scream your name out like that.”

“It is fine, but do remember that I am kind of off duty right now,” he said in a low voice. “Hold on.” The noki went inside for a moment and then came right back out. “Just what I feared, there are no visiting hours established yet.” Bond took her arm in his. “But since my immediate plans are delayed, I supposed we could take a ride.” 

Kylie’s eyes lit up. She knew Bond professionally as a very peculiar guy, in a good way.

* * *

**To be continued….**

Author note: More surprises to come! Please review.

Created as ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Plumbers’ : 3/21/18 – 4/9, 4/15, 4/19  
Revamped and renamed: 8/10/18, 11,12


	6. The Adventures of Sherlock Mario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens...

Luigi and Boo were setting on a bench in Toad Town while Boo searched something on their web browser.

“People are saying on some message boards that the sick are getting up and walking.”

Luigi hummed as he stared at clouds. “Doesn’t that mean there’s a quick recovery? They are just sick, not dead.”

“Well, the people online are sure acting like they are. Also, it’s not just walking, it’s attacking.”

Luigi shivered. “Looks like getting kicked out was a good thing. Now what? Check on Toad and Daisy or head to the castle for backup?”

“Whatever you think I guess..”

Luigi rubbed under his chin. “Mario said something about soda that was personalized but that’s exactly our only clue. Maybe it had a bad mix with whatever else they’d had that morning. I’d check with Merlon but I’m Luigi and not Mario and I have crippling anxiety.”

Boo smiled. “I like you better that way.”

Luigi flushed. “You don’t have to flatter me. Let’s head to the castle. There’s a guy there who would know all about how caffeine and drugs mix. E rated drugs, I mean...”

Soon they had made the short trip from Toad Town to Peach’s Castle, a three story medieval aged castle located off of Royal Raceway and the sanctuary of Peach’s lineage for several generations. The area was peaceful and the moat was half filled.

Luigi and Boo pulled the mach bike up to the teenage Toad guarding the door. He played a Nintendo DS while the spear he was supposed to be armed with at all times was leaning on the wall, complete with a spider web on it.

“Hey Thomas. Any news?” Luigi asked.

Thomas pried his eyes away from the game. “Hey, Green Mario. Peach is inside crying. Don’t go in.”

Luigi did a double take. “She is? Why??”

Thomas went back to the game. “The hospital is independent now.”

“How can they do that when she’s the princess and she founded it? Anyway, where’s Gold?”

“In the back.” 

Luigi led Boo around the back of the castle, where there was a hedge fence encircling Peach’s garden, full of colorful flowers, a central Eternal Star water fountain, and white outdoor furniture for guests and castle employees to enjoy the scenery. Flutters circled in the sky around the greenery and the area smelt sweet. 

Among the foliage was a yellow capped toad named Alagold, and a blue one named Buckenberry. Alagold was currently wrestling with a water hose gone wild and Buckenberry was neck deep in an overgrown shrub, trying to trim it down at the same time. 

“Hey guys,” Luigi said. Alagold and Buckenberry turned their attention to them.

“Oh great, another boo in the courtyard,” Buckenberry groaned.

Luigi put a hand around Boo. “No, this is a friend.” Boo waved.

“..Anyway,” Luigi continued, “Can I speak to you Gold?”

Alagold let the hose go. “Totally, bro. I hate working back here because my phone gets no reception and I can’t goof off.”

Buckenberry dropped the clippers, looking dejected. “Umm, do you need me too?”

“No not really.”

Buckenberry sighed and went back to clipping, though he was listening in anyway.

Luigi told Alagold about the tennis match and the soda clue. “Could drinking, I think it was personalized FungusUp that Yoshi mentioned, cause them to fall out?”

Alagold was swatting away flies that didn’t exist. “Possibly if they mixed it up with too many mushrooms first and I know Mr. Toad, so that’s possible. I like your starry hat, dude.”

Boo pointed to themselves. “Really? Thanks, hehe. Except, there’s nothing on my head.”

“We should go to FungusUp and ask to see their nutritional list!” Buckenberry said, like it was a casual thought, though he really just wanted to be involved somehow.

“Great idea, bro.”

“We could do that, but I don’t have enough room on the bike for all of us.”

Boo pulled out a bag full of coins. “I got this from tips on my weekday job. Will this cover the fair?”

“I can’t ask for your money, Boo.”

“I can,” Alagold said. “I spent my last paycheck on mushrooms.”

“And so I had to pay your half of the rent again,” Buckenberry said, annoyed.

“Don’t you live in the castle?”

“Not anymore Luigi, bro. We moved out because it was getting weird living here.”

“Actually they got tired of Gold tripping. Our new apartment is cool though. I can come with you guys, right Luigi??” Buckenberry asked, failing to hide his desperation.

“It’s Sherlock Luigi now.” Luigi pulled up a magnifying glass and wore a detective’s cap. “The game is afoot!”

* * *

 

Yoshi arrived at the Mario residence, a cozy one bedroom home. He knocked on the door a few times but it was quiet inside. Since the lights were also out, Yoshi started to walk away before he heard the door opening.

“Mario? You look...terrible!”

Mario unhappily stood in the doorway with little white bandages all over his face. “What do you need?”

Yoshi took a step forward. “Just checking up on you.”

Mario retreated inside, leaving the door open. Yoshi took it as an invitation to follow. Inside the home it was dark and cold feeling. Mario was sitting at the kitchen table with his head leaning on his elbow. “Bowser is such a douche…”

“I agree. He did that to you, right?” 

“Well, of course.”

Yoshi took a seat and revealed a mail in coupon book, sliding it to Mario. “So, I got this in the mail the other day. I’ll let you pick the restaurant. You were going to treat me, right?” Yoshi nudged him.

“Hmm, would you have let me vote on it if I was a koopa?” Mario scooted it back.

Yoshi crossed his arms. “Listen, that was dumb for me to say, okay? Something about that entire place just made me be pissed.”

Mario up and swung the refrigerator open. “You’re not the only one. I feel like I have that ‘Anger’s Power’ badge on that I thank Eldstar didn’t make it in any game. I’m not hungry.”

“Oookay, so why are you holding that stiff looking left over pizza?” Yoshi smirked.

Mario froze with the pizza in his hand. “I have to make up for the free pizza I was cheated out of!”

After a moment of silence, the dinosaur laughed. “Mario, you’re a fat idiot. I love you so much! I’m sorry for everything okay? Just stop being angry.”

Mario sat back down with a notably better disposition. “I was being a jerk too. Let’s just start over. What should we do?”

Yoshi thought for a moment. “I know I’m eating my words from before, but the only thing we know about Toad and Daisy is that they had super rare FungusUp with their names on them.”

“It is and the corporation isn’t that far. You thinking of stopping there?”

Yoshi scanned over his coupon book again. “I didn’t want my dinner to be soda, but hey, I need to stop being the old man of the group.”

“You’re not old, you’re fourty-five.”

Yoshi closed the book. “Yes. And my daily trips from Yoshi’s Island to the Mushroom Kingdom aren't getting any shorter. If only someone gave me something in town, you know, since I’m always helping the Princess out.” Yoshi winked.

Mario knew where that was going, and could already hear Peach’s rants about why Yoshi would not be able to stay in the castle. “Umm… we’ll see. Let me leave a note for my brother too. I think he still has the bike.”

 

* * *

 

Bond’s luxurious Aston Mushroom was parked in a secluded parking garage somewhere. Before then, they’d simply drove around town to waste time and Kylie didn’t mind it one bit. Bond had given her anonymous interviews on odd things from time to time, as the agent seemed to only specialize in the strange. Why he was getting bothered by a little illness breakout she didn’t know, but with how handsome and mysterious he was for a shorter guy, she didn’t care.

“Uh huh, so I snapped this picture. It’s crazy right?” Kylie showed Bond the photo of Toad and Daisy before they attacked.

Bond held it close and became fixated for a moment.

“One of those weirdo health agents that kicked me out called it ‘coma walking’ and I know that’s a thing that involves Mushroom Flu. Do you think there’s an outbreak again?”

Bond handed the photo back. “According to records all natural strands of Mushroom Flu were eradicated by Dr. Mario. For it to come up again would have to be very deliberate would it not?”

“Bowser’s Lab has all kinds of crazy viruses stored up. It’s a stretch but it could be our only lead, only I haven’t snooped around Dark Land since that chain-chomp ate my car.” Kylie snapped. “Wait a minute. A new co-worker of mine named Susie Que came from Dark Land. Yeah, maybe they’ve heard about something local. Think we could stop there?”

Bond hit the push button transmission and smiled. “Certainly, mon ami.”

Kylie buckled up. “K. Just watch out for my ex boyfriend, Mitch Toadstool.”

“Of the Mushroom Enquirer magazine?”

She shrugged. "Yeah. He didn’t always have a taste for garbage, we were both into the 'risky scoops' in the day. Think aliens, secret projects, freaks, etc. We kind of started out together and struggled together. But.. enough of that..."

After dealing with Toad Town traffic for fifteen minutes Bond pulled up to the front of the Press. Inside most reporters were out doing afternoon projects or preparing for the evening. Kylie went to Susie’s cubical. There was nothing there but their assigned computer and a little 10x8 watercolor photo. Susie had nothing else going on or indicators of where they’d went, but she did find the computer wasn’t shut off completely when she accidentally touched the mouse, waking it up. On the screen was random flash games and a voice changer app. Oh well, nothing of interest, and yes Kylie was admitting to being nosy. She began to head out when she saw that Bond was over where Mitch was on the opposite side of the press.

Bond turned around. “Ready?”

“Yeah, Susie ain’t here. Are you bothering Bond?” Kylie asked Mitch.

“I have no time for you,” he replied nastily, not even turning away from his own computer screen.

“The rotten mushroom,” Kylie said once she was back in the car.

Bond began to drive off. “He is just conflicted,” he said cryptically. 

“I’m conflicted often as to whether I want to punch him, so yeah, sounds right.”

Bond did not share her humor. “I need to visit the hospital again. Someone I know is sick and it is of upmost importance.”

Bond took her back to MK East and like before, he was returning to the parking lot almost as soon as he entered. He got back into the Aston Mushroom pinching his forehead. “That nurse was hiding something from me but I could not stick around long enough to get it out!” 

Kylie stared. “What?? I’m trying to crack this case too, so if you know something, I’ll all ears!”

Bond lay a grappling hook in her lap. “If you really want your story, stick with me until this afternoon. They are not letting anyone visit any Case X patient so we will simply have to sneak in from the roof!”

Kylie gulped. But it was for the scoop. She had to hang in there.

 

* * *

 

The Toadley Clinic was a hospital run by Doctor Toadley, his bird, and his intern that specialized in anything too ‘odd, strange, or dangerous for normal hospitals’… and also Dr. Toadley was good with landmines. The eccentric completed the preliminary examination Toad and Daisy, who lay on beds on one side of the lab while Toadley worked in the other. 

“That ain’t good,” James said, catching a glimpse of a results paper that read inconclusive.

“Do not believe only what your eyes see. Do our patients have unconsciousness, coma walking, and a lack of a rash? Yes!” Toadley turned towards James suddenly, making his purple robe flow in the air. “It is simple.”

James stood up straight. “Hey, youse the expert. Lay it on me.”

“It is the MUSHROOM FLU!” His words echoed in the lab.

James gaped. “… Dat’s what we were fearing!”

Toadley faced his testing equipment again. “Do I need much time for testing? Yes.”

“Sure doc. Guess dis is in your hands now, eh? How youse gonna be paying us?”

Toadley continued working. “Pay? We do not pay YOU here. Don’t people pay you to bring me patients so that they can pay me? I believe so!”

James started. “But our client was your intern! She told us people were sick at MK East and if we didn’t get em outta there, they’d be pushing up daisies!” 

Toadley shrugged. “Has Mary messaged anyone today? No. Now be gone.”

On cue, Toadley’s white little bird named Birdley swooped down from it’s perch, and straight towards Jimmy’s face. “Squawk! Time to go! Time to go!” Birdley repeated.

“Back off birdbrains!” Birdley harassed James until he tumbled through the double doors that separated the lab from the lobby area. “Boys!” he said desperately as he was sprawled out. “We’ve been stuck up!”

The members of the MKDCU all stopped what they were doing. Richard threw the ‘Kart and Driver’ magazine he was reading down and sprung up from his seat. “By who? Let me at the punk!”

James pointed towards Mary the intern, a pink capped Toad with short blonde hair who was idly reading a book at the front desk. 

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. What did I do this time?”

“You sent this!” James slapped a wrinkly telegram on her desk.

She glanced at it once. “We don’t have that kind of machine here, sir. In fact, the only one I know of is at MK East hospital. So back off before I let Birdley in here.”

James sighed in defeat. “Now what? We skipped lunch over dis!” 

“Hey Jimmy,” Parabilly spoke up, “I still got that coupon for Club Gamecube! They serve all day.”

“Nooooo!” Richard cried. 

Wiggletron stretched his arms. “That would not be displeasing.”

“Yeah and they put on shows. Totally cool!” Sebastian added.

“Any other suggestions? Okay!! You win, Billy.”

“Darn tootin’!” Billy closed his laptop triumphantly. 

 

* * *

Bowser’s Castle 

Kamek groaned when he opened the refrigerator and found not one ‘peanut butter and toe jam’ sandwich left. The moment Bowser left that morning for his tennis match, nothing was getting done anywhere in the castle, not the army drills, not the garbage collection, and not the pet cleanup. Kamek was in an outrage, and he’d protest by taking a nap and doing nothing about it himself, like he always did.

“Greetings, großvater.”

Kamek jumped. “Prince Ludwig??.”

Ludwig stood with his normal arrogant stance, arms behind his back. “It is I. I wished to inquire about the keys to the airship. I cannot find them anywhere.”

“Why? King Bowser took the bus to the Mushroom Kingdom this morning.” Kamek settled on a disgusting ‘peanut butter and jelly’ sandwich and closed the fridge. 

“I know where he went, now where is it?!” he asked sharply.

Kamek shot the twenty-three year old a look. “Watch your tone with me, young man. If I had my scepter I'd zapped you into a microgoomba.”

Ludwig laughed harshly. “And if I was willing to poison my mind with social media like Facenote, I'd let the world know that you taped over last year's Koopaball game everyone was looking forward to and that you have been seeing other female magikoopas behind Kammy’s back.” Ludwig began to look serious. “Give me the blasted keys, großvater. Your attempt to obfuscate reveal your guilt.”

The blue robed elder eyes narrowed. If there was one thing that didn't work on him, it was empty threats that involved the internet. After all, what even was that? “I do know where they are, but oh dear, it appears Kammy had it on her keychain.. And she won't be back until tonight.”

Ludwig seized up for a moment like a cobra about to strike. 

“So again, why?” Kamek took a bite of the trash in bread form and cringed. 

“Our kidnapping plan for tonight! Eldstar, did none of you take even a second's glance at the bulletin board post in the front of the castle where I detailed all of the steps in invisible ink??”

“Oh neat.” Kamek struggled to not gag as he swallowed the sweet tasting rubbish. “I will be going with you children. Thank you.” Kamek left the kitchen after throwing the sandwich wrapper in a garbage can that was overfilled.

Ludwig stomp to the basement so heatedly he thought his footsteps might melt the stairs. Down there was Bowser’s lab, a dimly lit concrete room with lots potion shenanigans and LAN parties oddly enough occurred. Ludwig slam the door open.

Iggy, wearing a white coat, spun around. “Luddy? What’s up?” On the table before him was a microscope and chicken scratch notes scattered over the lab table marked ‘womanizing spray’.

“Quick, check the Toad Town message boards!”

Iggy shrugged and started typing on his gaming computer. “Want to test something out in the meantime?”

“Absolutely not,” Ludwig said, leaning over his shoulder. “There! Stop. Hmm… The general public are still quiet ignorant. It appears the delay might not be detrimental.”

Iggy wasn’t really paying attention as he switched the tab over to some internet videos. “Sure. So… you know any girls who might want to visit a comic-con with a nice genius like me?”

Ludwig frowned. “I don’t know any girls!...That would want to go out with you, I mean,” he added awkwardly. 

“Phew! I thought you were saying that you knew no females, which would be very sad for a normal looking guy like you who isn’t legally insane and has nice clothes and gold Parade Kart.” 

Ludwig noticed some cans of soda in the corner, some Fungus Up, Moral Moxie, Lichen Cola, and most importantly a subject changer. “-Why are those cans still here?”

Iggy scratched his scalp. “Umm... The sumo brothers had leftovers I guess?” 

“Destroy that evidence. Immediately.”

Iggy put on a fast pace song called ‘Super Plumber Sonata’. “Whatever you say. Now let me listen to this. I’ll need to learn the words if I ever get a date.”

* * *

**To be Continued….**

Author note: Stay tuned, and please review!

References:  
-title taken from an episode of the Mario cartoons.

Originally created: 3/24/18 – 4/7, 4/19, 5/3

Revamp: 8/12/18, 13


	7. Bowser's Outside Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short but important.

Bowser tossed another dart at Mario. The metal tipped barb dug in only a centimeter deep and missed Mario’s left arm. He was in Toad Town’s park with his ‘favorite’ poster of Mario (for motivation!) crudely taped to an unfortunate tree. 

“Sir?” someone said as Bowser was getting ready to throw another dart. Bowser turned to face a Toad in park ranger uniform. 

“Umm, w-we’re getting complaints that you’re uh, scaring the children and-”

Bowser ripped his poster from the tree. “I wanted out of your lame park anyway. Gah!” Bowser stomped away directionless. 

“Now what?” Bowser thought. For some reason he just could not get the tennis match out of his head. There were sports events all of the time, but something about this day was off. Either way, there was one last thing he had to do before leaving Toad Town.

Bowser snuck around Mario’s house with a paper in hand. On it was a picture of Mario and Bowser posing inside of a kart with a green x mark drawn over Mario. The caption said ‘Friendship ended with Mario.’ He’d carried that paper around in his shell after Iggy Koopa printed it for him for ages, and now it was time to deliver it. 

Bowser noticed a note on the door when he found the Mario residence.

“Hey Luigi. If you come home looking for me, Yoshi and I are heading to Fungus Up corp to investigate. If we meet up I’ll talk to you more then.  
Love, Mario.”

Bowser knocked anyway, then he accidentally kicked over a can of Lichen Cola with Luigi’s name on it that was sitting near the door like a gift. Bowser put the Lichen Cola in his shell without thinking. “Well, I guess I can crash the party, then deliver the news! Ha! He’ll be so disappointed to lose me as a best rival!”

The Fungus Up corporation was a green brick building located on the outskirts of Toad Town with two floors, not counting the large factory building, and a forty foot glass replica of Fungus Up outside. ‘Springs Up Overnight’ was spelled out by the yellow and green flowers in the yard. 

Bowser stepped out of the taxi and tipped the driver one coin.

“Sire, the fair was twenty coins.”

“Deal with it.” Bowser slammed the door shut and began to walk towards the multi-million dollar corporation. Fungus Up was run by one of the wealthiest dynasties around the Mushroom Kingdom, but Bowser was never into their politics or economy, unless of course a certain pink princess came to her senses and became interested in him. Then he’d care all she wanted him to, but that was another train of thought...

Less than fifty feet away from the entrance, someone in a golf cart raced towards Bowser.

“Can I help you?” the magikoopa wearing a green polo shirt and a yellow sun-visor asked. 

“Yeah. I want in this place!”

“For a sponsorship perhaps?”

“Whatever.”

The magikoopa smiled. “Wonderful! Boss,” he said into a radio, “you have a special visitor. Head right in, sir!”

Bowser pushed open the glass doors to find what felt like a car dealers showroom. The transparent roof let in ambient light and several glass cases displayed the history of the company with other details and memorabilia inside them. 

Bowser held his nose as he walked up to an office desk. The smell of the place was.. kind of awful. “Who’s in charge around here?!”

A hammerbro dressed in a business suit approached. “There’s my special guest.”

“Look at this, freak. Can you tell me anything bout it?” Bowser shoved Toad and Daisy’s cans in the koopa’s face. Since Mario wasn’t around he might as well play detective for the meanwhile.

“Follow me.” He led Bowser into the office where there was a table and a few chairs. “Take a seat. I’m Reggie the Business bro by the way.” He stuck his hand out.

Bowser sat down and only grunted.

Reggie brought his hand back. “Umm, right so these are personalized cans and from the date here, they were orderrrred... a few days ago!”

“By who??” Bowser said with a start.

Reggie turned to his computer and typed in something. “Looks like it was anonymous. Customers can do so if it’s a gift order.”

Bowser sighed. “That was useless...”

“Sorry buddy o pal. Was this ‘Toad’ and ‘Daisy’ a fan of the switcheroo?”

“Huh?”

Reggie ran his finger around the top edge of the can. “See this seam here? You can now buy these new can sealer machines to reseal a can after cutting off the top. That’s why legitimate tops from us have our symbol. See how this one is completely smooth like a generic?”

Bowser got a closer look. The top of the can was smooth aluminum.

“Then they refill it with whatever and seal it like a new can. I know this stuff is popular around teenagers. I got five kids,” Reggie added with a wink.

Bowser crossed is arms. “Eight. Got ya beat, buddy. Why do that instead of popping it open like normal and pouring whatever else through the top?”

“Because King Koopa sir, some establishments like schools or theaters don’t allow already opened containers. If a kid comes in with what we call a ‘switcheroo’, only someone with Klepto like eyes will spot it.”

The gears in Bowser’s brain turned. “Has… Mario been around here?”

Reggie laughed. “I wish. I’ve been wanting to sponsor some more sports from him. Actually, I thought that was why you were here. You two are partners, right?”

Bowser stood up with a start. “Whoa whoa whoa!”

“Business partners,” Reggie added carefully. “You two are main stars in the games.”

“Umm...” Bowser had forgotten the question.

Reggie laughed. “Oh never mind. We’ll set up a Dark Land division soon enough.”  
He leaned back and his chair with his arms behind his back. “See that over there?” Bowser saw on the opposite wall a glass case with tons of awards. “The Mushroom Kingdom is our oyster with our 90% market share. Do you know why?”

“Because you spam your garbage on every billboard?!” Bowser turned his back to leave.

“You jokester, you! The secret is in our ingredients. Once you’re hooked, only the soda that ‘springs up overnight’ will do! Our manufacturing costs are extremely low also because of our underpaid Dinosaur Land factory workers.”

Bowser’s mind briefly flashed back to a week ago when Wendy Koopa and her Dark Land political debate friends wouldn’t shut up about something related to labor practices with the leading soda companies. But alas, he didn’t care about human rights or some garbage. His hand grabbed the door handle and walked out.

“Did you find your stay pleasant?”

Bowser brushed past the polo wearing magikoopa. 

“Someone requests you, sir.” he said.

Bowser spun back around. “Mario?!”

“Uh, no,” said the taxi driver. Bowser could not groan louder at the sight to that annoying goomba who smelt like tofu and wouldn’t shut up about Glitzville wrestling during the trip over there. “I really need my full fair. The bills don’t pay themselves when you’re a goomba trying to make it in a toad’s world.”

Bowser grabbed a green looking pamphlet off of a display and scribbled on it.

“Take it, idiot.” The only reason Bowser didn’t flame breath the oaf was because he wasn’t illiterate and posters warning that the area was ‘flammable’ were everywhere.

The goomba stared at the nutrition guide, marked ‘IOU’. “You owe me what?”

“A trip to the dungeon if you don’t leave me alone!!!”

That sent the goomba scurrying out of the door. 

The magikoopa chuckled. “Peasants are full of it, aren’t they?” he said snobbishly. 

Bowser grabbed another thick fold out pamphlet and shoved it in the magikoopa’s mouth. “And now you’re full of that! Ha!” 

Outside Bowser sat on the stairs, waiting for that plumber to come around. Out of boredom he opened a nutrition guide to see that Fungus Up was full of acid as he suspected, sugar as was obvious, random chemical names he couldn’t pronounce as was obligatory, and… koopa scale extract???

Bowser bent closer to the paper like the words might transform into something else if he stared hard enough. Bowser stormed back in to see no one in the showroom area. He banged on Reggie’s office door.

“Ah, so you’ve changed your mind?”

“What is this??” Bowser pointed a claw to the part of the pamphlet he’d circled.

“Oh that! It’s our secret ingredients that isn't really secret because the law requires us to put it on paper, but don’t let our marketing team know that! Anyway, it’s true. The koopas we get it from are from dirty foreign lands where they don’t need their scales anyway. It’s no big deal.” Reggie produced a pen and paper out of nowhere. “So, if you’re in the mood. If you could just sign this contract that states that we could sponsor a few more Mario games-”

In a blind rage, Bowser flung Reggie backwards threw his office and into the awards case. Glass shattered everywhere. Bowser then pulled the fire alarm and the sirens blasted as workers began to flood the showroom. He ignored them and ran into an area labeled ‘factory’. Inside were pitiful conditions: Emaciated looking Yoshis, Rexes, and Dino Rhinos were slaving away, either mixing ingredients together or hauling heavy loads from one pallet to another. 

Bowser however was fixed on something in the back marked as ‘Scales’. His vision went red at the yellow tinged translucent skin patches in the giant container. Scorching flames shot from Bowser’s mouth as he destroyed everything in his path. The dinosaur land workers fled as equipment caught fire and gas pipes burst. With all of the toxic ingredients that made up Fungus Up, not even the sprinkler system could put every thing out. Bowser made a dash out of the factory narrowly escaping a fiery explosion. The shock wave launched him out into the yard as the entire building shot up in flames. All workers except Reggie fled the scene.

“My beautiful business!!” Reggie cry out in the grass. He was covered in little cuts.

Bowser limped over to him. “You are scum. Pure. Scum. Like, I’m a villain and I’m calling you out. How low can you go?”

There was a flash in Reggie’s eyes as he pointed accusingly. “How dare you! You use slave labor yourself.”

“I’ve been paying my soldiers decently for over a decade now,” Bowser retorted. “… Which I can only afford to do because of the high mortality rate, but whatever.”

“You have no idea what you have just done.” Reggie’s different voice became low and vehement. “If I go down, everything else will follow.”

“Enough, stupid! Your garbage is where it belongs. Burnt to a crisp!” Bowser chuckled dryly. 

Reggie raised his head to the sky. “In the name of Dark Ztar I hope you rot in the Underwhere!”

“Wanna bet on that?!” Bowser roared.

Meanwhile far up in the heavens, farther than Rainbow Road, and even farther than Reggie’s ego, the Great Eldstar’s pager went off on a crystalline table, making a loud vibration noise.

“Is everything fine?” Twink peeked into a dining area of Star Temple.

Eldstar quickly hid the cookies behind his back, except there were already crumbs on his white moustache. “Never mind, young one.”

Twink shrugged. “Oh okay!” 

Once the coast was clear, Eldstar checked the message while munching on the forbidden snacks. The sugar rush through his ancient veins was his one and only vice and well, he wasn’t always himself while under its sweet enticement, but he was old and if he didn’t live to the fullest he never would.

-Strike against Bowser Y/N?- The flickering screen conveyed.

Eldstar’s pager was a little… broken, and often picked up just about any request being sent to Star Heaven, including those not meant for there at all! This request was rather of an evil nature, so with a mildly clouded mind, Eldstar sent it through but with a twist. 

**...Back on Earth:**

 

CRACK! There was a blinding flash as lightning came down and struck Reggie. His entire body became black and then his particles broke down and flew off with the wind. 

Bowser was rendered speechless at first, but then he let out the breath he’d been holding. Somehow he just felt that he’d dodged a bullet bill. Or lightning cloud strike, rather. He didn’t even hear or see the gang approaching until Mario wrestled him to the ground. 

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!?” Mario yelled. Yoshi came running up behind him.

Bowser and Mario stared face to face. “Umm, you gonna back up a bit, Red?”

“Bowser- you- gosh dang!” Yoshi exclaimed, facing the burning building.

“Mario, I’ll save you!!” Buckenberry came running from the bus stop and bumped Mario off of Bowser.

“Buckenberry?” Mario questioned. “I was the one on top of him. I think I was winning...”

Buckenberry let go of his hero. “Oh… I’m going to go into the background now...”

Luigi ran up. “Bro, Yoshi, are you okay?” 

“We are, but whatever evidence was in there definitely isn’t,” Yoshi’s palm was on his face.

“No it ain’t.” Bowser dug two things out of his shell, an extra nutrition guide, but also Luigi’s cola.

“What’s that?”

“I went by your house and it was there, but don’t drink it. I think it’s been resealed, see the smooth top? People can er, buy some kind of contraption that lets you contaminate them,” Bowser explained, surprising himself by how much he’d paid attention.

Luigi picked up the Lichen Cola. “I definitely won’t be drinking this then. I hate to rush what could be a great conversation while standing in front of a building on fire, but Boo and Alagold can only hold the bus for so much longer, now what?”

Mario turned to Luigi. “Lichen Cola is our next clue then. Tell everyone that.”

Luigi and Yoshi sprint back to the bus stop when Mario reached out a hand to Bowser. 

Bowser looked at him funny. “What are you doing?”

Mario smiled weakly. “You are trying to help us, right? Why else would you stop at my house and then trek here on your own to investigate?”

To unfriend you officially he completed in his mind. But he just couldn’t. He allowed Mario to pull him up. Immediately he felt the pain all over as his adrenaline began to wear off and was begrudgingly kind of grateful to the plumber.

Mario led him down the bus. “Now, you know I have to ask. What the heck happened?”

Bowser winched in pain with every step. “I hate this place. They use koopa scales and its personal.” To his surprise, Mario didn’t pry. 

“Okay. So, who custom ordered Toad and Daisy’s cans?”

“It was anonymous so there was nothing to track.”

“But that might not be the case elsewhere. Assuming it is resealed soda doing this and Luigi’s can proves that Fungus Up wasn’t the only of its kind, other companies might have clues. There’s at least two other big ones in the area.”

Bowser could practically see the detective cap on the plumber. “If you say so. I’ll tag with you losers I guess.”

Mario stopped and looked at him sincerely. “So, does this mean we’re...”

They shared the gaze long enough to make it awkward so Bowser turned his head to avoid eye contact (and the fact that he felt his face flush). “Sure. Whatever. Are we gonna threaten each other, compete, fight, and have late phone calls? Sure. Don’t get sentimental on me, plumber.”

Mario accepted whatever that was. “Good. I’m sorry for before.”

“Me too. That hospital ticked me off.”

Luigi whistled loudly from the door of the bus. “Hurry up you two!!” Just down the road, police cars and emergency service vehicles began to pull up.

“The police, again?!” Mario turned to Bowser. “Let’s scram!… Again!”

“Agreed, plumber breath. Ha!”

* * *

**To be continued.**

Author note: A shorter but very important chapter. Stay tuned!

Created: 3/25/18 – 3/29, 4/6, 5/11  
Revamp: 8/14/18


	8. Zoo's Field Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The T rated stuff starts, and the rest of the puzzle pieces fall..

The Mushroom Press was quiet since most writers had done their job for the morning papers and reporters had gone scouting out for evening stories. Even the desk lady was out. 

“So, yes. I can fill you in for... three tomorrow? Great. Stay pretty.” Mitch hung up. He put a check mark on his bulletin board under ‘Mushroom Fashion Week’ and leaned back in his chair to relax. He loved being the only person in the Press, especially when suffering a headache. He knew it was because of the new hire, Susie Que. The moment he personally met them, he knew he was in for a difficult time and there was nothing he could do about it.

Well, he could, but he couldn’t afford to expose himself. If he ignored the problem maybe it would go away… The doors to the press opened, but Mitch heard no footsteps. 

“Hey Mitch.” The dark boo wearing a ratty blond wig waved from the door.

Mitch swiveled his chair around. “What’s up dude?” 

“I walked around Toad Town a lot,” Susie answered in a gruff male voice. “It was interesting.” Susie went back down to their cubical on the opposite end and began to play computer games loudly. 

Mitch tried to work, but the extra noise was like rusty nails impaling his brain. He really wished he could expose Susie as a fake news reporter who really worked for Bowser and was meddling with a hospital, but no one would ever listen to him without proof. Proof he only acquired because of his special abilities that were a guarded secret. He hated himself sometimes. No, actually he was awesome in his opinion.

With a huff he got up to get some water, walking towards the center of the room to reach the fountain.

“Hey, Mitch...I’m going to quit this evening, I’m telling you that because you’re a wuss who’s not going to rat me out, but I wanted to ask you something first.”

“You know any others special like us? You’re the first I’ve met.”

“Like I’d tell you,” he replied sharply.

Susie got up from the chair. “I think you will,” they said menacingly. “I think you’ve met another today.”

And Mitch was afraid to admit, it was effective. He could just explain that he knew very many by means to his life long secret research projects, but his ego said-

He went back to his desk and sat down. “I don’t think so, you lonely, pathetic, unwanted, freak. Or should I call you by your real name? Zoo Diddley!!”

Instantly Mitch regretted that. A sharp surge of pain and pressure behind his eye and he blacked out for a moment. The next thing he remembered was laying on the office floor in a small pool of some kind of warm liquid. His vision was blurry and his chair was turned over. Mitch’s own hands came into focus and on them was blood, the source being from his nose. 

“You little brat,” Mitch muttered, shivering uncontrollably. 

“Shut up!” Zoo rushed over and punched him in the gut. “Say that again and I’ll make you cough up your own freaking lung!”

“Okay okay, I know a few… Uh, Jelectro Bond! He came by earlier!” Mitch blurted out, his normal baritone reduced to something of a squeak. “He’s a vacationer in the area or something.. or he could have been a spy. We didn’t really talk.. or share… much.”

Zoo leaned in close. “Was that so difficult?!” He shoved the small Toad into the wall of the cubicle, making papers and other possessions of Mitch’s fall to the ground. “Now, screw off you wuss! Tell Steve I’m leaving.”

Zoo left out the doors in a hurry, leaving Mitch bruised physically and mentally. He eventually got up to clean himself up, straighten out his work space, and hop back on his computer, eager to get back at the boo somehow, in a non-confrontational way of course. Using his rusty reporting skills, he recounted everything he knew...

…

A red haired human, the front desk lady, the entered Mushroom Press and sat some things down at her station. She had scented candles for Steve the bullet bill anchor man and boss, wall art for Betty who worked in the back press, and some stationary for Mitch. When she headed to Mitch’s cubicle she froze at the sight of the brown stain on the carpet that looked like it had been recently cleaned. 

"Mr. Toadstool?"

Mitch's chair slid back out of the U shaped cubicle. "Jesse, babe. Uh what are you doing back so early?"

She stared him up and down, (and not for the usual reasons she did so). His overcoat was missing, there were a few stains on his shirt, and he had tissue up his nose. "Did something happen here?!"

"I'm fine, babe. Just spilled some coffee. You can leave the flower stationery on my file cabinet."

The lady nodded and walked away briskly. Mitch hoped Jesse was too distracted to realize that she'd never mentioned the stationery or even her name to him before. 

* * *

Few people knew that Doctor Toadley was an expert at landmines, unless of course they read the tagline on his website, but no one ever did, so it always came as a surprise that he could flag and detect an entire field of the bombs in a minute, even while distracted by noisy patients, Birdley, and Mary the intern’s loud radio music. The only thing stopping him from going pro was his 99% success rate.

“Nooo!” Toadley belted at his laptop when a mine blew up, shattering that 100 game winning streak on the computer game called Minesweeper. Toad and Daisy were still lying on their cots unconscious with restraints holding him down. A testing computer went off behind the doctor and as he got up to check on it the doors to the lab swung open. Dr. Toadley shield his eyes from the natural light that flood in. 

“What is wrong?”

“You have a visitor,” Mary explained in a fearful low tone. 

In the lobby Zoo put down ‘Death Machine Magazine’ he was reading. “You only deal with special cases, right?” The wig was long shed as he was now himself.

“I do. Must I also ask you to leave? Yes! This clinic is appointment only.”

Zoo threw the magazine down. “No one told me that.”

Toadley nodded his head. “Is such life? Indeed.” Meanwhile Mary hid behind her desk.

“I think you need to see him,” she squeaked.

“Yeah, you’d better,” Zoo threatened, baring sharp teeth with one or two missing. “You don’t know what I’m capable of, doc.” Zoo lifted an arm out and waited for a second, then had a blank look.

The purple clad doctor remained unaffected. “Did I not ask you to leave, hooligan? Yes I did.” 

Birdley came out of nowhere to swoop down at Zoo’s face, pecking him all the way out of the door leading out. 

Mary began to read her book as if nothing happened when the doctor stepped before her desk with his thick eyebrows turned downward.

“Should you inform patients of my clinic’s rules BEFORE bringing them to me? Yes you should.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Well, he seemed like a thug.”

“Are there any thugs in Toad Town? No there are not! Now I need no interruptions.” Dr. Toadley retreat into the lab.

Mary went back to the literature. “Gosh, excuse me then. You can never be too sure...”

 

* * *

Meanwhile at the Shroom Grocery in Toad Town, a middle aged green capped toad dusted off the item shelves to make room for spring mushrooms, boomerang flowers, and double cherries to give him an edge over Harry’s shop down south and Koopa’s Shop to the East. It could even cut into Rowf and Rhuff’s badge shop profit, but he wouldn’t push too aggressively with that, not after that very unfortunate meet up they had in a back alley once..

The shop keeper turned around when a Toad teenager holding a spear came in. “Thomas, glad you’re here.”

“I am too, uncle.” Thomas, the shop keeper’s nephew and apprentice when not guarding Peach’s castle on first shift, gave the displays a glance. 

“I’m going to clean the windows outside. Run the desk for me.”

Thomas nodded and stood behind the counter, tapping his fingers on it. After a while, he was startled by the door being kicked open. In came a young human female with tanned skin, long brown hair, and a yellow and orange dress. Behind her was a bob-omb buddy with a blonde colored buzz cut.

“HI I’M DAFFODIL!” Daffodil shouted in the style of Daisy. 

A Boss Bass wearing an eye patch propped open the door with a rock. “Aye, hush it, mouth breather!” the boss bass barked at someone outside before stepping in.

Thomas subconsciously reached in vain for the panic button before remembering that he wasn’t at the castle. “Who are you?!”

Daffodil leaned on the counter. “Didn’t ya hear? It’s Daffodil Loon, professional baddie and Princess Daisy impersonator. This is Chomper, and this is Nukem!”

The bob-omb hopped on the counter. “Born to be wiiiiiild!” he said in an extremely cool voice. 

“Aye, enough of them quotes!” Chomper said, pointing a very huge fish hook to Thomas’s back. It made Thomas’s spear that was laying around in the corner look like a toothpick in comparison.

“You have to make a good first impression,” Nukem explained in a slightly less cool voice.

“Corny, just like a DAD.” Chomper sigh in annoyance.

“Well at least my wife doesn’t complain that I smell like fish-”

Daffodil broke open one of the display cases with a baseball bat. Everyone shut up.

She smirked. “That’s better. Now, a little birdy told us that there's about to be some action in Toad Town and we want the first slice of that pie, starting with West Toad Town, our homeland! Ain’t that right?”

Thomas’s teeth clacked. “W-what are you talking about??”

“She means the Toad Town message boards, young man.”

Chomper glared at the pink bob-bomb. “Stop being so nice already! Ahhhg!”

“Knock it off ya’ll!” Daffodil fussed. “Now, we’ll give ya ten seconds to hand over the shop keys and scram!”

Thomas tossed the keys to Daffodil who caught them in the air stylishly but the young toad was still too scared to move. Nukem scurried over the Thomas with his little bob-omb feet.

“Could you please leave? Or else I’ll skin you and turn you into a life sized toad plush for my kids to play with.”

Thomas screamed like a little girl and ran out of the shop. 

Nukem turned to his cohorts knowingly. “See? Being polite always works out.”

Outside Thomas tripped over his uncle who had a bruise on his forehead as he sat slumped against the wall. Down the street, groups of assorted people marched holding signs with Fungus Up on them among other civil unrest, but Thomas ignored that. If he didn’t get his uncle checked on, he might have to work for Peach forever!

* * *

Club Gamecube was a restaurant that opened as a direct competitor to Club 64, only catering to younger hipper socialites with a dining area, a bar, and a stage for performers, all modern looking with lots of stainless steel and dim ‘edgy’ lighting of orange, purple, and blue hues. It was also jam packed.

The X-naut Phd wearing an apron with a Gamecube symbol on it returned to his manager who held the MKDCU at the front.

“We are indeed full, now if I could please return to my job? People are throwing objects at me as I speak.” Morris removed a discarded banana peel from his head. 

“Go ahead, Morris,” his manager, an orange sentient talking Gamecube console (yes.) told him. 

“No way!” Sebastian exclaimed in despair.

“Yes way!!” Richard would have fist pumped if he had hands. 

James glared at him. “We gotta eat something. Look at me! Imma bout to just die!” James pointed to his gut. 

“I do not see the medical issue. Your abdomen is as round as ever,” Wiggletron said, not realizing that he was insulting the monty mole.

“But we’re doctors,” Parabilly said. “Can’t you scoot a table from somewhere to make room?”

The Gamecube gave the impression of shrugging. “Not really. I mean I could but- I don’t care. Bye.”

“So we go to Club 64 then, right?” Richard asked, already half way out the door.

The manager spun around. “NOOO DON’T! Maybe we can do something.” He clapped with some invisible hands and the waiter was again at the front of the restaurant waiting area, now with even more food tossed at him.

“Make some room,” the talking console barked. “Get some people that look like they’re done eating and kick them out.”

Morris rubbed his hand together maliciously. Just a moment later, a family of Kongs, Donkey Kong, Diddly Kong, Tiny Kong, Dixie Kong, and Funky Kong were being escorted out by the cooks with confused looks upon their visages.

“Ugh, just great...” Richard groaned as his fellow agents followed the waiter to their seats at a round table right near the stage.

Back at the front of the restaurant, another person walked in, a dark boo. The manager sized them up instantly: they were thuggish which meant they were probably broke, which meant that the lower prices of Club 64, his worst rival, across the street might be right up their alley if he didn’t accompany them.

“I have a seat for you!” the manager said preemptively. 

Zoo eyed him curiously. “I was just here to perform. It’s open mic Friday, right?”

The manager lost some of that feigned zeal. “Oh… Just in time. This early in the day we let the z-list comedians clown on stage.”

“Funny you’d mention that.” Zoo chuckled, thinking about being called a ‘Z-list’.

“-And so years ago, they were talkin’ about making a booster shot for the Mushroom Flu, but that didn’t fall through,” Parabilly said with his menu folded flat.

“There have only been 2,000 confirmed cases in the past anyway. Despite its infamy it is indeed a rare affliction, and reluctance to spend exorbitant amounts of money and time is not entirely unreasonable,” Wiggs added.

“Club 64 is soooo much better.” Richard’s menu lay untouched before him and he could swear heard someone loading a sniper rifle in the background..

James sat his menu down. “I know what I want now. Where’s the waiter?” 

“Yes, my fellows?” Morris came up and stood at the table. 

“There you are, gimme…” James squinted at the menu again and it became obvious he couldn’t read any of the fine print. Everyone groaned. 

“Just give us all water.” Parabilly sighed. 

Morris jotted it down then adjusted his glasses. “If you don’t mind me asking, are you a group of doctors? I noticed your badges..”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“This restaurant is my part time job when I’m not a scientist at the ‘International Medical University of-”

Then someone tapped Morris on the shoulders. “Your boss said to show me the backstage, if you’d be so kind.” Zoo’s dry tone belied the politeness of his words, but Morris didn’t care. 

He brought Zoo behind the stage. “What’s your name and what kind of comedian are you? My buddies on my second job could use a laugh.”

Zoo grinned, revealing those teeth again. “Call me...’Z’, and I do situational comedy I guess, hehe. I also specialize in audience participation.”

“-Never heard of you.”

“Probably because I don’t use Twatter, Facenote, or Stumblr.”

“Is that a computer thing? I do not blame you,” Morris said, put off.

Zoo peeked out of the curtains to see a full house. This day wasn’t honestly that bad even if he felt lousy, since he’d had free reign to do whatever in Toad Town since this morning. He was bummed the one doctor who might have been able to help didn’t and Zoo couldn’t even use his talents to ‘persuade’ him to do so. Antics at occurred afterward made up for it: Zoo used his encyclopedic knowledge of Toad Town to get from the East side where Dr. Toadley’s office was to the West with ease, even with the random angry protesters shouting some nonsense about soda. One guy tried to mug Zoo on the sidewalk, but Zoo grabbed a random wooden plank and bashed his head in, mugging the mugger and gaining almost enough for a taxi fare. Almost. So the goomba taxi driver started a fuss when Zoo was a few coins short, even mentioning that someone had just shortchanged him before. Zoo made up for the rest by making the goomba’s eyes spontaneously bleed and grabbing his necktie from the back, strangling him… among other things. 

Speaking of which, there was still a little blood on the back of the tie Zoo was currently borrowing from the guy, but it wasn’t really visible from the front, so good enough. Zoo did enjoy being on stage and performing so he had to look a little presentable.

Back in the dining area, James dramatically laid his menu flat on the table again. “Okay, I want the number five special with some Chuckola Cola on the side!” Then the lights began to dim.

“Jimmy, look! A show is starting!!” Sebastian started pointing on stage.

“I still think Club 64 is better.” Suddenly, a bullet went through Richard’s glass of water and shattered it everywhere. Richard watched his back from then on. 

The curtains opened and a spotlight was shown on Zoo. He floated up to the mic awkwardly. 

“HEY ladies, and gentlemen, and freaks! Call me ‘Z’. To start, here’s something that cracks all the Bowser soldiers up. There was a bob-omb, a koopa, and a goomba, all soldiers of Bowser on lunch break. So the bob-omb asks the goomba, ‘What did you do today?’. The goomba says ‘I was stationed between two pipes’ and the bomb is like ‘You’re lying and you’ve been slacking off all day’ and the goomba is like ‘How do you know?’ and the bomb says ‘Because you’d be stuck there forever. Goombas don’t jump!’.”

That earned some subdued laughter from a few, including Sebastian and Parabilly.

“Shut up,” Richard growled. He then ducked under the table to be safe.

“-But the goomba asks the bob-omb ‘What did YOU do then?’ and the bomb is like ‘Well I fought Mario today’ and the goomba is like ‘You’re lying too because you’re supposed to blow yourself up if you fight so you must have slacked off too!’”

This earned even more laughter, except from the living bombs in the audience, who began to sizzle threateningly.

Zoo continued. “-And the koopa started walking off and they both asked him ‘Where are you going?’ and he was like ‘To King Bowser’ and they were like ‘Why’ and he was like ‘To report you both for not working!’”

Some of the audience clapped, thinking the joke was over.

“-And so the bob-omb and the goomba were both sent to the dungeons where they worked hard labor until they died. Their families got the full compensation… of about five dollars. The end,” Zoo concluded in complete deadpan.

Morris, who was hanging around near the kitchen was the only one laughing then.

“Now that we’re all warmed up, for the next part of my act could I have some volunteers?” Zoo asked.

The entire restaurant got quiet.

“You.” Zoo pointed to Parabilly. “Come on down, hehe!”

Parabilly looked around. “Me?! Well, I reckon I could stretch my legs.”

“Okay so this is a game called ‘Peek-a-boo’ where I guess stuff about you. Hmm..” Zoo eyed the Paratroopa up and down for a moment then sniffed him suddenly. He faced the mic. “That's his grandma's perfume.”

Parabilly's face went red. “I don't wear no dern perfume!!”

“Right… that probably rubbed off when she hugged you tightly and gave you that kiss on the cheek yesterday.”

James stood in his seat in protest. “It was your turn to wash the truck and youse said you'd be on your second job all day!”

“I was! She visits me there, now shut up! Ain’t no shame in that!” 

“Right,” Zoo said perspicaciously. “It’s not as embarrassing as what happened with your sister in law.”

Parabilly whipped towards the dark boo, arms crossed. “You’re out of your dern mind you lil vermin! That time I walked up to the bride after the wedding and in a quick lil’ jest pretended to be my brother Probabilly. She believed it and kissed me all a sudden. Then Probabilly came round the corner, but he couldn’t decide which eye to punch me in so he did both, the rough housing little-”

One whomp at a table laughed so hard spaghetti ran from his nose. Most of the other tables were laughing also. The red faced paratroopa ran off stage to a round of applause and didn’t return to his seat.

“Never mind him, that’s what he gets for making us wash the car,” Richard said dismissively. “I mean, that drive-thru car wash took 64 of my own hard earned coins-”

An other bullet clashed against their table, this time shooting a hole in Wiggletron’s appetizer and destroying the food. The tall wiggler shrugged. “I suppose that is what I get for ordering a meal off screen,” he said dryly. 

“You!” Zoo pointed to Sebastian next.

“Awesome!” Sebastian climb on stage any quicker as he rushed to the mic. “Hiiii!” He waved. “I’m Sebastian Bullet from Subcon.”

“Uh, okay..” Zoo stared for one moment before leaning in. “So tell us about that cool dream you had last night.”

Sebastian gaped behind his mask. “But- which one? I sleep all of the time, including behind the wheel!”

“BOOO!” went some of the audience, including Morris in the background.

Sebastian dismissed his haters. “Fine, here’s a really really good one. I think I wanted to forget about it, but I really can’t… So I had a dream that Peach invited me to her castle and she baked and entire cake for me. Then the bundt cake came alive and chased us around so she told me we could hide in her bedroom, yeah, and-”

Everyone were on the edge of their seats.

Sebastian continued innocently, “-When we got in there we were suddenly in outer space and I looked at Peach and she had turned into Shigeru Miyamoto wearing a tutu. He said I was the best gamer ever and a nice guy and so I won unlimited video-games for life… Then I woke up and wet the bed...” Sebastian slapped his snifit mask. “Oh, right! That’s why I wanted to forget, because the bed I wet was actually the new couch Jimmy just put in our work trailer!”

Among the loud cheering from the packed audience, James was screaming his head off. “GET OFF STAGE!”

Sebastian grabbed the mic one more time. “Okay that was it! Byyyyyeee!” He hopped off stage, noticed James looked like a nuclear bomb about to go off, and instead decided that it might be better to join Parabilly outside.

“Now, why don’t you come up?” Zoo asked the enraged monty mole.

James climbed up immediately. 

“Ask him where he got that hair cut!” Richard called up mockingly.

“He has a notable absence of hair, Richard,” Wiggletron replied, again not realizing he was being insulting.

James pointed to them both. “Something something Club 64! Whack em!”

Instead of targeting the mega goomba or wiggler at the table, a sniper bullet shot the fedora straight off of Jame’s head, revealing the round furless dome. He covered it with his hands as the audience roared. A yoshi in the crowd got excited and swallowed their entire plate whole. A toad threw flowers on stage. Still others were banging fists on tables, wanting more drama.

Zoo loosed the bow tie around his neck, sweating from the pressure. “Umm, let’s see here... when was your first bank robbery?”

James suddenly felt like he’d need his inhaler but hid it under a mask of ‘wiseguy’. “Youse trying to give me the shake down, and it ain’t gonna work! My family is the feared Monty Mafia of Donut Plains and erm- You didn’t just hear nothing, see?” 

The audience clapped very softly as James stumbled off stage and out the door, covering his head the entire time. No one dare laugh directly at him though.

“I want the goomba up here next.”

Richard jumped on stage. “Yo.”

“Why’d you run from home?” 

Richard snorted. “You got another thing coming if you think I’m going to explain why I left Giant Land. Oh snap...I said it.”

“Okay, never mind. What’s your most pleasant memory?” Zoo asked with a change of tone.

“When my momma used to tuck me in at night and read stories and-” Richard abruptly stopped and scowled. “You idiot, you got me again. Now what’s your favorite restaurant?”

“You don’t ask me stuff!” Zoo replied petulantly. “But I don’t know really. Bowser’s Castle food is pretty much designed to make you constipated, because I guess his medieval age sewer systems can’t handle what would happen if the five hundred employees and two thousand soldiers crapped regularly. I’m gonna say its the peanut butter and toe jam sandwiches if we’re talking local, but a nice Shroom Fry if we mean from the city, like you can get at Club 64.”

“Excuse me, what?” Richard pretended to not catch it.

“Club 64!” Zoo repeated louder.

Richard grinned as he waited for it, but nothing happened. “I’m out of here, shortie.”

The moment he stepped off stage, a barrage of bullets started flying everywhere, directed at his feet. While the mega goomba rushed out of the restaurant to avoid getting hit, everyone clapped like that was part of the show, even though bullets were riddled everywhere, hit a few bystanders, and the area smelt like smoke.

“Ahhhh! What was-a that?!” shriek a scared cook in the back.

The manager hid the semiautomatic behind his cube shaped back. “Nothing. Just a stage effect.”

“This is so freaking cool,” Zoo thought out loud back on stage. “I mean, uh. Last one. Come on up!”

Wiggletron shot up from the table. “That is enough! You will end this debased comedic act now!”

“I was calling you.”

The bespectacled wiggler smiled. “Oh, I am absolutely honored. No one ever calls me for anything!” He got on stage next to Zoo.

“Just say whatever you want to say. I have a good feeling about you.” 

Wiggs was almost giddy at the suggestion. “I have one set of parents, two brothers, and one sister. Do you know the probability of that is 1/69? I am however the only medical practitioner in my family, at least of a certified variety.”

Zoo nodded along. No one really laughed, so it was time to step it up. “How did you lose your driver’s license?”

“I do not have one in my possession any longer because when I was in college I braked too hard for a tanooki in the street once, and consequently caused a ten vehicle pileup,” he explained with machine like disinterest. “But that story is not nearly as riveting as the moment when a friend of mine T. Yoshisaur, showed me the world of ‘vaxing’ and how its effectiveness against Birdo flu, Goombola, koopatitis or toadpox are subjective at best-”

Wiggs was cut off by the audience thinking he was joking.

“Hold it down guys!” Zoo said, cracking up. “Last, who do you have a crush on?”

“YOU CANNOT MAKE ME REVEAL SUCH INFORMATION!” Wiggs completely blindsided Zoo by knocking his purple spherical body backward and all the way through the curtains.

Now Zoo was kind of annoyed. He burst through ready to retaliate when his attention was brought to two things: Patrons went wild at their seats, laughing, hooting, and hollering at the show. The employees but mostly Morris, struggled to keep up with the commotion and the constant request for Chuckola Cola. This was perfect. This was what Zoo wished he could do with himself, but there was that second thing catching his attention.

“BREAKING NEWS!” the TV blasted when the manager changed the station from sports reruns to a news report. “Fungus Up corp goes boom in the Mushroom Kingdom, suspected to be an ‘Act of Eldstar’. Also riots break out in Toad Town. More at five!” 

Suddenly Zoo remembered that he wasn’t actually on vacation...

* * *

**To be continued…**

Originally created: 3/25/18 – 4/7, 4/18, 5/15, 6/3  
Revamped: 8/14/18, 8/15, 16

References:

-Steve the bullet bill is an original fiction character of mine I randomly put in. Cheers!

-Death Machine Magazine is another org. fiction cameo

-Birdo flu, goombola, kooptitis, and toadpox are a gag taken from ‘Devil in Plain Sight’ by CosmicKitten89


	9. The Misadventures of Sherlock Mario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now back to our regularly scheduled heroes and villains!

The Lichen Cola company was located in Fahr Outpost’s industrial park. The sky was grey, the temperature chilly, and black smog linger low to the ground. The long straight street, lined to the sides by powdery snow covered shrubs, lead towards the ugly reality of the urban utopia most Mushroom Kingdom denizens thought little about. Hidden this world remained to most except the seven that infiltrated it's secrets, arriving by means of the most rarely used bus stop.

Luigi, Boo, and Yoshi took the lead towards their destination. The Toads were a few steps behind, and Mario and Bowser were even farther, the plumber choosing to stay with the limping koopa king and advising them to run ahead.

During the walk, Buckenberry held Alagold’s phone while Gold took his medication..

“Hello. 10/10.” Buckenberry said on someone's Facenote profile while logged in as Alagold still.

“u r cte 2,” the toad girl who was a instaham model also replied. Her profile photo was dolled up with filters enhancing her voluptuous body, wearing only a long white shirt with 'Hungry for 1-Ups’ print on it.

“Thanks. I'm Buckenberry T. by the way, and I would love to court you.”

Not wasting a second: “ew!!111! I thght u wre tht cuti Gold. go awy lsr.”

His pink tinged hands shook the phone violently as he boiled over. What did the dusty yellow toad beside him who was half daydreaming half stumbling along with that noise spray thing up his nose have that Buckenberry didn't?

“Knock that off,” Alagold whispered, turning his head to see his friend freaking out.

Yoshi spun around with suspicion. “What's going on back there?”

Alagold hid his medication in his back pocket. “I have allergies, bro.”

Narrowing his eyes, Yoshi faced ahead again. “Can someone check what’s going on in Toad Town? It might help to know if we were spotted at the crime scene.”

Luigi nodded. “Good idea!… Is what I would say if I had a signal.”

“I’ll look it up, hehe.” Boo started searching Toad Town online message boards again. “They’re all over the Fungus Up incident but they can't really blame anyone… Also some gangs are starting in Toad Town.”

Yoshi dismissed that with a wave of the hand. “That last part is probably fake news. There’s never been gangs in Toad Town, and I’m as old as a... dinosaur,” he said with his mind becoming preoccupied with something else. “..It’s nice Mario and I met you guys on the same bus. You with the phone, what’s your name again?”

“Boo. Just Boo. I’m twenty five and umm, I just work at a fast food joint and on a rare occasion show up in a Mario spin off game. It's kind of lonely.”

Luigi put an arm around Boo. “No shame in that.”

Buckenberry quickened his pace to catch up with his arms crossed. “I disagree… Frig!” he shout all of a sudden.

Soon they reached a three stories tall building made of rusty metal sheets welded together with a few large cloudy windows, adorned with a sloppy ‘LICHEN COLA Co. WINTRY ACIDY TASTE’ in white paint on the top. It took no liberties to look like or be anything but it was: An old stinky factory that made millions off of dumping calories and caffeine into unknowing or uncaring patrons. Luigi and crew caught a glance through the imposing but graciously open barbwire fence of a few workers who looked like handpicked weirdos for a movie hauling plastic cases to storage units.

“This place is tripping, bro!” Alagold slurred, actually seeing a clean Willy Wonky style factory with rainbows in the skies and pink cotton candy clouds.

Yoshi held his nose.

“Good thing the gates are open. Think they’d spare a free sample?” Luigi wondered out loud.

“My mom doesn’t allow me soda...” Boo admitted silently.

Buckenberry knocked very hard against the wooden door that hung on one hinge. They stood around for a while, starting to shiver from the cold until the door swung open to reveal a lakitu in brown work uniform riding a tan cloud.

“What do you want!?” he barked in a Brooklyn accent.

“Hi. We just had some questions or.. should we wait for Mario?”

Lakitu’s shifted eyes darted around. “Mario’s around? Listen, we don’t want no trouble and we’ve paid that land tax so if the Princess is trying to be funny, tell her to screw off.”

“Erm… We’re not here for that. We just want to know if anyone’s been ordering personalized cans and doing some kind of weird thing to them also.”

The lakitu scratched his head. “What?”

“Resealing the cans, bro. There’s this thing on Fleabay that molds sheets of aluminum into circles that you can clamp on to cans of soda after you’ve refilled it,” Alagold explained.

“You talk like you knew all about that,” Yoshi said.

Alagold smiled in a ditzy manner. “I did. Just… it never came up until what happened today.”

“Oh, yeah. Here.” Luigi showed the can with his name on it with it’s smooth top.

“Well, it is lacking the seal we put on the tops,” the lakitu said. “As far as tracking who ordered this one? Our computer crashed the other day. Unless you have proof that we can be sued for this sort of thing, see ya.”

He then slammed the door in their faces.

Luigi spun around to face the others, not particularly pleased, but not upset either. “You know what this means. We-”

“Wait for Mario to catch up,” Yoshi said.

Luigi’s words died on his tongue. “...No. I thought maybe we could.. look and find clues.. and… It’s my time to shine, please, listen to me!” he plead.

“I’m all for that, Luigi bro! This place looks cool!” Alagold stood on tiptoes to see through a window inside the building, observing wonders inside that probably didn’t exist.

Yoshi sighed, not bothering to hide agedness. “Okay, we can look around. Just… I’m watching your toad friends.”

... 

Mario and Bowser were still on the path that went through the industrial park when Bowser stubbed his toe on another large rock. “Oww!” he growled.

“Are you alright?”

“OF COURSE NOT. My feet, legs, back, arms, head, shoulders, knees, toes, and everything else aches right now. Gotta mushroom, fuzz face?”

“No, but you’ll live…” After a seconds pause, Mario laughed. “It sure is a good thing I do the traveling to you in our games. We’d still be in the first ‘Super Mario Bros’ at your pace.”

Bowser’s right arm shot out to give him a jab, sending him off into the icy ground. Mario got up and wiped the dirt off himself. “Geez! Sorry.”

Bowser growled in response and Mario didn’t tempt him farther, except for a question he’d been thinking of during the whole bus trip.

“Bowser, I know this is a sensitive topic, but I have to ask-”

Bowser turned his head. “Plumber, what?!?”

Mario smiled. “… Have you ever been arrested before? I don’t mean me going after you like a cowboy cop, I mean like the whole staying overnight on a wooden bench while the guy next to you smells like old socks and burritos and your brother won’t be able to pay your bail for another two days because your last plumbing job was for a broke family of seven on the twelfth floor of an apartment complex in Brooklyn and they won’t earn their check until Wednesday.”

Bowser scratched his chin. “Hmm. Yeah actually except I was the brother in that situation kinda. Ugh… I’m getting angry, well MORE angry thinking ‘bout it, but Clawdia got in the slammer for theft like usual against the Jewelry Kingdom and I had to get her out. Invading the kingdom wasn’t an option, we were just developing our airships then. It was before everything really, my kids, part of my castle was still under construction, I didn’t pay my soldiers... Wow, that sent me back!”

“Uh, wait.” Mario nudged him lightly. “You’re not Clawdia’s brother are you???”

“No no no no no! That was just the example! Like how Green is always fixing your screw ups,” Bowser said with a hint of mockery in his tone.

Mario rolled his eyes. “Luigi doesn’t.” He rubbed his arms together with the cold wind.

“Nah, he’s just really good at it and you don’t notice, pipes for brains. Anyway, that sort of thing ended when Clawdia left me for a richer koopa in Diamond City.”

“Aww…” Mario found himself caring in a weird way. “Do you miss her?”

Bowser stared straight ahead, avoiding eye contact. They weren’t far from the company. “Mr. Good Guy, of course I don’t miss the trips to the slammer, her embarrassing me constantly, that awful perfume, and her ear grating voice. That all happened before I met you, so now I’m not lonely- Er, wait, that didn’t come out right. I mean, you fill that void- no, still wrong...”

Mario was flattered, maybe more than he should have been, but he didn’t know what to say. He was saved from the awkwardness by the fact that they’d reach the gate. He didn’t see the rest of the group anywhere so he made way for the door.

Soon the same lakitu swung it open. “Now what do you clowns want?!”

“Answer our questions or you’re gonna get it like Fungus Up did!” Bowser roared while grabbing the lakitu’s collar. “… Not that you can prove we did anything if you’re thinkin about reporting us or something.”

Lakitu gasped. “You’re the reason Fungus Up went down today!? I’m not calling the cops over that!”

“You’re not?” Mario replied.

“No! I am wetting myself though!”

Bowser shoved him back with some disgust.

“Can we start over? We need to investigate stuff.”

The lakitu shook Mario’s hand. “Mi casa es su casa. We were waiting for FungusUp to go down with that huge market share and the one million industry violations. The name’s José by the way.”

...

Luigi, Yoshi, Alagold and Buckenberry had their backs to the wall on the side of the factory. Around the corner came two shirts and two hats floating along as something invisible carried them.

“I knew you’d pull through. Way to go!” Luigi cheered on.

“Thanks.” Boo became visible again. “They were lying around in some open lockers, so I took what I could.”

Yoshi made a face as he examined the stains in the shirts. “What’s the plan again?”

“We wear these and sneak in.” Luigi slipped a shirt over his usual clothes.

“Is that necessary? Those workers over there have been looking right at us the entire time.” Yoshi pointed out the workers a distance away hauling the crates to and fro from a store house to a truck. A few would eye them with one or more eyes (number varied) and then shrug it off with the Latin music playing from a radio in the background drowning out whatever they might have been muttering.

“But it’s cooler this way! We have to find the clues somehow.”

“I want to search for clues in the chocolate river, bro.”

Yoshi looked at Alagold funny. “What? Why don’t you stay outside. The way you’re swaying left and right, you’re liable to fall into some heavy machinery... And die.”

Boo shook in fright. “I don’t want to go in anymore!”

“Yoshi!” Luigi reprimanded.

“Us three can stay outside,” Buckenberry said. “Too many of us would probably be suspicious anyway.”

“That actually sounds smart, I’m cool with that.” Yoshi held his breath as he put on the shirt. “Well, let’s do it Luigi.”

Luigi picked up a crate. “Help me hold this.”

Once they were gone, Buckenberry quickly turned towards where the workers were, noticing the heavy items they lifted. He touched Alagold on the shoulder. “Hey. Could you take pictures of me doing something? I need something to spruce up my Facenote profile.”

Alagold faced his friend with a warm smile. “Totally.”

“W-what are you going to do?” Boo asked, still shaking. 

“This. I’m the strongest toad I know.” Buckenberry lift up a crate with ease and then tossed it several feet, making it shatter on the ground and spill the lichen it contained on the frozen terrain. Impressed, Boo began to pay attention closely.

Back inside the factory, Luigi and Yoshi hauled the crate past working machinery. It was dim and just as chilly as outdoors. Yoshi sniffed the ground but couldn't pick up any particular smells over the abundance of grime littering the floor. They passed by a hammer brother who was looking over a mixing machine.

“Hey, sir! Where do we drop off these ingredients? We're new,” Luigi said cautiously.

The hammer bro turned around, revealing several scars and an eye patch. “I’m always glad to help a fellow Brooklynite! The ingredient drop off is right around that corner. If you need to load a truck, all the way to the left is the drop off for that. Cheers!”

“Thanks!” Luigi finally put the pieces together with the accent he’d heard from the lakitu before. If Lichen Cola had Real World connections, what else were they hiding?

“These guys know about New York?” Yoshi asked once they’d walked away.

“Apparently. That’s odd, but not as odd as this.” They stopped before an area where much larger and heavier crates littered the floor. Printed on some were: ‘cherbil sheddings’, ‘dirt’, and ‘lichen’. There was also a silver vat with ‘citric acid’.

Luigi stopped and felt sick to his stomach. “Welp, if it wasn’t the contaminate issue putting me off of this stuff for good, it’d be that!”

“Right, because they used the shedding from radioactive Cherbils?”

Luigi turned around like Yoshi said something dumb. “No, they include real dirt. How disgusting! Anyway, let’s check out the truck area. If we can find clues on who ordered my can of soda, we might get somewhere.”

Yoshi nodded as Luigi's statement echoed his own ideas. Luigi was always the cleverer brother and if he had to deal with any other hero aside from Mario, it’d be him.

Going around to the truck loading area, they found that the steel mesh fence was open, leading outside to a dirt parking lot. Several trucks with ‘Lichen Cola’ on them were parked and empty crates were stacked around. They put the crate down and split. Yoshi found some crumbs of a ‘peanut butter and toe jam’ sandwich and asked if it was a Brooklyn staple. Luigi assured him that it wasn’t but jotted the clue down on his phone. Luigi found empty cans around, but comparing them to the tampered soda with his namesake on it these appeared to be normal. After more search, Yoshi called him over to a spot on the side where there were some long deep tracks in the mud.

Luigi bent down close. “These are koopa tank tracks, I know them anywhere!” he said triumphantly. “..But I don’t think these guys use tanks so someone else must have dropped by for a pick up.”

Yoshi began to look disapointed. “That could be any crook in a tank though.”

Luigi recorded the tracks. “It's still a clue. Let's check back on the rest on the other side of the building.”

So that's where the two green friends were heading when they began to hear commotion. Their walk became a sprint as they round the corner to find a street fight.

Or dirt parkway fight. 

“I'm catching all of this, bro!” Alagold held the camera steady even if he wasn’t as Buckenberry had a koopa wearing stereotypical geek wear flipped on his back and pinned down. Surrounding them in a semi-circle were a group of young protesters, goombas, koopas, buzzy beetles, magikoopas, and more holding signs against soda companies and shouting.

Luigi gaped. “What the heck happened?!”

Boo popped up from the crate they were hiding in. “They just showed up out of nowhere!”

“But where are the people that work here?” Yoshi asked.

Boo pointed over to a little area were there were some over turned barrels being used as seating. The weirdo workers were present and ignoring everything as before, only now during their lunch break.

“There you are, scum!” A goomba girl with purple hair and piercings broke out of the crowd to rush at Luigi and scream through a megaphone.

Luigi shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“When Fungus Up went down, we realized it was time to make everyone else accept responsibility for their atrocities against taste and humanity!” The other protesters cheered with her, aside from the koopa Buckenberry was still restraining who instead whimpered something about how being a ‘white knight’ was hard.

“But we don’t actually work here,” Luigi said calmly. Yoshi, Boo, and Alagold nodded not so calmly, but the point was still made.

“Are you sure?” a boomerang bro wearing a black trench coat and a trilby accused. “You ARE always pictured drinking Lichen Cola at sports events!” The other protesters agreed.

“No, I gave it up because they use real dirt! Real dirt! Besides, we’re investigating an issue where soda has been contaminated-”

“Uh, excuse me!?” the goomba interrupt. “Are you trying to explain over me with logic? That’s offensive!”

Yoshi slap his forehead. “Okay now this is just plain stupid.”

Buckenberry got off of the nerd. “Yeah it is. I need to fight someone that looks tougher if I’m going to impress women online.”

“How about me, huh?” A whomp in the crowd waddled up and shoved Buckenberry down hard.

“Stop filming! Stop filming!” Buckenberry shout as he was chased around by the one ton slab of social reformer, trying to avoid being squashed.

“Everyone, huddle up!” Luigi called out. They did so, all forming a little circle like in American football, minus the blue capped toad. “We’re in over our heads here so it’s time for my special technique that works 100% of the time when something is too dangerous or stupid for me to deal with.”

“What could that be?” Boo asked eagerly.

Luigi smiled. “I wait for Mario to deal with it!”

* * *

Inside the factory, Mario and Bowser were lead by Jose to his office where he was supposed to be finding for them whatever records he could scrap up with the computers being down. While standing around, Bowser thought of something.

“Plumber, why did you end up locked up anyway? That ain’t your style I know.”

Mario eyed him with some annoyance. “Don’t get your hopes up, It wasn’t anything on purpose just… well.. My work uniform wasn’t always overalls and so, when you bend over sometimes...”

Bowser backed up quickly with his hands out. “Whoa whoa whoa. Stop. Forget I mentioned that.” The Koopa King backed up so much he bumped into Jose.

“You two need a moment?” he asked, dryly. 

Bowser tired and failed to hide embarrassment. “No. Go on, or else!”

Jose opened the notebook. “Yeah... so it turns out something kind of unusual did happen recently. We had an unofficial ‘truck’ marked as privately owned order a bunch of Lichen Cola the other day. We did make them sign before they left.”

Mario observed the odd looking signature. “B-a-d-d-i-e?”

Bowser snatched the notebook and held it close to his face. “Rebel factions use that name in Dark Land to be anonymous but really they can come from anywhere. They’re just punks basically...” In the back of his mind, Bowser also found the handwriting oddly familiar.

Mario began to pace. “-So if this is a criminal thing, it wouldn’t be a stretch to connect them to this resealing business. Maybe they just tainted some cans by mistake and they got mixed up around Toad Town.”

Jose nodded impressively. “Not a bad detective are ya? We oughtta get that computer fixed so we can properly document this stuff with descriptions and whatnot.”

Mario stopped and pouted. “Wait, so you didn’t see any faces or the truck they picked it up in?”

“Nope. Wasn’t working that shift. But I tell you what, if I find out-”

There was a sudden crash then a loud thunk of a brick hitting the floor in front of the building. Jose started to mutter in Spanish as he head outdoors with Mario and Bowser following. Outside they saw the protesters and everyone else waiting patiently with Luigi standing right at the door for them. 

Jose didn’t bat an eye at the scene. “Oh these kind of people.” He yawned and then went back indoors.

The goomba girl stepped forward again. “The soda companies domination ends today! We have flash protesters all over!”

“Waitaminute, I know y'all! They’re some of the Dark Land debate team and they hang out with Wendy O. Koopa!”

Everyone stared at Bowser.

“You sent them here??” Mario asked.

“No… I… Actually I have no idea what’s going on. You can continue your regularly scheduled stupid.”

“Who threw the brick?” Mario asked.

“Me.”

“Why did you do that, Luigi?”

“I figured it’d attract you guys here,” Luigi explain like it was obvious. “Now go ahead and give that rousing speech you were preparing to give at Mushroom College about improving friendly to enemy species relations.”

Mario blinked twice. 

“What are you going to say that will possibly make us not want to scream some more, you mass murderer??” the goomba girl challenged. “I’m Raven by the way and I study social studies at Koopa College. If you’d like to give a recommendation for me that’d be totally awesome since you are Mario and all..”

Mario cleared his throat, confused. “Well...”

…

Bowser, covered in sweat from the long trek away from Lichen Cola, ran onto the moving bus and plopped down next to Luigi and Boo.

“Good idea having that idiot plumber make a fool of himself so that we could make a run for the bus stop.”

Luigi shot up like waking from a bad dream. “So you mean he’s still back there?!”

Yoshi, who sat on the next row, slapped his face, harder. “For the love of-”

Alagold’s face was pressed against the back window. “Oh snap, bro. Here he comes.”

The others rushed to the back of the bus to see Mario running for his life in attempt to catch up with the bus that steadily gained speed. Behind him were the protesters and the usually apathetic Lichen Cola workers, who managed to get offended somehow at Mario’s speech. Honestly, it offended his friends too, which is why they left him. 

“Someone pry this emergency door open.”

Buckenberry brushed past Yoshi to pry it open, breaking off the latch entirely and making the door fall to the road, where it subsequently tripped up Mario and made his face plant against the road.

Yoshi jump out of the bus with a rolling start. He met with Mario and picked him up, but that let the group catch up closely to them. They both got hit on the head repeatedly by broken bottles from the Lichen Cola workers, and some of the protesters were getting dangerously close with pointy picket signs. 

“They need me,” Buckenberry said, fists shaking. He hopped off and promptly got ran over by everyone, tripping them up.

“I don’t see the problem with a bunch of shy guys wearing tutu’s chasing everyone...” Alagold blinked twice as in that moment his medication wore off. “OH MY GOD, BLUE?!” he shriek, hurling himself off the bus to aid Buckenberry. 

Boo turned to Luigi. “Umm. I think I should do something.” Boo jumped off and used their invisibility to help out, only with the close contact their power sort of applied to everyone and now no one on the road could see anyone. All that could be heard were grunts of pain coming from the invisables.

“I have a better idea!” Luigi said, standing proud. Luigi went up to the driver. “Could you please stop for one second? My brother was supposed to be on here with us.”

The old penguin driver with a white beard smiled. “Sure sonny!” 

The bus eased into a stop and with that, Mario, Yoshi, Boo, Alagold, and Buckenberry eventually fought off enough of the protesters and workers to came aboard. Bowser who hadn’t moved gave the exactly one clap of applause. 

Then they all fell out in exhaustion. Luigi stood around in the midst of everyone unconscious. “Well, I guess there’s nothing for me to do but go over the clues!”

Bowser gave Luigi a condescending look like he was a joke.

“Didn’t you learn anything?”

Bowser pointed to him with his thumb. “Yeah. Deal is, you’re a loser.”

Luigi sat in a seat dejectedly. “I guess I’ll work with my own clues then. A Dark Land tank visited at some point.”

Bowser whipped towards him. “Then it was a home grown ‘Baddie’ after all! They ordered the custom case of Lichen.”

“Interesting. So the facts are: We know that only resealed cans are contaminated, meaning that it isn’t the companies but rather someone privately buying them. Someone custom ordered some Lichen cola, including the personalized one I’m holding, and they used a Dark Land tank and went under ‘Baddie.’ One problem. At this point we can’t definitively prove that the people who ordered them are the same that resealed them. We’d better head to Morel Moxie to see what else we can find.”

Bowser again looked at him funny. “Green Mario, where the heck did that detective cap come from?”

Luigi took it off, winking. “And you thought this was just a visual gag!”

 

* * *

The trip away from Fahr Outpost was a long one, so much so that Mario and the rest were back up by the time the bus stop under a street lamp. It was dark now as they observed the plain one story building located on a residential street with other business and even a few homes down the block. On the top was ‘Morel Moxie’ written in neon lights and the inside of the building looked dark. There wasn’t even a car in the parking lot.

“I think they’re closed...” Mario lament. 

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Bowser step ahead to bang on the door. Suddenly a bright flash light was shown on all seven. 

“Halt!” 

They spun around to see the toad security guard with a blue suit and sunglasses at night.

“It’s along story but we just needed info on if someone’s contaminated your soda,” Mario said.

The guard shrugged. “This is just the office and storage distributor. Morel Moxie is manufactured all the way at Mt. Teapot.”

“Well, since you do at least store them here, did anyone under the name of ‘Baddie’ in maybe a tank or something order a bunch recently?” Yoshi asked.

The guard brought everyone to his car that was around back. Opening the door revealed a screen attached to the dash board. “We can see security footage here. I record everything.”

Boo was especially impressed since they were typically so paranoid. “They let you guys do this? Cool, hehe.” 

“Actually… they don’t. But I’m not weird or anything!” he randomly outburst. “Anyway, here’s the time frame matching your description of ‘Baddie’ and ‘tank’. 

Footage played of two sumo brothers loading a cart full of Morel Moxie into a small tank.

Bowser stared stupidly, running his claws through his fiery colored hair. “I know exactly who those numskulls are!!!”

 

* * *

**To be continued..**

Author note: Get ready for… well a different twist!

Originally created: 3/28/18 – 4/7, 5/5, 5/19, 6/18

Revamped: 8/18/18, 8/19/18


	10. From Bowser's Castle, With Love

Events happening during Mario and co.’s trip to and from Lichen cola:

Larry and Wendy still sat in the den, Larry nodding along to music from his laptop and Wendy preoccupied with the Playstation when the pop hit, ‘I’m a Koopa Girl’ played from Wendy’s phone.

“Hello?… No way, sugar! Okay bye.” Wendy hung up, covering her mouth in shock as she turned to her brother. “That was the debate team. My friend just called and Fungus Up went down-”

“I know of such things, now come here!” Ludwig said that the door, jolting them both and making them wonder why he seemed so disheveled suddenly.

The two koopalings followed their eldest brother to the back yard of the castle where their fleet of koopa airships rested. All of the other koopalings were there as well.

“What’s the hold up, nerd?” A disgruntled Roy who still wore his number 4 koopaball jersey asked.

“You know that Kammy has trouble seeing, navigating, and remembering where her teeth are,” Morton said.

Lemmy checked his wrist watch. “Good news everyone. There’s been exactly zero minutes since we’ve been standing here.”

“Lemmy-sama, your watch is drawn on your wrist with crayon. Hey, I should invent a watch that can freeze time like yours!” Iggy said, sounding reasonable for once and then unreasonable in that exact order.

Ludwig growled in annoyance as he stared at the evening sky. “Where is she?!”

“Where’s what?” Larry asked. “I forgot to check your stupid builtin thing.”

“Kammy! She is in possession of our family’s personal airship.”

Wendy giggled. “Oh, yeah. She’s probably hitting all of the posh shops around town. I’d been with her if her taste wasn’t so… I don’t even want to think about it or I’ll get fashion nightmares. Can we go back inside now? I’m getting a tan.”

Ludwig tossed a balled up piece of paper at the female koopa's face, much to her annoyance. “Enough of that, or I will be sending you to go find her! Someone pick up that trash.”

“I’ll do it!” Lemmy sang as he rolled on his ball to get the scrap. He tossed it like a basketball into the nearest grimy overfilled trash receptacle but it bounced off of the top and hit the floor again.

Ludwig facepalm. “That reminds me. Where is our garbage collector?”

Iggy waved a hand. “Oh that! He’s the one we sent with the soda’s right? He hasn’t been back in the castle if you check the time clock.”

“Does that matter, huh?” Roy asked. 

“Yes it does,” Ludwig replied sharply as he marched up to Roy. “There are enough complications with news of Fungus Up going down. We need to head to the princess’s castle and make our ransom case now!”

Once again, the muscle bound Roy grabbed Ludwig in a choke hold to give him a noogie.

“Lame. I’m going back inside now.” Larry turned his back to leave when a large shadow appeared over him.

“Everyone run!!!” Morton shout.

A large doomship dove towards the ground from the skies above with a smoke trail. Everyone promptly evacuated as the ship bumped a tower on top of Bowser’s Castle and crash land in the yard, digging deep into the ground and sending red dirt high into the air. 

Ludwig coughed violently and shook the dust off himself. “What in Eldstar’s name is wrong with that crazy woman?!”

“She shopped till she dropped!”

Ludwig tossed another scrap paper at Wendy as the door of the airship was kicked open and out came the old magikoopa woman with arms full of merchandise. She clumsily strolled where they were, the random shopping and gift bags so large they couldn’t see her under it all.

“Ooh ooh ooh? Did you get me something??” Morton begged right away, following her around. 

She dropped a little pink bag on the ground for him and he scooped it up instantly, ripping it up to get to it's innards. 

“Bubble Candy brand eyeliner in a shade of luscious blue?? Well my style is usually more dark, black, and masculine but no one ever gives me anything so I will accept, graciously, eagerly, heartily!”

Wendy’s eyes were popping out of her head and not just because some dust had got in them. “Kammy girlfriend, you actually went to some neato places like Banana Bird Republic?! Zomg!”

“More alarmingly, why is the airship still on fire?” Lemmy asked. 

“Blast it! Blast it all!” Ludwig ran ahead to dash inside he airship, making Kammy spin in place and drop the rest of the bags. 

“The oil had not been changed before the trip!!” everyone heard him yell.

Kammy adjusted her bifocal lenses and shrugged. “I knew I had forgot something. Oh well, I have an overnight spa reserved for tomorrow, dearie. I'll be needing the ship again later tonight.”

Ludwig exited the ship fuming so much his face, cheeks, and everything else was red hot. “Tonight?! You have all sensors on red, the furniture wasn't nailed down so they are now strolled everywhere, and it smells like takeout. You have delayed our departure by at least several hours!”

“Yay!” cheered the six other Koopalings and one old Magikoopa who wasn't sure why she was cheering, but did it anyway to spite her pompous blue haired grandson. 

 

* * *

It was evening in Toad Town when secret agent Jelectro Bond and the ace reporter Kylie Koopa returned to Mushroom Kingdom East hospital to get to the bottom of what was really going on. With their backs against the wall, Bond made sure the belt was secure around Kylie. The trek straight up was simple enough, aside from the spotlights that move left and right as they swept across the sides of the building, and the laser guided alarm systems which would alert the hospital's security personnel instantly. 

“Thanks, Bond. This is only the fifth time I've done this in the search for a scoop. Least I don't see armed guards this time or hungry chomps. Just in case, I do have a juicy steak in the purse though.”

Bond smiled at her preparation for the task at hand, but not the view upwards, because he was the one walking on the side of the building above her, providing HER the view of his butt. All of a sudden, disaster struck when a blinding spotlight caught them half way up the wall.

“Oh snap!”

“I got this, mon ami!” Bond spun while keeping one hand on the rope and shot at the spotlight with his pistol. It burst and spark, casting darkness over them once again.

“Now let us hurry before they investigate!” Bond said, pressing forward in their gravity defying stunt.

On the roof, the EMT Emery turned down her radio to hear the latest announcements on the intercom. The fog lights had just cut on moments ago and she sat lazily in a lawn chair.

“And now the total amount of Case X patients have come to sixty,” the emergency dispatcher downstairs stated. “Also… this just in: We have lost a spotlight on the west side of the building. Over!”

Emery sighed. She wished something would happen since there had been no airlift patients brought in all day, and she wasn’t permitted to meddle around, though she certainly had anyway. She found that the Case X patients were held in their rooms, some alone, others in groups and all tied down to their beds. All had in common the consumption of various sodas right before the fall out. Emery was so distraught she went straight to her mother but was told to shut up essentially. Little did that matriarch and head nurse know, mostly due to not spending much time with her daughter outside of work, Emery lacked the air of obsequiousness of other toads and did the logical thing. Untie several at once and cause rampages until Emery was caught herself and restrained. 

Now she was back on the roof alone and not fired only because no one wanted to replace her job position, shackled now with a ball and chain. She was suddenly startled by noises near edge of the roof. 

“Who goes there?!” 

“It’s me and we’re here to investigate stuff!” Kylie said as she and Bond climbed over the edge. Neither showed any signs of exhaustion as they quickly abandoned the ropes and belt evidence they had to espionage. They joined her at her station, consisting of the chair, radio, laptop connected to the hospitals’ mainframe and big bulls-eye target for airships to land if that could be counted. 

“Case X? Guys, I already figured it all out!” Emery beamed proudly.

“You.. have, mon ami?” Bond asked, eyeing her curiously. “I am Jelectro by the way, and I see you and Kylie know each other already.”

Emery shook his outreached hand. “Uh huh, we went to college together. Sir, you look like a noki to me rather than a jelectro, but I won’t judge. Not even the sunglasses at night part. I like your style actually, like are you from around here?”

“Yes and no,” he answered truthfully. “What have you found, miss?”

Emery described what she saw in her own words. By the time she was done talking, Bond was already heading down stairs.

“Bond?” Kylie called.

“I will meet back up with you!” he said, not turning back.

Emery sat in her lawn chair. “Whoa!.. That was weird. Who is he again?”

“Just.. a dude that really needs to see a relative I guess.” Kylie could have sworn that he once told her that he didn’t have any family…

“Oh okay. I would have found out more if I didn’t get myself stuck up here until midnight when my mom gets off work. See?” She pointed to the ball and chain. “Gosh, this sucks!”

“It does.” Kylie knew a way out of that sort of thing but thought it best to not get the youngster in anymore trouble. “If you say it’s soda, I’m thinking contamination.” Kylie flipped back a few pages in her notebook. “It hasn’t happened in a while but me and that ol’ Mitch back in the day exposed a few companies who tainted their sealed foods and such, but that was a bit before your time. We couldn’t even afford cellphones then.”

“When was that?!” Emery gasped. “The stone ages?” 

“Close. The 90s, whatta era. Anyway, I doubt these big businesses have fallen into that trap again. Maybe someone on the outside has done it. Think about it. What unites us all together? Young, old, whatever?”

“Watching the Mushroom Bowl on tv?”

“After that.”

“When Zip T. comes to town?”

“No, sis. It’s soda,” Kylie said in a tone verging on annoyance. “They’re super popular and sponsor Mario sports. If don’t care about your health you drink it. If want to pretend to care about your health, you drink it, just in diet. If you’re rich and fancy, you still drink it but you call it ‘pop’ so you don’t sound like us normal poor folk. You said you didn’t notice a pattern among the sick, so someone wanted to target mass amounts of people, and knew exactly how to do it.”

“Wow! That was awesome, but I’d already figured that out because that’s all we drink at school! I even know how the mystery assailant did it. By means of a teleporter to teleport the germs in the can.”

Now Kylie was the one eyeing the young girl curiously. “Umm, well we still need to figure out what’s up with this hospital. You haven’t already figured that out, have you?”

“No, I’ll leave it to you guys. You should probably leave. Like, we have cameras.”

Then, Kylie thought she heard a low growl of a hungry guard chomp.

... 

 

Bond was on the third floor of the hospital in search of Agent N’s niece. The hall was lined with doors and he’d surely be detained before he could search them all. A nurse was came around the corner pushing a cart with a laptop on it playing a video of the Koopa Winfrey show. “You get a new kart!” she said to a goomba family. “You get a new kart!” she then said pointing to a homely looking hammer brother. “And YOU get a kart!” she finally said to a toad family of five who looked like bums with dirty patched together clothes and unkempt hair. (They would later be revealed as professional con artists in post production.)

“I gotta get on this show!” the shy guy nurse said, so preoccupied with his viewing of the magnanimous talk show host that he walked past Bond as if he was invisible.

“Excuse me sir, I’m looking for a young yoshi girl,” Bond said. 

“Room 888,” the nurse droned, never turning away from the computer.

“Excellent.” Bond thought, knowing his powers hadn’t failed yet. 

Inside the dimly lit room were five people strapped down to beds. Bond inched closer. Some lay motionless while others squirmed around moaning, with Agent N’s niece being one of the latter. It became obvious by sight and smell no less, that patient in the room had been tended to for at least several hours.

Bond rubbed between his eyes, feeling sick suddenly. He slipped out of the room and marched straight to the elevator before hesitating.

“Merde,” he lament.

Kylie was also having second guesses. She went straight downstairs to speak to Emery’s mother, but stopped short when she saw the dark mushroom behind the glass receptionist window. It was certainly the right toad, but Nass was looking baleful in the unlit office with only the screen of her computer casting shadows on her normally flat features, now seeming to be permanently contorted into a scowl.

Biting back reservations, Kylie pressed on. She knocked on the glass and Nass’s white face met hers.

“You again?!”

“Well, since I’m in. You might as well answer stuff.”

“You are not a patient and I am not obligated to share any of our secrets.”

Kylie thought she must have imagined she heard that last word. “But, I am actually. You see, my back still hurts from when your two Glitzville rejects tackled me like a pancake! Why aren’t you treating anyone?”

“We are only following protocols from our superiors!”

“Who? Cause it ain’t the princess. I saw you kick her out with my own eyes and I took pictures too, so don’t try nothing funny!” 

Kylie didn’t know what was going to happen next with the glare she received. 

“...Why don’t I refer you to Doctor Professor Koopa? He’s right around the office, thank you,” Nass said icily.

Kylie shrugged it off. “I will. Thanks...”

She found Dr. Professor Koopa’s office locked up and empty, not that she was expecting anything else. Back near the lobby, but out of sight of Nass was Bond sitting down when she returned. 

“The relative is here,” he said with an edge in his voice before Kylie was close enough to sit down.

“Good?… Or is that bad?”

Bond grabbed her arms suddenly but kelp his tone down. “Can I trust you to not reveal to anyone my association with this matter? Someone has hired members of the staff to hold the Case X patients here without treatment!” 

Kylie froze. “How the heck did you figure out that crazier than a dayzee plot?!”

Bond drew a blank for an explanation. Somehow, I used by special alien brainwave technique to read it off of a nurse in passing (telepathy), didn’t seem like an appropriate reply.

 

* * *

 

“It can’t all be traced back to me, right? I never thought about cameras..”

Zoo Diddley then hummed along to the radio for a moment, as if that brief panic attack never happened, while his cab cruised through Toad Town. He was actually the driver, and the cabbie his passenger, but it still was his cab. He’d paid for exactly seventy percent of the tab earlier after all. By the way, his passenger was actually stuffed in the trunk. The windows were rolled down and cool breezes blew that neck tie in the air, now attached to its original owner and hanging out of the back of the car.

“I mean, like yeah, I did deliver it to the two freaks uh, what’s even their name?” Zoo slapped his forehead. “Whatever, I delivered two sodas at the tennis game and then left one at a house. The rest I dumped all at this free drink stand.”

After a while of swerving in and out of lanes, Zoo laughed wildly. 

“You know in Dark Land, this could have never worked. Everyone would have known that a free soda must be poisoned or something..”

He’d always loved how the city looked at night and it went alone perfectly with the talking to himself like a loon. People aimlessly walking the streets, the businesses selling over priced power ups, bums living in boxes, that sort of deal was one thing he missed about living in Toad Town before getting a job at Bowser’s Castle. But, it would be time to get back. He was still on the clock…

Trying to figure out where to go next, Zoo stopped the car where Starman Lane met the far end of Royal Raceway for a moment apparently too long. He saw in his rear view the honking car behind him. The dark boo got out and the driver of the muscle did. The purple pianta wearing a blue jacket towered over Zoo, being at least six feet tall. 

“What’s da hold up?!”

“The hospital must have gotten up and moved since I last lived here,” Zoo said, more to himself than the burly pianta who then shoved him down to the pavement with ease.

The pianta’s passenger in the car, another just like him only with blue skin tossed a two foot long wrench to his partner. Zoo shot up from the ground just in time to be cracked over the head with the over sized tool.

“We bust him up something good, eh?” the wrench carrying pianta gloated before seizing suddenly. The wrench fell from his hands as he grabbed his neck. His face became a pale pink and his black eyes began to bulge. Zoo took that moment to pick up the wrench and bash him in the face one good time. The giant fell backwards, now holding his face and crushed nose. 

“Oh s-” The guy in the car didn’t get to finish the expletive before Zoo broke out the windshield with the wrench, making glass rain on him. The pianta dashed out of the car and ran aimlessly down the sidewalk, shoving past people who didn’t seem to notice or care of what had transpired. Zoo simply tossed the new weapon in the backseat into the cab and drove off as another song he liked began to play.

“So, yeah. Have you even owned a phone before? The Mushroom Press had this cool one.” Zoo frowned as he heard an imaginary reply. “Screw you, then. That’s why you’re stuffed in the trunk. Oh, look! Tourists! I’ll ask them.”

With the sound of something scraping, Zoo pulled on the sidewalk of a playground that was in Toad Town’s park. In the late hour two toad children were sitting around looking bored in the play ground with no parents in sight. Zoo began to smell leaking oil, so he abandoned the car just as the cab’s engine caught on fire. 

“Mister?” The little boy from the sandbox lips quivered in view of the inferno. 

“Hey, uh, where’s the hospital?”

The boy pointed to the left. “Are you okay?!”

The other kid who was older frowned. “Do we need to call someone?” she asked.

Zoo’s head was killing him to the point of seeing black spots in his vision. “Nah, I feel fine. Why are you kids just standing around?”

The two kids looked at each other for a brief second, then the boy pointed again, this time to the broken swing set on the right. It was part of a neat play area with jungle gyms and nets to climb. Almost like a circus... 

“One second.” Zoo rescued the bloody wrench from the backseat and only got slightly burned. “Have fun.” Zoo tossed it to the older girl who could barely carry it.

Not far from the hospital, Zoo simply walked as the kids thanking him became inaudible in the distance.

“I should try this prank again if I ever get a job where I have a phone. I mean, I could have pretended to be something a lot cooler I guess but, oh whatever..”

In the hospital’s parking lot, Zoo spotted Mitch’s Lexus. He knew it was the one. It had that dent Zoo put in the passenger rear door with his motor bike that morning. To think, that green mushroom noticed the trailer he pulled along with it and knew what was really up along with that Susie Que persona, yet here Zoo was all most getting away with all if he could tie up one loose end. Or one in a half. Cowards like Mitch didn’t deserve to be considered obstacles. 

“Hi, Mitch.” Zoo grin inches away from the rolled down window and the toad let out an ear piercing screech of horror. Off it sped out of the lot to Zoo’s not at all surprise.

Just as soon as he walked in, someone was up in his face scrutinizing him for a moment and then giving a thumbs up to the person in the reception window. Nass. 49? Not married. One kid that was birthed late. Red underwear, always. Zoo was never the best cold reader but he got what he needed, namely that he’d have to do something about the broad along with the guy he actually pulled the prank on that morning...

* * *

 

Doctor Professor Koopa had a folder full of contracts and checked his phone every five minutes for news of what was to come. His heart ache both from the constant running around he’d done to avoid the many questions and concerns of his fellow staff, but also out of guilt. He was fully aware that he might not have a job once this was over. Thing was, with the one million coins he’d earn, he wouldn’t need one.

The doctor pulled on the door handle of his office to find it wouldn't open. His blood ran cold as he pulled again and again. 

“Let me assist,” said a short little man, pushing the door open with ease to allow the doctor in.

“Thank you,” Doctor Professor told the man and his companion.

“No problem, fella. In fact, we’ve been waiting for you,” the companion said. Right behind the doctor, she closed the door and locking herself and the man in. They stood with their backs against the door watching him take his seat. In that moment, Doctor Professor knew he’d mucked up.

“Who hired you?!” Kylie questioned.

Doctor Professor put his hands up. “I don’t know exactly. He was anonymous until tomorrow when he would give-”

Bond flipped open the folder, making the papers fly all over the office. One landed right on his head. “He worked for a rival hospital in Giant Land and wanted to ruin the reputation here?? You would really put dozens at risk for that reward??”

As Kylie thought something about that sounded familiar, Doctor Professor sunk beneath his desk. “It was only for today,” he said feebly. “I’ve even arranged for a partner hospital to pick them all up tomorrow and Nass ealier sent for a special agency to pick up two of the more influential that were sick. With our superiors making us drop the Princess’s support, it was only a matter of time before we were out of business any way!”

Kylie went around his desk to drag him up roughly. “You’re the one who dropped her, but as if that matters at this point. You agreed to conspiracy and we caught you.”

A badge emerged from Bond’s flowery shirt pocket. “And now you will be fixing this.”

“CODE RED:: ALL STAFF REPORT TO FRONT!!” the radio said.

Kylie spun towards the intercom. “What the heck?”

“Watch him!” Bond said, speeding back out the door.

Kylie stood near the doctor who shook in fear for a moment. “Now I remember, someone heard of a rumor that they wanted to sabotage you guys at the press and Steve was so proud the newspaper clips are still posted up in his office. People from Giant Land are such jerks. You ain’t from there, are you?”

“O-oh no!”

Kylie was getting annoyed at the constant whimpering. “Aww, keep your tears to yourself. We exposed it and it turned out false. Or… not. Wait, you ARE sure they contacted you, right?”

Doctor Professor leaned up in his seat just enough to point to a memo on his desk, not far from the computer. Kylie saw the number of his conspirator felt herself quake. It was the public phone at the Mushroom Press! Still staring in disbelief, she heard a scream from a young lady not far from the door. She peek outside just in time to see two nurses have to drag a hysterical Emery away. Kylie quickly followed.

“What happened?!” she asked to get no reply. The front lobby was filled with many members of staff crowding around the window where Nass was stationed. 

“Oh my goodness gracious!” one older nurse exclaimed, having to fan herself.

A blue shy guy that was nearest to the window ran away from it, mentioning that he was going to be sick. 

A whomp doctor in white coat and with a stethoscope around his neck waddled around the corner holding a heavy set of keys. He unlocked the door into Nass’s office from the side and immediately began to grumble in distress.

Kylie slipped around the nurses to see for herself. Emery’s mother was head down on her keyboard with a dark crimson pool of blood originating from somewhere under her black hair. Still on the computer screen were charts and graphs like this happened abruptly while she worked. Bond came up behind her.

“She has suffered brain trauma, I feel it, but-” Bond paused. “Wait, go back to Doctor Professor Koopa’s office. Now, mon ami!” 

Kylie followed his orders somewhat reluctantly. Surely the blundering doctor hadn’t gotten the slip so soon. Kylie checked inside to see the doctor also slumped across his desk. She shook him a few times as he just seemed sleep until some blood began to pour from his nose. A chill went down Kylie’s spine as she gasped and backed up. Just then, the door opened and closed like something invisible had step out. She wasn’t sure if her own brain was working at that point when she followed it outside to see the door right next to Doctor Professor’s office open and close. In she barged into the other office, which had a window that was currently opening and closing itself. She heard a curse from a voice and then a whooshing sound. It was a boo.

Kylie didn’t bother with locks, she hurled herself out of the window to land in the bushes. Déjà vu she thought, feeling the prickly leaves and shrubs scrap against her skin. Apparently the assailant thought so too.

“Ouch,” she heard a low voice say.

Kylie sprung out of the bushes just in time to face… ‘Susie Que’.

“Hey, Kylie.” Zoo’s smile faltered. “Oh, dang...” The dark boo ran into the darkness just as police sirens began to blare coming down the street. Before Kylie could give chase, he was gone and she didn’t even get to snap a picture.

 

* * *

In the darkness Princess Peach opened and closed the castle doors as quietly as she could. She ran up to hug Mario, who was just dropped off the bus along with Luigi and Bowser. Boo, Alagold, and Buckenberry were dropped off earlier to their homes and Yoshi to a subway station. 

“I’m so glad you are safe, but...” she let her words trail off when she saw Bowser lingering in the back.

Mario pointed a thumb. “Oh, him. We can explain.” 

“Yeah, he personally knows who might be responsible for the disease knocking people out at your hospital,” Luigi said, feeling great until the Princess frowned.

“It is not my hospital anymore,” she said quietly. 

“What did we miss?” Mario asked.

“We can forget that for now, who was responsible?”

“Bowser? Come on.” Mario motioned. 

Bowser still stood back with his arms crossed. “How do I know I won’t get shot?”

Peach pretend to be offended. “Bowser, I would never resort to such violence! You may share what you have to say.” Behind her back, she gave a sign to the toad that was on the roof belly down, just itching to use his old trusty war issued super scope, but alas it wouldn't be tonight. Or would it?

Bowser came up clumsily. “Uh, yeah so I’d fired two people in the castle who’d been ordering things from Fleabay and shipping it to my castle, stealing, and caught texting too much. Their names are Sam and Slam koopa, two sumo brother twins, and we saw them on security cams doing something with soda.”

Peach nodded thoughtfully. “But what did they do to soda?”

Luigi showed her his can of Lichen Cola. “See that smooth seal on the top? It’s a reproduction. We could never discern a motive however.”

Mario shook a fist. “Doesn’t matter. We have names so now we can start our witch hunt- I mean, our justice enforcement league against them, starting tomorrow!”

“Yeah!” Luigi raised his fist.

“I agree!” Peach was suddenly into it as well. 

Bowser stared in bafflement for a moment, but then submitted his own gesture involving his fist, only directed into Mario’s side which sent him spiraling into Peach’s sandy pathways. Bowser guffawed. “So... we’re all ‘cool’ right now? I mean, at least until the next game or sport or whatever, right?” 

“Sure.” Mario said annoyingly getting up. “I know we butted heads at times, but we managed to make it work. Hey, is that your ride coming to get you?” 

Bowser turned towards the sky, seeing his very own airship heading their way. 

“We really wouldn’t have gotten to this point without Bowser’s soda tip.”

“But I’m the one that collected most of the other clues!”

“I get that, little brother but-”

“I am sure you contributed well, Luigi.”

Luigi smiled smugly. “Thank you, Princess. At least one person appreciates me.”

Now the airship was above them. Bowser stood in one place waiting for the rope to be lowered, though he didn’t remember calling for a ride in the first place. Ludwig Von Koopa appeared from over the edge of the deck with his blue hair and black jacket flowing in the wind. 

"It is I, Ludwig Von Koopa, representing the masterful Koopa Troop!" he announced loudly. 

Other Koopalings and even Kamek peered over the edge with him but it didn’t have the effect they thought it would. Mario and Luigi and even Peach were waving back up at them with smiles.

“I want to express my gratitude to the work of your King today!”

Ludwig stared at Peach like she’d grown another head. “Whatever are you talking about?? Have you noticed what has been going on today, or are you plumb stupid?"

Mario laughed dryly. "He’s my favorite with those empty threats."

“Wendy is mine...” Luigi giggled and waved making the female koopa on the ship flirtatiously wave back until Kamek glared at her.

“Why ain’t you picking me up already?! Am I supposed to jump??” Bowser growled.

"Ah, well uh, we wanted to announce that.. your friends and others around town have the Mushroom Flu and.. uh, if you do not hand over the princess-" Ludwig slap his forehead in frustration.

“Excuse me? I cannot understand you very well with the way you are stumbling in your speech!” Peach said like it was friendly reminder. 

“Yo, they sick cause of us! Now give us the princess so I can go home!” Larry shout in desperation. The others nodded. 

“Because of… wait...” The cogs in Mario’s brain spun as the jovial mood on the ground began to go sour as quickly as the time limit in New Super Luigi U. “But the hospital…”

“We created the virus in our lab and used soda to distribute it out. If you do not hand over the princess right now, you will never get the cure you so desperately need!" Ludwig clarified. “I know nothing of whatever is going on in your hospitals. Why would I?”

Mario slowly spun on his heels to face Bowser, who had been just as surprised as Mario and the gang. “Umm. Bowser, did you know about this?”

The hero and villain shared no words as they stared each other down in a mix of shock and confusion, before Bowser’s features contorted into a deathly ferocious look. "-What my brats meant was, you have until TOMORROW!" he roared. 

Murmuring came from the airship. 

"You heard me! You Mario freaks have until TOMORROW… morning to do something. Now wheel me up, stupids!"

Ludwig was about to protest before Kamek whacked him in the back of the head. "You have heard Lord Bowser. Drop the ladder!"

"See you losers!" Bowser grabbed the chain that was dropped down. The Koopa King was lifted higher and higher into the night sky. Luigi ran Peach inside the castle while Toadsworth, who was the gunner on the roof, fired to no avail. Only Mario stood still, staring into the night sky... 

* * *

**To be continued.**

Author note: The revamp changes a few key points that will be very much worth it once you see season two.

Originally created: 3/31/18 – 4/15, 5/22, 5/29

Revamp: 8/19/18, 8/21, 8/23


	11. Psychopath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of first season

It was a dark stormy night at Bowser’s Castle...

Bowser stomp his foot. “But why the two idiots I fired for ordering junk on Fleabay??”

“I suppose it was to avoid your attention,” Ludwig explained. “You would have to admit that Sam and Slam were excellent bargainers. To elucidate, they acquired some sodas, including ‘reject’ personalized cans. Afterwards we used a resealing contraption to seal the cans after being tainted with a live Mushroom Flu virus. Lastly our garbage collector, Zoo Diddley, left the cans around Toad Town and/or delivered them to targets if a name happened to match up. Simplicity itself, to quote the late Professor Kooparity!”

Bowser paused. “So… there were never specific targets!?” he asked, like the answer would determine how badly he hurt the one answering.

Ludwig felt a sweat coming on. "No, not really. I knew that soda was popular and so I took advantage of everyone’s snack food addiction.”

“But you still went under my nose.”

“Well...yes, but I can stage my own attacks on Mario can I not? It even says in ‘Koopa Kingly Law article xxi’ a commander and chief can instigate a conflict-”

Bowser shot up from the throne. “Shut up! Use that brain of yours since you’re just so smart. What’s underneath my tail right now?”

“The throne, but-”

"This IS the throne ain’t it? Guess that means I’m the king and I call the shots!"

"King Bowser, please remember your blood pressure," Kamek said, entering the throne room and saving Ludwig’s tail, though the koopaling was sure that last part was unintentional.

Bowser sat back down with a roar.

"-Here are your stories.” Kamek handed over a newspaper that Bowser held tightly. “And in all fairness your evilness, we had no idea you were running around with those Mario people all day. You would have known about this had you returned home.”

“Kamek, that’s enough from you too! None of this changes the fact that I didn’t approve of this plan. I mean, the Princess herself could have gotten sick with these random cans everywhere. Both of you get out and Ludwig, get to work on the cure anyway. Tonight!"

Ludwig blinked a few times. “Vater, your dissatisfaction with the execution aside, why would you not continue the plan? The princess will have no choice but to surrender.”

“Because… We’ll never have a tennis match again!”

Ludwig stayed silent in shock, not at Bowser ruining his plan but rather at how much he didn’t care that he was being shut down. The emotional detachment he felt was almost like the idea was never actually from him...

“You have heard our king!” Kamek said, kicking himself out of the door like the servile elder he was.

“As you wish, vater..” 

The heavy throne room door closed slowly behind Ludwig when he left. He would work all night in the lab to fix this mess and tomorrow morning Bowser Junior, who owed Ludwig twenty dollars, would be coming home from his overnight Koopa Scouts field trip, so that was a little sliver of good news..

 

* * *

Mitch’s car was parked off behind some bushes in Koopa Village and Kylie Koopa’s house was only a short walk away. He remembered when she’d first started to rent the small home out. She loved how it sat farther back on the property so ‘people couldn’t go peeping’ as she’d always say...

He shook those thoughts out of his mind. All he needed to do was show her the research he’d done all evening and then she could be the intrepid reporter she always was with a scoop of the century. After a few more minutes of waiting, Zoo Diddley knocked on the Lexus window. Mitch rolled it down.

“Hi.”

Mitch did a double take. “Hello??”

They stared at each other for a moment. “Oh, so you won’t run this time? Whatever. I have business with Kylie.”

“What?? Why?”

Zoo shrugged. “She was really cool at the press so I hate to do this, but I have to make sure she doesn’t snitch. I’m gonna have to ditch town and she just wouldn’t understand.” Zoo went straight for Kylie’s house.

Mitch jumped out of the car. “You can’t do that!”

Zoo whipped around. “Give it up! You can’t stop anything from happening because you’re too useless. What did Kylie ever see in you?”

Mitch lunged and the crafty boo dodged him, making Mitch careen onto the gravel walkway and scrape a knee. Zoo reached out an arm and pain shot through Mitch’s entire body. He gritted his teeth on the ground still, too debilitated to move until thoughts of what the monster behind him might do to Kylie rejuvenated him for one more thing. Mitch stood up with shaky legs. 

“Are you done?” Zoo asked, chuckling.

“Not quite, dude...”

An intense drowsiness fell on Zoo before he could reply. The last thing Zoo remembered was Mitch smiling patronizingly as the world became dimmer. The stars in the sky blacked out and then he saw nothing anymore.

…

 

The young person to Zoo Diddley’s left nodded once, meaning the coast was clear. Zoo pour from his childish some gas onto a bundle of sticks from the woods, old fliers, and other junk the two children had gathered. It was early morning in the Donut Plains circus community where they lived and grew up. Zoo lit a match and engulfed the pile in orange yellow flames. Zoo stepped back, but only a bit. The heat on his face and the chance that they’d get caught any moment felt great.

“Maybe we should be careful, this is dangerous...” Zoo’s step-brother, a Toad with a red cap warned. Zoo’s parents adopted the abandoned toad around the time Zoo was born, so having him as a brother never seemed unusual. It helped that this toad certainly had the personality traits of a boo as well.

Zoo noticed that his brother was looking more uncomfortable by the second so he decidedly extinguished the fire with a bucket of water. Drew always was the ‘smart’ one and their other forms of entertainment didn’t leave such obvious beacons of smoke leading straight to them. The two children head back to their family’s tent. Tonight a local show would happen so all of the adults were busy, leaving the circus children, specifically the ones too young or too unfit to perform, on their own and the Diddley brothers were definitely in the ‘unfit’ category. 

“Do you think,” Drew said as he kicked a few rocks, “we should, umm, check on the cave?”

“Fine, but after dinner.” And with that, the conversation was over until the eight year olds reached their tent. It was larger and more decorated than the rest and had a sign posted saying: ‘The Juggling Diddley’.

Lou Diddley twitched his pink ears as his sons entered. He was a blindfold boo and wore a vibrant blue sparkly outfit with a matching blindfold, his typical getup when amazing audiences with his ability to juggle numerous flaming and sharp objects. But there was more, both brothers knew their father was rarely found inside the tent on a show night.

“Well? Come inside. Both of you,” Lou said once they’d stood at the opening for too long. His normal whisper quiet voice had an edge to it. As Zoo and Drew obeyed, their mother, a red boo entered the tent from the back holding a potato sack with lots of clattering objects in it. This made Drew flush and even Zoo found himself shaken, especially when their mother dumped the contents on the ground. Knives, daggers, and swords spilled out on the floor, some clean, some not.

“D-dad!” Drew sputtered. “We’re so sorry I-”

Zoo punched him in the side and he shut up. Their parents had only discovered their play tools not the cave, a random alcove near the circus camp sight. He and Drew had so much fun there involving the local wildlife critters. So much fun…

“We were just using those to learn your juggling, Lou,” Zoo said coolly. And he didn’t have to lie. They did really juggle those objects, along with whatever else they were strong enough to pick up and toss in the sky, whether it was alive or not..

“Then, why does Sue say there’s blood on some of them??”

Zoo’s eyes dart towards his mom whose job was to take tickets and welcome the diverse group of guests arriving. She hardly spoke yet apparently seemed to be an excellent tattle tell. He always felt deep down she knew about his hobbies, but this was the first time she’d made a move.

Before Zoo could answer, Drew started to cry bitterly.

“ENOUGH! Your mother told me about that cave. Tell me, do you think it’s okay to toss animals into the sky and harm them??” Lou’s tone dripped with disgust and anger. 

Drew started the water works again, as Zoo scowled. 

It was later that day. The sun was starting set, making the sky a mix of purple and orange. The hot temperatures had subsided into a more pleasant if humid warmth and the quiet forest area in the middle of Donut Plains bustled with activity. Lots of people of all ages, species, and financial status came together to see hilarious clowns, death defying stunts, and eat lots of popcorn and peanuts inside of the massive main tent.

Sue smiled weakly as guest walked in and handed her the tickets. It had been a very rough day, but seeing the bright beaming smiles of those who entered the gates warmed her heart. A little koopa wearing a balloon hat was brought in by their guardian. Sue could tell they weren’t from around with their traditional Asian looking garb and the fact that their koopa shells were completely black and smooth like the surface of a stereotypical bomb.

Sue wished them a good show. She sincerely did. 

Later it was the third act and time for the titular ‘Juggling Diddley’. Lou juggled seventeen items: sharpened knives, flaming torches, even a few chainsaws, flinging them high into the sky. No one in the audience knew how he could handle each item of different weight and feel with so much precision and accuracy. Off where no one paid attention, the Diddley brothers sneak in with ease, hiding behind barrels.

“Zoo, a-are you s-sure this is okay??” 

Zoo glared at Drew. “Just stay here while I ring this bell and annoy everyone.”

“Wait!”

Zoo sighed and turned around. “What?!”

Drew struggled to find his words. “Can’t we just.. forget about this? I mean, we could be safer, like, we did almost accidentally get ourselves stabbed tossing those knives and live fuzzies in the sky. Can’t we switch to bowling pins?”

Zoo rolled his eyes, thoroughly annoyed. “Fine… After tonight.”

With that, Drew ducked back for cover while Zoo became invisible and went near the bottom row where crowds enjoyed the show. He tried to ring a small yellow bell that resembled a hologram more than a solid object. He had gotten it from lock picking a chest of his father’s but it wasn’t very loud at all, making a dull thud like noise. Before he could try anything else, the darkness at the top of the tent became a deeper black, then the blackness formed into an oval like shape. A chainsaw that Lou was juggling got too close and appeared to be sucked in. 

It was gone, out of their realm. 

Lou’s rhythm failed once he got to the missing tool and the audience gasped as sixteen items crashed to the ground, the blindfold boo narrowly avoiding getting stabbed, burnt, or worse. That was when the low bone rattling drone drowned out the crowd. Zoo for the first time he recalled felt fear at a deep primal level.

The noise grew louder with the screams of hundred being added as random objects, trash, thousands of popcorn kernels, balloons and even people were sucked up into the black hole. This ‘portal’ seemed to be alive, like something on the other side was choosing it’s victims. 

“What have you done?!” Lou screamed, on the brink of madness.

Zoo wouldn’t be able to question how his father had found him so quickly be his and everyone else's heart stopped when an image of a ‘Dark Star’ descended from the portal...

 

* * *

After tossing a few rocks into the lake, Zoo disposed of a pink little diary that belonged to a room mate at the Do-Gooder’s Boo Community (who thought they were too good to be a Ghost House) he lived at. He was sixteen and had to clean his room, eat at scheduled times, participate peacefully in activities, and resist the urge to maul people, but at least it gave him an audience for various guessing games he was amazing at, at least until a counselor would get on him for ‘gambling’. Finally being off the antipsychotics helped too, as Zoo hadn't had a blackout in a full year. Things were looking up, and when he turned eighteen he could finally leave the pit of despair that was Donut Plains forever. Before he could return to the mess hall, a big boo wearing a ranger hat got all into his face like a drill sergeant. 

“We’re gonna have another conduct evaluation next month and I’ll be watching you closely, Zoo!” Boo Master, one of the counselors barked.

Zoo nodded. 

“Good.” She shoved a broom in his hands. “You can eat with the rest when you do your chores.”

Zoo swept for a while, muttering all kinds of things under his breath. Shortly after he caught sight of a parent bringing home their son Booligan, the last of the couple of trouble causing boos that were mass evicted from the community last night. Now Zoo would have much less excitement in his life and he’d need to find a way to make his own ‘fun’ and fast. 

Ten minutes later Zoo was done and the outside deck of the mess hall cabin was spotless aside from some items in the garden that were rustling and occasionally dropping their leaves. Going around the side of the building to investigate scared away a few goonies, large slow flying birds, that were picking at the vegetables. He got an idea to reach his arms out and concentrate really hard. This would always give him a headache but if he persevered interesting things ensued and to his surprise and wonder, like he’d shot an arrow at it with his mind, the bird closest to him that was trailing behind the rest make a little caw in the sky before it plummeted below to land in some bushes.

He was less ecstatic about that, considering hurting wildlife was exactly what would get him shipped away. Making sure no one was looking he dashed into the foliage and to his relief the avian was still alive, even somewhat viciously flapping and pecking to get far away from Zoo to join its flock in the sky.

With that two minutes of excitement over, he went back behind where the kitchen was to get a preview of the meal for today. Peeking through the back door that was never closed, he saw in the kitchen a boiler of mushroom stew simmering with a steaming bowl next to it. He guess that was the personal portion for their cook, who was busy in the corner playing a Gameboy. Zoo always hated that greedy big boo who ate half of the pot and then claimed that there wasn’t enough ingredients for the twenty five at the camp. (Of course, no one believed Zoo’s accusation.) Worse yet he never shared his videogames, so Zoo gathered up some sand to dump the bowl next to the stew and went out again to come in from the front. Sample that...

One counselor, an Eerie who wore a beat up hat and sung the most badly pitched but catchy campfire songs was doing just that, minus the campfire. Zoo took a seat with other young boos just as his song ‘Ain’t no Flyguys on us’ finished. Boo Master went back into the kitchen for a moment and everyone waited until there was a loud gasp from behind the doors. Many Boos swarmed around the door to murmur and intrigued, Zoo joined to see… that this was one day the cook boo didn’t taste test first. Boo Master was sprawled out on the ground gagging right near the pot while their cook was panicking in the corner.

Zoo slowly inched back towards the mess hall until the eerie counselor called him out.

“Zoo where are you going?”

“It was just sand!!” On impulse Zoo ran out, sprinting towards the fields of Donut Plains for what seemed like forever. Feeling paranoia take over, he knew something threatening chased him relentlessly. He couldn’t see it, but it was always there, even if he was in a grassland that was empty for miles around. Reaching the apex of a hill, he could see Yoshi’s Island below. Feeling there was no other option as the forces against him closed in, he jumped. 

Later that night, Zoo was declared to be okay, namely because he never jumped off of anything other than a small mole hill and he never traveled farther than a quarter of a mile, nor was there any pursuer ever. That was how he was put back on the antipsychotics...

* * *

 

The Diddley brothers crashed onto a bench with a fresh cold Chuckola Cola in both hands. After being estranged for fourteen years, last year they happened to stumble upon each other around Toad Town and hit it off to each of their surprise.

“What would you like to try next? Or ride next, rather?” Drew asked, all grown up and looking like any other typical toad, except apparently this one was about to be ‘president’.

Zoo had in mind Pinna Park’s ferris wheel, and since the sun was down and the children would supposedly be passed their bed times, it spun twice as fast as a nod to an odd glitch it developed once. Up until then, the brothers were riding kiddy rides. 

Massive fire works went off, drowning out Zoo’s reply. They quickly found that amusement parks were one thing they could schedule with their very different lives and have equal enjoyment from it. Zoo lived in Toad Town, independently, kept himself in check mostly, and had a new job lined up. In fact-

“Did I tell you I’m going to move to Dark Land?”

“The cost of living there is cheap.. Maybe you won’t have to borrow money from me so much now.”

Zoo laughed dryly. “We’ll see. I’ll be working inside Bowser’s castle. They took my application and I didn’t even have to use a fake name.”

Drew turned to Zoo quickly. “What exactly will you do?”

Zoo shrugged. “Menial stuff. I ain’t about to join a war and get my brains stomp out by any plumbers.”

“Good.” Drew turned to the fireworks again. Red, purple and blue lights dazzled in the sky. 

Even through his flat expression watching the light show, Zoo could tell that Drew seemed happy, a mere shadow of his disposition as a child though there were still the similarities. He always knew Drew would grow up to be either a doctor or a complete and utter weirdo, so he was glad Drew managed to make both of those things work out somehow. Zoo had his own milestones to be proud of. He hadn’t killed anyone since ever, even though he could with a wave of the hand using his special invisible death ray like biomanipulation. Drew’s easy and unquestioned acceptance of Zoo’s abilities were another reason the two could get along like they were never separated. The only annoying thing was when Drew would bring up their aging parents, whom Zoo could care less about, really...  


* * *

**__**

**_Stars and fate_ **

_...Was a tricky subject. Many, especially those from the Mushroom Kingdom would explain with great detail and conviction that Eldstar worked to keep the world in balance. No matter what happened, the stars were with everyone and all would be well._

_However, people of Dark Land and independent nations would call that notion rubbish. A part fairy tale, a part speciesist and nationalistic concept. How dare the Mushroom Kingdom and their allies claim that the stars protected solely them?_

* * *

Bowser’s castle had about a hundred job opportunities. Half were militaristic and the other domestic, some temporary, some seasonal, and some made up on the spot, because Bowser never really had records of anything. As the garbage collector, Zoo was working another dirty morning shift when he shoved aside some propaganda posters and saw a yellow note from Prince Ludwig Von Koopa. The note was titled:

‘Wonderful ideas of my own that are slightly not wonderful enough to be useful:’

1\. Lure Mario to the castle my means of free pasta? No, we must first make the pasta and I would never touch the stuff. My family cannot be trusted to not burn water. That includes Iggy, who has indeed burnt water before in the lab. Scrapped. 

2\. Buy out the Mushroom Kingdom Art Museum? It is quite drab as confirmed by me when I visited it under disguise. If we buy it out we will be legally able to occupy the museum with our soldiers and I could update the museum’s art, music, and history sections and then… That does not get us any closer to destroying Mario does it? Scrapped!

3\. Make use of the virus samples that are taking up space in the refrigerator. Bowser Junior has already almost spread them on his toast twice, despite the warning labels on them. We have dino-pox, goomba cough, and mushroom flu on standby. Mushroom flu is most promising as the strand in our possession has mutated, making the current cure as invented by Doctor Mario useless. I suppose we could develop the cure and hold it ransom for the princess. No wait, bad idea. A cure for a newly mutated virus might take a long period of time and our ransom idea would fall apart if denizens perished in the process. So it is agreed, this is very scrapped!!

4\. Dresses. Yes, we steal the elegant dress garments of the princess and-”

...

“GET UP.”

Everything was cloudy, was he in bed? Zoo knew he was, because the covers were over his face and the stiff slab like bed was beneath him. He threw them off to only see around him the deepest black he’d ever seen, like a vortex that would suck him in. In the direction that used to be the door leading out of the cramped living space was now a silhouette with spires stretching infinitely in five directions. Had he seen it before? 

Ludwig passed Zoo while he spaced out. “What is it, underling? You are in the way of me disposing of this garbage.” Ludwig held in his hand a can of soda.

Zoo blinked. He wasn’t anywhere near his room, in fact he was half way across the castle in an area designated for royalty and high ranking soldiers, complete with tiled floors, wall decorations of koopa generals, and no sign of mildew anywhere. “How did I get here?”

“You should be the one giving me that information!” Ludwig snatched a yellow paper out of Zoo’s hands. “And give me that!”

“Yes sir, I guess.” Zoo wouldn’t know how he’d sleepwalked or what was the significance of Ludwig’s interest in his own trash until-

* * *

 

Zoo floated backward, eyes wide. “-No way! I don’t know anything about that.”

Mitch had the same expression. “Well if it wasn’t you then… what was that?”

Zoo tackled Mitch back down on the pathway. “No, what did you do to me?!”

Mitch shook his head slowly. “There’s a famous guy in Nimbus Land who taught me ‘Psychopath’. That’s what I used. Dude, you can’t run. I know all about you.” 

“And so.. now what? They send me back to an insane asylum?? I don’t freaking think so!!!” Zoo screamed over him. Right after, Mitch felt an all too familiar pressure and heat behind his eyes, worse than ever before.

…

Jelectro Bond’s Aston Mushroom drove down Pleasant Path and then to Koopa Village. It was midnight and they were coming from Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, having to go through all sorts of hurdles to get out that very strange situation since many had caught them both at the scene. Kylie did her best to protect Bond’s identity, and the secret agent’s plainness helped as well. Kylie was now half asleep in the car.

“Mon ami,” Bond whispered. He shook Kylie gently as he stopped the car in front of her house. “Please stay here. I need to check out this area..”

Kylie opened one eye once he was gone. “As if.” She got out and took a few drowsy, but cautious steps.

"Kylie.. is that.. you, babe?" a weak voice asked. 

Seeing almost the exact scene with Nass all over again was like someone splashing ice-cold water in her face. The toad lay there bleeding but with no apparent injury. She swooped down to hugged him closely. "Mitch?! You went up against that psycho Susie, didn't you?? I’m so sorry! I saw him or her and- and-"

“Already on it,” Bond said, standing near. “Emergency services are on their way. Also you should… notice this.”

Bond picked up Mitch’s journal that was tossed aside and Kylie took it from him, hardly able to use her normally excellent night vision due to her tears. The first page she turned to had one really odd sketch that Mitch must have used half of his ink to draw. On the next page was ‘Zoo Diddley’ written in spidery lettering. That was it.

Bond put a hand on her shoulder, catching sight of that second page also. “I am sorry.”

As the sound of a siren in the distance became audible, Kylie stood up and turned to him. "You’re like Mitch and ‘Susie’ or Zoo I mean, aren’t you?”

Bond paused. “Yes I am.. How did you-”

“I thought so, I mean, that’s the only way it’d make sense. Mitch never really told anyone about his super powers but me back in the day. He was super protective of his own yet he did so many projects on it and was always so obsessed with others like him.” She held his journal to her chest and never opened it up again for the rest of the night.

**To be continued...**

* * *

Author note: END OF SEASON ONE! Don't worry, a new day and new adventure (get the hint?) awaits our heroes and villains as they deal with Case X and beyond. 

Originally created as ‘The Memory’: 3/26/18 -5/8.  
Rewritten 5/10, 21, 6/1, 6/20  
Revamp: 8/24/18, 8/26, 8/27

References:  
-Koopa Kingly law was a reference to Frenemies Forever chapter twenty.


	12. New Day, New Problems, 2nd Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I skipped uploading this. From this point on, things are definitely T rated. See bottom notes

****

**April 4, 444 CE**

Famous events that happened on this day in history:

-Yux first spotted on moon  
-Peanut butter and toe jam sandwiches invented  
-Chancellor Toadsworth was born  
-In Sarasaland, ancient explorer Zheng Koopa discovered a yellow crystalline noise making artifact. Old World Sarasaland civilization collapsed soon after.

* * *

 

“Look what I made. Your favorite, bro!” 

Luigi slid a plate full of steaming pancakes covered in maple syrup across the table to Mario. He’d beaten his brother out of bed by twenty minutes or so for once. The elder plumber rubbed his eyes before accepting the plate and digging in. While they were eating, the radio tuned in to WMUSH first detailed some news about ‘gangs in Toad Town’, then in a talk show section asked the question, ‘Is it better to be relevant or real?’ 

Luigi slid his empty plate aside. “What were you and the princess talking about last night?” 

Mario yawned. “MK East were ran by hacks who thought they were being blackmailed by another hospital, but authorities couldn’t find any evidence of that actually going on, and the two ringleaders of it all were attacked and are in the hospital themselves. Prison hospital... They have no idea who did the attacking.”

“What about the sick??”

“The Case X patients were sent to MK Hospital South, not that that’s doing much. The standard cure for Mushroom Flu doesn’t work.”

Luigi thought for a moment. “So… we absolutely need the cure Bowser is offering then.”

Mario eyes dart up from the breakfast to him. “No… Never!”

“Then how-”

“I don’t know what game Bowser is playing, but he wont’ get away with it.” Mario got up from the table and went in the bedroom, closing the door.

Luigi got up stood outside it, shocked by the outburst. “Mario, you don’t really think Bowser was stringing us along all day, do you?”

Luigi thought about the clues: Bowser WAS the one to point out the tainted soda that belong to him, he did do anything entirely antagonistic while with them when he easily could have done so, and most importantly he ratted out his ‘own’ accomplishes. He wouldn’t call Bowser innocent, but there was certainly more to it all.

Later Mario came out fully dressed and so without much speaking between them, they took the Mach bike over to Peach’s Castle to deal with a Bowser complication for the umpteenth time. 

* * *

After getting a tip from his police radio, Jelectro Bond arrived at the train yard at 8 am. The sun was low in the sky and dew drops were in the grass, though it sparse in the area. Bond’s Aston Mushroom was given a quick look by the local police before they quickly rushed him.

“Sir, this is a crime scene.”

Bond pretend to seem lost for a moment. “Mon ami, but I own stock here! See that? I just want to check it before it departs.” Bond pointed to a train car on a rail that had, ‘Gold Bars x3’ on it, intentionally using his left arm to point, which had his shiny Rolex Submariner on it. Combined with the fancy car and casual wear of a green Hawaiian shirt, he had the perfect image of a rich but clueless guy.

The toad officer flushed. “I’m so sorry sir! Umm, just stay away from the taped area.”

Bond began to walk towards ‘his’ expensive shipment cart with his attention actually directed a few rails to the left. There was a young koopa officer with a completely white face speaking to a spike detective with a trench coat and hat.

“Go around that train right there if you want to see. It ain’t pretty,” the officer told the spike.

Bond crawled under the locomotive to reach where few other officers and investigators were gathered closely. With his short stature, he had no trouble seeing pass their legs to the body on the ground. It was a goomba engineer with powdery brown skin, eyes dead and wide, and his mouth hung open. Laying only a few inches from his gape was a pink and red bloated looking organ with a trail of bile colored liquid. 

“That’s his liver,” A raspy sounding crazee dayzee officer told the detective as he wrote down some notes. “It was squeezed out of him but his body doesn’t have a single bruise on it, aside from maybe when he fell over dead. This will make the tenth homicide just this morning..”

Bond rubbed his tired eyes. 

* * *

**Bowser’s Castle**

Iggy was walking down the long dark stairway to the lab, listening to the soundtrack of ‘Koopa Ball Z’ on his MP3 player. The mad scientist had gotten the exactly two in a half hours of sleep he always got and felt great. His agenda for the day involved getting his ‘womanizing spray’ formula out of the prototype phase so that maybe he could finally have a girl to take with him to the comic con that was coming to Glitzville where he planned to get his physical copy of ‘Death Streetpass’ signed. 

He paused the music to wave when he saw his brother down stairs. “Hey, Luddy-sama. What’s shaking this morning?”

“Unfortunate events,” Ludwig groaned as he twisted a crook out of his back. “I spent all night here and I cannot remember a thing!”

Iggy met him at the bottom. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“Never mind, you surely have the backup notes that I always give you, correct? I know you have them. I usually put them under your pillow whilst you are asleep.”

It was no easy feat, but Iggy was weirded out. “Umm… You only told me to contact those people King Dad fired, Slam and Sam, who now work in the video game store ‘Play N Tirade’ by the way. The rest you did all on your own. Also I really don’t think you’ve been in my room recently or you would have commented on my giant Princess Rosalina Queen of Space figurine with removeable-”

“Shh!” Ludwig’s hand covered Iggy’s mouth. “You have just said something slightly not stupid! I did do it on my own, did I not? So independent was I that I failed to mention any of it to Vater.”

“Mm mm mm!”

“Iggy, you scintillate today! Correct, I followed no usual procedure of mine in anyway, down to the sneaking into your room at night.” Ludwig dug out from his pocket a crumpled yellow note with dozens of ideas written on it. “What is notable here to you?” He removed his hand.

Iggy slid his glasses close to his face. “I see by that faint liquid ring that you used the yellow memo pad that Kamek uses as a drink coaster and that you used that same fountain pen that Morton chewed on one time because it leaks, also you must of been holding the pen too tightly and your arm got tired, because you switched hands halfway through?”

Ludwig ripped the note apart. “Actually the point is, I threw it in the garbage! This Monday, our garbage collector was lingering around with that note and I hardly remember anything since then. In eliminating the impossible, it could only be that he did something to my sense of judgment. Why would I want you to contact former employees of the castle? Why would I use soda? Why would I get out of bed this morning without combing my hair? Come here.”

Ludwig brushed pass Iggy to climb the steps.

“But, my womanizing spray!”

Ludwig stopped. “Iggy, if you do not direct your attention to greater matters, like fixing this mess, there may not be any females left to be... ugh... attracted to you!”

Iggy yanked the earbuds from his ears. “Say what?!?”

“Let me rephrase. If you do not wish to help, remember that I control the server with your countless wasted hours of data on it… And your live streams!”

Ludwig sprinted up the steps before Iggy could retaliate.

...

Bowser was finally starting to relax in his hot tub when his bathroom door swung open and all of the steam in the room was sucked out, revealing a certain little tyke.

“Hey pops, look what I made!!!” Bowser Junior wore and army green colored Koopa Scouts uniform with dozens of badges pinned on it. His heavy backpack was still on his shoulders and jutting from it were flags, posters and other knickknacks. It was a miracle he could tote it all and still bounce about the bathroom like he’d consumed a spring mushroom. 

Bowser sighed under his breath before trying to look cheery. “You’re back! How was camp, son?”

“Good good good! It was so so cool!”

“Okay, so why don’t you play in your room while I-” 

Junior bum-rushed for the tub holding a glass container. “Look at my ant trooper farm!!! They’re all poisonous, isn’t that cool?!” Leaning over the edge of the tub, Junior pressed the ant farm into Bowser’s face, who gently pushed it back.

“That’s great Junior. Now listen, things went down Friday so we’re going to have to head over to Peach’s place in a little while. Remember her?”

“She’s that woman you dream about that never dates you!”

Bowser slapped Junior, making suds splash everywhere before he remembered that Junior was supposed to be the ‘favorite’ of his kids. “Sorry son.” Bowser rubbed the red spot on Junior’s cheek, who quickly jerked away and crossed his arms. 

“I know what that blonde bimbo wants and it ain’t you dad! I’m short, not stupid.”

Bowser growled, rumbling the room almost.

“I agree Vater, that is a sacrilegious venture, besides we all know Junior is both short and stupid!” Ludwig stood in the doorway. Thin perspiration was visible on his forehead.

“Not you too,” Bowser leaned on one of his elbows. “Can’t a koopa have a bath in the morning?”

“Not when Luddy-sama knows my VPN passcode!” Iggy ran inside and tackled Ludwig. When he hit the floor a number of objects few out of his jacket pocket, some makeup, a little glow in the dark stick, shutter sunglasses, a pocket thesaurus, and some portable DJ headphones. 

“Ludwig!!! Give me back my ‘Douchebag and Cabana’ powder foundation kit!!” a feminine voice screeched from outside the room.

Right then, the rest of the koopalings barged in.

“If you do not return my miniaturized thesaurus, I will never find out what bigger and better words I can use to impress my new pin pals on Facenote and Instaham! I will be a simpleton, stupid, Leston!”

A buffed out Koopaling crossed their arms. “Listen up, nerd. Give me back my new shades or else. They’re gonna get me all the babes at school!”

“Ludwig, why did you take my glow stick? Now all of my stuffed animals can’t have their sleep over and they’re sad,” someone bouncing on a ball said.

“Yo, I hate all of you. I used Wendy’s credit card to buy those audiophile grade ‘BATES’ by Dr. Greg headphones so they better not be broken.”

Wendy got in Larry’s face. “It was YOU who put that charge on my ‘Masterplan’ card?”

Larry gulped just as the rest of the koopalings started their protests against Ludwig all over again.

“SHUT UP EVERYONE SHUT UP!” Bowser bellowed. “You are making me VERY ANGRY and now my bath is cold. What’s the meaning of this ‘brat’ reunion?”

Ludwig picked himself up from the ground. “You may be wondering why I gathered you all here.”

Roy snorted. “So we could beat up a pompous, supercilious, blue haired freak like you in one convenient location?”

Morton turned to Roy. “Did you read my thesaurus?” 

“Umm, totally not, punk!”

Bowser growled.

Ludwig got himself together quickly. “Okay, so I was unsuccessful in developing a cure last night and my theory is that my mind was compromised by our renegade garbage collector. By the way, he did not turn in for his shift this morning might I add. I suggest the most rational course of action: request the help of some conveniently hardy mules- I mean, Mario and his associates to help us in the difficult process of obtaining parts of the cure I’ve hidden around the Mushroom Kingdom.”

Bowser stared blankly. “But why did you do that?”

“Please do not question what my late night sleep deprived self that often sneaks into Iggy’s room is capable of! Besides you cannot hide anything in Dark Land. The lava melts it, duh.” Ludwig shrugged.

Everyone was mumbling and grumbling except for Junior, who had no idea what nonsense he’d came home to.

* * *

Mushroom Kingdom Hospital South was an old western style three story building with a hooded porch located at the foot of Mt. Rugged. There were a few cars in the parking and lots of yoshi carriages. Otherwise the area was barren. The wheels of the MKDCU van crawled to a stop in front of the entrance, causing the janitor that was outside mopping the porch to take notice. 

“What in tarnation are you doing ‘round here, Billy?” a red shelled koopa troopa janitor with a long gray ponytail and blue smock asked. 

Parabilly rolled down the drivers window. “We’re here to make sure you’re not procrastinatin’. Missed a spot there!” 

James hopped out of the truck from the passenger side. “So this is that twin brother Probabilly, huh?”

“Yup.” Probabilly dunked the mop inside the bucket. “What brings you all city folk down here?”

“We don’t want to step foot in Toad Town again after what happened..” James answered vaguely. “Anyway, here’s da crew.”

“Yo,” Richard mumbled. He got out of the car with Wiggletron and Sebastian also exiting the back seats.

“Is dis really where they rounded up all the Case X patients? What’s the report?”

Probabilly shrugged at James. “All I know is that I’ve been mopping all day. Once word got out that soda was tainted, folks lost their dern minds pouring it straight out of the cans to the floors, spitting it out, and worse!” 

Probabilly went back to work as the MKDCU entered the hospital. The lobby was set up much like a saloon, complete with bar tables and barrels everywhere. Mounted on walls were taxidermy (despite unsettling implications in an anthropomorphic world), empty and dusty glass bottles, random ‘yoshi wrestling’ trophies, and pictures of the staff holding record holding cheep cheeps on fishing docks.

“Howdy ya’ll!” greeted Rou T., the front desk Toad girl. She was young, maybe a freshman in college, and two blonde ponytails stuck out from under her cowboy hat. Her desk consisted of a fold up table with a computer on it and a La-Z-Boy she sat in.

James showed her a badge. “We’re gonna need a full report of the transfer, see?”

She typed a few things into the computer, which had a Mushroom rebel flag set as the background wallpaper. “We have ‘bout fifty folks here from that Case X business, and a few regulars.”

“The medical records from Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East verified there were approximately sixty,” Wiggletron said.

Rou T. typed something else in. “Sorry folks, I forgot! Our head nurse, Sheriff Jr. Troopa, sent a few to the Special World Hospital!” 

“Daaaaang, that place is crazy!” Richard said.

Sebastian nodded. “And my friend’s cousin’s uncle’s barber got sent there and never came back!!”

“I have studied detailed accounts of their endeavors, and it does not bode well for any patients involved,” Wiggs said gravely.

“Hold it boys,” James said to his crew. He slapped on the desk a help needed advert torn from a newspaper. It promised payment of real gold coins for licensed medical practitioners to help out at the rustic hospital. “Dis still applies?”

* * *

Several robotic drones, resembling metallic flying mushrooms with arms, wheeled a hand full of ‘Case X’ Mushroom Flu patients through the metal folding door of the International Medical University of Special World. The red capped toad, suited in a white doctor coat with black pants and his head lamp off centered, that stood off to the side frowned when he realized there were no more than ten to check off the list. He was Drew Louis Diddley PhD, or Dr. Toad, the current president of the hospital.

“Sheriff, didn’t we talk on the phone about this?”

Junior Troopa, wearing a black cowboy hat, strolled over to him. “Yep. Sure did, partner. Ten. Just like you agreed.”

What was actually agreed were about half of the sixty confirmed cases of Mushroom Flu, if the records at MK East were to be relied upon, but Dr. Toad froze up. Jr. Troopa was just being the brat he always was and he didn’t realize that he needed this opportunity to study Mushroom Flu patients because of its signature ‘coma walking’, Dr. Toad reasoned. (It revitalized areas of the brain even if they were degraded, like what could happen due to old age...or dementia.) His attention was then brought to a taxi pulling up before the hospital, presumably ‘associates’. It wasn’t like there were any other buildings around they could be visiting.

“Stop dreaming, Drew. We’re pack’n up. Yee-haw!” 

Dr. Toad’s eye twitched. “ _It’s Doctor Toad_ , but thanks anyway. I guess this will be enough for both a control and testing group for I and others involved in the project.”

“It’ll be enough alright. Sharing is caring! After all, you ARE just making them comfortable and not doing mad experiments based on some wild theory you got, right?” Jr. Troopa asked, nudging him.

“Definitely.”

“Good! See ya around!” Jr. Troopa head back to the Southern hospital’s helicopters that were parked in front. They were unmarked so they must have been rentals. Maybe he wasn’t a brat after all if they were willing to rent aircraft for their sake..

Morris, or ‘Professor X-naut’ and his assistant Johnson came up from the taxi, arms filled to the brim with papers and folders.

“Hello, my dear fellow! I hope that I am not late,” Morris said, with the assistant close behind.

“No, not at all, rather. They just arrived. Umm, didn’t you get my text?”

Morris turned to Johnson, who nodded. “Oh right! I did not pick up my cousin until thirty minutes ago. Until then he was in his primary school with the phone powered off.”

“I see. You know, this sort of thing wouldn’t happen if I could contact you through your own cellphone.”

“Me owning a cellphone? Good one! That was just as funny as that comedian I saw yesterday…” Morris and the assistant made their way in. 

There was nothing more to do than to join them. Dr. Toad shut tight the metal doors and once more the hospital was isolated from the outside world. Dealing with Troopa had tired him out socially and thus he needed coffee. He went down a few hallways on way to his office when something buzzed in his jacket pocket. 

“Hello.”

“Hello??” There was static in the background. “Drew! I know you said to not call you at work but I need a place to hide. Please..” a lowish kind of dry sounding voice begged.

Dr. Toad stopped in his tracks. “Excuse me??”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m kind of banned from Toad Town now and even worse, I just woke up and saw dead people!”

“What??” 

“I know, bro. Don’t ask how he pass, he was just there when I woke up, but he did have this cool cell phone. By the way I’m in a train and I’m hungry and this dead guy only had one stick of gum and five dollars on him,” the voice said matter of factly. 

The toad doctor found reason to be relieved, even though no sane person would be. “How much trouble are you in on a scale of one to ten?”

“Probably one-hundred,” the voice answered seriously.

Dr. Toad felt a chill. “Oh… Knock on the left side of the building when you get here. Okay? Bye.” Dr. Toad slipped the phone into his jacket pocket.

“Drew, are you alright?” Morris asked, making Dr. Toad jump.

“Uh, sure. It was nothing. What’s wrong?”

“I left my medical bag in your office. I just wanted to catch you before you were whisked away into some board meeting.”

Dr. Toad led him to his private office, locked up very well as he couldn’t stand the idea of people going through his personal things. Inside was sparse with his oak desk, basic chair, a few charts, a file cabinet, and Morris’s ratty bag setting on the desk, which was promptly ignored by its owner.

“You did not tell me you acquired a new painting from Pablo Pizzacaso, the world famous painter and plumber!”

The X-naut PhD’s attention was on a medium sized watercolor featuring two humanoid figures beside each other. The image was split down the middle: the left with a background consisting of black, blue, and purple hues. A figure stood like a silhouette, dark and blending in. The right side had lighter colors, red, orange, and yellow, but the figure was still black like a silhouette. ‘Divided’ was inscribed at the bottom of its red frame.

Dr. Toad felt a sweat coming on. “Oh you mean that. Umm, actually it's mine, or I painted it rather. Yeah, I spent the past week working on it at home. So.. what do you think?”

“It’s quite good. What does it mean, however?”

“It’s kind of personal. But thank you I guess,” Dr. Toad said, meaning it.

Morris turned around with his hands clasped. “Fair enough... Do you ever go out? You hardly leave the hospital and being the new young president does not mean you must live here. Let me check if I have coupons for my other job at Club Gamecube.” Morris picked up his bag and dumped the contents, syringes and other rusty medical tools, on the desk. Dr. Toad winched as it put gashes in the wood. 

“Ah!” Morris held up a wrinkly coupon. “Buy one family special and get a free entree.”

“We really should get going.”

“Fine,” Morris grumbled as he stuffed the equipment back in the bag. “I am just trying to help as a friend. It’s unhealthy to stay in all day. Very unhealthy, like the electromagnetic fields from phones, airship chemical trails, and gluten products. Oh, if you ever stop by, we put on shows. This dark boo named ‘Z’ or something, tore the place up with this jokes about Bowser’s Castle and how he could embarrass people on stage with furtive details he already knew about them.”

Dr. Toad grabbed him by the collar. “What did he look like???”

Morris laughed it off. “Young, a few scars, kind of like a delinquent. Maybe he will stop by again, don’t get so wrapped up!”

Dr. Toad let go and inched back. “Y-you’re right,” he stammered. “Sorry I- Uh... Let me grab some coffee and I’ll meet you in the lab...” 

* * *

Toadette marked things off on a clipboard. A Bowser attack or not, the castle still had to run itself. With Toad ill and Toadsworth retired, general management fell on the castle manager: namely her. Consequently she got up early and was constantly glancing at clocks and watches and schedule boards and down the halls and up the halls and even at the security cameras facing the castle’s moat to make sure things were running right. Judging by the fact that a small fire broke out, the basement had a slow water leak, and no one even knew where the cleaning supplies were stored, they weren’t.

Deep breaths, Toadette told herself. The Princess late last night gave her permission to invite a trusted intern to help run the place and the ding noise behind her meant that he was right on time. The elevator opened up, complete with white steam pouring out. 

“Ready for adventure!” Captain Toad announced. He had a plain and youthful face, suited up with hiking clothes, a red scarf, a large backpack, and a head light. Toadette was familiar with him from a few treasure hunting adventures they’d been on and his rescue missions involving space.

“Hi Ms. Toadette,” he greeted, flashing sparkly white teeth. “I understand you need a brave warrior on the field?”

“If by field you mean the castle, sure. Where is the rest of the brigade?”

Captain Toad pointed to his right bicep. “Right here is all we need. That, and I sent them on vacation. May I ask what I need to do?” 

Toadette hid the clipboard behind her back. “Let’s see… are you good at putting out fires, general plumbing work, and locating cleaning supplies?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.”

They went upstairs the very few weekend staff were scarce knowing that Bowser would be showing up. Toadette only saw Buckenberry and Thomas the castle’s front door guard. The guard was off to the side talking looking nervous and Buckenberry was heading right to them.

“So you’re up to your job now?” he asked, addressing Captain Toad.

“Indeed I am! I’m going to keep you all in order during another daring adventure.”

“...Actually your task is to help keep order INSIDE the castle.” 

“Oh of course, Ms. Toadette. That I will do,” Captain Toad recovered smoothly.

“-Besides Blue, I knew you and Gold would be busy outside with the Marios when Bowser showed up and then probably off on an adventure or something afterwards. Captain will be gone by the end of the day. Wait, where’s Gold?” Toadette looked around. 

Buckenberry lost the defensive stance. “I don’t know, he was still in the bed when I left the apartment. I woke up this early morning and he was blowing chunks in the bathroom.”

Toadette made a face. “That was a bit too much info..”

Captain Toad faced her. “He could be suffering food poisoning or a virus. Or a mushroom overdose.”

“No one asked you,” Buckenberry said sharply. “Enjoy your indoors adventure, buddy.”

Captain Toad’s face never changed from a wide, if not mischievous, grin. “I will, Mr. Buckenberry. Trust me.”

Just then everyone heard the low roar of a Koopa Airship. It shook the entire castle and cast a shadow over it that could be observed from the front foyer and mezzanine windows. The front door swung open to reveal Luigi’s worried face.

“Bowser’s here!”

Buckenberry head outside with Toadette (and Captain Toad) keeping a close eye out from the safety of the windows.

Mario and Peach stood right were the moat coming from the castle met the sandy ground. Their hair and clothing blew in the wind as Luigi and his toad companion joined them. 

“We’re giving Bowser the big news,” Mario told everyone, his eyes not departing from the airship that steadily drew closer. This one wasn’t the royal koopa family’s typical ride. It looked worse for ware with sour looking wooden boards and lots of squeaks in the air as it made it overhead and landed right near the lake. Yellow dust stir up and emerging from it was King Bowser himself with a black cloak on that flow in the breeze still being generated from his ship. 

“Attention Mushroom idiots!! And of course my lovely Princess...” he added at the end in a softer tone. “You remember the ultimatum from last night, right?” 

“We do,” Mario answered.

Peach stepped forward to meet the king. “Bowser, let us be brief. You have affected my entire kingdom with your malicious ransom plots and deadly alchemical ways, but we will not play your twisted game. We are hopeful and we trust in the stars. The answer is no.”

Mario readied his fists expecting some sort of conniption. Perhaps Bowser would order an all out attack on the castle right then and there, or he might try to run off with the Princess anyway. Bowser however didn’t have any other battleships with him other than the one he arrived in, and instead of taking one step closer to the Princess, he smiled the same toothy grin Mario saw a lot. Cruel, dangerous, but... like an old vitriolic pal!

“That’s fine then, whatever. I was hoping you’d say that ‘cause I had a change of plans anyway. There was a bit of mix up in the castle so did y'all do good in science class? You see-”

“-Bowser, excuse me, but whatever are you talking about??” Peach interrupted.

“It’s like this, hotness. Even if you gave yourself over to me, which would be great if you did it anyway, just putting that out there, we don’t have the cure ourselves!”

Mario, Peach, Luigi, Buckenberry, and everyone eavesdropping from the castle gasped.

* * *

**To be continued!!!**

Author Notes: Would you know that I still have surprises in store? Stay tuned and please review. 

Originally created: 4/13/18 – 5/19  
Rewritten version dates: 5/20/18,- 5/29, 6/17, 7/13, 7/23- 8/6, 8/13, 14, 16  
Revamp: 8/23/18, 8/27

_Fun facts/ References:_

_-Parts of this (or at least the first drafts) were written during the one year anniversary of Chapter 15 titled ‘New day. New problems’ in “Mario and Bowser Frenemies Forever”. That was not intentional but it was pretty awesome._

_-International Medical University of Special World is a slightly non-indicative name but since it directly comes from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever, I didn’t want to change anything._


	13. Luigi's Awesomely Ambivalent Allegory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventure continues!

“I was just as surprised as you losers when the brats showed up,” Bowser turned back to his family. “And get your butts up here!”

The rest of the koopalings and Junior quickened their pace to join Bowser and stand around looking flustered, bored, or annoyed. If the toads inside of Peach’s Castle were nervous when Bowser first arrived, they’d be absolutely terrified by the amount of his baddies on the castle grounds at once. 

Mario picked his jaw up from the ground. “Wait so-?!”

Bowser nodded. “Yup, a rogue in the castle we guess. And nobody’s seen ‘em since.” 

“Oh my!” Peach exclaimed.

Mario stance remained rigid. “I’m sorry, but I’m not understanding why we still shouldn’t whoop all of you koopas right here and now? Even if there was a mix up at the castle, which I don’t really believe, everything that’s gone wrong is still your fault!”

Deafening silence fell on the whole courtyard. Mario was unsure if only he caught it, but there was a flash of hurt on Bowser’s face before returning to a mix of amusement and annoyance. 

“I don’t know what else to tell you, plumber. All I wanted was my freaking tennis match and I wouldn’t be getting it if had a scheme right now, would I? We’re asking for your help and don’t think for a moment we’d team up with you idiots if we didn’t think we had to.”

“...He’s right though,” Luigi spoke quietly to his brother but stay behind him, he and everyone else like Mario was the barrier between them and the koopas. “I thought about it and it doesn’t make sense for Bowser to betray us the way he acted, unless he was actually a really good actor… But he isn’t.”

“I heard that, Green Mario!”

Mario avoided eye contact in a standoffish manner. “Fix this then.”

“So it’s settled! I, King Bowser Koopa, the supreme overlord of Dark Land, am offering you mushroom freaks a truce just until we get this whole mess straightened out. But after that it’s back to-”

Bowser Junior put his hands to his neck in a guillotine gesture.

“-No, not that Junior! I mean we’ll do the usual. Fight, argue, play tennis, etc. Then start all over again when the next game comes out. Deal?” Bowser offered his hand being the sentimental person he- wasn’t! It was a great emotional moment, for five seconds.

Peach came to Mario’s side. “I believe you Bowser. If this was deliberate of you I feel you would not have missed the ample opportunities you had to harm us.”

“No problem, princess. I-” Bowser’s words were cut off when the princess’s dainty hands slapped him in the face. 

“-That was for your carelessness and callous disregard for safety! Regardless I, Princess Peach Toadstool, ordained ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom accept your truce.” She gingerly shook his hand and regained her composure. “Well, how shall we proceed?” 

Bowser rubbed his stinging cheek while pointing to Ludwig behind him. “Just ask him, he’s the mastermind and all.”

“May I have a word with you two?” the red faced koopaling requested.

“Yeah. We can talk privately in the garden...” Mario said, walking away ahead of the others. 

A moment later…

“Hey, punks,” Roy sneered the moment the coast was clear, “Don’t think we’re gonna be friendly with you chumps!” His siblings joined his protests and turned it into a shouting match right in front of the castle.

Toadette ran outdoors, being eager the whole time to do something...

* * *

Ludwig closed the white garden gate behind him, being the last to enter. His eyes for a moment darted about the garden impressively before snapping back to Mario and the princess standing before the Eternal Star fountain. Bowser impatiently waited with his arms crossed near a rose bush across from them so Ludwig met in the middle.

"I analyzed these samples this morning." Ludwig reached into his pocket and delicately held between his claws a glass slide. "I have conclusively determined by the disease’s structure that we will need a number of molecules to open its disease lock. Are you still following? No??" Ludwig sighed arrogantly. “We can make a cure from scratch easily, but obtaining the components I’ve hidden may be the difficult part considering we are who we are, so it would be very helpful for you all to assist. Simple enough?”

“A truce is a truce.” Mario said, thawing from before. 

“Great. One last thing.” Ludwig handed the Princess a rolled up decree. 

“You issued a death warrant in our Kingdom??” She rolled it back up, looking very displeased.

“Erm, yeah,” Bowser said. “Standard protocol in Dark Land for an attack on royalty. Yeah, it’s a stretch since he didn’t attack anyone directly, but don’t ya think somehow convincing Dark Land’s commander in chief, that’s my brat Ludwig, to do whatever crazy thing he did- I still don’t understand it really, counts?”

Mario and Peach shared a cautious glance. “What?”

“Well I do want him exterminated, even if I do not understand what Vater is talking about.”

Mario took off his hat to wipe some sweat off his forehead. This was already a hot day. “What do we need to find?”

Ludwig scratched his chin. “There is a sample of stardust, a mega vitamin, a boom shroom, and Yoshi fruit. I have a general idea of the location but no specifics assuming they are still there. It was a week ago when they were planted.” 

“We will do this because the stars will be with us!” Peach said, beaming with determination and hope.

Mario, without words, held out his hand. After a pause, a yellow scaly hand met a white gloved one in a firm shake. “This is to your stars that guide your kingdom,” Ludwig said with sincerity. “After all, we must try. Just know that our motley crew have officially started the scavenger hunt.”

Bowser turned his attention to Ludwig. “Great. Now, you go back around first and wrangle our people up. I got things to discuss with these two. So just this morning I got a message and...” 

Their words trailed off as Ludwig excused himself from the garden. The diplomat came back to the front castle courtyard to find everyone standing in a single file line in some some arbitrary order. Luigi and Iggy were at the front, a disgruntled Buckenberry and Bowser Junior in the very back, and everyone else in between. Off of the side, Toadette waved.

“Hi, Mr. Ludwig. I conveniently managed this situation for you!”

He hummed as he reconnoitered. “It is Prince Ludwig to you, Ms. Toadette, but no matter. Wendy, Larry, and Roy can quickly travel and get the Yoshi fruit. Forgive me, but that is the only object I did not remove from it’s native location. Besides, their passports have not yet expired as I recall. Buckenberry can keep Lemmy and Morton in check while they search the mega department store where the vitamin approximately is. Iggy can get the stardust hidden in Toad Town. He has a mineral analyzing machine and knows the city because he visits the comic shops alot. I will work with Luigi Mario to procure the Boom Shroom that I believe is located somewhere in a forest, and he has experience with things colored green so-”

“-Ludwig!”

“It’s PRINCE Ludwig, and what?”

“You just undid my entire managing montage!”

Ludwig shrugged as he passed her by. “Does it matter Ms. Toadette? It happened off screen anyway. Now Luigi, are you ready to depart?”

Luigi tried to put on a brave face. “Okay, but where’s the rest?”

“We heard it all,” Mario said, walking up with Peach and Bowser.

“Mario, Peach, Junior, and I have to go somewhere. I know it ain’t like me but I don’t have time to argue. Go on!” Bowser roared.

Mario run up to Luigi and pat him on the back. “Stay safe. You know how spotty communication can be when out of the kingdom, so I’m making you the leader of this cure making expedition. Oh and can you check out what Dr. Toadley wanted to show me?”

“Yeah, are you okay? You still seem peeved.”

Mario shook his head. “You know how I kept saying yesterday didn’t feel right? I woke up this morning and honestly, I feel even worse about today. Interpret that how you want. Bye.”

Luigi saw everyone scrambling about with apprehension. Now they were going to work with not only Bowser but his family too? And with two key heroes, Yoshi and Alagold, being absent?? 

Ludwig called him over to a Parade Kart stashed in the Airship’s loading bay, and they were off into Toad Town. The koopaling traversed the streets somewhat like an angry senior citizen, honking constantly at people zooming past him at the normal speed limit. They were in the East side of the city and Luigi got a good look at a sort of ‘gang’ all wearing denim jackets with white t-shirts under for the guys, and old school dresses for the girls. Luigi hated ignoring it for other matters but that’s the way things were. Soon they arrived at the Toadley Clinic, a plain building modeled after a mushroom.

Luigi got out first. “Umm, thanks. I didn’t think you overheard what Mario said. Do you drive all of the time?”

“Never actually. I usually get a servant to drive for me.”

“That explains a bit,” Luigi thought as the two headed in.

The Toadley Clinic was empty except for a pink spotted toad at the desk. She sat her magazine down at the sight of them.

“Hello? Oh, yeah. I’ll get the doctor.” 

Mary the intern disappeared behind the lab’s double doors. Suddenly screaming and clattering and ruckus came from back there in one discordant jumble. The green plumber and koopa prince were subconsciously inching closer to each other, so much so that their shoulders brushed after the second explosion sound.

“My apologies, plumber. Is this clinic always like this?”

The double doors burst open and Dr. Toadley emerged along with Birdley squawking in alarm. Toadley’s normally purple garb was blackened but his thick eyebrows were raised in amusement.

“Am I very happy to see you now? Yes I am!”

“Doc, are you okay??” Luigi asked.

“Am I? Not at all!” Dr. Toadley fell forward stiff as a board, prompting them to rush to his aid.

“Doc?!” Luigi rolled him over.

Ludwig quickly checked the doctor’s pulse. “I see no sign of lasting damage, except that he has become insane!”

“Oh that part is normal.”

There was a pause. “Oh...”

“You guys will probably want to check this out,” Mary said reentering the lobby. 

“S-should you examine the results of my Miracle Toadley Cure? Yes...you..should!” Dr. Toadley added.

The human and koopa duo cautiously entered the lab with their attention first being brought to equipment, tables, chairs, and more being thrown and tossed about, some even on fire. Luigi saw hunks of junk, but Ludwig recognized the remnants of sophisticated computers. The next thing however made then freeze in place. Toad and Daisy where on the other side of the lab awake. Toad had a wide smile, only his skin looked a little patchy and red. Daisy also had reddish patches on her normally olive colored skin, that and she was standing upside down on her head.

“No way!”

“Impossible!” 

Toad said some sort of gibberish while waving.

“Hey you two! What Toad meant was, he’s glad to see you. Tell the doc I’m sorry I kind of wrecked the place. I was spinning like a top a moment ago.”

Luigi ran up to Daisy for a hug. “You had no idea how much we all worried. Uh, are you getting your handstand exercise in?”

The brunette smiled, or frowned because she was upside down. “Nope, I can’t help it. That’s the other thing Weegee. Whatever Dr. Toadley did to us was kind of weird. I mean, I’m glad to be awake but, yeah, we ain’t exactly normal.”

Ludwig shoved Luigi aside to get an even closer look. “How can you have a rash when NOT having a rash is a distinct symptom of MF?”

“Watch it, koopa! What do you mean!?”

Ludwig stood his ground, the two glaring at each other. “Do you understand why Mushroom Kingdom Hospital South cannot cure anyone with Dr. Mario’s Megavitamins? The Mushroom Flu strand that we had in our lab mutated, I knew that, but I see now that there could be more complications to it. Do you follow?”

“Yeah, sure,” Luigi grumbled. He turned to Toad and Daisy. “I’ll call to the castle to get you guys picked up. I’m sure you don’t want to hang in this place, considering that computer over there is on fire.”

“Actually I’d rather stay. I did tear the place apart so it’s only right I help clean. I’m full of energy anyway! YEEEAH DAISY!” Daisy did a somersault over to the engulfed computer monitor and stomped out the flames. All that was left was a smoking pile of plastic and electronics. “Good as new!”

Ludwig ran over to it and tried to savage a microchip. “You just destroyed a very expensive-” He sighed and shook his head.

“(I’ll take a ride, homeboys. The castle probably needs me),” Toad said. “(Also has anyone seen my megaphone?)”

Luigi was relieved to tell him ‘no’.

* * *

“Aww raspberries!” Kylie said when she woke up and it was nearing noon. 

Later she was staring out of her window watching cars pass by and thinking over her venturesome plans for the day when Emery’s Koopa King cart stopped by. The young nurse agreed to drive Kylie to MK South hospital to check on Mitch, as she was out of a job anyway and mother was in prison. The dire situation never came up in the girls tone however, so Kylie accepted. When they arrived to the hospital near Mt. Rugged things seemed calm from the outside and they parked not far from a colorfully painted van abandoned in near the front porch.

Inside seated were a few people in the reception area all drinking water or tea due to the soda shortage. While Emery sat around, Kylie got the attention of the desk lady. “Ma’am, I’m looking for Mitch Jamerson Toadstool.”

Rou T. typed stuff on the computer. “Room 226. Make sure you don’t stumble into any rooms below that number. We’ve had all kinds of ruckus from the MF patients. You take care, hear?”

Kylie slowly pushed opened the door marked 226. The room was quiet save for occasional beeps from machinery and a green capped Toad lie in bed with a number of equipment hooked up, monitors, IVs, and even an oxygen mask. Kylie felt her eyes become watery as she stood at the edge of Mitch’s bed for a moment, laying a hand on his. 

“Mitch, I know we both made mistakes. I’m just sorry for never forgiving you before, and I will hold back nothing until I avenge you.” There was so much more she wanted to say, but the words could never come out.

A few minutes later, she heard the door creak behind her.

“Umm. Can I talk to you about something, or is this a bad time?”

Kylie discreetly wiped her face before turning towards her friend. “Sure. Here I come, sis...”

They went back down the hall into the saloon/lobby area and sat on some benches. Kylie didn’t notice when she first came in, but now she kind of liked the décor that most might consider kitschy. For instance, above where they sat was a large imposing stuffed Dino Rhino head mounted on the wall.

“I snatched this crazy thing from a wall.” Emery showed her a crumpled ‘WANTED’ poster of Zoo issued by Ludwig. It promised a reward of a ridiculous amount of coins, so much Kylie wondered if Bowser even had that much in his bank, unless his eldest son was holding out. 

“As if I didn’t have enough of a reason to hunt Zoo down. Remember when I told you about that on the phone? He’s the one who hurt Mitch-”

“Oh look it’s that celebrity, Kylie!” Sebastian said, walking up to the girls.

Kylie almost didn’t recognize her snifit ‘fan’. “Still the wrong Kylie, brother. But where’s the rest of your gang?”

“We’re all stuck here doing random stuff like sedating Mushroom Flu victims!” 

Emery looked at him funny. “Weren’t we classmates in health class? Yeah, you locked everyone in the community college because it was raining hard one day and you didn’t think it was nice to go outside while the sky was crying so much.”

“Yes, and?” He replied in a deadpan manner. 

Kylie slid her contact card to him slowly. Sebastian in turn gave her his number on a rainbow sticky note and disappeared as quick as he showed up.

“That fella’s odd. Good hearted, but odd. Now, I have to get going.”

Emery’s bottom lip quivered. “But, but can’t I come along? You need me to drive you around and I’m going to be soooo lonely!”

“Sis, are you sure? Come on, your mom’s at a prison hospital. I think you should chill.” Kylie thought she was making sense.

“And do what? She’s doing okay, I called this morning and besides, she put herself there by helping out that Doctor Professor guy. Gosh, I thought you’d understand!”

“I do!” Kylie replied vehemently, detecting some bitterness in the tone of her friend. “But I’m about to deal with some crazy crap. I just care about you and this is no joke.”

“I know it’s not and I won’t get in the way, okay? Let me prove I can help you by this.” Emery got out of her seat and bow dramatically in the middle of the lobby with her eyes shut and hands clasp together. There was a flash in the room as a light descended from the ceiling and landed right in front of the two girls. Rou T. rolled over the counter with a shotgun in hand.

Geno waved. “It’s just me, ♡♪!?”

“Oh, excuse me hun. You take care, hear?” Rou T. put the firearm away and strutted back to her front desk. Others in the lobby that were attracted to the attention began to ignore them too. 

“Wow... he actually made it.” Emery got up looking coy all of a sudden. “Hey, ♡♪!? “

“Sup, Emery.”

Kylie blinked a few times at the sight of the blue clothed doll with a price tag hanging from one of his arms. “Either a few screws are loose in my noggin or this is a prank and y’all saps got me good!”

“No, and no. I just stop here sometimes. It has character. What’s going on?”

Kylie explained the best she could to a random talking doll out of nowhere. 

“Call me Geno, and I’d be glad to help. That hasn’t been action up in the heavens in too long.”

Kylie started to pack her stuff up. “Thanks a bunch. You a fan of thrifting too, brother?" she asked, seeing the price on his tag.

Geno shook his head. "To be honest I lost track of Geno while up in Star Haven. I realized today that Gaz, the owner of 'Geno' grew up and gave it away to an expensive collector. I sure they won’t mind me borrowing it.” He produced a semi automatic super scope out of nowhere and tossed it to Emery while holding a star rod for himself. “Where are we going?”

“I wanted to check out so and so first. I’m trying to find out where Zoo might be hiding out since he gotta be keeping distance from Bowser. Thing is, we need to travel places fast.”

Geno snapped his fingers and in another blinding flash a Shooting Star kart appeared right in the lobby. Kylie and Emery got in the back seats as Geno drove. They zoomed straight through the wooden swing doors, leaving marks all over the hardwood floor and shaking things off the walls. Rou T. started screaming at them but the trio were already on the dirt roads of Mt. Rugged by then.

...

 

“Dad gummit, I just cleaned here!” Probabilly, who entered the lobby a moment after, threw his bucket and mop down. 

* * *

 

Kylie, Emery, and Geno walked up to the Donut Plains Juvenile Detention Center, or rather Geno came near the door, and Kylie and Emery tumbled inside because their insides were turned upside down by the Shooting Star’s light speed travel. The upside to having their stomach rush to their brains was that they'd went from the Mushroom Kingdom to Donut Plains in thirty minutes. Kylie and Emery approached the front desk person while Geno stayed outside the door and told them to move on while his gaze was directed towards the sky for some reason, specifically where there was a black ‘dot’.

"Howdy. Do y’all have records that go back to the 90s? We’re wondering about a Zoo Diddley admitted here as a child.”

The chubby super koopa with pink perception glasses and a grey sweater, smiled sweetly. “I’m afraid to inform you that we don’t publicly release mental health records.”

"But I'm a nurse at MK East," Emery spoke up. 

"The one that was shut down last night? Poor girl.. I still can’t do much unless you have referrals.” Her phone rung. “Excuse me.” She picked it up and quickly pressed a button behind the desk.

Two doors swung open and out came a hammer brother busily checking the pockets of his colorful tie dye doctor’s coat. “You know how I'm always forgetting stuff in my shell. They get on me about it all the time at my other office. Ah!” He produced a card key from a pocket. “Go on and have your lunch break. I’ll hold down the front desk.”

“Thanks Dr. Topper,” the receptionist said. She grabbed her purse and went back through the doors he came from.

Dr. Topper turned to Kylie with a kind face. He had an air of grandfatherly maturity, though Kylie suspected based on the Pac-Man tattoo he had on his arm that he was probably 30 to 40ish in reality like her. “Why hello, ladies. I’m guessing you’re here for the shy little man back there?” he asked, referring to Geno who’d entered a moment earlier.

“Yes sir! We need your help, fella.” Kylie winked at her friends.

Emery dropped to her knees. “Please please please! He’s just so bad, we can’t handle it anymore!”

Geno stepped up and flashed a shiny little dagger. “Of course. Only the baddest,” he hissed.

Dr. Topper smiled. “That’s great. There are no lost souls here.. How old is he? Is he in in school?”

Emery got up. “Umm, twelve. Yeah, he scares everyone on the playground.”

Dr. Topper jotted something down on a memo pad. “Where do you all come from by the way?”

“Out of town,” Kylie said. “So we really need to make sure this is the right place for.. ‘Beano’.”

Topper glanced at his watch. “Why don’t I show you all around and explain our juvenile behavior program?”

And so they followed the hammer bro in the doors. The room they were in next was basketball court size and had lots of tables with young people setting at them and a few TVs showing some kind of educational program. It would resemble a typical youth recreation center if not for the orange jumpsuits everyone wore. 

“Beano can stay in here,” Topper said. 

“Is that safe?” Kylie asked.

“Completely, as long as he puts that knife away. Now if you would follow me..”

Geno, now without the knife, was left in the room while Dr. Topper took Kylie and Emery out of some doors on the other side. Geno looked around, there were kids of all ages moping around with the distinct air of how kids might behave while waiting around in detention. At least that’s how Geno thought things still worked; it had been a few millennium since he was in school. 

He sat at a table with several yoshi kids watching Rex the Friendly Dino from a television stand at the end. 

“Hello young one,” Geno said gently to the child closest to him.

A purple yoshi preteen turned to him. “Hello.”

“How are you?”

“Okay... Are you new?”

“I am. The name’s Beano. How is this place?”

“Beano, huh? It's alright here I guess..”

“OMG THE TOYS ARE HERE!” another kid at the table screamed. This made everyone in the entire room turn to Geno. 

“What? A toy? Me?”

The purple yoshi gave Geno a closer look. “Hey, I see that price tag. Darcy’s right, this must be one of those new high-tech talking models.”

Geno gulped as many kids got up to surround him. 

Meanwhile, Kylie and Emery were brought to an office where they spoke for a bit and stalled on filling out the paperwork laying before them. Kylie played with the ballpoint pen in her hands. 

“Say doc, that’s some really good info. Last question, what would you do if a child could bring the Dark Star to Earth?”

Dr. Topper spun away from his computer screen. “Excuse me?”

Kylie shot up from her seat. “-Because that’s what Zoo Diddley did about fourteen years ago!”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

“Nope, brother. I’m Kylie Koopa the reporter and I’m doing a criminal investigation.”

Just then the alarm went off. Dr. Topper leaned over to pressed a button to the side of him. “Yes? What happened?”

“All of the kids in the game room have lost their minds over a random toy someone smuggled in! Come quick doctor!” it said.

Dr. Topper traded a confused look for a serious one. “I’ll deal with you practical jokers later. Move aside.” He brushed past them and rushed out.

Kylie turned to Emery. “Who would bring a random ‘toy’ into a place like this? Wait a minute…”

Back in the room the purple yoshi laughed as the yellow disc spun them around many times before fading out of existence. Another kid, this time a rex, begged for it to be their turn next.

“Hold on tight now.” Geno performed another Geno Whirl of the harmless variety for the next kid. Many children stood in line for a turn, the TVs and other games in the room long forgotten. Dr. Topper marched right in the middle of them and picked Geno up.

“Who brought this in?” Dr. Topper asked sternly. 

Kylie and Emery burst in. “Wait, doc!”

Geno turned to them. “Meet me outside.”

Dr. Topper then gawked at the doll in his hands. “You talk?!”

“And he does other cool things, Dr. Topper,” Darcy said. 

“Ooh ooh yeah. He spun me on his spinny disky thingy!” said a little thwimp.

“He’s dope, bro,” said a monty mole.

“Yeah!” added a round goomba.

“Goo goo!” said a really small blooper.

Dr. Topper tried to find a name tag. “Kids, you know you can’t bring outside toys here, but if you really like whatever this is, maybe we can get one approved. Hmm, he seems so familiar. Alright, be good if you want to take a trip later today.” When Dr. Topper brought Geno with him to the front desk again, Geno sprung to life and hopped out of his arms.

“Farewell, Dr. Topper. You take really good care of the kids.”

“Oh, thank you doll thing that talks… and knows my name. What kind of batteries do you run on?”

“Two CR♡♪!? cells.” Geno did a piece sign and left.

Outside Kylie and Emery where near the car with guilty looks.

“Geno, we’re sorry we left you in that kids room!”

“Children can be cruel,” Emery said, looking shell shocked.

“But I thought that was the plan all along?” Geno held up a folder. “You know, you distract the doctor while I get these?”

Kylie opened the folder. It contained a detailed profile of Zoo from years eight to twelve. “Yoiks! How did you spy around the place? I thought the kids had ya stuck there.”

“While entertaining them, I was not 'stuck’. They are very nicely trained by the way and it would have been a great place for ‘Beano’, but I digress. I can be anywhere I need to be,” Geno said, not bothering to elaborate. “Now hop in. I need to drop you guys back off.”

Kylie frowned. “But we need more clues.”

Geno gave her a thumbs up. “Oh that file has everything you need and I needed. Emery, you can keep that super scope btw.”

Emery held it above her head triumphantly.

* * *

**To be continued.**

 

Author note: TOAD AND DAISY ARE BACK!!! Yes, they never woke up before the epilogue in the original Frenemies Forever and yet there is more coming. Remember the original summary?? (Check chapter 1) things will go farther than before! 

Originally created: 4/19/18 – 5/19  
Rewritten version: 5/21/18, 5/30, 6/19, 7/18, 7/23, 29, 8/5,6  
Revamp: 8/23/18, 8/29

_References:_

_\- Title is Pun of ‘Luigi's Fabulously Fractured Fable’ by Minman083_

\- _‘Boom Shroom’ item is a tribute to one of my favorite writers and the first person I got into the Mario Fanfiction fandom from when first joining FF dot net._


	14. Friends Family and ‘Associates’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of longish. See bottom notes

**April 4, 2016 Southern Mushroom Kingdom Hospital report:** _Howdy. This is a formal (well not really) letter to the Mushroom Kingdom service board. Another nurse was attacked and this time his arm was permanently twisted out of it's socket. I currently go to high school with him as a junior and the poor guy played sports. Ten our of patients we can’t keep stable, but at least they aren't ‘coma walking’ and attacking everything that moves. As for the aggros like the ones that took my friend out, we’re going to have to restrain them like MK East. We’re used to Yoshi wrangling so this should work. I'm so glad I only gave the Special World Hospital ten patients. No telling how those other lunatics would handle this, especially Dr. Toad. Guy has skeletons in his closet. Fresh ones._

-Jr 'Can't write formally if his life depended on it' Troopa, the best nurse around.  


* * *

Jelectro Bond was on the roof of a diner in East Toad Town. Standing near the streets and entering the building were people wearing blue denim jackets, blue vintage dresses, and blue shoes. It was wear a certain color day, and he’d had missed the memo. The beaming sun was already hot and put a glare on the radio’s screen, constantly blaring the reports of the local law enforcement, some mundane others not. While only seeing one up close he’d learned that there were eleven victims of the ‘Railway Killer’, as one more was found after the goomba. He had a theory in mind: Since half of them did have some slight but nonfatal physical trauma before dying by internal damage, the perpetrator could have use that ‘death ray’ as a last resort. Combined with the common theme of mass transport someone or something wanted to get out of the Kingdom fast and without too much attention. Bond closed the laptop and was preparing to climb off the building’s roof to join society again as a so called civilian. He’d just report this to his agency and they were surely-

Don’t do that, his heart said. A sinking feeling deep within said that this was actually part of something bigger than he could ever imagine. Instead of stopping at the portal to Super Spy HQ hidden in Toad Town, his next stop was instead...

* * *

Class and sophistication met blue collar. 

After arranging for Toad to be sent to Peach’s castle by Captain Toad picking him up (Daisy insisted she stay at the clinic), it was back to business. The sparkling gold Parade Kart driven by Ludwig attracted much attention while cruising down the streets of Toad Town where the average person could barely afford to not use public transportation, let alone an older gas guzzler. Girls even took pictures while they were at red lights, gushing over Ludwig, (Luigi guessed they saw his blue jacket and got confused since they were still on the East side of Toad Town with all the denim jacket greasers), but also Luigi (so it wasn’t all bad). 

The car stopped right before the entrance of Forever Forest. Already the ‘locals’ were rustling in the thick green foliage. Luigi suppressed a shiver.

“May I remind you that time is not an infinite resource, plumber.” Ludwig checked his old looking wristwatch.

Luigi hopped out. "I have one like that too.” Luigi rolled up his sleeve to show off his own vintage time keeping piece.

Ludwig raised one eyebrow. “Oh? That looks good.”

“Thanks, but I’m sure yours gets the most praise, especially from the ladies with you being a prince and all."

Ludwig only mumbled in reply as Luigi began to lean on a sign post warning visitors to not get lost. 

“We should mark our trail. I know mushrooms and you can get spun around hunting for them."

Ludwig scoffed and continued through the forest gates without Luigi. "Reiterating your credentials is superfluous. I even have credits in Koopilius Kesler's Florilegium: The Book of Plants!" The koopaling’s voice grew faint.

Luigi entered the forest where the thick canopy made everything dim, belying the fact that it was only late noon. “That was not nice!” 

“Well you caught up, did you not? Look at this.” 

But Luigi could not find where "this" was. As he called Ludwig’s name he could feel the various creatures in the bushes watching his every move, just waiting for him to make a misstep and become another victim of the forest. Luigi strained his eyes to find any sign of Ludwig on or off the path. Then, some distance into the forest, leaves crunched and right after his ears rung when a bang went off to his left. Woodland animals shrieked, cooed, and howled in reply, the noises collectively coming from all around.

Luigi braced himself and ran through a large shrub to investigate. On the other side was Ludwig aiming his zapper at a horde of green fuzzies, with a scorched black mark on the ground between them. At the sight of Luigi the hoard scurried back into the greenery, apparently finding the fight not worth it anymore. 

"Luigi?! Thank goodness!" Ludwig returned the zapper to it's holder. 

Luigi grabbed him tightly. “I was so worried!! You could have gotten lost and never found again, or those things could have eaten you alive!!!” 

Ludwig stared back blankly. "...I misjudged. I thought I saw- I’m sorry.."

Luigi let go and sighed heavily. "Just stick with me, okay?"

"Very well. I will do so." Ludwig's expression remained flat as they marched back to the path, but he kept close to Luigi's heels and every twig snap made his hand hover over the zapper holster.

There were many atypical plants to be found in the forest, but none had the peculiar yellow and black color palette of a boom shroom. Luigi knew of a residential clearing up ahead where they could inquire of locals and even safely split up for a moment. After all, he had the faintest idea that maybe Ludwig wasn't used to working with others, but it was just a hunch...

* * *

“People call me stupid koopa,  
They just jealous of my chains  
I got the sickest beats in Dark Land,  
Haters get hanged!”

Larry’s fist knocked against the subway windows in beat with his ‘rap.’ He and his siblings were heading to the harbor to catch a ride to Yoshi’s Island for some authentic Yoshi berries (and for Wendy to take some exotic Instaham photos).

“Knock it off!” 

“Yo, chill out. What else we gonna do? King Dad took our cellphones, remember?”

Roy crossed his arms. He sat across from Larry with Wendy beside him, their sister being engrossed with her cellphone that wasn’t taken away because she was daddy’s girl. “Fair point. Huh. Hey, I hear Junior got a girlfriend.”

“He do?! Why, that little brat...” Talk about embarrassing he thought, but it could be worse. Larry was only 15. At least he wasn’t like Ludwig who was 23 and had never had a girlfriend.

“Yeah. Boy’s a player already. He might even rival me when he grows up!”

“That’s so cruddy…” Larry mumbled. “Earth to ugly hag over there, wake up!”

Wendy threw a small tantrum. “NOOO! Raven sided with the ‘Chucksters’ and that’s totes traitorous,” she thought out loud.

Roy turned to her. “You mean those wimps we saw walking around with the denim jackets?!”

“Uh huh, and yes I heard everything you two MANsplainers were saying...”

Everyone felt the subway slowing down. Outside the window was completely dark like all of the lights in the subway tunnel were out. 

“Why is it so black out there all of a sudden?”

Wendy had her nose in the air. “Maybe it wants to be black, Larry. Is anything wrong with that?”

"Subway 101, Toad Town to Surfshine Harbor, attention," the automated intercom said. "There will be delays in departing. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Aww shell!” Roy said. “We sit in this stupid train all day and now we gotta wait to get off?"

“Like, my gosh. We’re royalty and we don’t have to stand for this. I'm complaining to the staff." Wendy got up after dusting the crumbs from her lap, (they briefly got something to eat before boarding the subway at a diner that happened to be controlled by the 'Chucksters', so they had to endure denim jackets, rockabilly music, and tall hair for about thirty minutes), and head for the door heading to the next car.

"But, Wendy-“

She waved a hand sassily at Larry. "We don't have all day, sugar. I'm sure if I offered them some of this bling-" Wendy flashed a gold chain hidden in her purse. "Get what I'm saying?"

Larry couldn’t believe he was now being outdone by his big sister who actually owned chains as opposed to just rapping about them. 

"Alright sis. I'll knock some heads together if they get fresh." Roy got up and joined her. They were leaving when Larry jumped up. 

"Hey wait for meeeeee!!"

The koopalings passed a few cars to get to the front of this particularly short and mostly unoccupied subway, so they only got stared at oddly once or twice. Roy would always shake a fist and they’d knock it off real quick. 

“Halt,” said the orange Yoshi attendant guarding the next door. “You're not allowed past here.” 

Roy used the fist shake technique, but the attendant flashed a sharp looking katana and Roy was the one who knocked it off real quick. 

Larry stepped up. “We just want to speak to the conductor or whatever!” 

The yoshi held the blade steady. “Well, he’s busy back there so-”

“Aaaaahhhh they're breaking the glass!!!” screamed someone inside the doors behind him. 

The attendant whipped around and pushed open the next door only to let a few black creatures who were pressing against it spill out. They were flat and fuzzy with yellow oval eyes in the center. The attendant realized his error and shut the door just a moment too late, so everyone dodged back.

Roy slid the sunglasses down again for a better look. “What the shell are those freaks??” 

“They're all jittery and, eww!” shrieked Wendy.

Larry thought for a split second. “Are these.. smorgs?” 

The yoshi sliced at them to little avail as the paper thin monsters continued to slide through the gap in the door.

“Save yourself, kids!” 

The attendant pushed everyone out to lock himself in with the smorgs. While his siblings scrambled away Larry tripped on his toes, feeling something brush against them at the same time. In his panic, firecrackers he had in his pockets that he used to pelt the vehicles of people he didn’t like in high school fell to the ground and exploded, making purple, green, and blue flash in the car like a strobe light at a party. By the time the smoke cleared, the smorgs that had gotten through were reduced to black piles of ash on the floor. Small successes, except more of them were coming and they didn’t seem happy. With a squeal he hoped no one heard, Larry finally joined everyone else in the farthest car back. When he got in, Roy and a Thwomp passenger in a business suit leaned against the door right away.

“Where were you?? They can slip through the gaps any moment!” Wendy stood on her seat like one would to avoid a little mouser in the kitchen.

Larry frantically dug into his backpack.“Guys, we can roast these losers. I got… exactly one more... Dang! Now I remember that I cleaned out this backpack to make room for Iggy’s womanizing spray prototype- I mean my own manly musk!”

“You idiot!” Wendy said. “We’re screwed then!”

Larry beat a fist to his chest. “Not just yet. Let a real Koopa man handle this like- Ahhhh watch out!!” 

Some of the smorg slid under the door, piling up at the feet of Roy and the thwomp before flipping themselves upward to attack. Larry tossed the last firecracker like a grenade and heroically saved both his brother and a random passenger. No, actually the firecracker slipped from his claws while he screamed like a girl and the entire fireworks show went off at his own feet, disorienting everyone in the car. The first thing Larry saw as the world faded back into view were ashes everywhere and a big open window to his right that someone pried open. Roy broke him out of his daze by reaching in and yanking him out onto the hard concrete outside. They were at the harbor.

“We told you to move instead of standing there when I opened that window, stupid!”

Larry would have had some choice words for his brother was he not struck by the sight of the entire Toad Town 101 subway train being covered in smorgs. 

“Let’s get out of here before this commotion delays our ship,” Wendy said, checking her phone for the time.

...

“I’m sorry to inform you that it has. The Sarasaland government has restricted all import and export with the Mushroom Kingdom,” the officer told them once they’d entered the registration office that was a short walk away. 

“They can’t do that!” Larry said. “Uh, is what I WOULD say if I paid attention in government class…. Which I don’t!” 

Wendy winked at her brothers and pulled out the gold chain again. The bandit officer then showed them his chain, which was bigger, more gold, and fancier than Wendy’s.

Larry pound his fist in his hand. “We need to group up, yo. Wish I had my scepter.”

“Yeah, sugar. Or we should sent him to the dungeons.”

“I think I can take this punk. I have a spiked brass glove and-”

The officer interrupted Roy by clearing his throat loudly. “You realize that I’m still here, right?...”

“Hey, lay off! I deserve to get a call don’t I?” a green dinosaur named T. Yoshisaur, also known as Yoshi, said around the corner as a doogan and toad officer escorted him. Yoshi was left at a payphone where he dropped his bag to the ground with a sour look.

Larry left his brother and sister with the officer at the desk, and stood around where Yoshi was. 

“..Yeah Birdo, I might be away for a little while. Love you, bye.” Yoshi hung up and jumped a little. “Larry?? What are you doing here?”

“Don’t you know about that truce with my homies and your homies? You missed the show.”

He laughed bitterly. “I sure did, you know, hiding myself on a cheep cheep fishing boat because they won't let anyone from Yoshi's island, or any other country visit the Mushroom Kingdom!”

Larry started. “So they really did do that?” 

“And I would have gotten away with it, had those alien things not attacked and made all of the sailors check their ships.”

Larry almost showed some sympathy before he caught himself. “I got a plan,” he said as cool as he could. He saw his brother and sister and everyone else not in the office anymore.“Why don’t you escape with us and we head to the castle? You got the berries we need for the Mushroom Flu cure in your backpack and I’ll explain the rest on the way.”

Yoshi smiled. “You'd really help me out? Umm.. how did you know I brought berries?”

“I rummaged through your stuff while you wasn't- I mean, just a guess! Here, wear this.”

Yoshi put on Larry’s large blingy gangster ball cap and tilted it down to cover his eyes. For the first time Larry could notice how nice Surfshine Harbor was outside, with it's deep blue ocean, sandy shore, old school beach houses, and absolute tranquility, save for an odd low rumble in the background.

Yoshi froze in this tracks and Larry bumped into him before seeing what he was seeing. Back near the subway station, Toad Town 101 had transformed into a half machine half organic ‘thing’ that stood upright. The five subway cars where joined together by a center mass of smorg and entrapped people. Among the monsters where the a passengers, officers, sailors, Roy, and Wendy. The five subway cars, now black instead of the silver color they previously were, stuck out to make a five pointed shape, ostensibly like a star. _A dark star._

“We went outside and they spread everywhere!” Wendy screamed. “Could you totes help us right now?!?”

The middle portion then pulled its victims inside of it where they were no longer in view. Yoshi looked from side to side, but saw no other soul anywhere, not on sidewalks or on the streets. Surfshine harbor had become ghost town harbor.

Yoshi faced Larry. “I don’t know what this thing is but let’s ‘totes’ help them, to quote your sister.” 

The curtains fell and the battle began Paper Mario style. 

Yoshi looked at his attacks: flutter, stampede, and egg. His special attack was ‘wisdom’.

Larry had: Rap, shank, wand (greyed out), and ‘closeted book nerd’ as a special attack.

Yoshi tossed some eggs at the smorg, but didn’t even put a dent on the subway cars the 100 foot monster was made up.. 

He squinted at he looked upwards at the behemoth. “Use your tattle thing.”

Larry pulled out his smartphone and flicked through a few web pages until he found the info he needed. He paraphrased: “That’s a ‘Smorg’ and they all gather up and junk to make a bigger monster like a gang bang or something. Max Hp ??? Huh, this one must be special like the Armored Harriers. Attack is 500 though, wtf? Defense 1 like normal. Attacks with tentacles like Iggy’s weird cartoons. Yeah, we should probably kill this thing quick…”

Now it was the smorg’s turn. It fell on top of Yoshi and Larry with the center part hitting them directly. Immediately Larry felt like he was drowning in some kind of slick papery material and flailed, feeling nothing at all, until his hand brushed something smooth like a necklace.

Or Wendy’s gold chain! 

“Wendy?” Larry called.

“I’m over here!”

“Over where? Are we moving?”

Roy had to slide his sunglasses up his face. “Well I’m here I think and I’m upside down!”

“Guys? This is Yoshi. Now we aren’t really inside this freakshow are we?

“What?!” Wendy gasped. “So we’re dead already?”

“Oh noooo. I want my mommy- I mean MONEY.. because I loaned some out and uh-“

“Larry, quit it punk!”

“Okay, ma’am.”

“Who was that?”

“Yeah, who just answered for me?”

“Me, ladies and gentilement.”

“You’re Larry too?”

“This is totes confusing.”

“I’m an attendant,” the Toad attendant, also called ‘Larry’ said, “and these things appeared out of nowhere and burst through the glass.”

Yoshi ate a bulb berry from the bag he had on him, recognizing the fruit he wanted by smell. The dragon’s green skin turned yellow and his entire body emitted a bright warm color that revealed the koopalings, the attendant, and others off in the distance. They were all floating in a dark void while a distant roar could be heard from somewhere near yet far. Roy was floating and spinning around in place. Wendy was stationary while upside down, which is how the golden chain fell out of her bag. Larry was upright and still had the chain and Yoshi and the attendant were on their side. People in the distance were in random orientations. 

“Whatever this is, we need to burn it. Too bad we just happen to be some of the non fire breathers,” Larry the koopaling said. 

Yoshi pinched between his eyes before facing everyone. “Listen up. Give me that flashlight, something reflective, something that can chain things together, and something protective you can put on your hand.”

Everyone blinked. 

“I know what I’m doing, trust me,” Yoshi assured.

Larry the attendant tossed his flashlight to discover that the void had moon-like physics. Wendy tossed one of her million mirrors. Roy gave up some super large brass knuckles, while resisting the urge to hurl. Larry Koopa gave up the gold chain after one more longing glance and the last thing floated over to the glowing dinosaur. He combined those items with a zapper mini that was in his bag. This surprised everyone but Larry Koopa, who’d been through his nap sack anyway (and snatched twenty coins while at it.) The extra batteries from the flashlight added power to the zapper and the chain held the mirror right in front of the barrel. Lastly he put on the brass glove and aimed the modified weapon in a direction that wasn’t pointing at anyone. 

“Sir, what are you doing?!” Larry the attendant questioned. 

“The mirror will cause the laser to rebound in the barrel like a freaking bomb. Don’t worry, I’m a professional crazy dinosaur. Ready?”

“No!” Everyone, even those floating around a distance away collectively shouted. 

“Geronimo!!!”

In a blinding flash the small flame from the zapper spread everywhere, like the air inside the void was flammable. As the creature collapsed on itself, Larry thought his skin was going to melt off, but that didn’t even compare to the deafening cry of agony from the monster. The rumbling shook him to the bones as the rift between the regular world and their dimensional imprisonment was shattered. As if that was all a bad dream, the next thing he remembered was twenty or so people including his siblings and Yoshi right back at the Surfshine Harbor subway station amid piles and piles of black ashes. The pieces of the subway were tossed about like a toddler playing rough with toys. 

Yoshi was shaking and blowing on his right hand with the metal glove off to the side glowing red. He moved his mouth but no words came out. Larry for a moment feared he was deaf before he heard the regular sounds of the city behind him. Cars driving. People walking. All of it had appeared out of nowhere and the harbor was back to life.

The four stumbled away from the scene and jumped into the closest Mushroom Bus on route to Royal Raceway, white as a Boo. Their narcosis disposition matched everyone else involved, so much so that the evening news report would be unable to cover the incident properly, especially with there being mysteriously, improbably, no outside eye witnesses. Channel 64, somewhat annoyed, had to put yet another curious incident down as an ‘Act of Eldstar’. The overhead shot of the ashes shaped like a star were a conversation starter however.

* * *

So everyone on the task of getting cure ingredients were long gone except for Iggy, because he needed bathroom breaks inside. And snacks. And he goofed for a while. But eventually he was back in front of the castle just in time for a yellow toad to show up.

“Whoa, you’re Iggy!” Alagold said, not alarmed in the slightest.

“I am! Are you my secret rival?” 

“Umm, no he’s just late for his shift,” Toadette said, not paying any attention to the fact that Alagold looked pale and sickly. “You missed a ton of stuff. Basically...” Toadette explained things not so basically but somehow Alagold got the point.

“So can I work wit him? It’ll be AWESOME to work with you!” Iggy towered over the yellow toad beside him. “I remember the time you invaded my fortress like how Koru wiped out the Super Plumbers in Koopa Ball Z!”

“Thanks?”

Iggy wheeled a bike from the Airship. It was lime green with two thwimps tied to it by rope about ten feet behind. The thwimps wore headbands with wires and blinking led lights attached to him.

“-So we’ll ride around and the seismic activity recorded every time the thwimps hit the ground will tell us if stardust is in the vicinity! Wanna ride??? I’ll let you drive because I need to pay attention to this soundtrack so I can learn the lyrics for when I perform ‘Super Plumber Sonata’ at this upcoming comic-con. Also whenever I drive, someone always manages to get hit by a car, even if it makes no sense. But it’s okay, last time it happened the guy didn’t have any friends or family anyway. No biggie...”

Before Alagold could respond, Captain Toad pulled up to them in Toadworth’s fake wood grain adorned station wagon. He rolled down the window. “Greetings Mr. Ala-Gold and Iggy Koopa.”

“Hey, is that Mr. Toad back there?”

Toad raised down his window in the backseat. “(Hey, Gold. You don’t gotta be proper. How’s the castle?)”

Alagold leaned into the window. “I wouldn’t know!”

“It’s terrible!” Toadette shouted from the distance. 

“Be careful, man.”

“I agree..” Captain Toad said, eyeing Alagold from the rear view in a slightly vexing way, but no one really noticed.

Captain Toad left to park around back as Alagold examined Iggy’s bike closely. He didn’t see any rockets or anything else illegal about it, so it was all good. He also wasn’t deathly sick from overdosing, so that was better. “Neat. I’ll drive it.”

The thwimps tethered to the bike pounded the ground in rhythm as they made it from Royal Raceway to downtown. When coming up on the first busy street Alagold realized that there were no brakes!

“Whoa dude, what’s wrong with your bike?!?”

Iggy took out an earbud. “It’s this a fixed gear bike. Aren’t all of your bikes like this?”

“Noooooooo!” 

They shot through an intersection, making cars swerve to avoid collision. On the next sidewalk they ran over YoshiMobile phone stands in front of a business and almost hit someone dressed as the Statue of Mushroom in front of a tax company building. Finally the bike ran out of momentum right before a red cross light.

Alagold was still hyperventilating when he realized that he’d held on so tight his little fingers wore grooves in the handlebar's grips. “That was awesome- I mean, AHHHGH!”

“Why did we stop, Alagold-san?”

“Do you know how to stop this thing? Yes? Then have at it, bro. Just don’t run people down again.”

“Have it your way!” Iggy sang. They rode once more through Toad Town at breakneck (possibly literally) speed, only Iggy had complete control with the fixed gear bike. The thwimps continued to work behind them and alarm noises came from their headbands right as they passed the Mushroom Junkyard.

Iggy skid to a stop and then slid his glasses up on his nose. “I should have known because this place does glow green at night occasionally.”

“What are we looking for again?”

“Stardust is going to look like an ugly odd shaped rock. Luddy probably would have hidden it with others like it.” Iggy pulled out a flashy ray gun in rainbow neon colors. “Awesome-sauce, I remembered to bring my limited edition ‘Cowboy Boom Boom’ ray gun with real vaporizing action!”

After Iggy whistled and got the thwimps to calm down, they parked the bike behind a broken down car and quietly tiptoed through the junk yard. They bypassed stuff from old mushroom buses, to kitchen appliances, to billboards advertising long past events like Mario Parties and other sports. Curiously, Alagold noticed a lot of discarded Fungus Up signs and memorabilia looking really fresh and newly dumped. Soon he saw a pile of orange bricks. The kind that Mario might frequently break on an adventure.

“What about those, bro?” 

“Hmm. No no no. We’re talking more like meteor rocks, remember? Nothing square or rectangular or any normal polygon shape.” Iggy jumped up and down and started pointing. “There’s a rock pile that would be perfect~” 

Alagold turned to where Iggy was talking about and recoiled. “What in the home-for-infinite-losers are you thinking?!”

The area ahead of them with lots of broken green, red, and yellow pipes laying either on their sides or upright with a huge black chain chomp snored right in the middle of it all. Black rocks were scattered about everywhere.

Alagold muttered things under his breath. “Weird, are junkyard chomps usually red? Alright, just cover me.”

"Sure. Can I use my ray gun now??"

“Not yet.” Alagold was sneaking around pipes with the caution of a Fire Snake when the chain-chomp stirred, freezing both toad and koopa. Alagold wiped the sweat from his forehead when it only turned over a slept once more. He shoveled out one last mound of dirt from the pipe and gasped at what he saw. “This might be it. Catch!”

Iggy caught the dull grey rock. "Yup. 100% unrefined stardust! Here, take a close look."

After Alagold climbed out and dusted himself off he held it. “Umm, why is it glowing like this?”

“It’s mildly radioactive, duh! Cool right?"

Alagold glanced down at the mineral in his hands with some worry before smiling. “Totally cool, bro.” 

They retraced their steps with the rock. Alagold stared at the sky when he noticed a star up there, but it didn’t twinkle like normal, rather it was dark like someone poked a pin-sized hole in the sky with a needle. Seeing stars in the daytime was always kind of weird, so his mind drifted off thinking about the cosmos when his phone started to vibrate, coming from Mario. By the time he picked it up, it was already sent to voicemail.

“Hey Gold,” Luigi said. “Mario and I grabbed each other’s phones this morning by mistake. Anyway, I was just checking on everyone. Larry’s group won’t answer nor Buckenberry’s. I sent a text to Mario but no reply yet. If you hear anything let me know. Stay safe.” 

“Lame. I blame YoshiMobile for the dropped calls,” Alagold said to himself.

There was silence in the junkyard…

Then the chain-chomp’s eyes snapped open, revealing _starry_ shaped pupils. “BARK BARK BARK!” echoed through the entire five acre dump. Ground and various junk around them rattled as the chomp bounced their way so Alagold and Iggy screamed and ran as fast as they could. As they followed the winding path back to the start, the chomp plow through the junk walls straight to them like a heat seeking missile.

“Over here! Trust me!” Iggy said. The tall koopaling hopped inside of a barrel, one of many piled up next to discarded Mario party 2 posters.

Alagold prayed and jumped in one next to Iggy’s. His heart was pounding when the chomp reached them, complete with is loud barking and the earthquake like bouncing. After what felt like forever, the noise moved away until everything became silent. Alagold had no idea how long he’d held his breath when Iggy nearly made him wet himself by violently shaking his barrel.

“Come on, Alagold-san! The coast is clear.”

Alagold slowly got up and looked around. “I owe you one, bro. How’d you know?”

“Well, I saw that Mario Party stuff and there’s this mini-game called Sneak ‘n’ Snore,” Iggy explained. “I figured if barrels worked in that game, it might here.”

They reached bike, never hearing the chain chomp again. Iggy whistled and the thwimps returned to life, hopping along as Iggy wheeled it out of the junk yard to terrorize Toad Town traffic once more.

...That is, until they stopped in front of a McGoombas.

So they parked the bike, subdued the thwimps, tied the stardust rock to the bike, then walked into the fast food restaurant like nothing had happened. Alagold ordered a small combo and Iggy the happy meal. They were setting down near the window and eating for a while.

“You know, you’re okay for a pesky Mario fiend,” Iggy spoke as he played with the toy. 

Alagold chuckled. “I guess you’re alright too. Go with the flow, as Mr. Toad would always tell me."

“Why did you show up late? That pink toad chick made it a big deal.”

“I had this bad dream last light where this star was attacking us and junk. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and in the dark took a few too many of my anxiety pills. I’m still alive, so whatever.”

They finished their meals and went outside where a bandit was snooping around the bike.

“Hey, dude. That’s ours!” Alagold told him.

The bandit brought out a knife which made Alagold back up, but Iggy shot his ‘toy’ gun and the laser made the bandits robe catch on fire.

“AHHHH!!” the bandit screamed running away from the restaurant and into a street where he got hit by a car and created a huge scene. It was okay though, because he had no friends or family.

Iggy turned to Alagold with an ‘I told you so’ look. “See? This is what happens when I drive...” 

* * *

Buckenberry, Lemmy, and Morton went to the Mushroom Mall where in the Adidams (All Day I Dream About Mario Sports) store, Morton talked the clerk into letting him get some five hundred coin Air Koopa sneakers on a credit card that definitely wasn’t in his name. Lemmy took a quick look through the toy store. Buckenberry tried the vitamin shop, but they didn’t have the kind Ludwig specified, so the hidden object must have been somewhere else.

“Does your brother shop around?” Buckenberry asked. He then ripped of the paper on his back that said ‘Kick Me’, one of Lemmy’s many pranks against him. Morton hadn’t done anything yet other than laugh annoyingly whenever Lemmy did and put things on Bowser’s credit card.

“The book store!” Lemmy said, bouncing along on his ball and nearly knocking people over.

“Or the cafe! The Starmanbucks. The overpriced coffee shop,” Morton added, sweaty from the normal walking pace.

“I think those are in the same building. Here Lemmy, take my hand,” Buckenberry said, noting how crowded the mall was and for good reason. Police inside warded off gangs, so it quickly became a sanctuary for the normal people left in Toad Town. 

Lemmy took Buckenberry’s hand, shocking the toad. “Got you!” Lemmy giggled. “Besides, I’m like, twenty-two. I’ll be okay.”

“Whaaaaaaat?” Buckenberry was so distracted he walked smack into the glass window of the bookstore. This really wasn’t his day.

Inside the three split again. Lemmy went to the children’s coloring section, Morton went to the celeb news magazines, and Buckenberry searched for the college text books. There were many on all subjects that he couldn’t pronounce and they were heavy as well. Buckenberry scooted a pile over too roughly and the entire thing toppled like an avalanche. The book keepers gave him the dreaded ‘be quiet’ look but he couldn’t stop yet. He got the idea to look in between and under the shelves. After crawling around long enough to get more displeasing looks and pain in his back, he’d found a little white pill bottle right under the shelf where the ‘ancient texts’ section was, only his arm stopped a little short to reach. He’d need someone smaller and acrobatic for that…

“Lemmy, check this out,” he said, coming up behind the rainbow haired koopaling who was currently invested in a jumbo sized color by number book. 

Lemmy put the book down. “What?”

“I found it, just help me reach.”

“That’s it? Okay!”

Buckenberry turned to follow but tripped on his face because someone had tied his shoelaces together. He rolled his eyes.

Later, the three left the mall with the special vitamins in hand. They were on the sidewalk and Buckenberry didn’t see Lemmy’s polka-dot painted B-Dasher anywhere.

Lemmy looked guilty all of a sudden. “I just remembered something. I was parked in the sixty minute limit zone and I think we probably took about... a million minutes.”

“Aww man!”

So the trio had to walk (or rolled) several blocks in the hot sun, occasionally crossing the street to avoid shady looking groups of people wearing denim jackets. Buckenberry really wanted to make a phone call, but his cell phone was out of minutes as usual, Lemmy’s phone was a play phone, and Morton didn’t even have that. Eventually a blue pianta with the leaves on his head styled in a pompadour kept staring at Morton’s shoes as they passed. He grabbed Morton by the arm, while his co-horts, rough but burly looking noki, pianta, and strollin stu men and women stood back. 

“Eh, Buddy. Why don’t you lend me those nice blue shoes!”

Morton got a glimpse at the switchblade in the pianta’s other hand and froze up.

Lemmy rolled near cautiously. “Umm, King Dad will get mad if-”

The pianta noticed Buckenberry and let go of Morton. “Hey, even better idea. I want those vitamins too, or I’ll toss ya so high in the air you’ll squash like bugs!” 

“Who are you guys anyway?” Buckenberry asked.

“The Chucksters. My brother’s in the hospital now so I’ve vowed that people like us, the working class, the blue collar, ain't gonna be taken for a fool ever again, especially by ‘baddies’,” The Chuckster said, eyeing the Koopalings in particular.

Buckenberry didn’t grasp the significance of any of that he just wanted a fight. He lunged for the pianta, knocking him flat on the pavement. Buckenberry delivered a swift right hook before he was ‘chucked’ away into the grass. Right when Buckenberry got up, a random car sped down the street towards them. Lemmy and Morton dodged away from the street as the car ran over the sidewalk edge and hit the pianta that was just getting up in broad daylight. Now his body was ‘chucked’ into the grass right next to Buckenberry, complete with his neck twisted at an angle.

“They just pounced THE Chuck!” one gangster, a girl Noki in a blue dress screamed. She and the others ran away. 

Lemmy gasped. “I-is that guy?-”

Morton covered his eyes. “Yep. He is gone, perished, splattered on the ground, literally.”

Buckenberry whipped from the pianta’s body to the car, recognizing it as the old station wagon Toadsworth would drive around before he retired. The window rolled down to reveal Captain Toad, beaming with a bright white smile. 

“Hello everyone. Why don’t you jolly fellows hop in before the cops arrive? I insist!”

Buckenberry reached in the car and grabbed Captain Toad’s collar, shaking him. “What have you done?!” 

Captain Toad grabbed his arm and twisted it painfully with little effort. “I was only saving your life since that fellow had a blade ready for you. Now, get in.”

“Never, you little freak- Ahhh! Frig, your breaking my- Let go!!” Buckenberry heard a distant siren and between the compromising situation he was in and memories of skirting the law yesterday, he made a decision he hoped was right. “Okay, we’ll leave with you!!!”

Captain Toad finally released his arm, with pain shooting through it like a dagger. He almost wondered if getting stabbed by the Chuckster would have been less painful.

“W-we gotta ride with him??” Lemmy asked.

Buckenberry could only moan in reply. They all got into the backseat and Captain Toad drove off leisurely. His passengers speechless, Captain Toad broke the silence.

“-So did you all succeed? Mrs. Toadette told me all about the mission. I had just dropped off Mr. Toad at the castle and went back for a stroll around town, my self. My, there so many baddies around, aren’t there?... Have you tuned in to WMUSH recently? They think someone has a death ray and about a dozen are dead from internal injuries. One Goomba engineer’s liver fell out, would you know that? Another Toad lady was bludgeoned then her right and central arteries burst. I know that had to hurt. My favorite is the guy who’s brain liquefied and leaked out of his nose. But don’t worry about that, I baked cookies back at the castle for all of us, with sprinkles!” 

Captain Toad briefly glanced at his passengers in the rear view, the smile never leaving his face. 

 

* * *

**To be continued.**

Author note: Did you go O_o at the end? Good! There might be a more of that coming up.

Originally created: 4/27/18- 5/8  
Rewritten version: 5/21/18, 5/24, 5/29, 6/20, 7/18, 7/23, 24, 29, 30, 8/5, 8/8  
Revamp: 8/23/18, 8/29, 31, 9/2

 

_References:_

_-Title Named after song by ‘Philip H. Anselmo & the illegals’._


	15. April 4, 444 CE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note: Continuing with the crazy moments. See bottom notes for dates. Mario and co. belong to Nintendo, just because I haven’t said it in a while.

**Personal letter:**

_Hey dad. I know you tell me to not play games on the job, so I haven’t I promise. I was just thinking of visiting home, but I'm not sure if that’s going to be possible for a long time. It’s crazy here, half the windows are shattered at the hospital from the coma walkers, all of us are doing super overtime, people are literally running for their lives across the boarder from North to South, and there’s this weird black star in the sky and the Mushroom Space Institute can’t identify it. What ever’s gone wrong in the world ain’t natural for sure. Talk to ya soon, dad._

-Love, Jr. 'I miss home' Troopa

* * *

**Meanwhile in Star Haven…**

The Millennium Star in a blur approached Eldstar, seated on his yellow crystalline throne. “Ho ho, here I am. What was wrong again?” 

Eldstar put down the pager beside him. It was an old model from the 90s, patched together with tape. “A star warrior friend of mine alerted me to a growing problem.”

“I was currently involved in a Mario Party, but for you old friend, I’d postpone it any time,” the purple glowing star said.

“Was not your last Mario party decades ago?” Klevar asked with his back turned. He was researching online message boards concerning Toad Town on a ‘computer’, two pieces of granite fused in the middle with a screen on the top part and an input panel on the bottom.

“Splendid observation. It was, but time is a loop ever cycling. What year is this?”

“2016?”

Millennium Star nodded. “As the embodiment of one thousand years I was there hosting then and I will continue to be for 984 more years. Does this make sense?”

Klevar and Eldstar glanced at each other. “..Sure, fellow. Make yourself home in my temple. We must wait for ♡♪!? anyhow as he has the car.”

Klevar powered off the screen he was looking at. “And I’ll look out for him, since I’m done with this research. The verdict? Well, I’m not really sure what to think. I should ask Skolar...”

* * *

The double doors of Dr. Toadley’s lab pushed open. “Dr. Toadley sir. You might want to step outside for a moment.”

The doctor threw his keyboard down. “Impossible! Can I accept being beaten at my best game by a girl who is currently standing on her head? No I cannot!”

Daisy flipped the keyboard over, to find that some keys had fallen off. “Doc, give it a break. I’ve only been playing Minesweeper since I was a bored little girl.” 

She sat with him in the south corner of the room at the newly ‘restored’ desk. Half of the table was broken off, the laptop’s screen was slightly shattered, and the whole thing being supported by stacks of thick folders. The rest of the lab was still an unusable mess with all of Toadley’s testing equipment, patient beds, knickknacks, and more tossed about randomly.

“Sir,” Mary pressed, “this is really really important. I know you ran those thugs off an hour ago, but they’re back.”

Dr. Toadley pried himself away from the computer with a grunt. Mary accompanied him outside where nearby businesses were either empty or taken over and a giant Banzai Bill launcher was aimed right at the doors.

Mary pointed to the cannon. “S-see?!”

A bony beetle and dry bones wearing black vests and red bandannas came around from the back. “Give us your building or fall victim to our super symmetry double attack!” they said in unison. 

Dr. Toadley raised one eyebrow. “Why is there one cannon and not two?”

The baddies looked at each other. “Well….because… we couldn’t afford two. But you probably can’t afford another face if you get too fresh with us, see?”

“Will you give me one moment?” They went back indoors to the lab.

“Doctor, these guys are-! Uh, sir, what are you doing?! Are we going to give it up?” 

Toadley looked around for something. “Are we? Yes, but not before I give them a welcoming gift.” He produced a remote from a drawer and took the laptop off the desk.

“Doc, what’s wrong?” Daisy asked.

“Should you two wait for me outside? Yes you should.”

Mary and Daisy complied hesitantly. They went outside where the thugs were waiting.

“What’s taking so long, girls?” the bony beetle growled.

“Hey, be patient! Who do you think you are anyway?!” Daisy spat. 

The dry bones produced a long knife. “The ‘Dry Bonez Thugz’ and watch your mouth, princess. We would kidnap you if you were wanted enough, but you ain’t because you’re not that blonde princess.”

“Excuse me??” Daisy sprung towards the dry bones and kicked him in the torso, knocking his frame fall apart and sending the blade to the ground with a clang. Before the bony beetle could unsheathe his spikes, she stomped him flat. Both ‘thugz’ were piles of bones scattered on the street and sidewalk. 

“Yeah! Take that!” Daisy bent down on her knees, winded already.

“Wow, that was amazing! Why aren’t you in more games?”

Daisy glanced at Mary and then looked away with some embarrassment. “That’s kind of a touchy subject.”

Behind them Birdley flew out of the clinic and perched on a power line across the street. The girls stood under it and Mary called him down a few times, but the white songbird didn’t move. Daisy was just offering to climb the pole to get him down when-

BOOM! The Toadley Clinic blew up in a fiery explosion. The cannon was destroyed, and Daisy and Mary were knocked off their feet as car alarms went off and people nearby screamed in alarm. The dust was just settling when Dr. Toadley safely emerged from a manhole on the sidewalk and laughed maniacally.

“Will you try to take the clinic from me now?? Go ahead! Take what is left of it, you hooligans!!….” Dr. Toadley and looked around. 

“Oopsy! Squawk! Oopsy!” Birdley chirped.

* * *

The housing agent knocked Boo up (the old British meaning) that morning to sign another late rent payment slip. Boo signed as a 'contract’ that they promised to do better. Boo stayed up after that and did nothing all morning. It really dawned on them how typical their life was usually, off in a run down apartment in Forever Forrest with no television or internet or even radio. It was a Saturday so they were still off work from their job down the block called 'Stalk and Shake'. Celebrities like Lady Bow or Tubba Blubba occasionally visited the local diner but alas, this was still the weekend... 

Boo floated outside the apartment for some natural sun light. 

“...Oh my goodness! I work for minimum wage in a fast food joint and my only other hobby is reviewing food online even though my only subscriber is my mom! I’m flipping useless!” Boo screamed into the sky.

Something on the side of the apartment rustled.

"Umm, hello?”

Ludwig Von Koopa came around from the side. "Ah, my apologies."

Boo gasped. "W-what are you doing here?! Aren’t you the one who-" 

Ludwig revealed the zapper holster under his jacket. "Calm down. Thank you. Have you seen a boom shroom in this area?"

"Uh uh… Yeah. It’s in my cupboard." 

"Stop!" Luigi ran from where Ludwig did a moment ago. “Oh hey. I didn’t know you lived here, ‘Booigi the second’. Did Ludwig threaten you?”

Ludwig glared at his companion. “I was only inquiring of the locals.” He turned back to Boo. “Hand it over. We need it to cure the Mushroom Flu and do NOT get any funny ideas.”

“O-oh, okay...” Boo had just found the mushroom the other day and was going to review it online. The problem was they’d already sampled a bit… When Boo came back out of the apartment with the half eaten fungus on a plate, they thought Ludwig might explode with the way he tensed up at the sight.

“You imbecile! What have you done?!”

Luigi quickly got in front of the koopaling. “Relax. Most of it’s still there! Besides there’s other things to worry about. Mario’s phone is subscribed to some news feeds and there’s officially a serial killer in the kingdom.”

Boo and Ludwig both had the look one might have if say, Peach agreed to marry Bowser.

“Uh, yeah.” Luigi read some info off of the phone. “Almost a dozen are dead by various means of internal damage.. All deceased had connections to mass transport, and there are no suspects...”

“Internal damage?” Ludwig seemed to contemplate something. “That is certainly unusual, but I guess that issue is out of our reach at the moment. Come Luigi Mario, before some thug is tempted to take our kart at the entrance.” He picked up the plate and walked off.

“So, this is goodbye?” Boo asked.

“Guess so buddy. If anything happens, remember to call Mario’s number, okay?” Luigi sprint off as well and Boo watched their night in green armor disappear in the woods.

Now Boo really felt useless. They stared upwards, noticing for the first time a black star hanging in the sky that seemed to follow you. Boo entertained theirself by floating around as if playing a chasing game with the celestial phenomenon. All was well until-

BAM! Boo face planted smack into a tree. In a daze they fell out.

* * *

Mr. Toad Kinopio Toadstool downed another Carbamazepine with some water when Toadette opened the door. 

“(Hey, homegirl..)” 

Toadette took a few steps in. “Mr. Toad, I’m glad you’re up, but word is going around that the leader of the Chuckster faction was assassinated and the entire group disbanded. That gives the West side baddies complete control over Toad Town!”

He found Toadette adorable when worked up over nothing. 

“And there’s a serial killer on the loose!”

Maybe she was worked up over something..

“(As long as we stay indoors we’ll be okay, babe.)” 

Some color returned to Toadette’s face. “Heh, thanks for that reality check. By the way, Dr. Toadley wants in here. His lab was attacked or something. Is that okay?”

“(Sure.)”

There was the distant sound of something blowing up downstairs.

“Ugh!! I thought I banned Iggy from using the microwave! I’ll check on you later.”

When she left, Toad mustered some strength to get up. Hopefully he’d feel better once he walked around. Once he hit the halls he saw dust everywhere, the doors to rooms being carelessly left open, and the few staff that were working that day looking directionless. He crossed one of the old timers, Russ T., who was sweeping fruitlessly with stiff yellow broom that was only flicking the dirt around. 

“(Hey, Russ.)”

“Greetings. I’ve been meaning to speak to you Mr. Toad. Do you know what is special about this month?”

“(Oh yeah, Toadworth was born this month but I missed him before he left. Toadette told me about the whole cure scavenger hunt thing.)”

“That is true, but there is something else. Do you know of what has happened many times on this date?” 

Toad started to inch away, bored already. “(I’ll check back with you…)”

“So ignorance will be your choice. I see,” Russ said quietly as he shook his head. 

Downstairs on the ground floor Toad passed the den with Roy, Wendy, and Larry inside. Toad called to them but they only looked at him sourly and didn’t say one word. In the next room a smoke was in the air, and Yoshi was standing around looking standoffish with his arms crossed.

“(Yoshi! High five, man!)” 

Yoshi’s face softened as he returned the gesture. Toadette stumbled out of the kitchen coughing with Iggy behind her, holding a silver steaming tray. 

“Wow, what a yandere...” Iggy said. “I think my microwave meals are the best, thank you very much!

Toad fanned the air. “(What’s wrong with your brothers and sister?)”

Iggy held the tray with one hand and scratched his green head with the other. “Ooooh that. Luddy-sama had them get Yoshi fruit but that’s all I can piece together, that and T. Yoshisaur somehow ended up with them. They can’t speak or even write and no one really knows what happened to them.”

Alagold came from downstairs with a jittery disposition. 

“(You okay?)”

“I’m cold, bro. So very cold...” Alagold walked away shivering.

“He’s suffering withdrawal,” Iggy explained like it was no big deal. “A bad dream with a star or something scared him and he won’t touch his medications now. Oh, my shows are on!”

With that Toad was alone, so he decided to answer the door bell everyone else was ignoring, and he got immediately trampled by Lemmy and Morton rushing in.

“(Homeboys, hold up!)” 

Lemmy turned around. “W-where’s our brothers and sister??” 

“(In the other room, Lemmy but-)”

“What is he saying???”

Morton took slow steps back. “He’s talking nonsense, word salad, gibberish!” 

“Ohmygod he must be crazy too! Ruuuunnnn!!”

A hand laid on his shoulder. “Mr. Toad, are you okay? Let me assist.” 

“(Thanks, Stan,)” Toad said as he was helped up by his look a like.

The Captain’s hands lingered on Toad’s shoulder and upper arm, gripping tightly. “They didn’t hurt you did they??”

“(Nope. It’s okay, homeboy.)”

Captain Toad let go, with red cheeks just as Buckenberry rushed in right afterwards, holding his arm like it was sore. “I’m telling on you, freak!”

“Please do so, sir,” Captain Toad challenged, with his voice perfectly modulated to be considered non confrontational yet still laced with deadly warning.

When they both promptly got lost, Toad found his energy tank to be on empty already. Before he returned to bed, he remembered the note he had for Toadsworth thanking him for his good service. Toad took the elevator to the third floor where Toadsworth’s private room was, quaint with little possessions filling the living space other than bookshelves and a reading table. On the well made up purple colored bed was an old thick book with a felt book mark hanging out of the middle.

Toad turned to the marked page. ‘A stage act in play for millennium past of actors a facsimile of their roles and those scorned..’

“-Ah, so not so ignorant after all,” Russ said in the open doorway.

Toad started to tell him to buzz off, but it was his own fault for not following the door closing rules. “(Do you know about this, Russ?)”

“Are you familiar with the Dark Star? Not the one that was defeated by the Marios but an original dark star, the first ‘Ztar’? Legend says when it arrives, it encompasses whomever it chooses. Anyone can be a tool or instrument at any point…. Mr. Toad?”

Russ stepped closer but Toad had already passed out. “Oh my!” Russ left the room to look for someone to call for help. He never owned or operated those cell phone things so he was forced to search manually. Incidentally he found someone quickly, standing right were Toad’s actual room was.

“Sir, is something wrong?” Captain Toad turned around, holding his his hands a white sort of blanket that his face was buried in a moment ago.

“Mr. Toad has- Is that his blanket???”

Captain Toad dropped it in a neat folded up state. “Just doing laundry. What’s wrong with Mr. Toad??” he asked with an edge in his voice.

Russ scanned Toad’s room and found nothing else out of the ordinary aside from the ill kept bed. “He’s passed out back there. Call someone.”

Captain Toad rushed to Toadsworth room, coming out right after. “What did you do?!”

“Nothing. Who authorized you to go in there? You are not on our staff list.”

“I am an intern for today, sir, though this is the Mushroom Kingdom so basically the same thing. I know the Princess doesn’t pay any of you.” 

Captain Toad radioed Toadette while Russ was preoccupied with the thought that he’d have an opportunity to be a know it all.

* * *

At The Special World Hospital, Dr. Topper entered behind a green curtain marked ‘Case X’. The portable white board marked ‘Power up tests’ was full of tally marks and Morris’s hyperactive assistant was already accepting his next assignment to prep the radiation room. Judging by the scorched marks on the Ukiki girl on the testing bed, and the fact that Dr. Toad was writing his case study, he was too late.

Dr. Topper sighed. “May I dissociate myself from this research project?”

Dr. Toad’s pencil led snapped. Less associates on the project meant he would be farther from- No, Topper could not quit on him. “Are you sure?” 

“Well, I can’t leave anyway just yet, I have to get something. Excuse me.” Dr. Topper patted his colorful coat pockets as he left.

Morris turned to Dr. Toad when Johnson left the test area. “Youths these days, and old stuffy men too! They do like to either rush or halt progress, don’t you agree?”

Dr. Toad yawned. “Possibly.”

“Speaking of difficult, my first job was as a medic for Sir Grodus back in the day. I got fired when I accidentally sowed a few soldiers hands on backwards. It’s quite hard to tell when we never take off our mittens.”

Dr. Toad heard a light tap on the wall. “I’ll meet you later. I have something to do.” 

Morris began to pack up. “Do not worry my dear fellow, I will man the hatches until you return!…” 

Dr. Toad left the lab and hung his jacket on a rack. Once outside he saw the vast featureless Star Road landscape with its powder blue ground and dark starry sky, but there was no soul in sight. 

“Hello?”

“What’s purple, black, blue, and red all over?” Zoo Diddley became visible. His face was swollen and puffy, there were cuts and bruises all over him, and one of his eyes were red and running. “Me!”

“Zoo?!”

“I lost a battle with a pokey, a thwomp, and a… I’m kidding. Give me a hug.” 

Dr. Toad was hugged by his not so incorporeal after all brother. He brought Zoo inside and gave him a surgical mask and a bonnet, typical nurse ware. Zoo held a little backpack. “Is there a place to store stuff? I got a few things.”

“Yeah, we have lockers. What happened exactly with your old job that made you have to hide here?”

Zoo dropped the smile. “About that. While on the train I found a today’s paper. Bowser thinks I caused the Mushroom Flu.”

“You didn’t, did you??”

“Of course not,” Zoo said seriously. “I’ll admit I had a part, but only because they had me go to Toad Town and drop cans in places. I still don’t know why they hired me to help, and this punk toad I met tried to do some funny tricks to pin it on me.”

“That sounds about right for you.”

“What does that mean??”

“You’ve always attracted trouble,” Dr. Toad said smirking. “Listen, there’s a reason we have some MF patients here. If we can find out how exactly the virus affects the brain during coma walking, we can reverse deterioration of cognitional abilities due to age or illness.” Dr. Toad noticed Zoo’s blank look. “Dad’s been sick-”

“I don’t care,” Zoo interrupt somewhat harshly. 

“You would if you saw him lately, or mom for that matter.”

Zoo shrugged it off. “Enough nerd talk. Can I experiment now?”

Dr. Toad grabbed a memo pad from a his pants pocket. “First sign this. Congratulations, you are an associate of the hospital as nurse ‘Sue’. By the way, you just agreed that you will NOT experimenting on anyone. Got you!” 

Zoo laughed. “Yep you got me, Drew. Heh. You’ve never told me how a schizo like you gets elected president.”

“Not funny. I just studied and applied for the position like everyone else. And I’m bipolar. Get it right.” 

“...One last thing, about my blackouts…” Zoo stared at the white floor tiles, trying to think of how to explain it. “Yeah, I think… I might have hurt those people. Like, I’d have a weird headache every time I’d wake up… And I’m hearing things. I think my bell, that I don’t remember packing in the first place, rung itself in my backpack.”

Dr. Toad put his arm around him. “There is a nose, elbow, foot, and brain specialist who has an office here. He’s kind of weird but he’s good in my opinion. I’ll have him look at you.”

“Thanks Drew,” Zoo smiled, revealing rows of sharp teeth. “You’ve always had my back, bro. I’m still hungry and I saw this ‘Applebys’ restaurant down the street-”

“Earn a days wage and then we can talking about you borrowing yet again from me...”

* * *

**In Star Haven...**

“Hey, Great Eldstar.” Geno bowed respectfully. “I was trying to tell you I might be late but my phone’s screen is cracked so it only works half of the time.”

Eldstar raised his eyebrows. “That is fine. Now, could you explain your concerns again?”

“Sure, pops. So, you know Dark Ztar, right? I think he’s doing something sneaky on Earth. I mean, what has Klevar over there found out?”

Klevar, who hung in Eldstar’s room as always turned around. “Huh? Oh, yeah.” He switched a tab over from Fleabay. “Let us see here. Recent news: A ‘dark star’ has appeared in the sky and is intriguing everyone everywhere. Astronauts in Sky Land are even planning a launch to investigate. Mushroom Flu breaks out in Mushroom Kingdom. Also, they have the first serial killer in a few decades. Here’s some good news. Chancellor Toadsworth was born today, the sweet old guy.”

Geno turned to Eldstar dramatically. “See? And wasn’t your cousin born around this time? Maybe he wants attention. I read some files on a particular Dark Boo on Earth and they saw a dark star in their childhood, so maybe he want to repeat that on a larger scale. As for the other bad things going on? I wouldn’t put it past him either!”

Everyone heard a toilet flush and Millennium Star entered the room. Geno wondered why Eldstar was insisting he come along, but he didn’t have time to complain.

“Klevar, tell anyone asking I am visiting a ‘friend’,” Eldstar said. “Thank you, dear one. Well ♡♪!?, lead the way!”

Geno drove Eldstar and Millennium Star to the dark realm in the blink of an eye. No longer were the structures made of beautiful stone and crystals, they were now jagged dull grey colors of an opaque material. ‘ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE’ was on a sign right before a tall thorn covered black gate, leading to the sanctuary of Dark Ztar. Behind the gates was a onix colored spire coming from the purple cracked ground. 

Geno bang on the gate. A moment later dark colored vortex appeared before everyone and Dark Ztar emerged. 

“Zach, we must talk,” Eldstar said.

“Jolly good, we shall,” Dark Ztar, a large ztar with white eyes, a goatee, and monocle, replied. “And I go by Dark Ztar now!”

“Oh, my apologizes. Anyway, why didn’t you tape that football game you promised to?”

“Umm, Eldstar?” Geno whispered. “I thought you were going to ask about Earth?”

“That too! There is a little more chaos than normal and those on Earth are seeing none other than your image in the skies above.”

Dark Ztar stroked his goatee. “Hmm. I’ve only been doing my job right up here. Why bother with that smelly terrestrial planet and besides, how can you have the audacity to question me when you have than old but very special pager?”

Eldstar started. “What preposterous thing are you talking about?”

“I have appointments now. Be gone.” Dark Ztar started to float away.

“I don’t think so,” Geno growled. He shot a Geno Whirl at Dark Ztar to stop him. Dark Ztar spun and shot a tidal wave dark matter back. The golden glowing disc sliced through the wave to hit the dark star, or its effigy rather. Dark Ztar and his dark matter dissipate like it was all never really there at all. After being struck by wonderment for a split second, everyone noticed a second sign:

THIS ROOM IS AN ILLUSION AND IS A TRAP DEVISUT BY DARK STAR.  
GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY! MAKE RAPID PROGRES!" 

Geno fell to his star warrior equivalent to knees and shouted, “Noooooooooo!”

Eldstar stood before everyone. “Wait, I have an idea. If he want to play juvenile tricks then..”

“What?” Millennium Star asked.

Eldstar tossed a white cylinder his way, wrapped in plastic that was labeled, ‘two-ply’.

 

* * *

**To be continued!**

Note: Originally Created: 5/8/18, 5/19  
Rewritten version (no not rewritten on all these dates, rather work was done on it): 5/22- 27, 6/4, 6/20, 6/26, 7/18, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30, 8/5, 6, 8/28, 31, 9/2, 9/8


	16. East Side Mario Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mario and co belong to Nintendo

Padded seats, a light pink interior, and snacks on hand made Peach’s private jet comfortable on the way to the Chai Kingdom with Chancellor Toadsworth, (who was no longer a ‘chancellor’ but the name stuck long after retirement) as their pilot. Apparently his wish for turning a hearty 56 today was solely to air travel once again as he had long ago over the beaches of Mushroomdy during the great Bob-omb War. They had been in the air for a little while when Mario played on his brother’s phone. They owned the same model and swapped by mistake that morning. Luigi had no social media or games other than Sudoku, so that’s exactly what Mario played and failed badly at. After a while he got a message from ‘Mario’: 

“No, you didn’t text yourself, this is Luigi. Toad and Daisy are awake. Contact asap. Also I can’t get rid of your bottom signature thing. It’s cheesy as heck, bro. 

-Mario, let’s-a go!”

Mario chuckled when Bowser, seated behind him, slammed his pummeled looking flip phone shut loudly. “Grrr. Mario is my true rival, I don’t care that you have fury!”

Mario quickly relocated to where Peach sat. 

Peach yawned. “Is everything fine?” 

“Luigi texted me that Toad and Daisy are awake now.” While speaking Mario did a quick recount of his own belongings, including his super scope. He couldn’t remember what prompted him to even bring it but it was there.

She smiled. “Wonderful! We can explain this and we should be home in a few hours.”

Bowser scoffed. “Are you two sure they’ll let us off easy?? Son, show em that video. Discretion is advised!”

Junior pulled a modern large screen phone from his backpack. The video was Sarasaland General Sǐwáng screaming (with the translation in caption) that they would wage war against BOTH Dark Land and the Mushroom Kingdom because the tennis match being canceled in such a way disappointed millions of native Sarasaland people who only had access to cable once a month. Highlights included footage of Sarasaland missiles on standby, weapons on racks ready to use, and a snippet of a public guillotine. 

“-That’s my favorite part! If we have a war, can I launch the first missiles? Please please please?” Junior begged, on his knees even.

“...You really need to get your son checked out.”

“Tell me about it, plumber.”

Peach leaned against the window and closed her eyes, her features tensing. “This is very unlike their generals but hopefully they will calm down when we tell them their princess is okay.”

When the aircraft dropped in altitude, Mario saw the village below with its red tiled roofs, spidery little paths between buildings, and people scurrying around like insects. Junior was a bug enthusiast so he had the same thoughts and became glued to the windows as well. Mario also saw a dark spot the size of a large coin in the daylight. He felt an odd feeling deep inside when his two feet connected with the ground and not just because of the bumpy landing. Everyone carried the few things they packed and walked away from the plane.

“Thanks for getting us here safe, Toadsworth.” Mario noticed deteriorated sate of the airstrip. 

“No, thank you, Master Mario.” Toadsworth said, suited up in a brown bomber jacket with a matching old-school sheepskin pilot hat. “I still got it!”

Peach head to the port, a building two soldiers wearing turbans and holding large machetes were guarding. 

“Princess, wait!”

Peach waved a hand. “I need to handle registration matters and I doubt you’ll enjoy it. Why don’t you head to town?”

Bowser’s giant hand appeared on Mario’s shoulder and pulled him back. “-Sounds good, hotness. The plumber and I will do that with your grandpa! Ha!”

Peach’s smile became a flat line. “Then we will meet you before the government building later.” And that was that.

The streets of Sarasaland emitted the feeling of a bustling but developing kingdom. Ancient buildings whether occupied, empty, or decaying neighbored brand new structures of a modern design. The streets had little to no cars, but instead goombo workers and citizens in droves, zipping to and fro on their business. A rocketon occasionally darted through the sky in their planes, leaving a faint wispy trail. A yurarin snatched the purse of a mother goombo with her kids and Mario was powerless to intervene, especially since he was somehow the one stuck holding Junior’s hand!

“Peach is going to have to go through these same streets without us. We head should back,” he said, annoyed. 

“Too late plumber, we’ve been walking for ten minutes.”

“Can we stop there? Please please please?”

Mario turned where Junior was pointing to see a sword shop with all kinds of huge sharp blades displayed in the window.

“Absolutely not!” Mario snapped, while Bowser found it hilarious. Mario transferred the vexing look to him. “Why did you shack us up together?”

Bowser avoided his gaze. “Junior, come here.” Junior went to his dad, who picked him up and carried him on his shoulders. Mario and Bowser were already taller than most of the natives, but this made his son tower over everything. “Didn’t you want a break?”

“From what? The princess? Toadsworth?” Somewhat, Mario answered in his mind. While in the company of both them AND Bowser, he did feel like he had to put something of an act up. The Mushroom Kingdom’s greatest hero couldn’t be seen as too friendly with the enemy. “Well, whatever. Want a drink?”

“Nah, I don’t think they sell soda here.” 

“Maybe they would have if- You know. Why did you do that to Fungus Up?”

“Because I saw a war documentary as a kid about descaling koopas. It made me cry,” Bowser answered with out a hint of shame. They pass a gift shop. “Hold on.”

Bowser and Junior went in for a moment and then came back out quickly, with Bowser holding a black plastic bag. “Okay, lead the way mustache.”

Mario observed the street signs again, rusty with the ways of the city. “I think we turn here. What did you find in there?”

“Your mother.”

Mario rolled his eyes and led the way again. “Have you seen that thing in the sky?”

Bowser and his son craned their neck upwards. “Huh, no.”

“Cooool!”

“Stop staring at it!” Bowser barked at Junior.

It was odd how comfortable Mario felt with this. 

...

 

Soon Peach and Toadsworth met them, the latter now armed with thick travel packets. Sarasaland was six hours ahead of their time so they had a quick picnic dinner outside with sand dunes and the government official pyramid in the backdrop. Under the evening sun’s rays, everyone consumed food brought from home, hoping the energy from it would help them with the very delicate situation that they’d be facing. Insects desperate for free lunch made their way on the blanket they sat on which Mario shooed away and the Bowsers added as toppings for their meals.

“For the last time I didn’t kidnap your princess!! Huh? Well yeah I did that one time, but… NO YOU!!” Bowser slammed the phone shut. 

Mario slurped up some lukewarm spaghetti. “What’s with that?” 

Bowser glanced down at Mario’s Italian dish for a moment. “Nothing really. Idiots just think they can harass me because I ain’t in my kingdom at the moment. But anyway, that reminds me..” 

He slapped two greeting cards down in front of Mario and Peach. Mario’s had on the cover ‘Will you be my...’ Mario opened it up. ‘Favorite hoe?’ There was also a picture of the diamond farming tool. Apparently this was a Minecraft card.

“Hey!”

Peach opened hers. ‘Baby you make my palms sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti.’ “Whatever does this mean?” 

Bowser idly scratched an itch. “Oops. I swapped the ones I meant to give y’all.”

“Well I’ll treasure it always… I think.” Mario stuck the card in his pocket.

“Thanks, plumber. And you really are my favorite ‘hoe’, I guess. Ha!” 

“I am glad we are getting along,” Peach said. “If anything goes wrong, at least we’ll have our ‘interesting’ dynamic.”

“I say!” Toadsworth agreed.

Mario saw that Luigi’s phone had service again. He replied to Luigi and hoped he’d understood the lateness. He looked something up on the web browser. “Hmm. Sky Land launched a shuttle to that thing in the sky earlier.”

Bowser chuckled dryly. “They should have launched a shuttle here. Yeah, launch me back home and in my bed.”

Peach got up when everyone was done eating. “May the stars be with us...”

* * *

_RE: Zoo Sue Diddley._

_“This is Dr. Kuribo to Boo Master of the Do-Gooder Boo Community. You will find Zoo to be a bright if mischievous little boo. Since the event he blames on ringing a ‘bell’ he had schizoid tendencies such as black outs during which he is violent in a way I cannot elaborate unfortunately, as I only have second hand accounts to go by. He is currently on medication and I will send a full report next week when he is transferred. Thank you.”_

Kylie put the files Geno acquired down. The lights were out in the entire Mushroom Press building and the windows and doors were boarded up with the gang activity happening. What exactly was she dealing with? She knew Zoo was special in some way, but what was this sudden mention of bells? It was time to direct her investigation to what kind of object could possibly-

“SEEK AND DESTROY ZOO FOR HARMING YOUR BELOVED.” 

She switched the browser tab to another line of investigating. ‘Susie Que’ was hired just yesterday, so Kylie had Jesse at the front desk trying to dig for his/her application. 

Emery wheel her way over in on a roller chair. “Hey, Kylie.”

"I’m focusing,” she said curtly. “I mean, excuse the attitude, I forgot you were here. You holding up okay? I never intended to have you stranded here with me.”

“No, it’s fine. Like, what else would I be doing? I have no life.”

Jesse rounded the corner gave her the application, leaving the building right after, though Kylie was too preoccupied to notice while doing a reverse number search on Susie’s reference number. It purportedly belonged to a ‘Drew Louis Diddley’, listed as a prestigious scientist with several awards at his young age.

At Kylie’s request, Emery dialed the number with her quick little hands. “Hello...Oh, wow...Okay bye, gosh!” She hung up, frowning. “Yep, I’ve met him before. He’s Dr. Toad and he freaks out when people call him randomly.”

“Dr. Toad is Drew Diddley?! Come on! If that’s our only clue about Zoo we gotta head there, for Mitch..”

Kylie pried away a few boards so that they could leave, being taken back at what she saw outside. The sky was had a red tinge even though it was only mid day. The moon, or what Kylie thought was the moon was looking awfully dark as well, hanging in the sky like a literal black hole. Some buildings were on fire and wrecked cars and property was strolled about. A few yards away a group of cheep cheeps on motorbikes circled three scared Toads and promised to make them fish food if they didn't leave the city. A dry bones and a bony beetle chased a koopa all the way down the train track. The defunct train had been covered over with a banner with both an anarchy and a star symbol on it. 

Emery waved to a group across the street. The trio, a human, a bob-omb, and a boss bass turned around. 

“Emery? We've been looking for you!” Daffodil said. She ran across the street with the others. Kylie shifted uncomfortably at the unlikely friends of her friend.

“Did ya know? We’re running this joint, love,” Chomper said. 

“You're the leaders?” Emery asked.

“Aye, we befriended two gangs, the ‘Seaworthy Switch Blades’ and the ‘Dry Bonez Thugz’ and with them ran any other baddies out! Lil’ Nukem over ‘ere is the reason why some of ‘em have these big ‘ol cannons and whatnot!”

“Yeah, piece of cake!” Nukem said in his cool voice.

“That's ridiculous!” Kylie exclaimed. “So you losers just go around beating everyone up?” 

“We don't hurt anyone if they leave town,” Nukem was quick to correct. 

“So much better!” Kylie said icily. “Let’s scram.”

“What’s your problem, you unfun little punk?” Daffodil spat, whipping her hair back and getting in Kylie’s face. 

Emery got between them and held out her arms. “Stop! I’m sure there’s an explanation.”

Kylie’s fist clenched. “Yeah, this one. Your friends are crap! CRAP!!” she screamed, her voice breaking. Kylie stormed off from Emery and the baddies.

“Dang… We would have explained out cause.” Daffodil filed her nails idly.

Emery shrugged. “Don’t fret. She’ll be okay I mean.. Like I was the one with the car, but whatever. So, what were you guys up to again?”

* * *

Kylie had never before felt such an insufferable mix of anger and betrayal as she walked and walked and walked. It was like a dream, except she found herself in the spot where the paved Toad Town road ended and the orange dirt road began for real. A group of cowboys were lining the gate leading to the foot of Mt. Rugged. Off to the side was a fresh looking wooden sign post saying ‘all Toad Town residents welcome!’. 

Once through the wooden fencing, the area was alive. Around the hospital were people’s tents stationed and makeshift shops, even Rowf and Rhuff selling badges. Inside the hospital was quieter. She tried to sit down, order some tea, and wind down when-

“CHECK.. ON.. HIM.”

Kylie looked around and saw no one addressing her, but felt the urge to head towards Mitch’s room, finding it empty. She rushed back to the desk.

“What happened to Mitch?!” she asked hysterically.

Rou T. went from the computer to her, face full of sadness. “Sorry hun. His family stopped by and handled the rest. I think they pronounced him brain dead.”

Mitch. The guy Kylie met in high-school. The one she spent weekends in arcades with. Her partner as a journalist. The most interesting Toad she’d ever met. Her ex-boyfriend. He was gone… 

Kylie’s nose was still runny and eyes damp when she received the third tea and slowly took a sip.

“Mon ami! What is wrong?” Jelectro Bond took a seat across from her.

Her ceramic cup make a clink on the table. “On this day everyone will know that they cannot take from me and not expect consequences."

He slid down his glasses to study her expression. “I’m so sorry.”

“Never mind that, Bond. I’m handling it,” she said bluntly.

“Kylie, I was going to tell you that the description of the railway killer fits Zoo.”

“Great, because I’m hunting Zoo down and no force will stop me. I’ll even pay for help-”

“Pay?!” Sebastian run up to Kylie. “Guys, over here!!” 

The rest of his squad seemingly materialized out of nowhere to crowd their table.

“We could use a job,” their leader James said, limping on one foot, “And a break from the walloping going on here! We ain’t getting paid enough for dat!”

“You want us to storm a place?” Richard asked, smiling despite the bandages scattered over his face. “We’re kind of good at that.”

Wiggletron cracked one set of his fingers, namely because his other set of arms were in a sling. “Then let us not let time elapse needlessly.”

Sebastian turned back to Kylie. His head was wrapped like he’s sustained a head injury. “Cool, always a fan! <3”

“Am I the only person who thinks this is the dumbest dern ideal ever?” Parabilly was somehow without a scratch.

“Loosen up, Billy. Do something crazy! Well, aside from jumping on stage and telling us what else happened with your sister and law.”

Parabilly shoved Richard, who had to resist saying ‘Ouch’ loudly.

“You peeps are hired then. We’ll go to the ‘Special World Hospital’ to possibly get the jump on a guy named Zoo,” Kylie said.

Bond stood up from the seat. “Just try to not get yourself hurt.” He stopped right before the entrance. “Oh, and thank you for the tip of Zoo’s whereabouts.”

Kylie’s eyes narrowed as he walked through the hospital’s hastily repaired doors.

* * *

Mario leaned back against the sandstone wall of the ancient pyramid that was also neatly also a government official building. From the hallway he could hear the low rumble of all of the constantly stirring quicksand outside. Sandwiched he was between Junior occupied completely with his ant farm, and Toadsworth reading. The three were shunned from joining Peach and Bowser behind the door ahead so they all waited begrudgingly until that gradually abated to just boredom. Mario noticed the vibrant travel pamphlet in the hands of the ex toad chancellor next to him. ‘Take a cruise at Isle Delfino.’ 

“-Yes, Master Mario?”

Mario realized he’d been leaning in while imagining himself on a beach. “Oh nothing. I wish I was there right now.”

Toadsworth folded the pamphlet up. “I concur. Maybe we can fly there again someday.”

Mario was half asleep when the door was slammed open so hard it almost flew off the hinges. Bowser stomp out groggily.

“They drugged me with something and then TOOK THE PRINCESS!!”

Mario sprung into the room that contained nothing but file cabinets and a single wooden desk. A door was directly opposite from the one he entered and wide open with guards heading their way. Mario kicked it shut. 

“Bowser?! How did this happen?”

“That diplomat freak offered me a complementary tasty tonic then next thing I know, I wake up and Peach is gone! Who does he think he is??! ME??”

The door knob jiggled. “Blast. We need to go!”

“Oh dear! Is everything alright?” Toadsworth said from the hallway. 

Junior barged in. “What did I miss? What did I miss??” 

Mario ushered everyone out back into the hall they started in and locked that door too. “We have to find the Princess! Were there ANY clues?”

“Yeah, the topic was ‘relocation’ to a castle or something. Got any ideas, Mr. World Traveler?” Bowser asked.

Mario nodded. “Daisy’s Castle! Unless things have changed, that’s the only castle in the land.” 

When they ran to the exit, nine guards were blocking the passageway out. 

“I got this plumber, get over here...” Bowser picked up Mario. Mathematical formulas appeared before him as he calculated the shot. He might have missed at the Mario Kart race two days ago, but he wouldn’t this time. He tossed Mario like a speeding bullet right at the guards, making all of them topple over like bowling pins. Bowser scooped Mario up in passing and they made it outside of the pyramid and back into the Chai Kingdom.

“Where’s that flower chick’s castle?” 

Mario spit out part of a tooth. “Walking would take too long. We’ll need a ride.”

As the world was bobbing up and down in time with Bowser’s massive sprint like steps, Mario noticed Junior and even the usually slow Toadsworth keeping up excellently as they zipped out into the streets and down an alley, entering into a closed shop to loose any guards following their trail. Among some carpentry, Mario was dropped down roughly into a short wooden chair.

“Oww!” 

“Next time I’ll drop ya on the floor then.” Bowser went back outside. He really was on a roll when the princess was involved, Mario pondered.

Toadsworth peered into Mario’s eyes with his beady own, shedding his previous look of fear for something Mario couldn’t describe. “Master Mario, what is Bowser to you?”

Mario rubbed his cheek where the tooth ache, not in the mood for that in the slightest. “It’s complicated.” 

“Not at all. Let us see here: Bowser let a rogue nearly cause a bio-terror scare and you are okay with that.”

Mario gave him a look like he’d grown another head. “Says who?!?”

“Tut-tut!”

“You are being ridiculous, no offense. I can’t stop every bad thing, okay? I’m one person and I’m not freaking perfect!” Mario raised his voice, wanting so badly to tell off the old man who really was more of a liability these days anyway. After all, he did no real work around the castle aside from worrying about Peach needlessly and enforcing so many arbitrary rules even though this was the twenty first century and-

Mario shook those bitter thoughts out of his head while Toadsworth continued to look uncharacteristically smug.

“Indeed you are one person. Smart move old chap, electing your brother to do all of your work back home today.”

“Oooooh!” Junior covered his mouth, lapping up the unfolding drama.

“Don’t go there, Junior,” Mario warned. He spun around when he heard Bowser stomping near. “Did you find a bike or something?”

“Better. Get out there.”

Outside was an army motor dolly, but he shuddered when he caught sight of its original owner unconscious and curled up in the shadows to the side of the building they were hiding in.

“LET IT GO MR. GOODGUY,” a voice seemingly inside himself said. Mario could not eschew the suggestion.

“Okay let’s hit it, but I’m driving.”

Mario got into the drivers spot and Bowser got beside him. Junior hopped in the back, and Toadsworth got in last. The engine came to life as smoothly as an old decrepit lawn mower, cruising them out the alley and onto the condensed crowds. They left down town and drove over one last sand dune to find a bronze colored sphinx to the left and an Eastern styled temple to the far right. Daisy’s Castle was in the middle, positioned right under the evening sun. It was two stories tall, reflecting Daisy’s down to Earth nature and it had age on Peach’s castle by at least a century or more. Leading to the castle was a sandstone path with daises lining it on each side and five guards armed with spears. Five guards that were starting to become very alarmed at the vehicle racing towards them!

“Ease on the gas there, plumber!” Bowser said. 

Junior screamed, “Weeeeeee!” with his arms up. 

“Dear me!” Toadsworth covered his eyes.

“HIT THEM,” the voice said again. 

Next Mario knew, the guards were jumping out of the way as their car shot down the sandstone path. Mario stomp the brakes and they skid all the way into the nine foot tall bamboo doors, breaking the lock and knocking them slightly open.

“Master Mario??? What was that?” Toadsworth questioned.

“Awesome,” Junior said, giddy.

Bowser shrugged. “Not really your style fatso, but it got the job done.” He jumped out the kart and slammed the doors fully open. 

They first hugged the wall to the right, sending alarmed servants and unarmed guards packing as they snuck around. It was like Tom Clancy… Except Mario had the super scope, aiming it at every moving thing and not stopping short at the person that descended the stairs that lead to the second floor where the throne room was. The general raised his arms high, muttering in another language.

“Where’s Peach?!” Mario shout.

He gestured upstairs. 

“DO NOT TRUST HIM. TAKE HIM OUT.”

“Bowser, stop screaming at me,” Mario said with gritted teeth that ache, souring his mood farther.

“I haven’t said nothin’ moustache,” Bowser replied, confused. “Hey, you! Take us there already!”

The general went back up the steps slowly, Mario’s gun pressed to his back, heading towards Daisy’s throne room, a frilly and old fashioned looking thing with walls lined in gold, a glass chandelier above, and a red ornate carpet leading up to the throne with Princess Peach beside it.

“Mario!” the pale faced Princess cried.

He froze with weapon in hand. Guards were in the room also armed with spears raised to attack but no one got near. The general they’d confronted went straight to a young person, arguing with him in native tongue that didn’t sound very good.

“Y-you are welcome to attend the upcoming wedding of Princess Peach and Great Honorable General Sǐwáng XIX of Sarasaland’s National Force,” the shaky Bullet Biff in a business suit said. “Or, you w-were...”

The general, apparently General Sǐwáng went off again on a rant they couldn’t understand. There were apparently multiple General ‘Sǐwángs’, it being part of a title rather than a proper name. The skinny looking fellow before them was definitely not the one who sent death threats over video message to Bowser. 

“Mario, whatever are you doing?” Peach frowned. “It’s all a misunderstanding. Put that down!”

But Mario found he couldn’t drop it. 

Peach continued anyway, holding back tears. “Once Bowser fell asleep during that meeting, they told me they would launch the missiles towards the Mushroom Kingdom if I did not marry the general. I told them that Daisy was unharmed but no one cares!”

A low growl emitted from Bowser’s throat as his eyes wandered to the super scope. Mario caught the look, his intentions, and everything. Toadsworth and even Junior were silent closest to the door, both anxiously anticipating what might happen next (for differing reasons) but also determined to only observe.

“FIRE IT.”

Mario’s finger threatened to squeeze the trigger. 

“FIRE IT!”

He aimed at the General. The air all around was thin.

“Don’t do it!” Peach cried.

Mario wanted to reply, but the words never came out. Something was wrong, very wrong, but what could he do now? Was it really his hand holding the trigger at this point?

“...Please please please! I wanna fire it!” Bowser Junior blurt out.

Bowser picked up his excitable son. “That is very dangerous. Shut up!”

“But I want to shoot stuff! We’re the bad guys, that’s what we do!” 

The bad guys… Mario dropped the weapon to the ground as the fog cleared. Consequently he found his voice.

“Princess, you’ve always known what was best for the kingdom before. I’m very sorry and I wasn’t thinking straight. Umm, blame jet lag. So I’m Mario if you don’t know. This is Bowser, Toadsworth, and Junior. We only came here to let you know that your princess is awake now and the whole thing started by a mistake, so please don’t take this out on the rest of our kingdom.” 

The translator relayed that tangent and the General and his guards seemed more confused than angry.

“Umm, let me introduce the Princess properly too, if you’ d let me approach her. It’s a custom where we’re from.”

The translator said that. The General didn’t take his eyes off Mario when he spoke back.

“He says that he is not stupid,” the translator with wobbly legs relayed.

“Oh so… can she come to us?”

The General nodded, finding that a much better idea… for some reason. The blonde princess became free to slowly join Mario’s side.

“So, this is Peach and why don’t you get to know her? She’s a treasure, she really is.” Peach flushed when he said that. Bowser seemed sort of jealous, but knowingly Mario’s entire group shared a ‘glance’. 

“In addition to running a Kingdom that’s gone hundreds of years strong without even an official army,” Mario continued, “she plays sports, throws parties, and has a good time. Notice her shoes. She has another neat talent.” Mario, with Peach in his embrace, had his back against the door. “...She’s a good sprinter in them. EVERYONE GTFO.”

Peach ran out of the doors with Mario, Bowser, Toadsworth, and Junior frantically tumbling down the steps as well. Clumsiness paid off when they collided with guards at the bottom of the steps. Mingling around on the bottom floor were now a lot of normal looking towns people and a banner hung up said in Chinese ‘Civilian Group Meeting’ (though they didn’t know that). Mario and co. tried to blend in with the crowd who were conveniently heading down halls leading out. They almost made it when they pass by a very innocent looking servant girl, shyly standing near some fine pottery and dusting it off while trying to avoid the gaze of too many people. Peach took kindly to her and smiled warmly. Suddenly the servant pointed to them all and screamed with an unusual alarm sound. 

Bowser covered his ears. “SHUDDUP!” 

Mario glanced behind them. “Oh no! They’re catching up!”

They got a shock when rushing outside. The sky was becoming darker and darker with a burgundy hue. Monks were running from the temple and archaeologists from the sphinx. It was like the entire country got put on alert at once.

Everyone crammed in the cart to speed back up and over the sand dune to get into the city again. It was dark without street lights and they almost collided with panicking natives immediately. Mario strained his eyes to see.

“Guys, I’m lost!”

“Grr. I blame that stupid moon.” Bowser pointed above to the eclipse. On closer inspection the ‘moon’ was oval and no extra light could escape from behind it.

“Master Mario, I want to apologize. I said some things I should not have and I do not know what came over me,” Toadsworth said all of a sudden.

Mario was only partially paying attention. “Sure. I think we’ve all screwed up today.”

“What were we thinking trying to negotiate without Daisy physically with us?” Peach hugged herself tightly, overwhelmed. 

“Son, fire up that gps thing,” Bowser said.

Bowser Junior’s phone was almost the only source of light around when he cut it on. “Done, dad.”

~Make a left turn in one-hundred feet. You will reach your destination in five minutes~ 

It was a good thing Mario was a taxi driver very briefly back in Brooklyn. (How else would he get the inspiration for the deadly Mario Kart?) He could memorize that distance anywhere, even in the dark. What couldn’t be memorized however were random cars and passengers blind without technology assistance who almost crashed with them every minute. Mario swerved to avoid a goombo on a bike. He almost crashed into another motor dolly. A sign post knocked off the left side mirror. Okay, so maybe that last obstacle was a stationary one. Either way, it was time for that left turn which would put them on the airstrip. The already vibration prone dolly became an earthquake simulation when they started to hit the pot holes.

“I think that is it over there, Master Mario!” Toadsworth said.

Mario stopped the kart just as it became dark enough to only see the white strip that was on their private jet. Bowser felt around until he found a door. 

“Sorry hotness. I’m gonna have to do this.”

“Do what, Bowser?”

They then heard someone’s nails scraping against the plane’s aluminum panels. Mario and the rest protest.

“What?? I’m only scratching deep enough to find the door seam. Bleh. Our airships down home don’t have this problem. Well, we don't really use doors either but still..”

Bowser became illuminated by a warm glow. Approaching the five were soldiers holding flaming torches with a different general tagging along. 

“Attention foreigners, you will not be leaving!” one soldier said, holding a loaded weapon. This general, a bearded bombshell koopa with his features contorted into a deathly looking scowl, was recognized as the guy sending those threatening video messages. A breeze also started to pick up.

“Do not get silly ideas, or we will blow your plane apart right now.”

The general said something that didn’t sound good and shoved the soldier aside. He grabbed Peach’s left arm and tried to pull her his way.

Mario and Bowser found themselves jumping out at the same time but froze in place as a low drone unlike anything they’d ever heard. While not visible against a black sky, a swirling dark cloud settled and became a black hole. Dust and sand from the landing strip began to be sucked upwards like there was a giant vacuum above the area. It increased in strength and they felt the pull themselves. The soldiers had long ran away and abandoned their general. Even where they were, they could hear the cries from those in the city.

Mario’s hand closed around Peach’s right one, but the general still held the other side, star struck and staring upwards with his mouth wide open. 

“General, let go!” 

The general began to be lifted upwards taking Peach with him.

“Mario?!” Peach began to scream and Mario also, eternally at least. His hat and her crown were taken from their heads. Mario held on for dear life when he felt large hands surround his waist area. 

“Son, get this loser off of Peach!! Old man, start that jet!”

Junior shivered as Toadsworth scurried inside the jet. The sound of the engines spinning up right next to them was silent compared to the vortex.

“I’ll let you fire missiles when we get home!”

Junior climbed onto everyone’s backs to reach the general. “Now what?”

“Do something!” Bowser’s feet began to lift from the ground. “Right now!!! Do it!!”

Junior grabbed the first thing from his backpack and smashed it over the general’s head. As his ant trooper farm shattered, insects and shards of glass went everywhere, disorienting General Sǐwáng and making him lose the grip on Peach. Mario, Peach, Bowser, and Junior came crashing to the ground while he disappeared in the sky.

A moment later Mario could tell they were in the jet and he could hear Peach and Bowser arguing loudly, as he lay in a chair exhausted. 

For Sarasaland, whose timezone was six hours ahead of the Mushroom Kingdom, April 4, 2016 was over. 

* * *

**To be continued...**

Originally Created: 5/15/18, 5/18/18  
Rewritten version: 5/27/18 -6/3, 6/15, 7/23, 24, 25, 30, 8/5,  
Revamp: 8/24/18, 8/31, 9/17


	17. Stan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.  
> Warning: Minor character death

_Personal Letter: This is to my buddy Whacka on Mt. Rugged. Wasn’t that math homework terrible last week? I got an extension because our teacher knows I work so much but I’m still struggling! I might need you to tutor me. I don’t mean that in a funny way though. XD Me and the others are having to run off thugs a lot but it’s pretty fun. Did you hear about that Sky Land shuttle? It's creepy, the shuttle was sucked up and they couldn’t contact it anymore. We’re all stipulating that it’s a wormhole but that still don’t seem right and the news ain’t covering it no more. These are freaky days, ain’t it? Worse still, forecast calls for storms later and our power reserves can be shoddy. Stay strong and remember how often we flood._

-Jr 'always has your back' Troopa.

* * *

Toadette muttered to herself as she trudged to answer the doorbell. “-Dr. Toadley, if you're going to go outside and search for mines when I told you we don’t have them, don’t lock yourself-” She opened the door. “Out?”

“I would rather be ‘in’, Ms. Toadette.” Ludwig brushed past her.

“Hey Toadette. What’s wrong?” Luigi asked, coming in behind the koopaling.

"Everything is fine fine fine," she answered though gritted teeth. 

"Alright then," Luigi replied skeptically. Besides that, Mario had replied that Luigi was doing a great job as the temporary leader and that was great, even if the text took some hours to get through overseas.

“Mr. Luigi?” Captain Toad came out of a room holding a plate full of blackened cookies. “Would you care for some? They are crispy but..well...”

“Luigi! Don’t take anything from him. He hit someone with a Mr. Toadworth’s car,” Buckenberry jumped out from behind a houseplant like he’d been there for a while waiting. Also, he inexplicably had a black eye.

“Let the sir settle down, will you?” Captain Toad said with a dangerous twinkle in his eye.

“I’ll pass, but thanks.” Right then, Daisy cartwheeled into Luigi, knocking him down.

“Hey Weegee!” she said over his body. Her skin was green and she’d grown six feet tall.

“Give him some room, babe,” Toad said in perfect English. He smiled and was wearing some spare clothes while also covered head to toe in red spots like on his cap with a third arm sprouting from under his left one.

Luigi screamed, causing another person to rush him.

“What is wrong?!” Ludwig then saw Toad and Daisy. “Ahhhhh!”

“We got used to them an hour ago...” Iggy said with a shrug. He came from where Ludwig came from, only he was suited up in a white coat with yellow thick gloves like a mad scientist. “But not him.” Iggy pointed out Russ T. who was currently on a tall ladder painting black stars on the roof. “Creepy right?… EVERYONE DUCK!”

Iggy and everyone else dove to the ground as a helicopter drone with razor blades zipped in the air above everyone’s heads in an erratic pattern.

“What’s the point of that terrifying thing?!” Luigi asked.

“It helps you exercise. If you don’t move you die. Neat right? Do you all feel exercised yet?”

“Iggy, turn that thing off. We need to get back to work!” Ludwig growled. “Junior just sent me some horrid emoji ridden text message that they are on their way back.”

“Peach is almost back?! Great but why are people mutating anyway?” Toadette asked. “You never explained that.”

Ludwig thought for a moment while the drone continued to whirl dangerously above, somehow never managing to hit either them or Russ T. “Junior probably cross contaminated our Mushroom Flu virus sample by spreading it on toast once or twice, they should live however... Do not give me that look, everyone. In the mean time, Toad and Daisy would be great at tennis.”

Luigi flipped on his back, turning to Daisy. “He’s right you know.” He stared at the ceiling above, observing the well detailed black stars that were now obscuring the original blue paint job. “Yeah, definitely not a fan of the redecoration.” 

* * *

Channel 64 reporter Lakitu turned the microphone back to himself as the cameras rolled.

"Thanks for the time. You’re one of the last undisturbed businesses in Toad Town."

The Postmaster smiled, hardly detectable under his grey mustache. "Just doing my job. After all, thugs, freaks, and baddies still need to send their letters. Just look over there.”

The camera panned to a bemused Dry Bowser retrieving a package from his PO box.  
“I am not a thug, freak, or baddie. I am not even sure why I am here, save for a thinly veiled author shout out to another author they like. Oh well, off to Waluigi’s Taco Stand...”

The camera panned back. “Anyway, that was Channel 64,” he said into his camera. “CUT!” Lakitu put on a spartan style warrior helmet. “I’m going to roll before a baddie steals my car again. Over and out!”

When Lakitu opened the door, his face was pelted with a large water balloon. His car drove off with the occupants laughing.

“Woohoo! No more expired tags for me!” a teenage orange spotted toad girl said with her passengers being a human, a boss bass, and a bob-omb. All but one of the nearby boo buddies hanging around also cackled. The Postmaster ran out and shook his fists at the hooligans but it was too late.

“I hate my life..” Lakitu’s saggy cloud took him down the sidewalk. 

Just then a bandaged and bruised Parakarry landed roughly near Postmaster, with half of his lost feathers floating down from the sky a second later. 

“Take it easy. It’s about closing time,” Postmaster told him.

Parakarry leaned against the door frame, rubbing his scraped knee. “I know, but there’s this huge influx of letters from Mt. Rugged to Toad Town. Since it’s probably concerned family checking up, I can’t stop now.” He breathed out deeply. “I’ll head across the street to Club GameCube for a drink. Club 64 got unsafe hours ago.” 

When the winged mail carrier went across the street, he had to pass the boos hanging around. He felt leery walking past the group consisting of a Big Boo, Pink Boo, and normal Boo Diddley, but they didn’t disturb him when he entered the club. 

“Hand it over!” the dry bones demanded. His buddy, a bony beetle held a knife to the manager of the club, a sentient orange Gamecube console. Both baddies clothes consisting of black vests and red bandannas looked scorched for some reason.

“Not talking? Don’t make us use a super symmetry attack on you!”

“Stop!” 

The baddies turned to Parakarry. “Don’t you know who we are?” the dry bones spat. “We’re honorary Dry Bonez Thugz, Phil and Leo.”

“Yeah!” Leo the bony beetle fist bumped his friend.

“They can’t take anything from me anyway. My funds are with my banker and he’s a sentient Playstation 3, so you’ll never hack the info out of him!” the manager said.  
Phil shoved the manager backwards hard into the floor chipping some of his plastic.

“That is enough!” Parakarry rushed forward, and as an ex partner of Mario, he knew how to battle proper. The Paper Mario style curtains fell. Parakarry was on the left of the field and Phil and Leo to the right. The backdrop was the restaurant and the only audience was the manger and one more traumatized cook who didn’t get off early because his train home happened to be the defunct Toad Town 101. The irony. 

“What is this fake looking crap?” Leo questioned, looking around.

“I know, like it’s made out of paper or somethin’! Bust this fool.”

Completely out of turn, they rushed toward Parakarry with their blades in hand. The whole simulated stage fell apart and right as Phil was about to toss his blade, aiming at Parakarry’s heart, a heavy salt shaker bopped him in the head. His detachable body broke apart once more and his head rolled a few feet way. 

“Shoot! I hate when this happens!” Phil’s head grumbled.

Leo spun around. “What the? Who did that?” He turned to the manager and cook. “Did you?!”

_“It was me...”_ a very low voice growled. A very plain looking boo diddley revealed themselves, the same one Parakarry saw out side.

“Oh, one of you freaks! You’d better run, cause this is my strongest attack, brutha!” Leo shot some spikes at the boo, who didn’t flinch when they bounced off harmlessly.

_“That’s a lie and I knew it. Here, let me show you my strongest attack, heheh..”_

The boo ran up to Leo and disappeared again. A bluish glow surrounded Leo and before he knew it, he was tossed into the restaurant’s dishwasher set to ten. As Leo’s muffled screams came from the appliance, Boo appeared again at Parakarry’s side. 

_“Are you okay?”_

Parakarry wiped the sweat off his face. “Yeah, thanks Boo.”

_“It’s ‘Booigi the Second’._ ” Booigi turned to the workers. “ _You need to be somewhere safer.”_

“No way,” the manager said. “I’m going to be the last still open club in Toad Town if it kills me.”

“But I would-a like to leave-a!” the terrified cook said. 

The manager made a face. “No. I’m a talking console. I can’t cook!”

_“Yes. You are closing and that is final.”_

Boo kicked him of his own restaurant by means of defenestration. He survived however, because he himself happened to be sentient Gamecube, but his disk tray lid wouldn’t close anymore. 

Parakarry was wide eyed and slowly began to walk away, then ran out screaming for his life, both him and the cook. Booigi shrugged.

“Eh, buddy,” Phil’s head said. “Umm, could ya at least place me on that bar table? I think there’s mousers crawling on the ground.”

Booigi chuckled. _“Sure.”_ Boo took a sip from the tap and then burped loudly.

* * *

 

Elsewhere, Captain Toad was searching for Dr. Toadley. The doctor arrived at the castle just in time to revive Toad earlier after Russ reported him passing out, and Russ and the captain got into a bit of an argument as well over something very silly. He stopped and dug in his backpack for his phone so that he could check on his vacationing Toad Brigade squad when he found something else. While resuscitating the Castle Adviser, someone must have taken his signature blueish purple vest off to aid in stopping his fever. That didn’t explain how the Captain now had it since he wasn’t even in the room due to the argument.. 

In the privacy of the halls, he wasn’t sure why, but he had the urge to lift it to his nose and inhale, taking in a mixture of the fabric softener that was standard issue in the castle and sweat. Captain Toad checked his back, confirming that he was alone. That was… weird. He idly put vest back in his backpack for the time being and got back on track, sending a short text to Hint Toad and finding the doctor in Peach’s backyard garden, partially submerged in one of many little holes all over the place, uprooting the vegetation indiscriminately. 

“Dr. Toadley, sir.”

“Should you step there? No you should not!”

Captain took a step back onto the ‘safety’ of the concrete path. “Thank you for the warning, and for saving Mr. Toad’s life.”

“Do not mention it.”

“What is your progress with the landmines, sir?”

“Have I found any? Not yet, but they are near I know.” Toadley tossed aside the little gardening spade he was using as he caught his breath. “-How is Toad by the way?”

“...He was okay a little while back, aside from the extra appendages. Why?”

“Am I just checking? Yes I am. One can never be too sure, especially with the people working in THIS castle.”

“I certainly agree.” In Captain Toad’s mind, he had at least three people on a hit list already. “What went wrong with Mr. Toad anyway?”

“You should know that I could not determine. Could you tear you eyes away even for a moment as I placed the drum against his abdomen and slowly moved it upwards to his chest as it rose and lowered? No you could not.”

“I left the room when Russ started to fuss with me.”

“Did you came back later? Yes you did.”

“Only for a second, and I don’t remember staring at Mr. Toads, er, abs.” At this point, Captain Toad realized how red in the face he was.

Dr. Toadley began chipping away at stone boarder of the eternal star fountain again. “Should you relax? Yes, I am teasing you. Go on...heh..”

Captain Toad thought it best if he just forgot that ever happened. Back inside Morton had one eye pressed against the kitchen door’s key hole with Lemmy, Larry, and Wendy standing with their backs to the wall.

“Iggy is handing Ludwig an orange test tube. Then a green one. Now it’s bubbling over...” There was an explosion sound. “Now Ludwig’s face is covered in soot. Iggy is being strangled by Ludwig. I repeat, he is strangling… wait, now a death machine gone awry is chasing them both!” Morton reported.

As Captain Toad walked past he heard giggles from the group. Whipping around he shuttered when he saw Lemmy waving around Toad’s vest. He felt a heat wave come over him, even to the tips of his ears.

“How did you get that?!” 

“It’s not nice to take things that aren’t yours,” Lemmy said, wagging a finger in a mock authoritative tone.

Before the Captain reached him, he tossed it over head to Larry who had ran down the hall. Before he got to close to the koopaling with a blue mohawk, it was tossed to Morton. 

“You stupid children really don’t wanna to piss me off..” Captain Toad said, forgoing formality. “It’s not yours.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is, I mean, yeah it’s not ours but it’s not yours. What good is a musty old vest to you? Do you like bad smelling things? Is it a hobby?” Morton made a pass to Wendy.

She barely touched it before holding her nose and sending it to Larry. Larry made a sort of mouth with his hand and had it kissing the vest. With a wave of disgust he dropped it finally to the floor.

“Now what are you implying?”

“Larry saw you in the hallway earlier. He’s good at spying, it’s just his thing, and he saw your nose all in that nasty vest,” Lemmy explained, hardly containing his laughter.

Captain Toad picked up the vest, balling it in his fists. “You speak of this to no one, now get out of my sight.”

Larry shrugged giving the impression of saying ‘Or what?’

Captain Toad punched the closest decorative vase with a swift right hook, making it practically shatter into dust all over the textured floors. This sent the koopalings running. Right after, Luigi entered the hallway with Dr. Toadley’s intern at his side and stopped at the mess on the floor. 

He sighed. “I see the kids were playing in the halls again. Anyway, how are you, Stan?”

“I am quite well, thank you Mr. Luigi.” Captain Toad regained his composure.

“Show me that garden in the back,” Mary said, grabbing one of the tall green plumber’s arms.

“Sure, but it’ll have to be quick. I still need to fix the flooding issue Toadette told me about.” When he got really close he whispered, “And we can discuss the car incident later...”

Was Luigi threatening him? Well, it didn’t matter. They both knew who would win in a street fight, none other than the guy voted ‘bravest toad’ of 2014. Stan, or Captain Toad decided to head out for some fresh air, but before he left out the front door Russ T. came up from the basement, dripping wet from waist down. Muttering to himself the entire time, he opened a closet and pulled out a gray plastic bin before retreating back down. Captain Toad followed, they had unfinished business. 

“Sir, you wouldn’t argue for the independence of the BeanBean Kindgom if you were aware of what befell Giant Land during the Goomba Wars of Year 334 CE!” Captain Toad screamed his rebuttal (that he’d mulled over for a while after ‘losing’ badly in the earlier political discussion) down the stair way to no response.

It was dark and humid due to the basement directly below being inundated by blueish green flood water and all but abandoned. Russ was walking through it at the bottom of the stairway leading to the basement, tugging along that bin that floated.

Captain Toad rushed to meet him. Russ had only became ‘quiet’ for once after his face became glued to the book that was on the bed next to Toad. From that point on, the historian was apparently a muttering ceiling artist.

Russ fiddled around with picture frames on the wall. “Delimited by the natural and bestowed potential by..”

Captain Toad ignored the rambling when he noticed a dark five pointed shape painted on the floor that wasn’t there when he met Toadette this morning. What was more, it matched perfectly what Russ painted on the ceilings back in the main lobby. Behind him Russ went back to work, salvaging random water logged items for the been. 

“Excuse me, but you model what you’ve painted-?” 

“Leave me alone and go bother that castle adviser you’re absolutely infatuated with!” Then he added in a whisper like voice, “Or don’t. Mr. Toad will never see you the way he does that Toadette girl anyway.”

Captain Toad flushed angrily as he slung him around, pressing him into the wall. “Excuse me, sir? Please speak up!” 

Russ shrugged rather uncharacteristically. “You are just another generic toad to him and your secret fanclub is all a waste. He’ll never love you.”

“TAKE THAT BACK!!!” Captain Toad punched right next to Russ’s face, making the blue capped toad duck into the water while the Captain punched a hole in the dry wall. Breathing heavily, he realized his mistake. “Sir, uh, I’m sorry. Hey, where did you go?” 

_“You will resist no longer, hero.”_ Russ emerged from the water to rush Captain Toad, armed with the a sharp metal corner end of a picture frame. Hidden behind Russ’s glasses where black starry pupils that Captain Toad would never notice because he was too busy holding him off.

“I knew you were a crazy old man!” Captain Toad said, pushing him down with ease to hold him under the water. It bubbled beneath him for a while before he finally let Russ up who gasped to catch his breath. Captain Toad pat him on the back with a patronizing smile. “My apologizes.”

Suddenly Russ head butt Captain Toad, knocking back him onto the star mark on the ground. It felt soft and rubbery, with some of it pilling off the ground when he got up and even sticking to the Captain’s hands and clothes. It had an acidic smell and even burned. Thoroughly freaked out, he made a run for the upstairs when Russ made him trip up the stairs falling in a way that broke his headlamp on impact and made his backpack fall off and roll down into the water. The weighty contents escaped to float in the murky water, including Toad’s very special vest. 

Enraged, Captain Toad punched Russ in the face, hitting his mark this time. Down he went on the upper dry portion of the steps headfirst with a small almost inaudible snap. Feeling his stomach churn, Captain Toad waited for Russ spring up and try something else, only…

The librarian never moved again.

The star symbol on the floor and the black stuff that was once on the Captain’s hands was gone. Numbly walking back to the lobby, the stars on the ceiling were gone yet still there. Black stars seemed to follow him in his mind...

Outside, Dr. Toadley was now destroying the front yard using a snow shovel as his excavating tool. He was currently knee deep into one large hole, not far from where Bowser’s Airship was parked.

“Let me dig the rest of this one. I want to bury my time capsule in it later, if we don’t find a mine.” Captain Toad sat a heavy and wet plastic bin down with a lid firmly on it. 

Dr. Toadley climbed out of the hole. “Is that a wonderful idea? It is. I have already found ten mines.” He held up coin sized objects that resembled pebbles, then slipped them away. “What is in the capsule?”

“Uh, a secret, sir.” Captain Toad, now a shadow of his former self without his signature headlamp or backpack, got to work for a few minutes, trying to plan exactly he would avoid becoming subject to guillotine due to what was possibly the third worst situation he’d even been thrust into.

“Ah, have I found mine #11? Yes I have!” Dr. Toadley suddenly said from a hole adjacent to his. 

Captain Toad paused.

* * *

Dr. Topper sat down as his desk once all of his students were stetted at their computers and playing online games or whatever youths did. He often used the computer lab to let his class have fun under the guise of it being a therapy. They weren’t really learning anything, but they deserved some fun and they always loved the ride and visuals from Donut Plains to Special World. It also kelp his mind off the nasty custody battle he dealt with at home.

He opened a drawer where there was a little bottle. While hiding his hands under the desk, he poured a little into a small shot glass and downed it. The liquid warmed him from within and he was relaxed again. Someone knocked.

A nurse came in. “Hey, can I use one of these?” he asked. “I’m Dr. Toad’s new assistant, Sue.”

Dr. Topper paused at the sight of the rough looking boo. “Go ahead. I see Dr. Toad isn’t a complete loner for once.”

The dark boo chuckled dryly as he went to a computer. “Guess not. How do you know, Drew, or Dr. Toad I mean?”

Dr. Topper walked to where he was. “I’ve been an associate since he was elected president. It’s kind of funny, he’s always been cold to me from the start but never fired me. Even when I try to quit he hesitates. I don’t really get him, no offense.” He noticed the CDROM his new guest held with ‘take control over your mind. 100% works’ scribbled on in sharpie, making him frown slightly. “You didn’t pay for that, did you?”

“No.” 

“That’s a relief. Have fun.” Dr. Topper made way back to his desk.

Sue gave him a mischievous smile behind his back. “I can tell you’re a cool dude. You wanna know something? You wouldn’t have to share the custody with your second ex wife if you made went ahead and just told her supervisor that she cheats the taxes.”

Dr. Topper froze in place. “While I don’t agree with what she does, I could never ruin her life just because- Wait, who told you that??”

“Dr. Topper! Dr. Topper!” a purple yoshi preteen said. “Your phone is vibrating on the table.”

His text message said: “Visitor at front door.” Dr. Topper as unofficially elected as the ‘least weird associate of the hospital’ was oft sent to answer the door, especially when someone ostensibly important showed up. 

Dr. Topper left the computer lab, making a note to recheck his privacy settings on social media. The hammer brother knew he was an open book, and any one of Topper’s behavioral class could have put that kind of sensitive info on his page. 

The metal sliding door opened and Dr. Topper reached for the hand of the black shelled noki who wore a loose black tie over a green Hawaiian shirt for some reason.

“Hello.”

“Greetings,” Jelectro Bond said. “I am from the Special World government, just doing a census on enemy species working here.” Bond handed over a check list that he’d written out on notebook paper with several common enemies on it, ‘dark boo’ curiously being the first on the list.

Dr. Topper benevolent stance dropped. “I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

“I understand you are busy. It’ll only be a moment, mon ami.”

“-Don’t call me your friend first of all. Secondly, no one is an ‘enemy species’ to me. Why judge someone as an enemy just because of what they are? Do you think I’m one too? Huh?!?” He pushed the paper back into Bond’s chest.

“It was just an expression!”

“Yeah, one that damages the social rights of eighty percent of the population. I watch over kids that are abandoned and alone. Do you know that ‘enemy species’ are three times as likely to be given up than toads and friendly species??”

Bond stepped back at his animation, getting the same feeling he did around Kylie, though he couldn’t come up with exactly what it was. Either way, there wasn’t time to argue politics. “Let me rephrase. Is there a recent hire that’s a dark boo here? I am also checking forms and he did not do so correctly when hired.”

Dr. Topper crossed his arms. “Oh that. Just one moment.”

When the hammer brother went back inside, Dr. Toad was waiting for him fidgeting around nervously.

“Well?? It went bad, didn’t it?”

“Why would you say that?”

Dr. Toad saw the visitor from the window. “I don’t know. You seemed kind of ticked off when entering. Did you explain that we’re up to code?”

“He wants to see your new assistant because didn’t fill out some forms or something.” Dr. Topper pat the sweat off of his face from the rapid onset anger. “Not sure where that tantrum came from..”

Bond was outside checking his Rolex when he saw something down the street. Kicking up a big cloud of power blue dust was the van of the MKDCU speeding like they were on a drag strip. “Merde!” 

“Oooh, you said a bad word..” Zoo answered at the door. “Actually I don’t care. What’s up?”

Bond grabbed his arm. “Turn invisible and follow me!”

Zoo’s jaw dropped. “Oh crap. You’re Jelectro Bond!”

“Shh! I am saving your life. Do it, Zoo.”

They sprint to the vehicle. Just as Bond hit the push button ignition, his face collided with the steering wheel as the van plowed into the car from behind and dragged it down the road.

“This is super exciting, hehe!” Zoo exclaimed in the passenger seat. He’d face planted into the dash also, but thankfully Bond couldn’t see how much more ugly it’d made him.

Bond threw off his broken sunglasses and felt a cut above his eye. He stomp the gas and swerved to the left, going off road. The van stayed parallel with them and from the street as James leaned out of the backseat window and fired a mafia gangster styled weapon. The bullets still sounded like little explosions as they pelted the car, the bullet proof nature of the car being the only thing saving them.

Zoo turned to Bond. “I’ve met those guys before and they’re real softies. I could liquefy their brains if I could concentrate-”

“-Don’t!!! They are out of their minds right now.” 

Bond eased up on the gas just enough to let the van get slightly ahead, then he swerved towards its rear wheel, making the top heavy vehicle spin out and fly off the road, landing into patches of green, blue, red, and yellow flowers. Bond continued to drive without looking back. 

“So like…” Zoo said in the car after they’d driven for five more tense minutes and his heart stop beating out of his chest. He was visible now. “Are you going to arrest me?” 

Bond studied him in his peripheral vision. He’d never been so close to Zoo before and was more surprised than he thought he’d be to see that he really was a typical boo and not some imposing monster.. 

“No, I am not arresting you. How did you know my name?”

Zoo stared out the window. “Hard to explain. Let’s just say an old co-worker told me.”

“Interesting.”

“What?”

“You are taking measures to conceal your actions. I know what happened to Mitch. I think it’s too late for him now.”

Zoo turned around quickly. “Crap. I wasn’t trying to-”

“I know. Just… forget your past transgressions from this point on. I wish I could have gotten more info from Kylie before she went mad but the way she spoke about hunting you down felt ominous and I just knew I had to intervene. Could you explain about the bell? I gleaned it from Kylie’s notebook.”

Zoo went back to staring at the road. “This is going to sound weird. I took it from my dad a long time ago because he made me mad. It was just this really old thing he had with some other junk, but it caused some freaky stuff to happen like portals, loud noises, pants wetting stuff. I never had an issue with it again for years until a few weeks ago. It always seems to follow me and I thought I heard it ring on its own.” Zoo opened the glove compartment, and there it was. It’s yellow glow lit the car up before he put it away. “See? I guess you know about the homicides at the train stations too then.”

Bond cut the radio on low. “Yes. You have to understand, clingy objects tend to want to preserve their owners, not destroy them. I will work with you until we solve this.”

“Oh, that enemy of my enemy thing I guess, Bond guy?”

“I do not think any of us are the real enemies,” Bond replied vaguely. “Either way, you look beaten. Perhaps you slept on a train, on your right side, and you got into a fight with a hobo who was dead when you woke up. Take a sip of the Absinthe in that cup holder, you’re of legal age, oui?” Bond noticed Zoo staring at him with astonishment. “I’m a detective, and quite talented with brain waves like you.” Bond slid his glasses down, unabashedly revealing his eyes. “Do not use my friendly gesture to try anything funny, mon ami.”

Zoo only smiled and slyly. It was the time of day when they played tracks from independent artists so an oddly fitting ‘Reprisal in A minor’ by Ludwig Von Koopa played all the way down the long road back to town.

...

Miles back on the road: Wiggletron bent back into shape the metal axle of their truck, being hindered by the slick oil that covered his body and Sebastian’s shaky grip with the flash light. 

“I think I have finally made sufficient contact between the tire and axle.”

James got into the drivers seat. “Good work, Wiggs. Imma give it a go.” Once everyone got out of the way, James slipped into neutral and let the van coast about ten feet before the car sunk back with the tire popping off and rolling away.

“I’ll get it!” Sebastian chased after the tire.

“It’s no dern use!” Parabilly threw his straw had down. “Our livelihood is gone and the misses down home ain’t gonna let us use my personal truck. Not after what happened last time.”

“For your info Billy, it’s not my fault that plate of steaming hot nachos spilled in the back seat. I can’t help not having arms. Besides, blame her for this mess!”

Richard was talking about Kylie, who silently sat crisscross on the ground the entire time since the crash. “We’ve ran Bond out and he was alone. Zoo is all ours.” She got up holding a can of boo repellent. “After I spray shoot, one of you.”

James stood before her. “Hold up girl. Youse ain’t the boss here. I-”

Kylie held James up by the collar. “I am paying you, so I am indeed. Do as I say or your ‘axle’ will be broken.” She dropped him.

After an uncomfortable moment the MKDCU agents eventually abandoned the van and followed Kylie’s unflinching walk towards the Special World Hospital.

* * *

**To be continued..**

Originally created: 5/31/18, - 6/5, 6/10 (oh and it’s VERY different…)  
Rewritten version: 6/25/18, 6/26, 7/18, 7/20  
Rewritten again (yes three very different iterations of this chapter): 7/23, 24, 29, 30, 31, 8/3, 8/6, 9/3- 9/12, 9/17, 9/22

_References in no particular order:_   
- _‘Stan’ (aka stalker and fan) is a term for an obsessed fan. Now you get the reference?_  
- _Long defunct X-Play on G4 videogame station did a test on the Gamecube, PS2 and Xbox. The Gamecube won the durability tests, but the lid was messed up a bit._  
- _Shout out to Yoshizilla!! ‘Always a fan <3’ to quote Sebastian of MKDCU._


	18. Minesweeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some really big things happen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, court doesn’t really work like this. See bottom notes

Geno hated to sit around when who knows was happening on Earth, yet here he was. Bored, he picked out shapes and patterns on the sapphire colored floor when the sparky and impenetrable caged door swung open.

The star jailer, dressed in silvery armor, stood in the doorway tall and imposingly. “Thou hath been summoned before the judge.”

Geno was escorted into a grand coliseum in the middle of space, where the session was in progress. Six members of Eldstar’s household were all up on the witness stands while he himself was nervously seated at a desk as the defendant. Dark Ztar slouched on the prosecutor side, even yawning. Starslaps with cold dark unfeeling eyes were all lined and packed in the jury box and the gallery were star beings holding signs either for or against the star spirits. Meanwhile Judge Rosalina, dressed in elegant blue dress, announced the charges.

“Dark Ztar is charging for attempted assault, vandalism, abuse of power, and invasion of privacy.”

“What?!”

“Setteth thy buttocks down and husht!” the baliff told Geno. 

The platinum blonde continued. “Now that we have every witness for the defense in the courtroom, wait. Where is Millennium Star?” 

“That gent wast seen conversing with Game Guy ere disappearing.”

Rosalina nodded to the baliff. “Then by refusing to defend himself, he will be considered guilty.” She slammed a mallet. “What is your testimony?” she asked the witnesses. “Dark Star claims you spy on him from some kind of ‘com-pu-ter.’”

Klevar broke the ice. “I only searched information about Dark Ztar that was publicly available.” 

Misstar was so far stooped down to conceal herself, only her oversized ribbon was visible. “So are we going to go to jail? I'm too pretty for that!”

 _“I'd_ run the prison if I got sent there.” Muskular not subtly puffed out his chest. 

Skolar remained silent, internally conjecturing some theory. 

“Why don’t we settle out of court?” Mamar asked. 

“The nonviolent option is fine with me also,” Kalmar said contently. 

“What fun is that?” Muskular then picked up a brassier a fan threw their way. 

“There was a stage play here yesterday and that was an actor returning a prop,” Klevar explained quickly, while flushing. 

Mamar sighed in relief. 

“Order!” Rosalina wrinkled her nose. “If the crowds do not control themselves, this case can and will become closed to the public.”

“I’d like to make an objection!” In flash Dark Ztar’s attorney appeared in the courtroom. A green sickly looking star with deep black eyes, Zeostar, wore a blue tie and held a suitcase. 

Dark Ztar perked up at the sight of his attorney, glaring at his cousin. “Here is evidence of Eldstar and his ruffian family’s escapades!” He snapped open an old dusty laptop that had crashed and showed a blue screen.

Rosalina and the bailiff traded an uncertain glance, then she tapped the table. “Is there an expert who knows if it is supposed to be that way? You two may come to the bench.”

Just like winners on a TV game show, the yellow male and pink female star that Rosalina had chosen got up from their seats and skipped down the steps, ignoring the jealous audience booing them except for the part when the female sucker punched a jock looking star that catcalled her. So the two approached Rosalina:

“We work at Geek Squad,” the yellow star, Aurelius Pun announced proudly.

“Yep,” Iris Rage, his companion said. “That laptop is busted by spyware.”

“SPYware?” Rosalina repeated. Members of the audience showed concern. 

“Actually Miss Rosalina, spyware isn’t put on a computer by a spy. It just means he picked up a virus somewhere online,” Aurelius explained.

“On...line? Is that where you can speak to others electronically? Like, say, Twatter?”

“I’m not following,” Iris said.

Aurelius nudged her. “Good one!”

“That wasn’t a joke.”

Everyone stared blankly and so Rosalina slammed the mallet. “You two may sit. If the defendants are as confused as I am, I highly doubt they have infiltrated the prosecutor’s computer. What does the jury say?”

“INNOCENT,” the slapstars said in a perfect chorus.

“Let us move on to the next charge of vandalism. I want ♡♪!? and Eldstar on the witness stand.”

“Oh great…” Geno grumbled from his seat. He went to the stand with Eldstar.

“We did it,” Geno and Eldstar confessed simultaneously. They turned to each other in surprise, as they’d expected the other to lie so that their contradictory response would hopefully cause confusion and buy time, except being who they were, nothing went as plan.

The mallet was slammed. “Well that was easy. Time for a recess!” Rosalina jovially got up from her seat. “Besides,” she said quietly to the bailiff. “I am curious as to what this ‘internet’ is all about!”

The bailiff grinned knowingly. “Just beest careful with that internet, princess. It’d beest a shame to receiveth hath lost in thither, and there’s few or none will entertain it thee doth, doth not behold up thy own name on Google Images!

* * *

The sky was taking on a red cloudy hue, the black hole in the sky had grown during the evening, and the castle's moat overflowed by six feet, but everyone’s attention was on Ludwig as he stood before everyone outside near the entrance of Peach’s Castle. 

“I am pleased to announce that the modified cure for Mushoom Flu X is complete, if you have not noticed by the fact that the kitchen is accessible.”

The koopalings conspicuously hid snacks stolen from Peach’s cupboards behind their back. 

“-Thus, we can make plans to deliver the cure the moment King Dad, the princess and the others are back!” Everyone began to clap. When the clapping would die down someone would start again and rouse it up all over. This as annoying as it sounded. 

“How did you do it since this strand mutated?” Mary asked over the noise. 

“It was only a matter of reducing the stardust, Mushroom, and fruit to their basic chemical elements!- EVERYONE SHUT UP! -And then distilling the mixture with the active ingredients to Dr. Mario’s megavitamins.” After a pause Ludwig added, “Someone should send him a card. I am not too proud to admit my shortcomings and this speedy development of the new formula all would not have been possible without the hours of research he did on the Mushroom Flu beforehand.”

“Ludwig’s right. Huh. That’s kind of nice of you actually.”

Ludwig glanced at Luigi with a hint of admiration. “Thank you. Working with you today was not an entirely miserable experience..”

“The doc’s my homeboy back at Smash Mansion. I’ll send one,” Toad scratched his back with his third arm as he’d been itchy the entire time. “Umm, that reminds me. That leak downstairs has flooded the basement up and screwed up the septic tank. No one take a shower in the meantime. I learned that the hard way.”

Toadette held her nose. “So THATS what I smell??”

Luigi put his palm to his face. “I forgot about the flood. I’m on it.”

“DAISY ALSO!”

“And me too!”

“Daisy, Toad, no!” Luigi said right before he got knocked over into the grass by the brunette and mushroom retainer. 

Buckenberry slumped. “I wished girls and guys were all over me…” 

“Me too, what a bishonen!” Anime style lighting bolts went from Iggy’s eyes to Luigi in a bizarre visual effect that only he saw. “I bet Luigi never needs to use womanizing spray!”

Thomas came out of the castle doors. “Can I go home now? My uncle’s relocated down south.”

“After you clean the lobby,” Toadette said. 

Thomas turned around with a huff. “This wouldn’t be a problem if Captain Toad hadn’t tracked the mud in!”

The Captain had been present only physically until that point. “I’ll clean it up myself,” he mumbled.

“This meeting is adjourned. Someone help me load up the airship.” Nose in the air, Ludwig marched away.

Eventually everyone else also went on their separate ways and Captain Toad was alone with only the sounds of the birds and wind. He went inside to clean up the floor, his mind still on many things when someone entered. 

“Hey, homeboy.” 

Captain Toad spun around and there was Toad Toad standing merely two feet from him. Instantly he began to sweat.

“Say, we really do look alike when you don’t have all your fancy equipment on,” Toad continued.

“Because I’m your biggest fan.”

“What?”

“I left it in my van… My equipment,” Captain Toad sputtered. “Uh, sir. I have.. something to tell you about the castle’s librarian.”

“Russ? Okay, what?”

“He’s retired. Forever.”

Toad shrugged. “Really and without a trace? Well, I don’t blame him. Where’d he go?”

“He went ‘south’?”

Toad reached up for a high five. “You know what this means, right? His tyrannical door closing polices are over!”

Captain Toad raised his hand to his, and held it there maybe too long. “Sir, one other thing.” If there was one person he could tell it would be him so after taking a deep breath-

“Let’s go Toad!” Daisy interrupt. She cartwheeled through the lobby in her own mutated green skinned form.

“Gotta go. Keep in touch, okay?” Toad followed Daisy without a hitch.

Captain Toad stood for a moment, then lashed out by punched the wall once or twice. After hearing snickering he followed the patter of koopaling feet up many stairs. He went all the way up to the fourth floor, reaching the top just as an electronic sliding door closed tight. Prying it open, he found a figure seated before a large grandfather clock. The small koopaling turned around with a playful look. 

“Wanna see a trick?”

Captain Toad realized his holster felt empty and then a shot went off on the ground near his feet.

“Ha ha ha! Lemmy’s such an entertainer! An experienced one! A pro!” Morton came away from an alcove in the wall rolling in laughter.

“Give that back right now,” The Captain hissed.

Lemmy twirled around the zapper. “I just wanted to show you some tricks, like-” Lemmy tossed it up into the air, making Captain Toad dive to the ground. The gun landed in Lemmy’s hands stylishly then he blasted a random house plant to smithereens. 

Captain Toad glared just as the lights went out in the room, leaving only the orange glow of candle light. For a moment the Captain wasn’t sure if he’d somehow made that happen, only to be disappointed when there was the distant sound of thunder. A storm was coming.

Lemmy dropped the gun with a high pitched squeal. “I’m afraid of the dark!! Let us out!!”

Morton went for the door and beat on it. “It’s locked, sealed, inoperable!!”

From the other side, something else bang on the star door. 

Lemmy joined Morton. “Okay, maybe whoever that is will get help.”

“How could this happen?” Morton asked. 

“Save it, koopas. These electronic locks will never open unless the power is restored,” Captain Toad said. The certified marksman retrieved his zapper to find that it was still loaded. The two Koopalings turned to Captain Toad. 

“Are you going to do what you did to that Pianta guy??” Lemmy asked tearfully.

After a weighty pause Captain Toad raised it and grimaced.

Had Toadette not been tasked with the clean up of a kitchen considered beyond repair to anyone less determined than her, she might have heard the single boom from upstairs, but instead she was zoned out while washing pots and pans and nodding along with headphones on. The song was mildly chaotic. It almost sounded like something Ludwig might conduct...

* * *

“Oh yes, I met the most wonderful Nigerian Prince using a thing called e-mail…” Rosalina realized her mic was on with a flush. “-And so the recess is over.” 

“The witness hath arrived,” said the bailiff. 

Ushered in from the left of the courtroom came Reggie the Business Bro dressed in a white robe. “Eldstar is indeed vengeful.” Reggie got in the witness stand. “As of yesterday, my five children are now without their father!”

“Actually, your honor, the strike did not originate from me,” Eldstar replied. “Reggie J. Business Bro was zapped because he was attempting to use Dark Ztar’s power to strike Bowser Koopa, the intended target.”

Rosalina turned to Reggie. “Is this true? Were you trying to zap anyone?” 

“No!!... Well maybe… But I had a business to run and that Bowser guy ruined it.”

“What has happened to your business since?”

“I’ve started an Overthere division but they are a tough crowd and too many are on a diet to drink my sodas!”

A ringtone went off from behind Rosalina’s desk, making her fumble to silence it. “Excuse that, I am still learning this new iPhone. Now as for you that is unfortunate, but it does not concern this case. You are dismissed.” 

Reggie muttered under his breath as he was escorted out while Dark Ztar clapped in mock.

“Good show! Tell me Great Eldstar, how exactly did HE get struck instead? It’s like you knew what his message to me was, hmm? Go on.”

Zeostar opened the suitcase and pulled out a tablet. “Here Eldstar is admitting that he has an item that violates the rules regarding the balance of good and evil millenniums ago.”

“That is absolutely ridiculous,” Skolar spoke up for the first time. “The Great Eldstar is the epitome of fair and good, if he was not he would not be himself. If he was not himself he could not exist. Without the existence of Eldstar our entire council could not be established and we would not be here now. That evidence has to be completely rubbish.”

Anxiously everyone waited while Zeostar hit a switch and the floor of the coliseum became crystal clear to provide a screen. The video was filmed by a shaky phone camera held by Dark Ztar. He knocked on the door of the Star Temple and was let in. A banner that said ‘Family Reunion’ was tied high above in the ceiling and the area bustled with various stars, all up in age, socializing in various halls.

Dark Ztar dart straight to his cousin drink bar serving punch from a bowl. “Say chap, I have a question for you. Why is Goomba Bieber still alive when I get about a thousand requests to annihilate him everyday?”

Eldstar, swaying a lot, showed his old pager patched up with tape. “I can change the messages,” He downed another cup. “But I only do so rarely! Okay, sometimes. Okay, yesterday.”

“Oh really now?” Dark Ztar said mischievously from behind the camera. “Is not that cheating?”

“Not if it is saving lives. Besides, if it was up to the people of Earth to execute, angry teenagers would have wished every young pop star dead. I like some of them, say that Generation Z and Atari and iiii. You know?”

“Actually, I am indeed a fan of the toad girl group-”

Dark Ztar quickly shut off the film with his cheeks red. “So there! You heard it folks!” he announced as others gasped in disbelief. 

“Let us wrap it up. What does the jury say Eldstar abusing his power?” Rosalina asked.

One starslap stood before the rest. “As the jury we say Eldstar is GUILTY!”

“So in conclusion, ah, no need to read it all out again. They failed miserably!” Rosalina slammed the mallet and the gallery spilled out down onto the floor and everywhere else with a thunderous rumble. Unbothered, Rosalina was instantly messing around with her new iPhone again and the bailiffs and other members of the court joked among themselves. There was a dark cloud in the court, but it only hung over eight individuals.

Geno threw his hands in the air. “Didn't you at least see the camera aimed at you?!”

Eldstar stared blankly at the star warrior. “So that is how he did it? I thought he was just holding his phone funny.”

“And what happened to that logic?!”

Skolar frowned. “Cameras defy logic with their mysterious ability to capture the past.”

“Did you all know about the pager situation?” Eldstar asked, thinking about something.

“Yes, Great Eldstar,” Klevar said solemnly. “But we never however fathomed that we would be sued over it!”

* * *

Dark Ztar was proudly walking past the golden towers of millennia that lined the outside of the court when someone jumped out in front of him.

“I know you’ve done something, Zach.” Blocking Dark Ztar’s path, Geno went full X-Files on him. “I couldn’t place it at first, but you used Zoo as a catalyst because he had history with the bell. Zoo Diddley’s psychological reports had eye witness statements. Hundreds of people saw a dark star emerge from a portal the day Zoo rung that bell, so explain that. Plus that portal is on Earth right now. And you thought this lawsuit would shake me off of your tail? Ha!” 

Caught in the moment, Geno tackled the dark star down, hearing something also fall to the ground and crack.

A deep growl emitted from the monocled star’s throat as he tossed Geno off. “You buffoon!! I have not had a presence on Earth in a very long time!!”

Geno quickly scooped up the broken phone device before too many people noticed. “Sorry. My phone’s like that and it still works.”

Dark Ztar jerked it away. “Capital! It’s bloody busted! I turn 434,324,356,234 today and this is what I get? There’s only one other dark star I know in this part of the galaxy and I rest assure you chap, she is OLD news. Now, I suppose you want another charge don’t you!!”

Zeostar swung around the corner. “Hey! He’s giving you trouble?”

Geno turned to run, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that last part. What other dark star??

* * *

The battered Aston Mushroom puttered through another back alley to stop behind a building. Bond rolled down the window, which fell out and shattered on the floor. He turned to his companion in jest. “Think you can give me the tour?”

Coming around front they were at the Mushroom Press. Zoo followed Bond when he ducked under some undone wooden boards, having nothing else to do than to play along with the noki. It was dark inside with papers strolled about and file cabinets hanging open. Zoo found something he’d left at his old desk under ‘Susie Que’, a small framed watercolor where a black and red color swirled together to become a dark circle in the middle. ‘Assimilation’ as it was called, painted by Drew years back.

Meanwhile Bond sat in an empty chair and dialed a number. “Just checking on you.”

There was commotion in the background including the sound of a choo choo train, indicating to Bond that Agent N didn’t have his office door closed like usual. “Getting pampered in the tropics?”

“Not exactly.” Bond lifted one arm and regretted it. He hadn’t had a chance to shower considering he slept in the car last night after leaving Kylie’s house. “Have you heard from your niece?”

“She’s down south with no progress but spies have reported that Bowser and the Princess made a truce to develop a cure sometime before leaving the country. Did you know there’s another issue in Toad Town now and we’re suspecting a death ray? Between that and our satellite disguised as a Sky Land shuttle getting eaten up by a black hole in the sky, aren’t you glad you’re nowhere near Toad Town?”

Bond adjusted his collar. “Is that all?”

“All you should worry about... Tell me, Agent,” Agent N said in a lower voice, “how are you fairing having to stay indoors all of the time with that tropical storm sweeping through?”

“It’s fine here. If it stormed, I slept through it!” Bond glanced at the weather forecast in a nearby paper and hoped he was right.

“..Over and out.”

Bond hung up unsure if that was a good or bad response. Did his superior not trust him? Had he been discovered by fellow spies? And even worse, if they discovered his association with Zoo they’d never understand. He went to Zoo who was still nosing around his old office.

“Mon ami, can I see the bell again? We need to learn more.”

Zoo tossed him the bell super hard on purpose, but Bond caught it anyway being a ‘shortstop’ in every meaning of the word.

“If you HAVE to know Mr. Sherlock Mario, ask my parents. Drew told me they’re just out of town, ‘retired’. Stop that stupid smiling because that’s the last place you’ll ever drag me.” 

Bond examined surprisingly heavy object that had a warm glow. “If your parents hold the clues, that is where-”

“No.”

Bond looked upwards abruptly. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Zoo spat. “You saved me that one time but now we’re through. I bet you think its my responsibility or something even though I was HIRED to drop off the sodas off with a ‘for free’ sign on it. That whole hospital thing was me getting bored at the press over there. Do you see any windows in that corner? Of course not, so I made a prank call based on some newspaper clippings in Steve’s office. I didn’t think that entire hospital was corrupt enough to take it seriously. That gang thing? I just ran into the wrong knucklehead pinatas.” Zoo cornered Bond against the cubicle walls, baring sharp teeth. “And while you might be ‘special’ you don’t fool me. When this is all over, THEN you’ll just turn me in and I’ll be right back where I started. Medicated again in an asylum with no job or life!!!”

Bond stared back with a perplexed melancholy before sighing. “I would never do that, but if you still want to go that is fine.” Bond held the board blocking the entrance. “Please be careful.” 

Zoo came up slowly. “Sooo, I’m free?”

“Of course. Just clarify one thing. You were ‘medicated’ at some point, but now you aren’t?” 

Zoo paused. “Yep. The prescription ran out a week ago and I never bothered. Will you piss off now?” 

Zoo phased through the wall instead of taking Bond’s kind gesture, but he didn’t mind. He only watched Zoo for a moment before dodging back inside to Kylie’s station. All of her work was present, including Mitch’s journal. He thumbed through a few pages and became fixated on a single page containing a detailed sketch of a black colored star that he must have missed yesterday. ‘Dark’ stars were everywhere starting today, from becoming a component of anarchist symbols, to being the shape of the ash left behind in the Toad Town 101 subway incident, to being in the skies. He jot down his thoughts: the bell brought a ‘dark star’ to Earth fourteen years ago on a small scale once. Kylie’s notes said Zoo was put in institutions right after yet its resurgence is right after he’s unmediated? He could only speculate the connection between the bell and Zoo’s powers. He just knew that malevolent objects attached to people usually protect their owners, not the opposite. To see the latter was unusual indeed. He packed up and went back outside around the back.

Bond didn’t plan on completely losing touch with Zoo go since anything could happen, but he didn’t think the reunion would be so soon. Someone was digging in the trunk of his ramshackled car. His borrowed ramshackled car. And Agent N’s expensive items were littering the grimy alley floor.

“You could have asked if you needed some spare coins.”

Zoo jolted, banging his own head on the trunk lid. “Oww!”

Bond stepped up to the pile of dress clothes, cuff links, and even an expensive watch, all untouched. What wasn’t untouched was the wrapper of a devoured choco-bar. “These aren’t mine obviously. They’d drag the floor.”

“Dude.”

“You’re starving.”

“Get out of my head,” Zoo hissed.

“I wasn’t. You ignored the valuables for the one snack. I’ll take you somewhere and then drop you off.”

Oddly calmed down, Zoo gave up and got back in the passenger seat where he’d started. Surprisingly, he didn’t hate it that much.

* * *

One ‘doctor’ was observing a crazed yoshi in a cage practically bouncing off of its walls. The dinosaur was ‘coma walking’ and his meters were going off the charts. The metallic portly intern of sorts was hanging around to hold the place for the actual doctor chosen to be an associate on the Case X project, the last one actually but arguably the most important. So he stood and sipped from the silver canister borrowed from Dr. Topper. That Chuckola Cola hit the spot!

“The health inspectors are here!” a goomba doctor screamed while passing the door. Metal Mario took his time leaving.

Outside, the MKDCU thought they had all of the associates of the Special World Hospital lined up against the building. Richard dragged Dr. Toad out last as rain began to sprinkle down. 

Dr. Toad handed over his papers to Richard. “Will this be quick?”

“Sure shortie!” The burly goomba towered over Dr. Toad, making him shiver. “Just gotta make sure you're up to date.” Richard tossed the badge over to Wiggletron.

“I detect no fraudulence here.” Raindrops pattered the flower on the tall wiggler’s head and he clinched his side where he’d gotten his phantom injury from when Sebastian attracted cultists during an expedition abroad in a Spear Guy village. The poison dart injury that was actually neither poison nor dart still acted up on rainy days. Which was… today.

Parabilly also found Dr. Toad’s badge and the papers representing all associates just fine. He put on his straw hat and handed the documents to James. 

“Where is your assistant, dear fellow?” Morris whispered to Dr. Toad. “We’ve never had these kinds of health agents here. They might want a higher bribe than usual.”

“The government person still has Sue but his warrant wasn’t even active in Special World so there’s no way they know about that anyway.” Dr. Toad dug in his back pocket. “Also I have this. No worries.” There was a shiny gold ‘Master Plan’ credit card in his hands.

Meanwhile dapper monty mole squint at the papers for a time too short to have read anything. “It's all good boys. Guess those ten patients are fine in your care except, yep, we have those travel costs and there were a few issues that we could forget about if-”

“On it!” Dr. Toad rushed forward with the card. “You have a terminal, correct?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Billy.

“Well I reckon I can find it in my bag. The terminal connects to the serial port adapter I installed in the mini-pci slot on my laptop,” the parakoopa explained.

“Translation: We’re actually about to get paid for once!” Richard said.

Sebastian dropped to his knees, teary eyed. “I’ve waited all my life for this!!!”

“Actually it has been eight days, five hours, and twenty-three minutes since our last paycheck,” Wiggs clarified.

“Stop! Everyone freeze!!!” Kylie came up from behind with her eyes glued to some of the documents. “You claim forty eight associates but I see forty seven, brother.”

Dr. Toad swallowed hard. “It must be a miscount. Someone from Dr. Topper’s class might have gotten counted by mistake.”

Dr. Topper and his class waved. “I remember you. That's Kylie and she's a reporter. I’ll call you if I get any news.”

Kylie threw the papers to the ground as thunder boomed and the downpour began. “Where is that last person?!”

Just then, Metal Mario finally came out of the building. He gave everyone a look like he was too old for this nonsense and then went back inside.

“Uh, it’s him. Yeah, he’s the missing one,” Dr. Toad held a clipboard over his head to shield the rain. 

“All of you GET!” Kylie growled, causing all of the staff to rush back indoors.

“Woman?!” James glared. “They didn’t pay us our overpriced service fees yet!”

But Kylie was already walking in the middle of the lane down the road, to the displeasure of everyone.

“Her paycheck had better be worth it...” James thought, losing his patience with their employer.

* * *

Downstairs Luigi saw that the stairway to the basement had the water reaching the third stair from the top. Luigi had a flashlight, a tool belt and two companions. 

Luigi peered into the water and couldn’t see the bottom. “Yikes! This is b-b-bad.” 

“To the bone.” Daisy added, singing it like a lyric. 

Toad dove in first. His hyper ways and the third arm made him like a jet turbine in the water. Luigi grabbed on for the ride with Daisy grabbing him and completing the chain. The three zipped around avoiding submerged linen, clothes, furniture, paintings, and more in the darkness. Very quickly the flashlight shown upon the rusty metal door of the drainage room, an area somewhat ingeniously built into the castle that contained two pillars that if pressed, released all water from the moat into a nearby lake. Luigi tried the handle to no avail. He turned to his friends and did a shrugging motion while holding his breath.

Daisy immediately pried away the metal door with her bare hands, pulling it back like a sticker. Enamored Luigi almost missed dating her except he didn’t because he was actually kind of terrified. Luigi and Toad were pushed into the room by water rushing in until Daisy closed the door again, sealing them in. There was an another sealed door leading out but other than that they had a breathable air bubble.

Luigi illuminated the area with the flashlight. “I’m glad I brought you and not the others. None of us even almost drowned or got hurt.”

“We'll always have your back green!” Daisy noticed the square stone pillar that rise about six feet high. “I’ve never been down here. Can I do the honor y’all?”

“Go for it homegirl,” the bespeckled castle adviser said stepping closer to the base of a pillar where some kind of gravel crunched under his feet. 

“Hi ya!!” Daisy jumped high in the air and stretched her legs out so she landed while doing a split on the switches. Rumbles came from the floor, growing in intensity. Keen and alert, Luigi looked around until the floor buckled under them and all of the shallow water in the room, along with those little ‘pebbles’ Toad stepped on earlier went down the two inch crack. 

Toad bent down over it. “Huh… That’s not what was supposed to-“

That was when an intense inferno shot up from the crack!

* * *

Toadsworth and his four passengers got warm reception from their friends and the Koopalings (aside from the several of each group absent inexplicably) as they came over the hill that was behind the castle. 

“Mario and the Princess and Mr. Toadsworth and Junior are back!” Toadette said, with most of the castles staff and party celebrating.

“Don’t I get a welcoming party?” Bowser crossed his arms. 

“Of course Vater.” Ludwig motioned for Iggy to come close. “Do not you have something for our dear King Dad?”

Iggy snapped his finger. “Oh yeah, I have a death machine- I mean gift!” Iggy put a Hawaiian flowery necklace over Bowser's head. 

Bowser noticed the real feeling flowers. “Hey, I like it!... Wait, this ain’t gonna slice my neck off is it??”

They went inside from the back entrance and explained the harrowing details of what happened to Sarasaland. Peach nearly fainted at the reminder that another black star was in the sky over the Mushroom Kingdom. This called for yet another meeting between Bowser, Peach, and Mario who spoke outside again, this time in the front. (Peach ignored the pot holes amazingly.)

“So how do we explain this to Daisy, wherever she is?” Mario asked. 

Peach kept their eyes down. “Gently. She will likely want to return home.” 

“How do we know those vortexes don’t return, princess?”

“You don’t, plumber. Anyway, what about that cure stuff? My eldest brat said they finished it and it’s ready to go.”

Mario made sure his spare hat was on tightly, turning to Bowser. “I almost messed it all up back there with that super scope stunt and so now I have to follow though doing the right thing. Whatever happens happens afterward.”

Bowser crossed his arms. “That’s stupid, suicidal, moronic, and did I mention stupid? But ya know what? I don’t care about all this ‘right thang’ stuff but you’ll probably need my help to not muck it up so I’m in.”

Peach patted the tears on her face with a cloth. “You are right, no matter what tragedy befalls the stars are guiding us… Even if I do sense a bit of disturbance in them today.”

Bowser stretched his leg that gotten restless on the way back. “Stop that crying! It ain’t a good look for ya, hotness. On the bright side, you left the castle all day and it’s still in one piece-“

In a roar a metric ton of the freshwater shot up like a tidal wave from the moat and splashed over on everyone, quickly flooding the land. Yoshi had become the Dr. Toadley’s next bomb hunting partner after he discovered that the odd pebbles scattered about were bombs. He was at the property line of the castle and Royal Raceway a few miles away and felt the explosion. Yoshi ran back to assist but Dr. Toadley stayed put dropped the shovel in regret. 

“Did I an idiot for not checking for mines inside the castle? Yes I am!” 

Back at the castle…

Bowser, Mario, and Peach hung for their lives in a tree. Water filled with loose debris rapidly flow just inches under their feet and mist filled the air. Everyone was displaced in the flood water and there were screams coming from in the castle. Bowser turned to Peach as he thought of something.

“Yeah, your castle is now screwed, but my airship’s alright over there floating. Looks like a success to me.”

Mario punched Bowser in the princess’s behalf.

* * *

**To be continued: ******

********

* * *

Author notes: Yeah, we got super serious and then not so serious. 

_References:_

_-Generation Z is from Kaiimi’s ‘Suicide Country’ (at least in the first chapter before the author changed it to Girls Generation which is a real band, so I stuck with the fantasy version.)  
-Atari and iiii is borrowed from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever Chapter 13 Mario Party_

 

More dates: 6/3 – 6/13, 6/18, - 7/3, 7/11  
Rewritten first time: 7/16/18 , 7/17, 7/18, 7/20  
Changed again (all the dates above are different stories essentially with how much I changed but I’m a nerd about exact dates..) : 7/26/18, 28 , 29, 31, 8/6, 8/7, 8/13, 8/28, 9/2- 9/12, 9/18, 10/3, 10/7, 10/9


	19. Mario Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.
> 
> Author notes: Pacing might seem fast at times. Also, you’re gonna get plot. See bottom notes.

Emery’s mind drift as she drove. “I wonder what’s going on with Kylie? She didn’t pick up.”

Daffodil rolled her eyes. “Forget her, plus we’re losing daylight. We need to get to the South.”

The troublesome four were cruising out in Lakitu's fluffy cloud kart when they bypassed a Boo near a stop sign who seemed really familiar to Emery for some reason. The little boo had a confident smile as their eyes locked to hers. 

Chomper shook her shoulder. “Watch yer self, lass!” 

The car skid into a thin telephone pole on the edge of the street that snapped and fell towards them. Inches away from the screaming passengers, it became transparent and the log phased through them to hit the road where it became solid again. Their hero and protector was right at the driver side. 

“Don’t bat an eyelid, babe,” the boo said.

Emery smiled gratefully. “Thank you!!”

Daffodil nodded. “Come with us pal. We owe ya one and we’re going to the hospital to have some, uh, fun.”

Boo smiled cooly. “I could be of use there.”

They were traveling again though the busted up, worn, and gang infested Toad Town someone ran up to their car.

“Emery, what are you doing here?” Geno asked, running along side them comically. “And have you seen Kylie?”

“♡♪!? , I can’t help you. She went all bipolar on me and ran off.” Emery shrugged, being egged on by her friends except Booigi, who only observed. 

Geno was left in the dust, panting. He knew why everyone on Earth was acting strange, but he had no idea what to do about it. He hoped Kylie would be more level headed once he finally located her.

* * *

Located outside of Toad Town, the orange evening sun was low and the weather clear. A silver Aston Mushroom, riddled with bullet sized dents, no driver’s window, one flat tire, and leaking oil, coast to a stop in an open green field. On the dash was every error alert ever. Bond got out and took a look around. Zoo got off afterwards and thew his burger wrapper in the back seat.

“This reminds me of being a teen at a community camp,” Zoo grumbled, shielding his eyes from the sun.

Bond waited for him to catch up. “Me too.”

“Where were you sent? Rich camp?”

“Quite the opposite. You know, there is still a walk to the village so if you leave now, your parents might not spot you and bake cookies for your arrival,” he teased.

Vacantly Zoo stared straight ahead until he felt Bond’s arm around him.

“I am sorry. I didn’t know.” 

Zoo shoved him back. “What are you doing touching me??”

“You were crying.”

Silence, aside from the rustles of grass and very distant birds. Zoo was about to reply sharply but he couldn’t ignore the tears involuntarily running down his face. Caught between embarrassment and anger he prepared to run before Bond clipped his glasses on his shirt. Though Zoo never noticed back at Special World, he could now clearly see Bond’s beady but grey and cloudy eyes.

“Believe me when I say I understand. Your upbringing was rough, so was mine. I was given up for adoption and lived in camps until I was eighteen. My ‘fancy’ things, the car, the watch, the shirts, all come from work. I do not even own a house, I live with Jeremy, erm nevermind. Either way, I had no right to joke like that. Do you want to leave?”

Zoo wiped his nose with his head turned, tying to play it off cool to the very end. “I call the car. Or not.”

The car a quarter a mile away was smoking from the hood. If Bond hadn’t placated Zoo so much the noki would be dead by now except- No one ever calmed Zoo down... Even his brother Drew knew to simply not make him mad in the first place. What gave this dude he’d met today that privilege? He had to know more about him.

“New plan.” Zoo held out one arm threateningly. “Teach me that rick Mitch did to me last light and I won’t turn you into swiss cheese.” Zoo had to be in control of this situation, even if it mean sticking around. Since this entire mess started he’d felt like some force was nudging him down a path in life and he hated it, so was this mysterious guy really an ally? He glared at this short Hawaiian shirt noki freak who was.. decently pleasant to him always. And spoke to him like a person. And was generous. And other things, Zoo noticed the more he thought about it, so he cut that out quick.

Unperturbed, Bond went a few feet down the dirt road. “I would have shown you anyway.”

Zoo pushed him along. “Yeah, yeah just do it!”

* * *

Dark Ztar switched his 50” smart tv over to what was happening on Nebula 9, chuckling at normally pacifist Z3ns and T4ien alien races driven to annihilate each other due to believing one planet canceled the other’s Super Bowl. Now aliens were using their prayer bells to bludgeon each other and their damaru to beat while marching to warfare. 

With a yawn Dark Ztar checked his phone. Or right! Busted! Capital!

That reminded him. Star warriors were such punks these days, running dragging memories he wished to bury with their stories of dark stars. Nonetheless, there was little else to do but drag himself to that terrestrial planet to only further convince himself that it was rubbish.

He first visited Toad Town, the so called capital of the Mushroom Kingdom. Bands of sailors at the boarders were charging double to ship families and throwing overboard anyone that snuck on. The citizens in the main lands were deserted and only ruffian looking people roamed the streets. The south was having internal struggles dealing with their crazy Mushroom Flu patients. Boring.

Dark Ztar was just about to leave when he heard a soft voice calling him to the East. Visiting Sarasaland he saw fighting, strife, missing persons, and devastation; some sort of grand disaster struck. He even sensed residual dark matter in the atmosphere from another dark star like him. A name flashed in his mind, but no, this wasn’t their style. It must be someone else.

“Good show, Mr. Destoryer of Worlds. Good show!”

“…I kneweth thee would notice, Zach. Methinks about thee always…”

Dark Ztar froze at seeing the visitor. “It’s Dark Ztar now.”

“Aww, that’s so cute, Zachy!” She poked him teasingly.

Dark Ztar made a face. “Stop it! Stop it!” 

“Loosen up. How do you like my work? Totally awesome right?”

Dark Ztar pushed his monocle up, humming. “Forgive me love for not recognizing it sooner, but you’ve pulled no such stunts since a millennium ago. How did you do it?” He attentively listened to the plain and dark star before him wearing only a bowler hat. 

She stared at him funny. “I did something like this just the other day, silly!”

Dark Ztar paused. “Look at me. Did I have this then?” He stroked his luxurious black goatee.

“But..but..” She spun around to look at the world below, noting for the first time all of the electricity, modern plumbing, and cellphones. “What year is this?!”

“Erm… two thousand something in Earth years-”

“TWO THOUSAND? YEARS CAN GO THAT HIGH?!” She rose up and down in the air, freaking out. “You know, when they the banished me to this planet I found a host with special abilities. He could tap into dark matter and using him so I blew this lame dusty place off the map, but he wised up and then… I don’t know it’s confusing. I just know he died but not before he passed me on. I knew I might get stuck with ordinary people for a while, cause that makes me inanimate basically, but I never knew it’d be this long!”

Dark Ztar nodded at her plight. “Tough, love. Who’s the bloke you’re attached to now?”

She thought for a moment. “Ummmmm. There’s this boo named X or Y or Z or something and he must have been special because I woke up the moment he owned me but he was weak then. Next I know I wake up again and I’m just as strong as I was with that original guy. What should I do? Did anything exciting happen?”

“We have internet now but that’s about all that’s important. Since this insignificant planet is your oyster now it is entirely up to you,” Dark Ztar said, all dignified like. 

“So I should destroy it anyway? I like that plan!”

“..If you say so.” Dark Ztar began to leave.

“Wait, where are you going??” she asked the fleeting star. “I’ve been tempting high profile people to get destroyed by my portals, like old times. Don’t you care?”

“Dear, I haven’t cared since the great heroes of year 44 BCE. Your homages are charming and all, but wasting time with Earth means nothing to me. Nothing!”

Her features contort into a scowl as she rushed him. “I’m also trying to get rid of my host like before. When that boo is dead I’ll be free.”

Dark Ztar spun around, smirking. “But you are still banished here, Ms. Bellstar Doomella. Farewell.”

“You punk!” Doomella screamed after him, shooting daggers at him all the way until he left Earth. Moments later Dark Ztar would return to his layer and set back on his couch, feeling a crunch.

“Bloody capital!” His voice resounded bitterly throughout his abode as he held his even more broken cellphone. At least it was still powered on and recording.

* * *

Kylie, with toilet tissue wrapped around her head and arms like a sort of mummy approached the front desk. The entire airport was deserted and it continued to storm outside.

“I’m biting the dust soon, brother. That’s why I need five doctors with me everywhere I go. Got something for Toad Town for six?” She pointed with her thumb to the MKDCU behind her standing around at a distance, adding credibility.

The toad checked the schedule. “We’ll have a flight out of Special World to the Mushroom Kingdom in about two more hours.”

“Too more hours?!” Kylie was fixated on the video screen above that showed a different story.

“Let me get a manager.”

A moment later a large red bird came to the window, suited in tie, and already impatiently watching the digital clock. “Yes, ma’am? Did you have a concern?

Kylie leaned in. “Mr. Albatoss, it’s Kylie, ace reporter. You were just the front desk guy when Mitch and I wrote that article. You know, the one that made the entire airline close over those tainted peanuts?”

Mr. Albatoss’s mouth hung open for a moment. “I remember that, yes?”

“Words have power, brother. It wouldn’t look too good if you didn’t let me see my loved ones before I leave this world…”

Mr. Albatoss cleared his throat. “Uh, maybe we can do something. What do you have?”

“Nothing that’s a travel risk. Just, er, Mushroom Flu. Now I need a one way for six. You feel me?”

Mr. Albatoss nodded briskly.

Moments later the MKDCU rushed inside the ratty economy class passenger plane, illegally they were sure. They hadn’t found seats when the plane was already lifting from the ground. Sebastian found his seat mysteriously moist, Richard had a spring stick him in the butt, Wiggletron’s head smacked the overhead luggage department, and James sat down to in someone’s lap. 

Richard rolled him off onto the dirty floors. “That ain’t this crappy airplane’s fault. You’re just blind!”

Meanwhile, Kylie foot hopped in the plush leather seats when Parabilly found her in the sparsely filled first class area.

“You’d better hope we don’t get caught blackmail’n,” he said quietly, but seriously. “I don’t see why you’re doing all his costuming and fibbin’.”

“I needed to get back in town quickly.”

He bent down to her level. “Talk to me, koopa to koopa. I know we’re hardly familiar, but you just ain’t the same from yesterday.”

Kylie didn’t even face him. “I have to destroy Zoo. It’s all I can think about...”

Kylie rushed the agents out the moment they landed, barging past anyone else. It was pouring down when Kylie saw a shiny new taxi that was parked in front of the airport.

“Cover me, ya’ll!”

And the MKDCU did so, huddling up around to escort her to the cab which she jumped in.

Richard’s face pressed up against the glass. “This yours?”

“Now it is, brother.” To Kylie’s mild dismay, the MKDCU took that response at face value, joining her inside the car. She put qualms aside and sped off while the actual cabby, a goomba who wore a neck brace, had burn marks on him, patches under his eyes, and incidentally not much change in his pocket, ran after them yelling before giving up shortly.

“I quit! I don’t care what the statistics say, Bowser’s army has to be better than this!”

With another wild rushed ride, Kylie stopped in front of a regular house in East Toad Town. It was so boring that it hadn’t even been raided by a gang, and all around was eerily deserted, left behind by the blue clad gang that got dissolved as soon as it start. Kylie jumped out without an explanation and went in.

There was only a toy box in the room to anyone not in the know. What Kylie knew however was that this was a secret passage to Shy Guy’s Toybox, which was another cover up for the secret spy headquarters guarded by Spy Guy.

Kylie clapped three times. 

“Password?” a little voice asked.

...

Outside the MKDCU waited for a few minutes before they sent Sebastian inside. He came out empty handed.

“There’s no other doors in there so she just disappeared!” the snifit informed his squad.

* * *

Toadette used the abysmal window light to see her clipboard. She was on the inside deck of Bowser’s Doomship with across from her Toadsworth sleep. Everyone in the corner of her eye she could see some unsightly wanted posters of who was apparently an ex garbage collector of Bowser’s, Zoo Diddley. That was the criminal that had poisoned Ludwig's mind, though thinking critically as she always did, wasn't Ludwig still responsible to an extent? She guessed the military commander being their only hope for a cure canceled it out. It was weird how that worked. 

Okay, roll call time: Alagold and Thomas were playing some kind of card game. Wendy was setting around listening to music on her phone and Larry was on a laptop.

Out loud she continued, “Mario, the Princess, Mr. Toadsworth, Bowser, Junior, Ludwig, Iggy, Wendy, Roy, Larry, Gold, you, I, and Dr. Toadley’s intern are on board. Russ T. was the only other staff other than Thomas working today but Mr. Toad told me he retired. Talk about great timing.”

“So we’re missing a lot of people.” Buckenberry sat a plate with a sandwich on in front of her. “Here’s that snack by the way.” 

She took a bite. “Mmm! What is it?”

“Peanut butter and toe jam.”

Toadette began to gag. 

On the top deck:

Ludwig was at the helm with Mario and Bowser. After the watery explosion, the entire area flooded with some of it shorting out the controls. Most made it on board anyway, but they were stuck with the old school method in their attempt to rescue Yoshi stranded on the castle’s roof and anyone else missing.

Peach, who was surprising many with her eagerness to help despite her home being destroyed, held her parasol while pointing to Roy on starboard side. Roy pulled his ore really hard to try to show off, but instead it slipped out of his hand to plummet into the water. With a sigh, she turned to port side where Iggy and a mechakoopa held ores. Instead of row with Iggy, the mechakoopa spat a ten foot long trail of fire down the side of the boat, scorching it black.

“Oh no!” Peach exclaimed.

“Nah, it’s alright hotness. Our airships are heat resistant...” Bowser began to smile. “Though with you around it is getting a little warm here, heh heh...” 

Peach’s lip curled. “I’m going downstairs.”

“Now I don’t feel so bad about when I scare chicks away,” Iggy giggled. 

Ludwig shifted uncomfortably in place at the change of topic. “Iggy, lend me the battery from that mechakoopa, will you?” he asked, opening a control panel with lot of wires popping out of it.

“Need help? I was an electrician before.”

Ludwig step aside and let Mario crouch down. “Be my guest plumber, but do be wary of-”

When Mario touched the wrong wire, bolts of electricity ripped through his veins, shocking him in place with bulging eyes. On reflex Bowser tried pull him away but the electricity spread to him, shocking him with a particularly goofy expression. Dr. Toadley’s intern ran over to strategically pulled them both off to sizzle on the deck.

“Clear! I came up here just to do that.”

“Thanks I guess,” Iggy told her. “Now what?”

“I’ll show up when I’m needed again.” Mary slowly backpedaled to leave the scene, just knowing she’d be important again later. Roy left too, not because he was important, but because he was lazy.

Ludwig stood over his dad and shook him gently. “Vater? Are you okay??” 

Bowser rubbed his head. “Mario?” he said groggily. “I knew you’d be best man in the wedding...”

Ludwig laughed dryly. “He seems normal.”

“There was a reason why I quit that job real quick,” Mario moaned. “At least I see blinking lights again.”

Ludwig flipped a switch on the navigation panel. “Systems are on at 60%. Awaiting farther instructions.”

Bowser jumped up. “Here’s some. Turn this blasted thing around already! Some of my kids could be inside!” Bowser pulled the wheel hard. The battle cruiser took a deep turn to the right, making everyone get pressed into the rails as they sped towards Peach’s flooded castle. They crashed, shattering the stained glass mosaic of Peach and exposing the third floor. Lemmy looked up from the ‘SOS’ he’d made with crayons and Morton dropped the pocket thesaurus.

“We’re saved!” Lemmy cried as he boarded the ship.

“We were left in the lurch, stranded, alone, but now we are rejoiced, happy, ecstatic!” Morton jumped on as well. 

“Keep that boat right there, homeboys!” Toad came around the corner with Luigi and Daisy. They were dripping wet and covered in some kind of dusty powder. A hole in the floor was near them.

Luigi shook water out of his ear once he got on board. “Sorry we missed the welcoming party. We were draining the moat when some landmines exploded or something under the castle. The geyser shot us up into the clouds…. And then we landed again.”

“What Green said. We fell fifty feet, but we’re alright.”

“Daisy? We’re over here,” Toad said.

Daisy spun around to face everyone, wobbling a bit with her balance. “Oh, yeah, I knew that. Say, since when did you all have twins?”

“Where’s Stan?” Luigi asked. He made the long jump back into the castle appearing again a moment later to help support Captain Toad who held to the side of his face a clothe stained deep red. Even with the down pour, everyone could see his deathly parlor.

Also white in the face, Lemmy cleared his throat. “I-it was a zapper accident.”

“It.. really.. was...sir..” Captain Toad confirmed.

“Indeed! He was showing us a trick, a technique, a wonder! But then it went off right next to his face!” Morton added.

“Both of you, downstairs,” Bowser motioned to Wendy, who had joined the wet and (mostly) living on the top deck with a phone firmly planted in her hands, protected by a sandwich baggy of course. “Take Fungus Face’s look a like to the ER.”

“You have that?” Mario asked skeptically.

Bowser kept silent, grinning in a way to suggest that the ‘ER’ wasn’t really an ER.  
“We’re just missing dinosaur breath, right? Come on down!” Bowser yelled upwards at the dinosaur that was hesitant to jump.

“Hold on! I’m about to shoot stuff.”

Bowser whipped around to Junior, who’d been silently manning a cannon on the surface of the ship the entire time waiting for a chance to shoot it. He lit the cannon and with a boom a large iron ball shot towards the spire Yoshi was on. The dinosaur dodged out of the way just in time and with an explosion behind him, Yoshi flailed in the air and landed flat on the deck of the ship.

“Junior!!” 

“Y-yes dad?” Junior dragged his feet on the way over.

“What. Did. I. Tell. You. About…LIGHTING MATCHES BY YOURSELF!! YOU CAN GET BURNED AND HURT VERY VERY BADLY!” 

“I’m sorry daddy!!” Junior ran, sobbing downstairs.

“What else did we miss, Mario?” Daisy asked the rigging. 

“I’m over here Daisy. Also, I need to tell you something important.”

“Yeah, I know. Chai Kingdom got attacked,” she said matter of factly.

“How did you know?”

“The special alien brain wave technology we have hidden under our pyramids.”

“Daisy,” Mario said carefully. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Bowser yawned. “Leave flower chick alone. So you don’t care that we curb stomped your lame generals, trashed your armies, probably burnt down part of your castle, and then a portal showed up?”

Daisy’s jaw was clinched in repressed emotion. “I don’t have any family that still lived around there, but those generals were like my uncles, don’t push it.”

Bowser backed off, softening a bit. “Sorry, flower chick, or Daisy I mean. Didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, he didn’t,” Mario added. “He’s even sorry he stepped on your Xbox on our way out.”

She froze. “WHAT?!”

...

Dr. Toadley relaxed on an inflatable like on gentle waters at a beach. Except that was the opposite happening...

“Grab on, doc!” 

Mario waved to him from the rail of the rescue ship and Ludwig dropped down a rope ladder for him to climb. On board Dr. Toadley ignored Bowser who looked like someone had recently punched him in the face, and walked around Yoshi’s body still laying on the deck. 

“Thank you for the rescue. Did I find 100 mines? Yes I did.” He lifted his cloak where his undershirt had a bulging pocket.

“Do keep those in your pocket,” Ludwig hissed.

Up ahead, Mario saw very faintly in their path a purple glowing star floating below the clouds...

* * *

The was stormy enough outside for Dr. Toad to hear the thunder even from his office. Before him, spread all over his scratched up desk were result papers from all of the testing on their ten patients. Electrotherapy, using gases, brain scans? Every single one was a failure. He let his head drop down on the desk as he felt all of his hopes slip away, finally clicking his buzzer that he’d been ignoring.

“Is this Dr. Toad?!” replied an angry sounding associate. “We’ve been asking ya to join us in the board room forever. Say something!”

Why did they have to be so loud? “Something. Now associate, you do NOT have to pester me constantly.”

“I ain’t a doctor! If you don’t get over here I’ll knock that door down and drag you!”

Dr. Toad blinked twice and then obeyed. Waiting in the board room where the other three he’d assembled for the team, Morris, Dr. Topper, and Dr. Goom, plus Metal Mario, all looking either tired or disgruntled.

Dr. Toad took a seat at the end of the glass table. “What is this?”

A goomba doctor clicked a remote and the monitor behind Dr. Toad cut on. “Do you see that sir? I think it is time to let our Case X patients go.”

Dr. Toad turned around to see the news report that described Toad Town as a ‘wasteland’ over run by gangs.

“If we keep them we might get into trouble your Masterplan card can’t get us out of. Besides, I’m tired to getting hurt, my dear fellow.” Morris’s left arm was in a sling. 

Dr. Toad turned back to his associates, frowning. “We have made no progress.”

Dr. Goom nodded. “I would have liked to have seen something happen myself, but don’t you think these aren’t the best circumstances to keep pressing on? If a local cure is developed sir, it is not likely to make it here.”

“Are you all suggesting we quit??”

Dr. Topper got up from his seat. “Let’s talk about it.”

Dr. Toad shot up as well. “No! How can you even?-”

“If the pipsqueak has his own little plans, let em do it!” Metal Mario said, keeping himself in the dark back corner of the room with his arms crossed. 

“Shut up!” Dr. Toad spat.

Dr. Goom sighed. “Sir, you are being quite irrational.”

“I’d expect it from a wimp.”

“Who let him that metallic fellow in here? He scares me,” Morris whispered.

Dr. Toad yanked the cord from the monitor. “I’ll lose my father forever if we can’t figure out how Mushroom Flu affects the brain!” he blurt out before realizing what he was admitting. Everyone in the room, even Metal Mario stared.

“Drew, why didn’t you tell us that?” Dr. Topper asked.

Dr. Toad sat back down defeated. “I don’t discuss them because they’re… they’re boos. That’s why I’m a ‘Diddley’. If people knew this sort of thing, that I grew up on circus grounds, in forests, not even in the Mushroom Kingdom, I’d never gotten where I am now…” he explained in between sobbing. “I’m losing Lou to dementia. He could hardly hold a conversation on the phone and when I saw him in person, he didn’t even recognize me.”

Next Dr. Toad knew, everyone was up from their seats and standing around him.

“Fellow, there are many mad experiments that we can conduct to help with that.”

“I don’t know about ‘mad’ experiments Morris, but that’s definitely something I’d vote for if you put it up on the suggestion board,” Dr. Topper said with a smile.

Dr. Goom nodded. “I would like to assist. After all sir, every other associate in his hospital other than that giant goose is unnamed and unreliable.”

Metal Mario shrugged. “Sorry kid. That’s all I can say.” Then the metallic clone gave a start at the set of keys Dr. Toad produced from his coat pocket.

“Listen. Just… take them back. This goes to our helicopter.”

“Heck yeah!” Metal Mario cheered before he caught himself. He grunted and put the keys in a pocket, attempting to be edgy again.

* * *

Jelectro Bond glance to his left. The distance from the military grade aircraft to his target were thousands of feet. The young rookie’s heart beat out of his chest, but the last thing he needed was a bad mark on his test. The lovely Maria dressed so elegantly was beside him, going next. The early comrade at Super Spy Headquarters who could speak to him in his mother language and always cheered him on was eventually his first swing...

And so Zoo did so at request of his impatient family, as it was starting to get dark. Zoo hit the pink colored golf ball shot into a fake rock that bounced it into the water hazard. Drew told him his high score which was actually quite bad considering golf. Zoo threw the putter to the ground. This was one of the few times his family visited some out of town attraction, and it sucked. Mini Golf Fun Land of Chocolate Island? If they wanted Zoo to return, they’d have to-

“Drag him!” command the criminal mastermind shrouded in darkness. Bond was dropped roughly in the alley and flogged by the criminal's masked mooks. He would have never gotten captured if he hadn’t refused the suggested ‘run and gun’ tactic, but he was never much of a fighter and he knew the hearts of most were innocent. His backup would arrive any minute, and while he wasn’t a too close to the thromp, Agent 999 could defuse a mean bomb. Even a furious one. Either way after a little more endurance the drug cartel leader bob-omb before him and his cohorts would never again be able to plan a-

Bank Heist. Zoo read all about it while setting in his dark apartment with no lights or water. He was in an unemployed gap, a dangerous one, because that meant he got bored often. Maybe he’d try to crash with his brother yet again, but Zoo’s phone was also out so how would he call for a ride? Night night skyline of Toad Town was black, sprinkled with many lights below. Zoo thought it fruitless but said out loud anyway ‘Dear-

“Eldstar, could you have possibly picked a better time?!” Agent N fussed as he shaved in the bathroom. The half suited Yoshi deep was in paperwork even while home and off the clock, trying in vain to clear up complications caused by other ragtag agents. Bond waiting outside the door was not deterred, the Sprixies couldn’t wait any longer. This would be the first time he went on a mission without the forms he needed to make it official and far from the last…

...

Zoo nodded without knowing what he was agreeing to, the brisk game of ‘psychopath’ they played during the walk leaving him in a daze. The guard let them in and soon they were walking among small cabins. Zoo wasn’t sure what to think about the noki or why he’d stick with him anyway. He guessed a part of him was actually curious about if his parents were as bad as Drew warned. Another part, didn’t have anything else better to do. 

Bond stopped just short of Zoo’s parents porch. “Did you say something, mon ami?”

Zoo stared blankly. “N-no.” 

Bond knocked on the door. It swung open and a white boo jumped out.

“I don’t do autographs!!” he screamed, shaking violently with popping veins visible even under his blindfold. Hyperventilating, he bared his sharp teeth like a rabid animal before being grabbed back by another boo, this time a pink one. She gasp when she saw her son and shut the door. Zoo had almost forgotten how his mother sounded. 

“Let me try to speak to them.”

Bond entered the cabin while Zoo spied in from the dirty window. The house was barren, even to someone who was familiar with Dark Land’s pathetic excuse for public housing. Lou was on ratty mats asleep as if his conniption one minute ago never happened. His mother was near Bond in the middle of the room, worn down with heavy lives gracing her once completely smooth skin. The other corner had an old looking stove with a bubbling pot on it. The last item in the entire one room cabin was a wooden chest, the same one his father had when he was a child. Seeing it again was surreal. For a moment to be replace by an intense anger bubbling up.

Zoo wandered off in the wooded community in circles until a monty mole exited a cabin and made the mistake of crossing his path on a motor bike. Without thinking, Zoo sent his death ray forth. The mole tumbled over with a yelp before Zoo caught himself and ceased the attack. He watched the small mammal on the ground for a moment, hoping he was still alive. Zoo approached hesitantly..

“Bro, you’re alright?” he asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible. The mole shook their head and crawled back towards their house, leaving the bike. Zoo was about to pursue until an all black cruiser speed down the road and skid before his parents house. Two guys stormed through the doors yelling. One second later, Bond was dragged out and stuffed in the car’s truck. Zoo rushed back to the house before the exhaust fumes had cleared.

“Who the heck were those guys?!” Zoo asked his mother standing in the door.

Sue retreat in the house.

“No no no!” He shout at the closed door. He could ram the door down and make her speak if he wanted to but… He took a deep breath. He was free but why couldn’t he let Bond go? “Please Sue. Or, mom. Whatever. That guy was uh, a friend. I need to know what’s going on. What were you talking about in there?”

The door cracked open. Zoo entered to see her motioning towards the box.

With his father snoring in the background he rummaged through it to find familiar contents: Some rocks known to be ancient and some kind of alien looking scrap metal. All of these artifacts came from space…

Zoo ran out and grabbed the discarded bike from the monty mole, following the direction the car went.

 

To be continued.

* * *

**Author note: We got… plot? Now we get… conclusions?**

_References:_   
_-This chapter is NOT a remake of Mario and Bowser Frenemies Forever: Chapter 13 Mario Party, that’s why it lacks the ‘2nd Edition’ moniker._

_-Mr. Destroyer of Worlds moniker is ref of ‘Power Play’, an org. fiction franchise of mine._

_Created: 7/29/18, 8/1-8, 13, 14, 16, 8/27, 9/2, 9/9, 9/11, 9/20, 9/23, 10/5, 10/7, 10/8  
10/11, 10/12/ 10/23_


	20. Mario Party 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Mario and co belong to Nintendo.  
> The FF.net version has some italics that are missing here. Sorry. (It's not important so don't worry.)

A toad girl skipped up the hallway pushing a medical cart with orange pill bottles. She met a noki nurse in front of room 212, a room where the door was being banged on constantly from the patient side. The blue noki with one arm in a sling stared her down vexingly.

“You don’t expect me to go in there do you?” asked the noki.

“Thwomp, Paper Mario, Scissor thing sticker!” The girl gasped. “How could I lose?!” 

The noki smirked, still holding the winning thwomp hand formation. “You’re just about the only one who hasn’t gotten your hands dirty. It’s about time.”

She fell to the ground in despair. “But I don’t work here, I’m a traveling sister!! They said volunteers didn’t have to deal with the violent ones!”

“Oh for the love of...” Probabilly groan as he pass by with janitor equipment. “Gimme that…” He took a pill bottle and went in. Screams of terror ensued but no one could tell if it was his or the patient’s..

 

**Formal Letter:**

_This to Moo Moo Meadows. Go ahead and send them volunteers. The last intern doctors we hired, there were about five of the oddballs, ain’t showed up again since this afternoon so we need it. Umm, that’s it._

-Jr 'Still can’t do the formal thing' Troopa. 

Jr. Troopa licked the envelope. The teenager was outside the hospital under its hooded porch while it poured. He got another scrap of paper.

**Personal Letter, I guess:**

_Dear Mario,_

_I know people must write you all of the time but this is Jr. Troopa and I want you to know I've grown from the little punk that harassed you when I was younger. My parents pushed me into medical training of all things and I took a liking to it quick. You’re an expert in saving lives so I’m asking for help-_

 

“Junior!” A ptooie plant named Vick inched towards the porch, notable for biting a difficult patient once and then being banned to only work outside.

“What?”

“Two things, partner. Lookouts in Toad Town saw the baddies grouping up and heading our way.”

As Jr. Troopa groaned inwardly, someone was thrown out of the second story window above them. The koopa bounced off of the porch and landed flat in front of them on the ground. Others standing around in the area rushed to pick the old man up.

“I’m alright.” Probabilly unceremoniously got up without a scratch and even still held the broom he fell with.

“Second,” the ptooie continued. “That there man.”

The person who came around from the side of the hospital looked confused for a moment, but then shrugged and head towards Jr. Troopa. He had a clean white doctor’s coat, black jean like pants, a stethoscope around his neck, and a lamp strap to his head. His moustache was trimmed neatly and his blue eyes were deep and intense, beaming determination and hope.

“You called me at the right time since they never invite me to do anything at Smash Mansion and I just feel so left out with some of the DLC invites and being so low on the tier list and… What was I talking about?” He shook the water off of his umbrella. “Oh, right, you had a theory or something involving Mushroom Flu so I sent my partner here to hold my place. I don’t see his car so he must have gotten lost again. Oh well. I’m ready for work. What’s up?”

Jr. Troopa picked his jaw up from the ground. He glanced from his notebook with the unsent letters to the man before him. “Mario, you’re the best!” he exclaimed, forgetting his fake southern dialect. Others around echoed his statements and surrounded them quickly.

Dr. Mario smiled nervously. “Thanks I think? And it’s ‘Doctor Mario’ by the way. Me and the famous plumber only share a last name...”

Later Jr. Troopa dressed in a rain coat was scouting the territory to check how bad the baddie situation was, keeping his eyes peeled while fighting against the muddy ground limited visibility from the storm. 

Whack!

He face hit the mud. Satisfied, the Seaworthy Switchblade member on the bike whistled to the rest of the gang. Soon a whole gaggle of bike motors were heading closer to the hospital and community center.

* * *

In the downstairs portion of the Airship, there were five people in the back corner of the airship, the ‘ER’.

Daisy sat on the floor with her knees hugged close, rocking back and forth. 

“Homegirl, are you okay?” Toad asked, across from her also on the ground with Captain Toad lying on a mat before him in a semiconscious state.

Daisy’s slowly lifted her head up. “My ‘Unreal Championship 2’ high scores are gone! Forever!”

“That sounds like that sucks,” Toad said, not really sure what he was agreeing to.

Bowser Junior, in great pain, (emotional at least) polished a cannon very loudly. “I’m hungry again.”

Yoshi, the last of the sick with an ice pack on his head, looked at the koopa child with annoyance, shrugging in a way to suggest that Junior was just eating out Peach’s refrigerator before the castle exploded.

"Don't silently yell at me!" Junior screeched. "I'm still traumatized by King Dad yelling at me!"

BOOM. Everyone felt a beat to the chest. In the rear of the ship, there was now a gaping hole leading hundreds of feet to the ground!

Junior’s hands shot in the air. "Wasn't me!!!"

Morton sniffed around. “What’s cooking? Sizzling? Grilling? Me! AHHH!” Morton ran around with his tail on fire, inadvertently spreading it to the wooden furnishing.

“Stop that!!” Luigi tried to yell among the panic as the ship began to get pelted with projectiles. Everyone zipped around wildly, knocking things over, stepping on toes, and kind of hurting themselves before the enemies on the ground got a chance to.

Though all of this Captain Toad weakly grabbed Toad’s shirt, catching the castle adviser off guard. "Sir, I- I have a confession..."

Upstairs, Mario peeked over the rails to find that they passed over Baddie stations and abandoned houses equipped with bill blasters and cannons galore. 

“Everyone strap in!” Bowser bellowed into a radio. He kicked the airship into the highest gear it had. The baddies below saw their target escaping and fired their biggest weapon. A six hundred pound bullet shaped torpedo tore through the sky. Mario was knocked off his feet by the crash just in time to get trampled by almost a large group covered in black soot rushing up to the top deck.

“Do you have another plan?!” Peach, who was anything but that color now, plead.

“SHUT UP! EVERYBODY SHUT UP!… If the Koopa Troop gave up this easy our names wouldn’t be in record books, we wouldn’t have made it past the first videogame, and we wouldn’t have decided to help you Mario losers out. Now strap your boots on. You’re all enlisted in my army now and the first order is!” Bowser realized how quickly they were losing altitude and his gameface waned. “Erm…”

“Plead to a star of your choice!” Mary said.

Bowser slapped his face. “I ain’t got nothing better. Do it!”

Mario joined in arms with several others, his brother, the princesses, and almost all the toads. “Dear Eldstar, we’re in your hands.” 

Yoshi was off alone when he bent his head. “Eldstar, if I survive and get my voice back, I’ll finally retire like I should have long ago.”

Dr. Toadley grabbed Mary’s hands. “Should you save us right now? Yes you should. Amen?”

“Yes?” she answered.

“Was that a question? No it was not.”

Bowser didn’t have a good relationship with the stars after that whole stealing Star Rod incident so he told Ludwig to represent the family.

Ludwig bowed his head. “Dear stars above, that is right, all of you. I know you are there so help us, or else!”

“Ho ho ho! I had fallen asleep earlier, sorry.” Everyone held their breaths as a purple star materialized above their heads, the one Mario thought he saw earlier. “I am Millennium Star, and I know exactly what is going on. You have shown the wit, kindness, strength, love, courage, beauty, and mischief needed to become Super Stars, but there can only be one winner!”

Everyone stared blankly.

“..Never mind,” Millennium Star said casually. “My friend Game Guy told me about the portal issue, so how about you help me conceal my identity until that army of lumas stop searching for me and I’ll help you all avoid meeting our demise in a fiery explosion. Deal?”

Not waiting for a response, brilliant light emitted from the star as it became the figurehead of the airship, repairing the boat, and making everything turn rainbow sparkly colors like a super star. The effects spread to everyone on the boat, making them flash and glow, and reinvigorating all of their senses.

A deep voice came out of nowhere as the airship began to lift into the sky once more. “Carry on, Mario Party! You are now all ‘Super Stars’!” 

Mario stared at his own glowing hands. 

“Yo. This is cool,” Larry said. “Wait, I can talk!”

“Me too! Guys. I’m retiring,” Yoshi proudly said out of the blue.

“I want to as well. Someone hug me.”

Superstar Daisy and Toad ran over and hugged Superstar Luigi tightly. 

“That was actually me speaking,” Buckenberry said dejectedly. 

Iggy put an arm around him. “Join the club.”

“Destroy those losers,” Bowser growled.

The koopalings and Junior rushed to the deck below them for war. Eight of of the battle cruiser’s cannons aimed in a downward direction and obliterated the shacks with ease, creating huge explosions and pillars of fire on land. With the ship in better shape then it was when Bower flew it to the Mushroom Kingdom this morning, it got out of the danger zone in a matter of minutes and like the fitting conclusion of a great job solved only by love and team work, everyone high five. Almost. (Peach still refused to touch Bowser.)

* * *

Zoo raced down the road on the motor bike to a flat highway. His abducted friend was only a mile away, the fleeing car restricted in it’s departure to the winding path. Zoo drove off road, roughly running over rocks, shrubs, and plants. All he could focus on was that car whose driver was an island variant boo with sunglasses. There was a plump strollin’ stu dressed in tactical wear as the passenger. The Stu agent pointed to him and then rolled down the window, firing a tranquilizing gun. Zoo felt the prick but kept up with the speeding car. He lifted an arm off the handlebars to focus on the Stu. When the enemy raised the gun again it fell from his grip as he seized up, red liquid dripping from their nose. First a drop or two, then a steady drain a second later. The boo agent driving hardly had time react before his eyes glazed over and he fell limply to the side, making the car veer off road completely. Red dust was kicked up high into the sky as they careened in a diagonal direction, finally coasting to a stop in a small trench. 

Zoo opened the driver's door. The boo agent was resting on the cup holder occupied with Starman Bucks coffee, obviously his. Zoo hated hipster mega corporations on principle so he threw the boo agent’s body out to the ground. Wait, that was random. The stu agent’s once yellow skin was white and consequently his green outfit dark red. Nothing of use was on him, well, the gun might have been, but it wasn’t that effective judging by the fact that Zoo was still standing. The dash board was cluttered and modified from normal with various equipment and a hand written note that said: ‘Charles, you owe me five bucks or else. I know about your latest pet.’ Zoo ignored that and finally located the switch to unlock the truck. 

Bond sprung out and took a defensive stance immediately. When he turned around he froze at the sight. “That was Agent M and 0088. They’re dead…” 

“...Well sorry for flipping tying to save you! just I couldn’t lose-! I mean-" Zoo cut himself short.

"They were going push the car into the nearest lake. With me in it..” Bond explained with some rare malice in his tone. Bond dug into one of his back teeth and chucked a very tiny device in the distance. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, dude. Now what? We run?”

“Obviously,” Bond surprised him by saying. “I was speaking to your mother about the bell and it is from space. I hate to sound obsessed but we cannot let this halt our investigation.”

“Talk about bouncing back quick, does this guy just regularly escape death?” Zoo mused while Bond was emptying everything else in the trunk. There were chains and weapons and junkfood. Zoo might have gotten along with those two if they had a better introduction.

“Quickly now. You take Agent 0088.”

Zoo didn’t have to think about it. Er, he kind of was familiar with the stuffing bodies in trunks thing.

Bond paused and glanced at him oddly. “I am curious. What did you want to be growing up?”

"I always wanted to perform,” Zoo answered as he dragged the stu. “Comedy or acting with costumes. It just never worked out.. Oh, and I like hurting people so that's kind of a problem for an aspiring entertainer." Zoo felt more weightless than usual. Either the tranquilizer was starting to work, or it was the fact that no one had ever really asked him that. 

...

“You are under citizen arrest! I know your scheme with Zoo, a trusted friend on Earth has told me all about you two!”

In an instant the fog cleared away in Zoo’s mind. They were in an urbanized area, Mushroom City. In a familiar vehicle flipped to is side from a nasty accident. People around ran and screamed as a short person blue garb was shook their fists at Bond, who was pressed against the window of a shop. Zoo crawled out of the wreckage and tried to use his powers but there was nothing. This attacker had no organic parts to target. As Zoo’s jaw dropped, Geno made a tsk noise and aimed his Star Rod towards him. 

Zoo saw stars in every sense of the word.

* * *

Superstar Mario was looking down from the rails on the newly repaired Doomship. He felt a bit numb, maybe even insensitive that he was the only person not buzzing with excitement, but someone had to keep calm. Away from the baddie stations, Toad Town was empty again except for a coasting taxi with sticky notes attached to the hood in the formation of ‘SOS’. 

Someone handed Mario a telescope. “That’s MKDCU!”

“Yo, save us!! We’re doctors!” Richard yelled upwards. “Remember us? We got stood up and we just want a ride to the south hospital!”

Ludwig bent over the edge. “How do you know they are hiring?!”

“We’ll volunteer!” their leader James said. “Working for our normal over priced fee ain’t worked all day or yesterday, so we might as well do charity work!”

“Can we really trust them?” Peach whispered, also remembering from yesterday.

Yoshi waved down. “Wiggletron down there is an old buddy of mine. Yeah.”

“Then let em on, I guess. I could use more for my army.”

“I think not, Bowser,” Peach said wryly. 

Bowser smiled her way. “I’ll make an exception for you, hotness.”

The ladder was dropped, and the occupancy of the airship was added five more. 

“Sebastian, how’d them posters of yers end up over yonder?” Parabilly asked once on board, eyeing wanted posters of a certain dark boo garbage collector.

“Those originate from me. You would not be able to enlighten me would you?” Ludwig asked, his sixth sense of someone guilty coming to fruition.

The MKDCU gulped collectively. “Negative. Your captive has escaped our vicinity,” Wiggletron answered with a half truth.

Off from where that was going on, Mario was standing around again aimlessly. “Thanks for that telescope. Whoever that was.”

“No problem, Mario.” Toad, his normal self now leaned on the railing. “Someone told me something before that close call we had and I got me thinking. I interviewed a few of us just now and there’s a pattern,” he mentioned in low voice.

“A pattern of what?” 

“Of a ‘dark star’! Homeboy, almost everyone had some sort of run in with that symbol, or hearing voices, or something else freaky today, including you! Remember what you told us?”

Mario turned away from Toad’s excitable face. “I see.”

“You okay?” he inquired over his shoulder.

“I’m in the same boat as everyone else,” Mario answered vaguely, going back to scouting out. Inside he was still empty and he needed to fix that quick.

* * *

“Halt!” the young koopa cowboy said to the approaching caravan. He and the rest of the defense force guard the gate to Southern Mushroom Kingdom, a sub region just south of Toad Town.

“Oh no, he’ll ruin our fun! Help us!” Emery cowered behind the wheel. 

“I hate people who make little girls cry...” ‘Booigi the Second’ bounced on the koopa’s head and sent his shell flying towards his comrades. They all fell down into the soil, where boo knocked them all out with a single slap. Booigi realized they found the area familiar but it was like those memories were locked away.

Daffodil’s phone rang. After a conversation lasting ten seconds, she began to bite her nails while handing the phone over to Chomper.

“Aye?... No, I sent the bikers before us.” He gave Daffodil the phone back. “Nothing to fret over, lass. There’s enough of us.”

Booigi wondered what that was about, but let it go. They drove on. Southern Territory consisted of flat plains with the famous Mt. Rugged in the background, partially obscured by low hanging rain clouds. The Southern Hospital was near the foot of the mountain and there was a little town set up near it with tents and other provisions for those who had fled from Toad Town. Twelve loud bikers were also circling the entire hospital.

“Way to go, laddies!” Chomper told the bikers.

Boo left the car last, feeling a pit in their stomach. They followed in the rear until they found a young koopa on the ground leaning against a shed house. 

“Don’t try nothing!” the shivering Jr. Troopa threatened as Boo pass.

“What’s going on?”

“Pfft. We’re the only hospital open for miles and yet your terrorist group is trying to take that!” Troopa explain like it was obvious.

Back with the others, Emery was tagging along with a random biker while Daffodil and the other two baddie leaders stood around under the porch. 

“Okay, I saw we just storm in and claim the place. This is a nice building and supposedly they keep the refrigerators stocked with the good stuff.”

Nukem nodded. “I like the way you think, Dee.”

“Aye, I call the Chuckola Cola.”

Daffodil poked a finger at Chomper playfully. “Didn’t your doctor warn about your liver?”

Chomper grinned. “If anything happens at least I’ll be in a hospital already, lass.”

“Excuse me.” Booigi floated up to them slowly and deliberately. “What are you trying to do exactly?”

Daffodil put a hand to her hip. “What do you mean??”

“Don’t you know that dozens are sick inside?” Booigi growled.

The three played dumb. With another threatening rumble, Booigi pushed open the doors to reveal what was going on inside the hospital. A group of nurses and volunteers were holding back budging doors that went to the east and west wings of the hospital.

Jr. Troopa hopped inside on crutches. “That ain’t good.”

Dr. Mario stepped away from the resistance force. “Oh boy! This is some strong Mushroom Flu if I’ve ever seen it. They won’t respond to my vitamins, and they’re coma walking strength is twice as much as it should be. I wish Metal Mario was here.”

“Don’t let the circus freaks out,” Daffodil sneered from the safety of outside.

Emery was covered in dirt and grime and water. “That’s right!… What am I agreeing to again?”

“This.” Chomper’s battle cry made the gangs from outside pour into the hospital. 

Booigi’s head spun as bikers zipped past left and right, their wet tires leaving streaks all around in their rampage. Vick swung around hungrily and took a big bite out of whoever got close with a little too much pleasure. Rou T. once again swung over the counter and started chasing baddies with that shotgun, making everyone near duck to avoid her badly aimed bullet barrage. A blooper tripped her up and she fell head first into Probabilly’s mop bucket.

“Don’t mind me.” The old paratroopa continued to mop the wooden floor.

Jr. Troopa used his crutches to jab at some Dry Bonez Gang members. A bone they threw back whacked a noki nurse in the face, knocking him into the wall and sending knickknacks to scatter on the ground. A toad girl hesitantly held a flower pot in her hands as she tip toed behind a cheep cheep on a bike who was just sitting there. She cracked it over his head and he fell out cold.

“Oh, my gosh. I did something! Yay!” the traveling sister toad cheered.

“Hey pretty thing, let me talk to you!” Leo the bony beetle started chasing her around. She ran and the chase went out of the doors.

Jr. Troopa had a table tossed at him by a Big Bertha. She shoved and flung nurses and volunteers of the south left and right and was heading straight towards Doctor Mario when she suddenly slipped up and rammed her head into a wall. In an instant a mounted dino rhino fell off the wall and became wedged comically on over her head.

“Watch your step, hear?” Probabilly put down a wet floor sign and then proceeded to mop again.

Dr. Mario abandoned the door to hide under a table petrified, as in Smash Brothers there were never real injuries. Here however was another story. Down the doors came on both sides allowing the ravenous sick, all red eyed and foaming at the mouth to enter the fray, attacking both MK South staff and baddie. 

Emery, Nukem, Daffodil, and Chomper watched the whole thing again safely from outside.

“Lame.” Daffodil began to file her nails. “Oh well. There’s always other places to take over.”

“I don’t think so.” Everyone spun around to face Booigi. “You tricked me into helping you cause this. Now you will pay.”

Chomper laughed arrogantly and brought out his fish hook. “Have fun with that, mate.”

Booigi grabbed the five hundred pound baddie and his weapon and tossed both into the storming sky. With an Earth rumbling boom, a blinding ball of lightning came out of nowhere and collided with the spear, which struck Chomper in an explosion. Booigi brought their arm out to catch the fish took that transformed into a trident. 

Emery, Daffodil, and Nukem screamed their lungs out and scattered into the rain. As Nukem was running for his life, he first thought to dial emergency services. 

“Hello?! Please please please help me! There’s a lunatic chasing me right now!!” 

“Mmmm, I suppose so. Maybe you should have thought about that before you joined the terrorists.”

“Terrorists??!” Nukem frowned. “I suppose got wrapped up trying to stick with these younger guys emergency person, but- but you still have to help me right? I’m sorry okay?… Umm, hello??”

A pink sticky tongue emerged out of the speaker startling him. The phone fell to the ground just as Booigi materialized above it, cackling. 

Daffodil meanwhile ran into a cave that was attached to Mt. Rugged. She leaned against the side to catch her breath. Her damp clothes were making her shiver, so she took off the yellow blouse she wore in imitation of Daisy and only had an undershirt and shorts on. Without the clothes, and with her wet hair having lost the style it was in, she didn’t really resemble the Sarasaland princess any longer.

She kicked a rock farther in the cave where it was pitch black. “I should have stuck with doing impersonations in the theater and left this baddie stuff alone...”

“You should have,” a voice said from before her. A bright white flash went off and Booigi emerged from the darkness holding a Nukem’s camera. Daffodil missed that however because she was too busy wrapping her arms around herself with a flush.

“You screwball, what are you doing?? I can’t let anyone see me out of character. Don’t run from me!!” 

She chased Boo out of the cave and through the mud, heading toward the little settlement until she crossed an item shop. She heard a whistle and turned to see the shopkeeper, Rowf and Rhuff, and several others there hiding in the makeshift item shop tent gazing at her half dressed. 

“Looking good! I love this I Spy badge!” Rhuff snickered until Rowf smacked him.

With a high pitched squeal she ran blindly away from the men, rushing into a smelly old yoshi staple.

Emery ran around back towards the boarder where Toad Town was just a mile ahead. She had no idea how she had allowed her friends to drag her into so much trouble, but the seriousness of it all was like a punch to the face. Emery gave up and sunk to her knees.

“I’m sorry!” she said to no one. “I wish I could start all over!”

A white orb was before her. “Somehow I remember you from yesterday. You called yourself a ‘Do-gooder’. Now look at you.”

She bent her head up towards Booigi who held the trident. “I know what I said, but just I’m a stupid teenager, okay? Kylie was right! But I can't fix this anymore. We can't fix anything anymore!” She wept bitterly in the rain. 

“Stop already, idiot!” a small distance away, Leo tussled with the traveling sister toad in the rain.

“Never!” 

“For real. I’m trying to truce with you. Me and Phil decided that-”

“Leave her be,” Booigi zapped the trident as a warning, striking the ground and making Leo’s shoes catch on fire.

“Owww!! Not you again!”

Other dry bones gang members came up, with Phil taking the lead. “We got bigger fish to fry than this baddie stuff.”

Daffodil, who wore a barrel over her body, Nukem who’s pink bob-omb skin was pure white, and Chomper who was scarred up black and covered in bandages while being pushed in a wheelchair also met them. 

“Yeah. Don’t you see how dark the sky is for it to only be seven o clock? Something ain’t right,” Daffodil said.

“You could redeem yourselves by going back to that hospital and helping out.”

Everyone looked at Booigi like they were a freak. 

They shrugged. “Fine. If you want to flee this time, I won’t stop you.”

After a pause Emery spoke up first. “Okay, I’ll do it. Don’t look at me like that, I used to be a nurse and we honestly don’t get paid enough for what we have to put up with.” 

Phil put his head back on, which had gotten bopped off again at some point. “At least we’ll be out of the rain. What do you say?” Leo and their other five or so dry bones members agreed.

“Us too. We have to make it up to you somehow,” Daffodil said. “We’ve been rotten friends.”

“Yes...I’ll..never...live..with..myself...if..I...don't.” Nukem said.

The paraplegic Chomper blinked his eyes twice, indicating that he had no objections.

“One problem though,” Emery said. “Who can handle these guys?”

A white little bird swoop down from the sky and perched on Booigi’s trident. 

“Squawk! The superstars can! Squawk!” 

Everyone faced the North as a large doom ship radiating rainbow colors crossed the boarder to invade Southern Mushroom Kingdom.

“ATTENTION,” came a voice from the ship originating from a speaker. “THIS LAND IS NOW PROPERTY OF KING BOWSER KOOPA… HA! Did I get you?? You should have seen the looks on your stupid faces!”

“Ah hem,” spoke up another voice that sounded like Mario. “Actually, we’re here to deliver the cure for the Mushroom Flu! Make way for our landing!”

* * *

To be continued: Next time, The Power of Friendship. Aka ‘home stretch’.

**Created: 8/7/18- 8/13, 14, 16, 9/2, 9/9, 9/10, 9/20, 9/23, 25, 10/5, 10/8, 10/12.  
11/4/18**

**References:**

**-Daisy worrying about ‘Unreal Championship’ is a self ref to my other fic called ‘Mario and Luigi enter the Wiivolution.’**


	21. The Power of Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with less errors!

* * *

Bowser’s airship approached the Southern hospital to a welcoming party of Booigi, Emery, her baddie friends, the remaining members of the Dry Bonez Thugz and the Seaworthy Switchblades, the staff and volunteers of the hospital, and lastly Birdley perched on the roof. 

“Welcome to Southside, partners!” Jr. Troopa waved the ship down and it descended ‘gracefully’ on top of their nearby shed house, flatting the wooden structure completely.

Probabilly nodded his head that way. “Don’t get yer britches in a bunch. I can fix it right up.”

Bowser was the first off board, mostly because everyone forced him to be. Rain poured on his head and he was just generally soggy all over, giving the very best first impression. 

“I am King Bowser, ya know me. By the way, you are my new slave labor force!” he said with a toothy grin until Peach and Mario step off very unhappily with that statement.

Vick the ptooie kept staring. “Y’all ain’t them sheet freaks are ya???”

The blue Noki ‘Laki’ punched Vick in the side with his good arm. “He means we heard you guys were in Sarasaland and that place got… you know. Its all over the news.”

“Dears..” Peach held her parasol with nervous tension. “-Just know we’re safe now.” 

“Yeah and don’t worry about the koopas. We banded together for a cure and now we’re going to deliver it.” Mario noticed their allies were ‘interesting’ consisting of rednecks, random weirdos, and thugs but helping hands were helping hands and he wouldn’t judge.

“Buddy! How did you get here?” Luigi asked upon seeing Boo.

Their eyes locked and Booigi instantly dissolved into a more familiar shivering blithering form. “L-luigi?! I don’t even now how I got here!” They ran up to hug the green plumber tightly, weeping into his blue overalls. Luigi reciprocated though he didn’t really get it.

Mario, Bowser, the Koopalings, Junior, Peach, Daisy, Toad, Toadsworth, Dr. Toadley, his intern, Yoshi, Toadette, Thomas, the MKDCU, Alagold, Buckenberry and lastly Luigi and Boo piled up at the front porch of the hospital where Dr. Mario gape at the approaching party. 

“Long time no see to all of you!” Dr. Mario turned to Jr. Troopa beside him. “I mean, forget a few extra volunteers showing up. You sent the whole gosh darn cavalry!”

The teenager dropped his unsent letters to the wet porch with a sheepish look. “Wasn’t me and honestly” he said in a hushed normal accent, “I'm scared to go in there again. I’ve seen what they can do to you and I'd rather fly across the ocean in one go or go back to boot camp before I run in that place."

Mario and pals lightly chuckled among each other. The plumber went ahead. "Don’t worry. I’m sure it can't be that bad...OH MY-" Peeking through a sliver between boards, Mario’s moustache went limp and his knees buckled. Bowser tore off a wooden board to let everyone rushing up clearly see the disarray within.

“One coma walking patient is knocking down walls. Another is screaming and wailing like a crazed animal. One is swinging a chair around. Another is gnawing on the leg of another. A yoshi is destroying everything in sight,” Morton commentated before being slapped and forced to shut up. Either way their excitement plummeted faster than a thwomp falling off of Mt. Rugged’s peak.

Among the murmuring and confusion that ensued Bowser pulled Mario aside. “I know that’s a hot mess in there, but if something's gonna get done, it'll be cause of us and not these other losers. This is still about OUR rivalry still, or frenemyship, or whatever still right?”

Ludwig squeezed between them and scoffed. “-Am I not worthy of assisting? I am feeling audacious!”

Bowser groaned, observing the constantly jiggling door knob. “Hold the door or something.”

Toad surprised Mario by coming up. “Homeboy, whatever you decide I’m for it. I’ve already died once today technically, Dr. Toadley told me.”

Peach gasped. 

“Sorry I didn’t mention it princess, I should have TOAD you all. Get it?” Toad smiled cheesily. 

Iggy barged up to the front. “I have a death machine in the airship that could help with this!”

“Iggy!? Come back- Oh never mind. Everyone execute formation: balino!” Ludwig command, trying to get all the attention again. He meant to say ‘impetus’ however so  
Lemmy, Morton, and Junior promptly got in a military style line and march their tails instead right to the outhouse. 

“Do I have landmines saved? Yes I do.”

Mary nudged Dr. Toadley’s side while smiling in a forced way. “No you don’t...”

James and his squad came up. “Youse just give us the signal.”

“So what will it be?” Bowser turn to Mario. “There ain’t no save blocks here. Now or nothing.”

Mario’s eyes shift to his rival with a sly smile. “See you in the Overthere.” 

Bowser was for a moment caught off guard but then he also flash him the ‘grin’. “You too, plumber breath!”

Ludwig pulled open the door, allowing a crew that now only consisted of Mario, Bowser, Ludwig, Iggy (holding a black tube), Toad, Peach, Daisy, Toadsworth, Dr. Toadley, Mary, Buckenberry, Daisy, the MKDCU, Dr. Mario, a few straggling baddies and bikers, a couple nurses and volunteers that weren’t beaten too badly, and Birdley (if immediately perching on the ceiling fan counted) to CHARGE!!!

...

It was an odd feeling to know you were supposed to be dead coming from someone who had narrowly escaped with their life in many a time during adventures, but that was the boat Captain Toad was in… That one and Bowser’s airship. Just then he was startled by Alagold plopped down on the bench across from him.

“Don’t mind me, Bro. I was uh, seeing things.” Alagold rested rather abruptly on the table.

Captain Toad ducked down as more entered the docked vessel, Yoshi, Luigi, Boo, and a few koopalings. 

Yoshi grabbed a seat. “You guys try to wake up Millennium Star. I’m really tired all a sudden.”

Boo inched closer to Luigi when loud thunder boomed. “But what if that star person never wakes up??”

Luigi gulped. 

“Well, I saved this from the castle.” Toadette held up a rusty pot. “I can bang on it for noise. I would have had more but a certain front door guard bailed on us to join his uncle in the downtown.”

“It’s fine, Toadette. There’s enough of us to do this, we just have to be loud and annoying.”

Larry glared at Luigi. “Is that a diss at us?”

“Yeah, I am NOT loud or annoying!” Wendy covered her mouth quickly.

Roy barged ahead. “Let’s get to not working already!” And so they all went upstairs aside from Yoshi who napped. Thinking the coast was clear, Captain Toad got up.

“-I say! I could have stayed in the tussle for a little longer!” an elderly voice said.

“Please chill out. You didn’t even make it inside before you slipped and fell and the Princess would worry if you stayed anyway. Set next to, er, Stan over there!” Toad motioned to Captain Toad who had no choice now but to wish he was invisible.

Toadsworth sat next to Alagold with a somewhat juvenile huff of annoyance while holding an ice pack to his bruised face. “Master Toad, take this will you? I was always meant to be a gift.” He dug in his small knapsack and pulled out an old book labeled ‘IV’, the same one that was laying next to Toad when he passed out and the same book Russ observed before going mad. It was slightly water damaged but still even had the bookmark firmly in place. 

“Oh, uh, okay.” Toad grabbed ‘IV’, giving it a once over.

“It is a nice little read if you are in for a brain twist. It is from an ancient explorer ‘Zheng Koopa’ and all that but unfinished! It just seemed important, so I took it before the castle flooded over,” the old mushroom explained.

Toad smiled to be polite. “Thanks Toadsworth.” He leaned in on Captain Toad’s side. “By the way, relax. I get that it was an accident, homeboy. I’ll even send ya the good stuff before you get probation,” he said conspiratorially. 

“Pardon?” Toadsworth questioned.

“Nothing, old man. I gotta go.”

“Mr. Toad,” Captain Toad spoke up when the thought crossed his mind. “Your book. I explored some old ruins once. I think that might have been written shortly after old world Sarasaland collapsed on itself-” 

“Like what happened to Mario and Peach? Uh huh?? So does this have clues or something? Tell me.” He shoved the book under Captain Toad’s nose.”

“’Delimited by the natural and bestowed potential by..the unshakable shadow shed by its origin’..” Captain Toad read before stopping to lean back sadly. “Sir, I’m not sure I get it.”

“Ah. That makes two of us!” Toadsworth said.

“But this could be important,” Toad stressed, beating the table. “….Y’all know any puzzle specialists for this book thing??” 

Captain Toad leaned up abruptly. “Sir, that is highly specific but in fact I do!”

* * *

Deep below Toad Town Spy Guy handed over an updated census of the capital city. There were exactly one hundred residents left, all tucked away somewhere and undetectable to all but the most savvy discoverer.

“I see there are three more than last time.”

“Yes sir. It was very unusual, like a ball of lightning.”

The paper was sat down. “Does this have something to do with the void?”

“What void?”

Agent N handed over a photograph. “This was the last image taken from our satellite.”

Spy Guy lifted it closer to his face then spun it upside down, trying and failing to find any meaning behind the completely black image. “Umm, what is this?”

“That’s above the clouds right now!” Agent N replied like that was a dumb question. “I’m afraid we’ll have to-” Someone knocked with a thud sound.

Spy Guy pushed open the box flap, exposing the Super Spy HQ’s ‘office’ for what it was, a single large cardboard box located in a Shy Guy’s Toybox Blue Station.

“Where’s Kylie?” Geno asked.

Without a word, Spy Guy blew a dart designed to instantly debilitate any living thing at Geno.

“What a way to introduce yourself, Charles.” Unharmed, Geno flicked if off and it bounced on the floor. “So again, where is she?”

Agent N, a slim orange yoshi undistinguished from any other aside from the very nice suit he wore, crawled out of the box. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Don’t worry about me Jeremy, just know that I caught Zoo and Jeletro for you guys and I need to speak to Kylie. I know she’s here.”

Agent N glanced at Spy Guy.

“Never mind, here she is.” Geno spun around as the indoors train came rolled up to the station stop, whistle blowing. Kylie Koopa was right in the caboose looking straight ahead as she squeezed an effigy of Zoo in her hands in a creepy manner.

Geno’s smile faltered. “Are you alright?”

Her head slowly craned his way. “Where are they??”

The star warrior snapped his fingers, making his Shooting Star car and its passengers miraculously appear behind him. Seating the back seats were Jelectro and Zoo suspended inside of a thick yellow crystal. Zoo’s eyes dart over to them all and Jelectro's expression changed ever so slightly, indicating that they were both still conscious. 

“Wonderful.” Kylie rubbed her hands together.

“Send them to the cells,” Agent N ordered before turning inquisitively back to Geno. “So you don’t even have a name? We’ve never had an uh, infiltrator quite like you...”

“I’m not from around, call me Geno,” Geno answered as Spy Guy prepared to take the prisoners away. “It would be hard to pronounce anyway. Just know I follow a higher authority and I’m on a criminal investigation of my own I guess you can say. That boo is using a bell that connected to a real villain in the sky. A Dark Star.”

Kylie stopped drooling at Zoo and Bond. “Right.. right right right. Where will they be held?” She asked flatly.

“In an ultra secure cage where Agent 0064’s public interference yesterday will be thoroughly investigated. If that boo really is the train station killer from this morning, that will be taken care of also.” He clapped two times an a shifty eyed secret agent came from a backroom riding a go cart styled like a cutesy little train.

“Agent 0069 reporting.”

“Get out of that thing,” Agent N snapped. “Why haven’t Agent 0088 and M reported back yet? They were supposed to be the ones bringing Agent 0064.”

The bandit shrugged as Geno gave a start.

“Them?! Jelectro and Zoo were in their car and there were bodies in the trunk!” Geno explained.

Agent N pulled a radio up. “Interrogate the prisoners now. Show no mercy,” he hissed.

Kylie heard the whole thing and began to laugh under her breath. Geno instead went back outside to get himself together. Rain made his blue clothing soggy as he pondered. He’d investigated the portal above to find that it was in reality a remote projection of concentrated dark matter, inanimate in every way, a killer that was neither live nor dead. He didn’t get it, where was the dark star mastermind hiding? How did Zoo become the keeper of a destruction summoning bell? Why did that noki agent risk so much to shelter Zoo? That wasn’t even touching the fact that he was supposed to be on house arrest at the moment. A great cowboy cop he was not..

He tried to enter the HQ again 20 minutes later to find something disturbing. Two things actually. He could feel another star being near, but the other thing:

He couldn’t get back in the building...

* * *

Dr. Topper sneezed, almost dropping his hot tea. With that close call he knocked on the office door of Dr. Toad. “Drew, come out. I won’t bite.” His cellular shopper rung and he tucked the folders he held under his arm to answer. “Hello?”

“Hello? Doc, this is Toad the castle adviser. We just needed some help with this thing called a ‘book’.”

“Oh wow! What do you need?” Dr. Topper asked attentively, eager to be charitable.

“I’m not good with big words, but here I go.” As Toad read out loud the entire page, three more people were entering the airship.

Daisy jerked away from the nurse. “-But I’ve only been stabbed twice. Com'on!”

“Sorry, but that’s not normal,” Emery said, backing away. 

“Looks normal to me,” Sebastian said. 

Yoshi grimaced when he noticed the two sharp wooden planks that impaled Daisy on her arm and leg. Daisy only ignored them and went upstairs.

Back at the hospital, Dr. Topper was listening so intently he didn’t notice Dr. Toad in the open doorway tapping a foot impatiently and staring holes in him. 

“Associate, who is that?!” the toad doctor bark.

Dr. Topper raised one finger up in a ‘just a moment’ gesture. 

_A stage act in play for millennium past of actors a facsimile of their roles and those scorned..  
Delimited by the natural and bestowed potential by..the unshakable shadow shed by its origin’.._

“Okay so while it’s as old as you say, it doesn’t sound like a riddle, at least not intentionally. I’d even venture that the author wanted people to understand. That first part means that the stars watch over us like a stage play working out, however the text referred to someone making a crude copy of these ‘actors’ or people. The last verse about being limited, that thing is tied to the power of its owner but it can only be gotten rid of ‘shed’ by taking it back where it came from.” Dr. Topper paused. “What object are we talking about?”

On the other end back at the airship, Emery over heard the call, recognizing Topper’s voice and finding familiar the topic. Overcome with guilt she dashed out. Sebastian tapped her on the shoulder in passing.

“Where are you going?” He asked. “Believe it or not, I’m also a Boo hunter. Didn’t you work with that celebrity on something like this?”

Emery froze with one foot out the door, turning back towards her former classmate. “Kylie isn’t a celebrity and we were talking about bells, not boos!”

Yoshi leaned his head up, blinking twice in recognition of Emery. “Miss? I’m sorry for offending you yesterday, I know it seems forever ago, but if you know something you need to tell us.”

Emery took a deep breath and step back in as several eyes laid upon her. “Kylie was researching this stuff. Me and her aren’t so tight anymore but maybe mention it anyway.”

Toad pick the phone up. “Doc, you heard that?”

At the Special World Hospital Dr. Topper nodded, still ignoring an increasingly annoyed Dr. Toad. “Sure. She even stopped here for some reason earlier and made me catch a head cold standing in the rain. I’ll see if I can reach her.” He dropped his folder in Dr. Toad’s hands and left, confusing the toad doctor until he opened it up and found many drawings from Dr. Topper’s classroom saying to ‘Get well soon’, all addressed to his father Lou Diddley. Dr. Toad might have stood in the door way for five minutes after.

Back in the South, everyone was somewhat overwhelmed by the info dump except for Toadsworth. 

“I say! Have we opened, what you call, a can of worms?” he ventured.

* * *

Agent N approached Bond’s cell. 

“Anti Guy, you can step back.” 

The assassin took one more glance at Bond and then got lost, moving away from the sturdy cage. Agent N stooped to Bond’s level for a moment.

“-Mon ami.” Bond jolted Agent N out of his thoughts. “You are correct, I have not rebelled, joined Bowser, or have been replaced by a doppelganger.”

Agent N stood up straight and cleared his throat. He quickly check that they were indeed alone in the room. “Then why did you do it?”

Bond slid his broken and lopsided glasses up. “Let me and Zoo go first.”

“Ha ha ha. No. You left your vacation after my first call to you, correct?”

Bond nodded. “I did leave to check on your niece but after many twist and turns I had to refocus. This is bigger than even us. You have to let us go.”

“Hmm. I’ll think about it.”

Bond gripped the bars harder. “Think??”

“You are in an alliance with Zoo. You know what he does to people.”

“It’s more complected than you think-”

“I doubt it. It’s annoying enough listening to you like this at home so I won’t do it here. Bye bye.” And leaving Bond speechless, Agent N left to check in on the rest of the circus animals that were his agents.

Back in the Blue Station, a thwomp slowly step back in horror at whatever was going on in the Pink Station ahead. The bandit Agent 0069 ran screaming from there while holding his mask tight to his face. Agent N briskly entered to investigate, finding Zoo’s eyes meeting his immediately. The pink station had a playful look with pink painted walls and stuff teddy bears and building blocks for decoration, all covered with splotches of fresh blood. Agent N tried to back out before he felt a stabbing pain in his stomach. He fell to the ground and lost his lunch while Zoo cackled. 

“Listen up. Bring Kylie to me or you’ll cough up more than that,” Zoo hissed, dropping the laughing act in an instant. “Get up. Now!”

Agent N dragged himself up. Zoo was locked in their special nigh impenetrable and anti teleportation jail cells, but it didn’t work against mind power apparently. Meeting back at the entrance area where his ‘office’ was were the whole team and a stationary train with Kylie still in it. 

“Zoo.. wants.. to.. see.. you!” Agent N collapsed on the floor with rumpled soiled clothes. The other agents glared at him.

Spy Guy glared. “You can’t send her to him!”

“Is it still bleeding? It’s still bleeding!” Agent 0069 whimpered while Agent Maria tended to his wounds, which were unfortunately for him bleeding eye sockets.

“He is right, Monsieur,” the French woman said sternly. The pink shelled Noki, Maria, put down the gauze and stood up to an approval of the remaining agents, 999, Anti Guy, Toad, and W. 

“Yeah, we’re reporting this to HQ,” a fat masked human, Agent W warned. 

Agent N got in his face, inches away from the humans bulbous nose. “We ARE HQ.” 

“Of this region yeah, but not the planet. Money talks and we’re so poor we have to rent this amusement park,” Agent Toad quip.

“That is enough!” Agent N turned to Kylie. “Little miss reporter, if you wish to mix yourself with our affairs, you will obey me. Don’t even think of trying to blackmail us with your Koopa Kronicle.”

“Koopa… Kronicle?” Kylie mumbled while her old fashioned analog phone. While her mind was too clouded to recognize the caller id, it wasn’t too much to be eager to learn new information. “Hello?”

“Kylie? Neato, I knew phone books weren’t obsolete just yet. This is Dr. Topper and I’ve been speaking with some of your friends about something you were researching. I know when you visited me at my day job you mentioned a Zoo being here-?”

“ZOO?!” Kylie put it on speaker phone, which let everyone hear the call with the echo like acoustics of the room.

“Yeah him! Wow, love that enthusiasm! I never knew him, but I got a hint to check his profile. Yeah, he had a bell or something and there’s this book your other friends have implying that the bell is doing something with the sky. You’d better look into this, I don’t know how bad it is from way out in Special World where I’m at, but it sounds serious. I-”

“N-nothing else about Zoo??” Kylie asked, sweaty and deranged.

“Hmm. No. I can only do so much from here. You’re the reporter, am I right? Take care.”

The call hung up and everything was silent before Kylie toot the whistle on the train.

“DIDN'T YOU HEAR? ZOO IS CAUSING THE PORTAL AND BOND KNEW THIS. DESTROY THEM BOTH NOW!” She threw the train into a hard reverse to go where Bond was being held. The agents scrambled to catch up, and Anti Guy and Agent W got hit and dragged along. When Kylie careened into Bond’s room, his cage was empty. Kylie jumped off and rushed the cage along with Agent N.

After a quick look Agent N spun around, eyes flaring dangerously. “Who had the keys??” 

“Ouch...I gave them to… her!” Agent W used the one arm that wasn’t broken to point to Maria.

The female noki only crossed her arms. “Maybe so, oui?” 

Agent N towered over her, shaking in agitation. “Why would you do that?!”

Maria turned her head and said nothing.

“Spy Guy. Take care of her!” 

Spy Guy froze. “..Agent I-”

“Do it!” He pointed at her and at his call, a dart was shot at the noki. She hardly had time to realize what had just happened when the venom from the dart spread through her body. She pass away right then on colorful tiled flooring, agents around her all in shock while she herself regretted nothing. Bond, a close friend and partner back in the day did not deserve what her agency was trying to do. That, and she just knew somehow that her death would not be in vain. 

Agent N looked up from her body like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Did anyone check on Zoo?” he eventually asked, voice wavering.

“He’s also gone,” Agent Toad answered, checking his time slip for when his next break would be. 

“Find them both. They are maximum level threats at this point.” Agent N hesitated only for a moment before hitting a switch that sealed all of the doors electronically but also using some sort of force field he didn’t even understand, per strict protocol. No more entry or exiting now. Understanding this, all of the agents gulped.


	22. Burning the Bridges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the size of about two chapters, you know, for the finale. Don’t be alarmed ;)

In the Southern Hospital the sick were roaming and they’d need to catch all fifty or so. Mario and Bowser teamed up in the lobby to focus first on an infected whomp who was in a frenzy. Slam! All knickknacks clashed to the ground. Slam! There went the rest of the drywall. Slam! 

“Can I be with ya’ll?” A boney beetle with an urban accent and red bandana asked them. “I’m Leo. My buddy left me so I ain’t got nowhere to go!”

Bowser snorted. “You joined my army once and dropped out a week later. Also you smoke that stank fire flower.”

Mario spun around only for a second. “Okay, feel free to... RUN!” 

Everyone moved just in time as the whomp attack. He flopped down with an Earth shattering boom to flatten them, snapping in half a table, but got stuck that way.

“I saved the day!” Leo did a dab.

“No ya didn’t,” Bowser grunt.

Mario pricked the whomp with the cure syringe only a few of were armed with. Obviously 90% of Mario’s crew couldn’t be trusted with sharp objects. “That’s one down.”

“Squawk! Check your back! Check your back!” Birdley sung as he spun with the ceiling fan.

Bowser froze. “Plumber, you have an infected MICRO GOOMBA crawling all over your back! Sit still so I can-”

“Ooh! Let me handle this, bruthas.” Leo shot a ton of spikes that rain down everywhere. Mario, now impaled all over, tumbled around until he tripped over Rou T.’s La-Z-Boy chair. Leo scram before Bowser could strangle him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mario muttered grimly, still dizzy and flipped over that chair, “This is a good look for me, right?..”

“I was gonna say let’s stick to being a duo, but since ya mentioned it that too! Ha!” Bowser winked.

* * *

Jelectro Bond crawled in the pitch black air duct, pacing himself when he bumped up against something. The object pulled him suddenly into its oddly chilly embrace. 

“I got your message. Sorry about your noki girlfriend.”

Bond nodded. “It is gravely unfortunate, but we must move on. Are you with me to the end? This is it.”

“Dude of course! What do we do?”

Bond smiled in the darkness. “Ah- The stars aligned and I overheard an obnoxiously loud phone call from Kylie. While I am hardly at base we must have something here to work with to fly that bell to the moon. I will do that while you look for a way out of here. I figure you would rather not interact with anyone, yes? How good are you at spying around?”

“I’m so bad, when I turn invisible people can still see me.” Bad joke or not that was the plan and they were sticking to it.

* * *

On the second floor left wing, the blue toad named Buckenberry gave a swift right hook. Down the infected patient went in a heap of clothing. “Were you filming that for my Facenote profile like I asked?”

Mary gaped. “You just knocked out an old lady!”

He gave a second glance at the victim, finally noticing the granny panties and dislodged dentures. “Oops.”

“Quiet. Is a patient over there? Yes it is!” Dr. Toadley pointed to an empty broom closet, listening. In a poof of smoke an infected ninji revealed themselves and sprint down the hallway. “Do I think so? No I do not!” He tossed something which exploded in the hallway, filling it with smoke that didn’t bother him while his two companions choke. The ninji however made it down the stairs and the eccentric doctor was prevented from following due to someone grabbing him.

“What the heck is wrong with you?!” Buckenberry screamed in his face.

Then with a breeze the smoke cleared out in seconds and the world became breathable again. Mario showed up out of nowhere behind a large whirling industrial blower. “I was just passing through. Are you guys alright?”

“Thanks Mario,” Buckenberry said, letting go of Toadley. _“I’ve always been a fan..”_

* * *

Anti-Guy was in the maintenance area’s storage room were it was dark and illuminated only by the glowing power hungry television screen and terrestrial sonar. 

“Stop running up the electric bill, idiot!” Agent W barged in, hardly fitting in the narrow space. Anti-Guy in turn pinched a pressure point on his shoulder relentlessly. “YOOOOW!” Pain rippled through W’s body for five seconds before he was pushed out of the room with the door slamming shut.

Bruised mostly ego wise, Agent W traversed dim corridors to reach the Blue Station where Agent N was standing around the sealed doors. 

“Finally someone. Watch this while I take a leak okay?” the yoshi asked right away.

W picked his nose idly. “Seriously? Can I just go home?”

“No. And don’t break anything,” N said, walking off. 

W stood around pouting until he decided to peek into his superior’s snack stash in the office box thing. It was the usual tasteless vacuum sealed stuff, so he stood by the electrified double doors with nothing to do until an intruder came up. “Hey it’s-”

“Didn’t I see you earlier today at Special World’s Applebys?” Zoo asked. “You were that cook in the back.”

W sized Zoo up, being quite larger. “Don’t remember ya but I wish I would have. Your boss Bowser brought down FungusUp yesterday and I had good stock there.” W smirked at Zoo’s dumbfounded look. “I did some personal digging on you, see? And I know your full story. Our databanks are the bes- Erk-!”

Zoo struck him with the agony beam before the sentence ended. He came to and stopped the invisible assault. Agent W collapsed at Zoo’s feet, bleached aside from blood originating from his ears and nose. Zoo poked his body but he never woke up again. He eyes lingered on W for a second, sweat gathering on his forehead, before dragging the body a little ways into a dark and unoccupied room. With that panicky moment over he returned with W’s radio. It exploded like a small bomb when Zoo toss it at the electric field, setting off smoke alarms and sprinklers which freaked Zoo out again. The way out wouldn’t be the front door, he decided.

...

Agent N suspected trouble if he took too long walking around the building to the only known restroom. Now the sprinklers were on and everything. Even more there was a faint pink hue in one of the water puddles, then dry blood trial leading down the hall into the closet. Cautiously he took a peek inside before jumping back at the sight. Someone tap him on the shoulder. Anti-Guy appearing to be quite flustered.

* * *

Dark Land commander Ludwig led his squadron of Lemmy, Morton, and Bowser Junior, plus Jr. Troopa, Laki, and Phil like soldiers into battle, systematically kicking open doors and dealing with whatever was inside. When Ludwig was about to kick open door of room 400, the door kicked him! The koopaling was launched backwards until a large tentacle caught him and pulled him back in. He screamed for his life while his claws scratched the floor. 

Bowser Junior gasped. “I’ve seen enough of Iggy’s cartoons to know where this could go!”

Lemmy turned to Junior. “Did you get past the parental lock on the WiiU? Or use the laptop?”

Morton beamed. “Because if so that explains the viruses, the malware, the technical support people that hold your computer hostage and demand you to pay them in Fleabay gift cards!”

“Gah! Move out of the way so we can help him!” Jr. Troopa shoved aside Bowser’s kids to rush in. This patient room had a family of sick bloopers floating around in the air and a giant one holding Ludwig helplessly upside down near the window. 

“Anyone hungry for seafood?” Phil asked. The dry bones got a mean look from Troopa. “What?”

“I’ll get the small ones,” Laki said. The noki used his short stature to dodge around and poke some of the bloopers with the cure before they could retaliate. 

“Stand clear, I’m gonna launch missiles!” Bowser Junior almost lit a match to prime his pocket bill-blaster until the words of his father echoed in his mind. “Oh no I can’t!” he cried dramatically. “It’s not safe and I could get hurt very badly.”

Jr. Troopa used his wings to dodge the bloopers. “I’m glad you’re taking responsibility.”

“-Which is why,” Bowser Junior continued, “I’ll let you older people do it. Here!” He handed the heavy weapon to Jr. Troopa. “You’re an adult, right?”

Jr. Troopa accepted a little too gleefully. “Uh, close enough. I turn seventeen next year!”

“Yo, wait!” Phil warned but too late.

Jr. Troopa fired without the safety being on. The extremely pressurized blast shot him backwards out the door and his target was sent the opposite direction, crashing through the walls. CRASH. Both koopaling and squid landed right on top of a perfectly restored shed house and flattened it. Again.

Outside Bowser was coming around the corner and saw the crash site. “I don’t even wanna know.”

Suddenly Ludwig arose like in a horror movie and grabbed his leg.

“Call...an...medic!”

* * *

Spy Guy and Agent 0069 occupied the pink station, a long wide passageway with train tracks on one side and trenches of sorts Spy Guy designed to ensnare an enemy if one would be kind enough to come along on the other.

“I understand N, over.” Spy Guy terminated the radio session. “Wow, I can’t believe Rodney would do that. I knew he was weird but...” Spy Guy stood up from his invisibility cloak. “Hello?? 0069?” 

0069 leaned back against a little podium against the tracks. “Huh? Didn’t hear you. Check this out.” He turned his phone towards Spy Guy. Displayed on it was some sort of web page involving ‘Toadettes gone wild’. 

Spy Guy frowned beneath his mask. “Idiot.” He was about to go back when- Wham! Knocked off his feet, Spy Guy fell forward into a sandbag. Quickly he reached for a weapon on his hip to find his tool belt empty. “Help!” he screamed to Agent 0069 who pretended to hear nothing.

“Too late.” Right behind him, Jelectro Bond snapped the slingshot in half. “Now, mon ami-”

Spy Guy sprung towards Bond, tackling him down. “Friend, huh??” He punched Bond in the face. “Why does Jeremy always-” Punch. “Treat you-” Punch. “Better than ME!!!” He socked him a fourth time, stopping to take a breath. “I’m his secretary but does he call my personal cell while I’m on vacations??” 

Bond rolled out of the way to miss Spy Guy’s kick, simultaneously getting hit with that feeling again- Spy Guy was under the control of something! He dodged to avoid a poison dart. The sand bag behind him ruptured and fine yellow dust filled the air.

Spy Guy ran out of his own maze to escape the sandstorm. Near the tracks he did a double take. Where Agent 0069 once sat was instead a small chain-chomplet wagging its tail excitedly.

“Mr. Snuggle Buns?!” Spy Guy dropped everything to run up and hug his lost pet. “It’s Trevor’s fault. If I knew he was taking you for bomb sniffing-”

Bond cut the ‘touching’ reunion short by whacking Spy Guy in the back of the head. He fell out cold and the illusion shattered. ‘Mr Snuggle Buns’ was actually Agent 0069 blushing a lot. 

“I apologize for incorporating you into that trick. Have you any clue of secrets here at base? Say, something similar to that lost satellite?” Bond avoid eye contact for reasons.

The bandit shrugged, easing back into his lazy position. “Not sure if this helps but I stay up all night so sometimes I hear coming and going near the red station.” He returned to his mobile videos. 

“I understand completely.” 

“Oh but thanks for earlier, Jelectro. I don’t what happened just then but no one ever hugs me voluntarily!” 

Bond thought he heard a train whistle. “Andrew, move out of the way!” A gush of air blasted Bond backwards. With a roar the locomotive sped through the station, making Agent 0069 splat like a bug. Bond felt punched in the gut figuratively yet more painfully than anything Spy Guy had delivered shortly before.

* * *

Peach picked up a sweat rushing around the hospital curing whomever they could. With her was a toad girl, a Daisy impersonator, a bob-omb buddy, and a Boss Bass in a wheelchair- Quite the bunch.

“What’s Daisy’s favorite flavor of mushroom?” was Daffodil’s fiftieth trivia question.

Peach got between her and the uncomfortable toad girl. “Do not pester her anymore.” 

“Then what’s your’s lass?” Chomper’s gaze lingered on Peach from behind. Before she could reply a patient sprint past them into the dark basement that was ahead. 

Nukem step ahead of the group. “Let me trudge forward fair maidens.” Peach tried to call him back but down the bob-bomb went.

“He’s always ‘white knighting’, don’t mind him,” Daffodil said, looking around shiftily. “Psst. Real quick, I missed Daisy’s game yesterday so if you happen to know like, any sweat droplets that hit the ground… Ooh! Or any strands of hair lost and where I can find them?-”

The traveling sister hid behind Peach. “What are you talking about?!”

Chomper got Daffodil to back off. “Aye, forget that little lass. I just thinks the blonde one raises me sails if ye know what I mean.” He grinned.

Before things could get any more awkward, Nukem climb out of the basement covered in layers of medical gauze. “I should have known those minions booby-trapped this baaaaassssmeeeent!” 

A stampede of little critters, goombas, buzzy beetles, swoopers, and shell creepers rushed up the steps. Running away, everyone rounded a corner where Iggy wandered about aimlessly, impeded by a sign on a closed door that said: ‘Clean’n goin’ on. Wait a sec, hear?’ 

Iggy took notice of the hoard. “Ooh, I have a death machine for this!” He presented a small black tube that looked a lot like an internet controlled virtual assistant. 

“Moshi moshi, Koopdrandia desu? I await your command beautiful Iggy-sama!” it greeted.

“Lad, what dark arts run that thing?” Chomper questioned, staying back.

“Whatever it is, I hope it can save us. Please tell us what to do!” Peach plead.

“Aaa! Mushroom Flu infectees can become disoriented from sound due to their senses being amplified! Fufufufu!” advised the machine.

Iggy scratched his head as the baddies surrounded them. The goombas and swoopers bared their fangs while buzzies and shell creepers snap their jaws ravenously. “Who knows the most loud band ever? I don’t think my vocaloids will count.”

Peach’s hand shot in the air. “Play the Boo-Circle Jerks!” A song called: ‘64’ed (Good as Gameover)’ blasted from the virtual assistant just in time to throw the infected into confusion. Everyone step into high gear pricking the sick with the cure which thankfully had a sleep inducing agent in it too. Peach and the toad sister cheered together when Daffodil incidentally got in the way between them and got knocked down.

Peach flushed. “Dear, we did not mean to-”

“No, not that. Two people that know Daisy just TOUCHED ME.” Daffodil happily fainted.

Chomper wheeled up to Peach, patting his lap with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Why don’t ye ‘faint’ right here? Har har.”

“What a creep, even by my standards.” Iggy packed away his ‘death machine’ that, for the first time ever, actually wasn’t.

* * *

The green station is where Agent Toad put up a few cans of soda in a locker, smuggled before the ban happened. He’d been playing the slots with Agent 999.

“C'mon!” he exclaimed when he lost again. “I hope we move on from this soon. I kind of wanted to leave the country you know? A movie’s going to be shot in Sky Land that could use a generic toad number forty two and I’ve been here all day. My feet are tired.”

Agent 999 raised a thick eyebrow. “Want a cookie, child?” the aged thwomp teased. His personal coin case was heavy.

“Shut your face.” A moment later Agent Toad spot a dark boo that appeared out of nowhere.

“Open that locker!!!” Zoo demanded, meaning an overstuffed looking one. “I mean… please?”

Agent Toad reach for the alarm button and Zoo had to do something. He wasn’t sure what, but it was something alright that happened... The young toad crouch down like to vomit only instead out of his mouth slid a small pink sack that dangle over the floor, still attached to his insides by a thin red cord that ran down his throat. Zoo was as taken back as the other person in the room he hardly noticed. The thwomp was backed into the corner with shallow breaths.

Zoo spun to Agent 999. “Sooo, whatta bout you?”

“N-never!” 

“Then just stay out of my way.” So Zoo pick the lock on his own. Out of Agent Toad’s locker spilled tons of manila folders that covered Zoo up to his head. “Oh, cool, I didn’t expect that,” he mumbled from under the pile, focusing on one paper in particular.

_Higher HQ to Secret Agent N, Chief of Toad Town HQ:_

_Enclosed is a schematic of your newly renovated base. You are to figure out where we’ve relocated the bathrooms, extra closets, and jacuzzi on your own. Have fun, it should sharpen your skills._

_PS. Where do you hire some of your weirdo agents? One admitted to being a shoplifter, another said he shoots goonies out of the sky for fun, another.. literally said you hired him off the street one day. Anyway, take your map and hide it well:_

* * *

The MKDCU finally took a breather after the noise they’d caused before. None of the first floor rooms had doors anymore due to being knocked off the hinges, their signature style. Dr. Mario, who was with them taking the place of Sebastian, marked off a check list of rooms in the front lobby, stunned at the results. “We’re off the charts! Er, well mostly because this hospital’s records are incomplete and drawn in pencil, but still!”

James proudly nodded at his crew. “Dat’s no issue for us.”

“Yep. Who needs proper documentation? Hey, we missed that one.” Richard spot a stray yoshi running in. Parabilly tackled the dinosaur down.

“I got the lil rascal! Uh oh, spoke too soon fellas!” Parabilly got slurped up in their jowls.

“Release our old and annoying but valued friend,” Wiggletron warned. The small dino made a run, heading outside into the rain. 

“We have to save him fast. Even though yoshi’s can’t digest koopas, that doesn’t mean she might not try!” Dr. Mario lead the chase that went out and through the shanty town surrounding the hospital. They even pass Bowser’s Airship, which had a small group of people in front of the bow.

Luigi, Daisy, Roy, Larry, Wendy, and Boo watched Toadette bang her pots and pans in an effort to wake up Millennium Star, whose dormant form was attached to the vessel only as a curious decoration. 

“Okay, now it's my turn. Watch my sweet moves.” Larry said, glancing in Daisy's direction. The brunette barely paid him any mind, instead wrapping up her knuckles in preparation for something. 

The fifteen year old Koopaling kicked the side of the ship, making only a small knock. He hopped away with a bruised toe just as company arrived.

Roy threw his hands up. “Skip my turn. I just wanted an excuse to get out of working in the hospital.”

“Yes, here. Drop me. No, not there!” Ludwig’s slime covered body fell roughly over supply barrels that surrounded the ship, specifically landing on some broken ones with sharp edges.

“My bad,” muttered Vick. “Here’s yer Prince, partners.” The ptooie plant snickered as he left.

Wendy rushed to her brother. “What is this icky stuff all over you?! You're totes disgusting!”

Ludwig’s eyes opened slowly. “Excuse my disheveled appearance, sister mine.”

BOOM BOOM BANG! SNAP! Daisy plowed her fists into the front half of the ship making a lower support snap. Down came piles of wood landing everywhere except on Daisy. “I'm so flipping sorry!” she exclaimed, on the verge of tears.

A barrel overturned from the wreck, revealing Luigi. Others followed except for one. “We’re alive, don’t worry but... Boo?… Boo?!” He gasped at seeing Boo’s short little tail from under some heavy artillery. 

Ludwig snapped his fingers. “Quick formation: ‘Servo Eos’!”

Larry, Wendy, and begrudgingly Roy all helped Luigi clear the weaponry. Boo was awake but with a large discolored knot on their forehead. 

“Don't fret, everyone,” Boo spoke in an unusually deep and gritty voice. They marched pass everyone's shocked faces to approach Millennium Star atop the pile. “By the power of Eldstar!”

The sky flashed as a blinding bolt came down. There was a spark and soon the wreckage was on fire, red flames persisting despite the drizzle and it spread to parts of the ship.

Boo turned heavenward. “That wasn't supposed to happen...” 

No one had time to process the rapid events when their attention was brought to Jr. Troopa in the distance loudly rounding up others for a meeting that was to occur at the hospital.

“I will drag along my own to check that out while you and your people handle this,” Ludwig said without looking back. 

Luigi found his abrupt shift to helpfulness unexpected yet appreciated. His boots squeaked were he rushed inside the burning ship. “Everyone out!” Toadsworth took the hint right away.

“There's a fire so you need to wrap it up to go!” Daisy shook the table violently, waking up Alagold and Yoshi as smoke gathered at the ceiling.

Yoshi’s eyes weighed heavily. “But.. wait. Toad..went into town for me...”

Luigi pulled the dinosaur up. “He’ll connect the dots. Where’s Boo?”

“Sir, I never saw them enter,” Captain Toad spoke up.

Boo was into the fields where they once terrorized a few baddies, fixed towards the sky, captivated by ‘something’ above with a pull like force. Up and up they went on the road that spiraled around Mt. Rugged. Clouds hugged the rock’s midsection, closely shrouding all above it like a curtain waiting for someone to reveal its secrets of the heavens.

“Where you’re head’n partner?” Whacka, a curious blue creature that lived up there nice and settled yet isolated, asked the distracted boo. 

The entire sky was deep black and the closer they got the more insufferable the wind became. Swept up entirely they were by the strongest unnatural gale and then it was all over for the little boo..

...

“What’s going on?”

“Rub your white gloved hands together,” Jr. Troopa said.

Mario gave a start, as did others in the group surrounding the hospital. The rain falling from the sky was diluted with something dark. While they were focused on that, around the building came Metal Mario, the metallic partner of Dr. Mario. 

“How many times you babies wet yourself? Just kidding!” After hacking up a laugh he targeted in on Mario Mario like a guided missile to deliver a bone cracking handshake to the middle aged man.

“Oww… Glad to see you too I think. Oh Eldstar, what now??” Mario noticed due to a particularity bright lightning flash that a futuristic helicopter that was parked right where the twice repaired shed house was. Surprisingly the architect shrugged.

“See, cooked up a better one anyway,” Probabilly explained, pointing at a structure to the other side of the hospital, a cabin that was split down the side with one half being old western style and the other modern and cubist. “Couldn't decide what to make it, but stop that drooling! This place is just for tools and not yer hootenannies!”

Metal Mario shoved others aside for a better view. “Does that place got a spa? I call it!”

“Pssst,” went Dr. Mario, clearly embarrassed. “Why didn’t you show up before?”

“I should say the same to you, softie. The mix up don’t matter cause point is, ten more patients fresh from the Special World Hospital are in there. Have fun,” Metal Mario went on before the MKDCU storm the helicopter with him getting caught between them. His head was buried in the soil while everyone listened closely for blood curdling screams but got nothing. The squad came right back out one minute later without a scratch. 

“What a let down. They were all asleep,” Sebastian noted, dragging his feet.

“Thanks again for the help partners, (and for taking out that scary metallic dude) but first here’s our due.” Jr. Troopa whistled and reluctantly, all of the staff lined up to pour the coinage into the MKDCU’s hands to their bafflement. 

“Did not we agree to work vol-”

“Shh!!” James covered Wiggletron’s mouth quick.

“I’m finally going to Club 64 in say, five more years when Toad Town rebuilds itself,” Richard said, rubbing the coins under his nose. 

Parabilly nodded. “Never thought I’d get sick of home!”

“I call the drivers seat!” Sebastian was the first in the new van they’d acquired. The MKDCU were officially done for the day.

“…. Isn’t that OUR van they just took?” Laki asked, eyeing the car sprinting away in the mud.

Jr. Troopa pulled him his way. “Who gives a hoot? It’s over! We did it ya’ll!”

“Good work, ya idiot plumber!” Bowser slapped Mario to the ground hard, his signature way of expressing himself which the plumber didn’t really mind given the moment.

“And thank this handsome guy right here!” Rou T. pushed Dr. Mario forward to the latter’s bafflement.

“That is appropriate,” Ludwig had to speak up. “The cure would not be here without his past research on the Mushroom Flu.”

“Thanks,” Dr. Mario replied genuinely. “But are you implying you caused this new outbreak?”

And then in Ludwig’s mind a record scratched. A violin string broke. A bum key was hit. The backing track shut off. The guitar fell from the strap. Insert some other musical gag here.

“Run!” Ludwig scream, causing him and his siblings to run away.

Bowser nearly melted under everyone’s collective gaze turning to him. “Uh…what my brat meant was, er- We all make mistakes okay? Everyone’s alive ain't ya??”

“I believe em,” said Probabilly, back to his janitorial chores on the porch. “And you can use the new shed for one little hootenanny this time. You’d just better clean up after.”

All of a sudden Bowser really liked that old man, namely because due to that announcement it no longer seemed like the local hillbillies were going to knock his block off rodeo style!

* * *

“There you are finally.” Agent N found Kylie in the maintenance room near the parked train on the tracks. Kylie’s skin was now darkened and her eyes pierced through him. “-Uh, I was going to say that I’m letting you go. I’m about to get Higher HQ involved and-”

Kylie blinked. “DO NOT. The ones we seek are very close.” She tilt her head towards the passage out. “Be ready right there.”

N just happened to check his pda. Somehow all systems were now on, even one’s he hadn’t touched. Unlike his usual self he wasn’t bothered by this. Not bothered at all.

...

Bond and Zoo met again, this time in the open hallways. “Updates? Yes?” Bond held a grenade snatched from Spy Guy, tossing it a short distance and catching it.

“Yeah because I did your job. Where’s this??” Zoo excitedly shoved that map in Bond’s face. Shy Guy’s Toy box formed a circle with the colored stations with a center area defined as ‘launch site’.

“Hmm. We should be able to access it from any of the stations but let us try the red. While you were doing my job, I did yours! We can leave from there after launch.”

Zoo rolled the map back up. “You know I did have to deal with people anyway, and it wasn’t pretty.”

Bond lead the way, carefully rounding corners. “At least you did not mean it. Yes, I know it was Waldo, Sonny, and Lt. Stone. You are that transparent.”

“Apparently, except when I’m trying to be..” he replied before accidentally bumping into his companion.

Up ahead were faint red lasers stretching from one end of passageway to the other. Some were still but others periodically moved around. 

“Neat, this is like in a movie!” Zoo was pulled back before he got diced. The lasers shifted their position, making the previous safe space impossible to cross. 

“Cover your ears.” Bond’s grenade roll under the lasers with only a hair’s width to spare. It blew up on the other side, taking the door, the wall, and the security system with it. Bond noticed Zoo speaking to him quite eagerly about something but without sound. It occurred to him then that he forgot to cover his own ears..

* * *

Bowser lean back in Rou T.’s La-Z-Boy, staring at the drab hospital front lobby that was still torn up from earlier events. It was night. The patients were all tucked in bed for the slow recovery and volenteers had packed up. He knew Dr. Toadley and crew did, most of the gang members, and even Dr. Mario, except Metal Mario who wanted some of that hootenanny action. Or just more alcohol. Bowser himself skipped the party so it was just chill time. It was weird, but he felt kind of good about things. 

“Yeah, Peach. I used to be a carpenter once. I can get your castle rebuilt in a fraction of the cost of some licensed professional!” a voice near said.

“Tee hee, you’re always so thoughtful…”

“What’s wrong?” Mario asked, entering the lobby to notice Bowser staring.

Bowser tried to play it off cool. “-Nothing.”

Outside, a figure approached the hospital. Mario watched them come closer before he sprint to their aid. Shivering harshly the green plumber trudged in the rain before Mario scooped him up. He knew Luigi had trek towards the mountain looking for Boo, but it was now so dark it was like Mt. Rugged disappeared and Luigi was alone.

“Bro. What happened? Where was your friend??” 

Luigi grabbed on to his brother with jittery hands, his eyes clouded and empty. His voice came out with the softness of the wind. “...It’s here.”

* * *

They were getting closer to red station when like a clap of thunder, something black and spidery that resembled lightning crawled from around the steel air vents above to bring them down. Bond and Zoo had to dodge forward into the room ahead to avoid the collapse which was actually the maintenance room.

“OUR TARGETS HAVE ARRIVED.”

Bond felt the hair on the back of his neck sizzle as a flame jet shot just inches from above. Without sunglasses on it nearly blinded him to see that Agent N was wielding it. “I’ll take him while you find Kylie,” he told Zoo through gritted teeth. He himself threw something grenade like across the ground to fake out N. The fire stream halt just long enough for him to make a move.

Zoo went straight for the train were he thought he heard her but there was no koopa reporter there, only her weird little puppet of him. It was hand stitched and, wow, no one had ever done that for him so in a morbid way he really liked it enough to take along. That was a mistake. It disintegrated in his hand, spewing dark matter in a floating form like a fog. Some got down his throat and he coughed, opening his eyes to see the whole world growing dimmer.

“HAND OVER YOUR BELL.”

“Where are you?!” Zoo blindly bumped into an object.

Kylie bent to his level. “RIGHT HERE, MORTAL!” She sent him flying into the train. She made some of the roof fall on him too, resulting in sheet rock falling and pipes bursting. She caused so much damage some of the outside rain water could trickle in.

“I knew it’d come to this.” 

Agent N punched Bond with the hand not on the flame thrower. They were tumbling around on the other side of the room near the cage but Bond refused to let up the tug o war, even with his black eye. Agent N step back peddle on the durian, the object Bond had actually tossed earlier, losing his balance and falling with his back against the cage. Bond thought he had an opening and lunged forward but N expertly kicked the fruit upwards, spiking Bond in the face. Once fruit was swatted to the floor the next thing in his face was the barrel of the flame thrower. 

“T'as pas de couilles!” A silenced pistol was now aimed it at his roommate. Bond made a dire realization. He was the one aiming the cold steel!

“You think so, huh?? I will turn you to ashes right now, agent!!” Agent N hiss, tensed and eyes dilated. His rigid stance said that he was ready to incinerate yet the wavering of his voice conveyed something else. 

Kylie opened her palm revealing a blue wick. She motioned upwards and the entire train lifted and moved to the side, revealing only rubble. She step closer to make sure Zoo was underneath where she could finally acquire her prized bell, in fact, after lifting a ceiling panel, there it was! The glowing yellow noise maker was just laying on top of the rock. She dove for it only for her hand to be caught by something.

Zoo revealed himself. “Try again, sis. Heh heh!” He twisted her arm and flung her body across the floor, sliding all the way near whatever staring contest was going on at that cage.

“Go forth old chap,” Anti-Guy calmly spoke in an unexpectedly posh English tone as he held Agent N against the cage by the necktie. The yoshi wasn’t resisting, only standing normally but he chose to let the dark shy guy think he was really doing something.

N rubbed his head. “Am I dreaming? We’re back at home, right?”

Bond dropped the gun. “I’m sorry to say no, Jeremy. All of us, even myself for a moment, were being exploited!”

“B-by what?”

“That!” 

Bond moved just as Kylie’s shell bang up against the cage with a huge clang. She sprung up, sending forth black lightning that dart across the air at Zoo. He vanished just in time. Her head snap Bond’s way with her eyes flashing. She bent to throw the durian at him with super human strength but failed. She tried again but the fruit refused to stay in her hands.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?”

“A distraction.” Zoo appeared behind her, hitting her with full force of his death ray that threatened to split her molecules apart. She fell and from her pores oozed a black mist that form into a cloud above.

“THIS FORM IS TOO WEAK. I WILL DESTROY YOU THIS WAY.” 

The matter dissipate into the walls. Right away the lights went red in the room and alarms blared. ~Poro 13 Launch Initiated~

Bond pressed his ear to the wall. “Eldstar, she’s going to prevent the launch to the moon!” He ran for the red station on his own.

“She? Kylie or that dark star person??” Zoo rolled Kyle’s body to find that she still breathed.

Agent N stood over Kylie before carrying her in his arms. “What was Jelectro talking about with the moon? There’s no moon up there.”

“Excuse me?” Zoo questioned, getting agitated.

“Don’t you guys know?” N said as other survivors were pouring in, no matter how unlikely.

A concerned looking Spy Guy climbed over the rubble from the hallway Kylie had destroyed. With him was 999 and even Agent Toad on a stretcher who survived because 999 was an army medic. The surgery wasn’t pretty, but thwomps did lack arms...

“No one told me about a rocket,” Spy Guy said. “And were are you going to launch to? The void above?”

“What?!” Zoo made everyone flinch before running off where Bond went.

Agent N sigh, still carrying Kylie who slob on his shoulder. “Let’s follow. Go go go!” He stop. “Oh, and let Rodney out, whoever has a key.”

“Good show!” Anti-Guy replied quietly.

* * *

Bowser lifted his head from the reception desk. 

“The office is closed, plumbers!...” Bowser watched as Mario sat Luigi down in some chairs. “What’s gotten into him?”

A glass jug began to vibrate on the desk. It shook until it fell and shattered on the floor. The sound of rain pouring transformed into a low roar then in the distance they began to hear a series of low thuds in the distance. Mario ran outside in time to catch sight of a yoshi carriage engulfed in flames. 

“I’m on fire!” screamed Laki to his right.

The noki nurse dropped to the ground and rolled. A random doogan passerby splashed some water to little effect. Mario ran over to pat out the flames with his own natural fire resistance and soon the nurse was blackened but safe.

“How did these wild fires start so quick?” Mario tried to ask.

“Thank you but no time to talk!” Laki ran right back into town were every other building burned. Giving the skyline a warm orange glow were rows of settlements up in flames, houses, shops, tents, and even the new shed house. The entire town was out on the streets in panic.

Yoshi nearly knocked Mario down rushing his way. “I think that monster is back!”

“Huh?”

“Listen. The black star monster, the thing that made us mute this afternoon? It was flammable and that’s how we survived. Now notice something wrong?” Yoshi waved his hand in the oily substance that continued to rain. “The fire and rain are working together. We can’t put this stuff out if it combusts.”

“-Mr. Mario!” Captain Toad ran up wheezing. “I don’t know if they can make it!”

“Who?” Mario demand.

Captain Toad’s voice became a hardly audible squeak. “Mrs. Toadette, that desk lady, Jr. Troopa, Daisy… and Mr. T-toad!”

Yoshi’s eyes went wide. “I’m going back into town!”

“Yoshi!” Mario called out, but his long time buddy disappeared in the crowd.

Mario hardly recognized Metal Mario next. His silver body was now a reddish orange. “Sup, cry baby. No wait. I’m sorry. I’m not usually this insensitive. Oh wait, yes I am. Well I’m going in for a cold shower. Can’t save people from burning houses if my skin can also give em third degree burns. Later...”

Now it was all up to- Wait, it was always up to Mario, and he’d step up to the challenge like any other time. He had to do something drastic. 

“Where are you going?” he asked Bowser who walked by. Mario must have daydreamed for just a second, yet this was exactly who he needed.

“Finding my kids,” Bowser said over his shoulder. “You know. To fight this thing.”

Mario caught up with him. “Good. It’s up to us anyway because, well, it’s about us right?”

Bowser kept walking ahead with his face forward because he didn’t want Mario to see that he couldn’t help grinning from ear to ear. They soon found the koopa kids near the original airship landing spot.

“Vater, I expected you here. We salvaged these items.” Ludwig stood before much armory salvaged from their airship which was only a skeletal frame at this point. “We await further instructions.”

“Uh, well. Use the same old same old tactics. Blow the heck up whatever’s up there!.” Bowser command. Mario braced himself.

Boom! Boom! Bang! Boom! Bang! Bang! Eight fiery cannonballs shot upwards simultaneously, leaving a long snake like trail in their wake. Everyone spotted the little disturbances in the clouds where they’d fired before the ‘sky’ retaliated. Down came a gush of flames that knocked all of the koopa kids back. Right before the molten mix hit Mario and Bowser, time seemingly stop for them both.

“Aww crap, not my best idea. If this was gonna be it I would have been nice if Peach was around. Any last words? Mine is that since we were in an alliance I technically won today. That’s right plumber. Besides, I did all the work,” Bowser added with a playful nudge.

Mario thought for a moment, though in reality this happened instantly. “I didn’t think this would really be it.. I’m just glad I did right thing I guess. My last words will be-” Mario did a V sign with his hands, cheering up instantly. “Thanks for playing my game!”

FLOOSH. Swallowed were both eternal rivals by the greedy hand above. The blast finally beat the doomship into a flat pile of rubble, but from the flames arose… 

The Millennium Star. See! Alive, glowing, radiant! “Ho ho, what has transpired here?”

Luigi used the last of his energy to crawl beneath the radiating star with his head upwards. “I just… want you...to know… I… believed….” The green plumber’s eyes closed slowly.

Millennium Star began to glow brighter. Off he went in a brilliant flash.

* * *

The red station was compact, blisteringly hot, and rumbling. Bond stumbled upon a ladder leading to a crawlspace above, also a locked door. He glanced upwards. “You are the dark star. Yes?” He waited for a response. He got one, but not the one he expected.

“Jelectro!-” Zoo choked on the rest of his words. His face was entirely wet from sweat and tears. “We can’t do this anymore!”

“GIVE IT UP. ALL OF YOU AND THE BELL HOLDER WILL PERISH HERE,” the deep voice boomed, making those entering the room yelp.

“Who was that?!” 999 shriek.

Agent N pushed him and others ahead anyway. “You all take that ladder out. You hold her.”

Spy Guy was given Kylie to hold, to his dismay. “Agent, what are you going to-”

“That is an order, agents!” 

Evacuated were everyone but Bond, Zoo, and N, the last of which went into the room connecting the red station to the rocket’s secret chamber. Right after, noxious fumes and smoke pour into the red station. While the intercom spout out error messages, the vibrations in the room grew in intensity like an earthquake.

Bond grabbed onto the wall for support. “We’re running out of time. I can fly this myself if you give me the bell.”

“No no no! I can’t like, lose you!” Zoo paused. “I can’t lose you bro…” he repeated, easing back into himself. “I might as well own up for my mistakes. This day was pretty awful but pretty great too because of you. Outside of all of this bell stuff, why did you really want to be my friend though? I mean at first?” 

Bond took a deep breath. “I am tormented constantly by accidental intrusions on the thoughts of others, it is why I must keep busy. I noticed the first time we met was.. different. But, that’s not the only reason, mon ami. I actually like you.” 

Zoo couldn’t do much more than smile really awkwardly. 

“We’re losing power! Come on!” Agent N shout from inside that chamber. With a gas mask on he man the computers, enduring hordes of technical glitches.

The rocket chamber within had smooth but rapidly cracking concrete walls with LEDs lit from top to bottom, reflecting on the silvery space age looking rocket that stood 100 feet tall. The four engines above them, each the size of a large car were already hot enough to distort the air around them and the general ambient temperature of the area was nearly unbearable. Despite this, Zoo phased them both right through, where the inside was breathable again. Zoo looked around astonished. Meters filled the interior and bucket seats were mounted vertically. Bond hit something that officially made the take off ready.

~10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1! ~

An innocuous suburb above HQ caved in on itself when the hatch buried deep below opened up for the launch.

“AND NOW PERISH.” The voice returned. The rocket became coated entirely in dark matter and stalled, not wanting to lift from the ground.

“I don’t think so,” N growl. He wasn’t sure how Bond was fairing with his end of the controls but he remotely increased the power to the point where his observation room spark suddenly and lost power. He now couldn’t see the radars but with the tremendous noise he knew it was a success. Rising like a black spire from the Earth was the rocket, trudging forward through the stormy conditions outside.

“And now I have you Dark Star!” said Geno, a ball of light hovering outside. While locked out of HQ he’d gotten back up waiting just outside of Earth. “You’re being deported baby!” Geno fused with the rocket for a moment before he was flicked off like a flea.

“YOU WERE FOOLISH TO TRY YOUNGSTER. THE BELL HOLDER WILL PERISH NOW!” said the ‘rocket’. Once again the stall problem returned.

“Ho ho! Need a hand with this?” Behind Geno’s back was Millennium Star.

“You think?! Where’d you come from anyway? Oh never mind. Follow my lead.”

Together they combined to attack the rocket’s black coating, this time reducing the dark star’s influence to the measly but defiant tip with their combined effort. Up and up the rocket tore through gloomy thick clouds and ever closer to the void until it disappeared, out of their realm. The Earth was free of Doom Reverb.

...

When Agent N climbed out of the manhole, behind him was a crater and destroyed neighborhood from the launched. Once his feet were on dry land he ripped the gas mask off and walked around for a bit in the rain, completely numb. 

“Over here!”

He glanced up at his team under the roof of a fuel station. All remaining were there, even Kylie who was on the ground leaning on a gas pump with a blanket over her. 

“N,” Spy Guy repeated. “Are you alright?”

Agent N nodded. 

“Good. I know your next meeting will be hectic with the case studies and the rehiring you’ll have to do and the damage reports and-”

Agent N stopped him there. “It won’t be. Will that civilian recover fine? Yes? Then that’s great.” He let his loosened tie hit the wet concrete. “I quit.”

* * *

Right outside the Star Temple were the usual things really, as long as everyone forgot about the blinking leg bands they wore and the star officers standing around on the property because that wasn’t weird or anything...

“I know we were guilty to an extent, but is not your time better spent elsewhere?” Skolar noted, on a bench reading a book.

“We has't been toldeth to remain alert of a passing criminal,” the guard replied.

Meanwhile Klevar was excessively refreshing the Toad Town message boards on a portable version of his granite computer before Misstar marched up to him.

“You’re always on that thing. Look up sometimes. See something beautiful- like me!”

“Or this shooting star! How lovely!” Mamar chimed, setting down her knitting supplies. Darting across the sky was a black speck spinning wildly.

Eldstar stopped stacking cards on a table to squint at it, thinking that dark star was very familiar while the star guards hanging around went on hot pursuit of the comet. Not that he minded, but they forgot one, the guy that was coming his way.

“Eldstar? I’m back. Where’s ‘it’?” Geno asked in low voice, wearing a fake nose and eyeglasses to hide his identity to the police.

Far back in an almost forgotten portion of the Star Temple sat a machine, square shaped and wheezing from age yet running with green encrypted texts patterned across the otherwise black screen. It controlled then and now but only if a condition was satisfied. With a simple command UTC on Earth lingered for a second too long at 23:59 of April 4, 2016….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m finally going to play my trump card that I’ve envisioned as the ending for a while. The last paragraph kind of makes my twist obvious but at the same time, you’ll see!  
>  **Obligatory disclaimer: Mario and co. belong to Nintendo.**
> 
> Created: 9/18/18, 9/21, 24, 25, 26. 10/12, 11/4, 11/5, 11/10, 11/13, 11/21, 11/30, 12/3, 12/4, 12/5


	23. Today is Just a Day..

It was a normal early morning at the Mario residence. Luigi leaned up in bed and stretched. Mario snored loudly in the background as usual. It was 6 AM. What was the on agenda? Oh right he thought, he was going to play Daisy and Toad with Mario in a tennis game. Why his brother scheduled back to back weekend events he didn’t know- Over a decade in the Kingdom (somehow starting at the age of twenty-four) and he still hadn’t adapted to Mario’s frantic nature. (And he felt he’d only gained a year. But the time differences compared to the Real World was another story.)

“Still worth it,” he thought out loud. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A loud buzz went off to his side coming from Mario’s phone on the nightstand. It was quickly followed by an obnoxious ringtone of World 1-1.

“Peach! Don’t say yes to him!” Mario flung the covers over his head, eyes bulk wide.

‘You have one new voicemail.’*Beep*

“Hey, pipes for brains, wake up call! Bwa ha ha!” The Mario brothers could hear a loud ‘Koopa Symphony’ in the background of Bowser’s voice. “Ah hem. But anyway, if we lose our match today, you’re toast! Oh and tell the Princess I’ll be looking my best today. Just for her!”

Luigi lay back in bed with a huff. 

“Lastly. Umm, well. What’s the recipe for that Couples Cake again? You know, the one only friends eat together? *Mumbling noises were heard*- Kamek, no this isn’t Mario- *mumbling noises* Umm, gotta go. Keep that cellphone smokin’! Wait, that don’t make sense. Whatever. See ya, plumber breath.” 

*Beep* ‘End of message. You have no new messages. 

“I didn’t want to play anyway. My tennis elbow was acting up,” Luigi said quickly. “Don’t let me mess up your whole frenemy thing.”

Mario sat up with his legs over the edge of the bed, dialing someone’s number. “Cut that out, little brother. I’d forgotten Bowser mentioned that yesterday. Too bad for him. No koopa’s breaking up the Marios.”

“...Hello? Yeah, this is Bowser. Who are you???” 

“You know,” Mario reply on his end.

“Oh, you! Gwah ha ha! Liked my message? Got chills down your spine?”

“Actually I’m sticking with my original plans, but feel free to watch from the sidelines and sulk on the bleachers like you normally do!” Mario hung up when the line suddenly went dead. “..Oh well. He’s a big koopa, he’ll manage.” Mario got up from bed still in white undershirt and boxers. “Now what’s going to be for breakfast?”

 

…

 

Kamek ducked as a matte black object shot over his head and cracked against the nearest wall. Bowser stomp his feet hard, jostling all of the objects near him, his piles of books including but not limited to ‘Pride and Prejudice’, iron barbells, Dark Land territory maps, a mug of black coffee, and lastly his prize framed photograph of Mario smiling cheerily while doing a v sign. 

“How dare Mario reject ME!… Erm, that came out wrong,” Bowser said with a flush.

Kamek kept his head down. “I think you meant exactly what you said, your nastiness...” 

Bowser stormed out of his throne room to the castle’s bulletin board. He had in hand a print out Iggy made for him a while back with the text: ‘Friendship ended with Mario’. He just had to post it to feel better but he’d need to clear some space. There were help wanted signs because of the constant need, Lemmy’s vibrant coloring sheets, Ludwig shamelessly promoting independent concerts, Larry trying to advertise his DJ services, Morton attempting to have a ‘word of the week’, Wendy selling Avon, Iggy looking for someone female in the castle that would date him, and absolutely nothing from Roy because he was illiterate..

“Ah, perfect.” Bowser ripped off an innocuous blank sheet of paper then glanced at his own addition, seething anger boiling up inside all over again. As he crumbled the blank sheet in his palm, he noticed ink rubbing off on his hand. He unfolded the paper slightly to see words appearing from thin air.

“To all Koopalings:” it said at the top. “The plan, should you choose to cooperate, and you should or face disciplinary action, is to invade Peach’s castle on this date: Friday April 3, 2016 which is today, so pay attention plebeians. Yes that is you! Take a note on your silly little phone if you must!”

“Now,” the mysterious paper continued, “By the later half of today our garbage man underling who is so insignificant I shall not name him should have distributed our tainted soda cans in Toad Town to force mass chaos that will persuade the Princess to finally surrender. PS: DO NOT TELL KING DAD. As Dark Land’s commander in chief it is time I take matters in my own hand. Oh, and Bowser is dumb!”

And at the very bottom: “Your leader: Ludwig Von Koopa.”

The heat sensitive paper got darker from Bowser’s rage, eventually wrinkling and combusting into thin powder. Ludwig, dressed in morning robes came around the corner with some tea in hand.

“LUDWIG?!?” the entire castle heard at once. As the young military commander’s ceramic mug shattered on the floor, Bowser did a ‘come here’ gesture...

* * *

Kylie Koopa the reporter was at the Mushroom Press this early morning and getting nowhere with her current story. She shot her hands in the air in desperation. “Time for the back up scoop on-”

“Your mother?” Mitch Toad, her smirking rival was right across in his space.

Kylie shot him an eye dagger just as the new guy was coming inside the building. The mysterious newbie dashed from the door to their cubicle on the opposite side of the press before Kylie called them out.

“Sit still for a second so I can meet ya.” Kylie got up and offered her hand.

The dark boo spun her way slowly. “Uh, hey.”

Kylie smiled at their voice being a bit gruffer than expected. “I’m Kylie if ya don’t know. Ace reporter. You?”

“Zoo Diddley,” Mitch butt in, not glancing over his shoulder as he clacked away writing whatever usual ‘trash’ for the Mushroom Enquirer. “What are you even doing here, dude?”

Zoo grinned hard. “Bro, maybe I want to be a garbage man AND journalist! I thought this was all a dream but you remember too? Cool. Don’t worry about ‘that thing’. I dumped them somewhere else… I still dent your car with my bike though.”

Mitch spun that chair around so fast it almost fell over. “Seriously?” 

Kylie stifled a laugh. She didn’t get what the heck anyone was talking about, but as long as Mitch was suffering...

“It’s called the ‘Flutter effect’, right? Its the small things that can break the space time continuum,” Zoo continued. “So, wanna hang out?”

In a flash Kylie was ready to go, camera and all. “Right on, brother! Let’s hit the tennis stadium and I’ll show ya how this reporting business is done, unlike Greeny over there!”

“Shut up!” Mitch spat, though when Kylie left he wasn’t upset at all.

* * *

At 8 AM in the morning, this was a bright sunny day in Toad Town with crowds starting to gather for the tournament in advance. Luigi thought he was showing up early, guess not!

Toad was at a stand selling stuff. “Sup, homeboy. Wanna try my hand spun shroom shakes?”

Luigi took the blue cup that was offered and gulp it down. “It’s pretty good!”

“Thanks loser. Uh, I mean Luigi. I gotta break my random insult habit,” he said as Mario and Yoshi were approaching. “You two! Come get a sample while it lasts because I’m going pro.”

“You..are?” Mario said with some doubt.

“They’ll will have no choice but to offer me a contract after I win today with Daisy.”

Yoshi rolled his eyes. “Getting ahead of yourself are we?”

“Actually I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Mario nudged his sibling. “Remember, Luigi? In our last match vs Yoshi and Shy Guy half the audience were snoozing!”

Luigi turned to Yoshi, hesitating to say something confrontational. “Well some people, uh, might have napped for a bit? I think? Maybe?”

Yoshi crossed his arms as he walked off. “Shy Guy and I had a strategy! A strategy!”

Later Mario was chatting with Peach about how normal this day felt, completely unlike yesterday where something felt off. Oh well, he was glad it passed..

“You’re Mario, right?!” Mario heard a lowish voice call out to him while heading to the locker rooms. It was a dark boo wearing a ball cap and holding a little camera. “Got anything to say? Call me Sue, by the way.” ‘Sue’ gave Mario a rather firm handshake.

“I don’t have a story much. This isn’t a grudge match or a charity event. Just know I’m going to play my best and I won’t let anything stop us. Not even Bowser!”

Sue stared at Mario for a second intrigued. “That’s perfect,” he muttered oddly.

Mario reach the locker room with duffle bag in tow. He pulled out his trusty old blue racket that had seen better days, especially with parts of it chipping off. Luigi handed over a spare green racket right away.

“Thanks Luigi.”

“It’s no prob-”

“-That’s not all. I was just thinking that we’re more roommates than brothers these days. When’s the last time we hung out and it wasn’t because of an adventure? Sometimes its alright to just have a normal day.”

Luigi nodded. “...Sure. Where are you going with this?”

Mario sighed. “Never mind then. Brothers before Koopas.”

“Now that I can agree with. Promise to not back peddle on my toes like last time.”

“No guarantees!” Mario swung around the spare in the air. “Now let’s get out there and hope Toad and Daisy haven’t broke into a fight. You know how they can hardly stand each other.”

Lakitu saw the brothers enter the court and blew an air horn. “Alright. Everybody’s here,” he said in a bored fashion. 

There was a decent size crowd on exactly one side of the stadium but none on the left. Toad and Daisy were already on their side of the court looking competent and itching to play. Toad even had a flowery band on his head that must have been borrowed from Daisy. 

Thwack!

Caught off guard, Mario was whacked in the face with a tennis ball.

“For the LAST time, first serve Mario!” Lakitu said through a megaphone.

“Bro, are you alright?”

“Yeah homeboy. Wait until we beat you to turn red.”

“Good one!” Daisy high five Toad. 

Mario picked up the ball, ready to make the first serve. Toad lunged for the ball and knocked it back but he continued to roll all the way into a reporter that was absentmindedly standing too close to the white line. Luigi return the ball in the open gap Toad left but Daisy did a back flip into position. The ball was lobbed right in the Marios’ center court.

“I got it!” Luigi called out.

It took everything Mario had to not jump in the way, but he stay put against the net. Luigi sent the ball flying with a purple fiery trail pass Mario and right down the court. It went so fast past Daisy that she spun like a top off the field to collide into another reporter while Toad stared blankly.

“15-Love,” Lakitu announced. 

Mario pat his brother on the back. “Great job. Now we just have to do that over… and over… and over.”

Luigi stopped smiling. “I just remembered why I don’t like tennis.” 

Then the brothers turned to the sky to see a Koopa Battleship approaching from the West. Its drone of engines grew louder and louder as some of the crowd instinctively ran.

“Cover her,” Mario said under his breath. Luigi immediately verified Peach was okay. 

“ATTENTION MARIO LOSERS!” Bowser barked from some sort of intercom as the airship halt one hundred feet or so right above the stadium. “PREPARE TO FACE THE ULTIMATE…. No no no no! DON’T TOUCH THAT-!!” The airship dropped right onto the left stadium seats in a horrible crash. Mario shielded his eyes from the pillar of fire. Concrete and metal from steel benches flew into the sky.. 

“Oh my,” Peach exclaimed, materializing at Mario’s side with Luigi.

While what was left of the airship began to burn and black smoke spread, six of the koopalings and Junior frantically rushed out on the tennis field. Junior clung straight onto the net sobbing. “King Dad was yelling at me! Make him stop yelling at me!” 

“That’s why six year olds don’t drive, retard,” Larry snickered, even though he couldn’t drive either at fifteen because he lost his permit.

“Don’t say that!!” Wendy rebuked right away.

“There’s no harm in being a person who cannot be trusted operating a motorized vehicle. Or anything with wheels really..” Iggy added, missing the point.

“Check me out!” Lemmy rolled all over the court with his self made tennis ball roller blades. 

Roy was stealing a wallet someone had left. “Score!”

Morton meanwhile was picking up a well worn yet expensive gold ring on the ground. “Everyone look here! Quickly! Expediently!” 

“Thanks, dweeb.” Roy snatched it out of his hands.

“Roy has a girl ring!” Lemmy teased.

“No I don’t!!” Blushing, Roy shoved it Wendy’s way. She didn’t appreciate the sexism, but being a spoiled brat won over her ethics so she accepted happily.

“Uh, guys?” Mario interrupt. Luigi, Toad, Daisy, and even Yoshi had his back. “Where are your leaders?” 

The smoke from the airships open door turned white, revealed a second later to actually be fire extinguisher. Ludwig step out next. “Vater! The vessel will no longer combust!” 

Bowser shoved Ludwig out the doorway a second later, making him tumble down the bleachers. “I’m standing right next to you, stupid.”

“I know you are!!! And would you please speak up?!” Peeved, Ludwig got up.

Bowser marched right up to Mario. He didn’t even glance at Peach, he was that serious. “Moustache. Listen up and listen up REAL GOOD!!!-” He glanced around dumbly, especially upon seeing the score. “Wait, where is everyone? Did we show too early? Aww, crap. We weren’t supposed to arrive until mid to late game to terrorize you losers!”

“You wanted to cancel our game?!” Toad exclaim like it was super serious, but everyone else was looking relieved.

“Oh.. just that dear… I’m glad you weren’t planning anything harmful,” Peach remarked a little too soon.

Bowser bared his fangs. “I tell ya what, hotness. Since the show’s over I think we will beat ya’ll after all! Physically! Ya know, real assault. Or something….GET THEM!”

Mario whipped back towards Bowser’s hoards of children when eight tennis balls bounced his way, some on mark others wildly off. Bowser now held a purple emblem racket and his children had some trainer rackets stolen from the nearest supply closet. Their side of the court had the metal grate with the stadium’s supply of tennis balls in it!

“Batter up!” 

“Actually that is baseball. Softball. Stickball!”

Roy ‘practiced’ by whacking Morton with the racket.

“Enough!!! Let us attack the plumber!!” Ludwig yelled for no reason, obviously deaf from this morning.

Mario prepared for another tennis ball barrage when he was shielded by Yoshi. 

“Mario, we got you covered.” Yoshi deflected the balls with a trainer racket. Luigi was to his left doing the same and now Peach even held a racket on his right. Daisy was pulling up in the rear double wielding rackets and Toad was charging up to the net like a warrior. Or a crazy person. Likely both. Mario swiftly grab his racket from the ground and began to play.

“I’m hit!” Lemmy froze in place and waited for someone to unfreeze him.

“Keep playing,” Bowser growled. He stay in the back of center court.

“Knock out the midget first!” Larry tried and failed to hit Toad who was zipping around close to the net.

“Don’t say that word either!” Wendy snapped. 

Yoshi was so experienced playing that he almost zoned out. "..You know in the 90s I could have gotten a condo in Toad Town for cheap. But I was like, noooo. Now I couldn't afford to if I wanted… Do I sound old now?”

"Yes, grandpa," Larry replied.

Yoshi expertly smack him in the face with a ball. “Oops, it slipped.”

“We can’t keep this up for long!” Peach narrowly dodged the ball heading her way which instead hit Mario.

“I agree,” moan Mario, covered in bruises. 

“Guys, we have to aim for the source. Or, Bowser I mean. See him in the back?” Daisy squint to see past the mass of koopalings.

“Good idea, homegirl. Chaaaaaaaarge!!!” Completely out of turn, Toad hopped over the fence past Morton, Lemmy, Wendy, and Ludwig near the net, past Larry who was struggling to not cry like a wimp from what Yoshi had done, past Iggy who had headphones on, and past Roy who was distracted by Daisy’s athletic outfit.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Bowser Junior unexpectedly knocked Toad down. “Just sit right there! I’m gonna shoot stuff!” 

Bowser turned to see his youngest son manning the practice ball shooter and aiming it at Toad. The machine’s barrel budged from the improper air pressure used and the tennis balls stuffed in it. 

“Nooooo!” Bowser abandoned the game and rushed over just as there was a huge explosion. Both teams paused as Bowser and his son were blown high into the sky, right up and over the stadium’s walls on the right side.

“RETREAT!” Ludwig and the koopalings shuffled quickly out of the entrance.

Toad got up without a scratch. “That was totally my plan. Let’s play again.”

Even Daisy was giving him the side eye. “I don’t think so.”

“What a weird day,” Yoshi lament, beginning to call his girlfriend Birdo to share the news.

“I wouldn’t say that. Sometimes, a day is just a day.” Mario stared into the sky.

...

Outside the court, few were hanging around just in case the game continued after the intermission..

“I hope my Luigi is okay,” one little boo wearing a t-shirt with Luigi’s face on it muttered over and over. 

“And I hope I can find my ring mixed up in there,” Kylie added, tapping her foot constantly as she stood around. It gave her good and bad memories alike, from the person who gave it to her but was essential none the less.

A shadow covered everyone that grew and grew and then- WHAM! Everyone but Kylie ran as Bowser plopped down flat in the grass. Junior fell into a nearby tree with rustling, falling leaves and twigs, before getting caught up by the straps on his Koopa Scouts backpack.

Kylie snapped a photo. “Now this is a scoop!”

“Step away from Vater,” Ludwig growl in between his out of shape wheezing.

“Yeah. Give him space, people! Gosh! Or just back the heck up,” Wendy added.

Bowser’s eyes fluttered open and the first thing he saw was someone wearing pink. “Peach!! You’d better not say yes to HIM-”

The titular princess slapped him hard. “You are banned from this stadium,” she spoke triumphantly. 

“-And stay away!” Mario shout at Bowser and his kid’s backs while they were kicked to the curb. With that the remaining lingerers thinned out, another Bowser ‘plot’ foiled by Mario and company! Back out where the food stands were, everything was normal. Luigi ran across a little boo wearing some of his merchandise that he thought no one knew about. 

“Hi,” Luigi greeted simply. 

Boo began to sweat and blush profusely. “H-hi I’m uh, Booigi the, uh, Second, and uh-”

“Watch out!” Luigi pulled Boo aside just as a mini bullet bill shot past them. Luigi spot the assailant right away, Bowser Junior.

“Grr, I wanted to hit that one,” the six year old mumbled, meaning Toad who was packing up his stand not far away.

“That’s just too bad for you. Go home.” Yoshi picked up the child and gave him the boot, literally!

Kylie’s excitement died down when she met co worker at the parking lot. “I’m sorry, brother. I left ya and I was supposed to be training you. This might cheer you up.” She showed off a super embarrassing photo snapped of Peach slapping the snot (clearly seen as she good zoom lenses) out of Bowser. So they took Zoo’s bike and was heading back to the press when they got caught behind a Mushroom Bus at the stop light. Zoo nearly had a heart attack when the group of koopas waiting at the stop collectively noticed him. 

Larry waved. “Yo, check it out!!! That’s Zoo our garbage guy!” 

Like a switch went off Ludwig lunged for Zoo, knocking him straight off the bike. “You are fired!!” 

“Hands off, you royal brat!” Kylie pushed Ludwig back onto the sidewalk. 

“That is the underling that poisoned my mind! Let me at him!” Ludwig fought, only being held back by Roy and Morton. Zoo got straight up but he held back, recalling the past. Or “past”. Apparently hindsight could help even a lunatic like Zoo..

“STOP THAT!” Bowser step between Ludwig and Zoo. “You made a horrible plan Ludwig, stop pointing fingers and get over it! You, garbage dude. You’re that person mentioned in the note right? Where’s the sodas then?” He turned back to his kids.

Iggy giggled nervously. “The Sumo bros were done with deliveries by this morning, so uh.. ask that guy?”

“They’re at the dump,” Zoo answered. 

Bowser scratched his chin. “Then to get this situation done with forever, the next move should be to-”

“Dispose to the cans properly, safely, economically!” Morton said.

Bowser guffawed. “Or wipe it off the planet. Calling an airstrike on Toad Town’s Junkyard, over!” he said into a radio.

“Roger that,” everyone heard a koopa commando reply on the other end.

“Great, here’s our pimpin’ ride,” Larry said as the bus finally pulled up.

“Freeze koopas!” Everyone spun around. Yet again, Mario and co had caught up.

“This really is a small level map where we keep runnin’ into each other,” Bowser grumbled.

“The bus stop is one minute away from the stadium so we heard it all. We are NOT letting you drop a bomb in my kingdom!” Peach warned firmly.

Bowser flashed that grin. “Try me, hotness!” Bowser and his kids stormed that poor little bus, with Ludwig forcing the driver out with his zapper. The bus plowed forward, running over Zoo’s bike and dragging it along while he and Kylie watched the entire thing happen on the sidewalk.

“Oops, sorry guys,” Mario said, meaning it. “We’ll make it up to you later. Everyone to the dump first!” “He galvanized his friends, Peach, Luigi, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad to head for that junkyard, leaving the reporter and her apprentice in the dust.

Finally Kylie turned to Zoo slowly. “Well… this is pretty typical for the job. What are you smiling so much about all of a sudden?”

“Huh? Oh uh, nothing. Guess we’re walking right?”

Kylie glanced around for a cab but got nothing. “Looks like it.”

“… Do you know someone called Jelectro Bond?”

Kylie paused and stared him in the face. “Brother, you got some secrets don’t ya?” She smiled afterward. “Well that’s fine with me, but that’s weird for you to bring up. I get the feeling you two wouldn’t get along. Ya’ll got different styles for sure..”

* * *

Bellstar Doomella kicked her legs idly while waiting around until the cell door of her sparkly impenetrable prison finally open. She jumped up quickly, but saw no one directly in the door way.

“Another fan?”

“Yes, love. So much that I want your autograph,” said Dark Ztar standing in the doorway. With the door swung open she saw the star jailers too. 

“What’s that?” Doomella noticed the very long and tattered scroll.

“Why, doesn’t it look familiar?” He unfold it and she realized that it had all of her old criminal charges from millenniums ago plus some newer details tacked on to the bottom in ink that was still wet.

Her face twisted in mixed emotion. “How could you?? I thought you didn’t care?”

“It’s quite simple Mrs. Bellstar. I don’t, but you borrowed twenty dollars from me back in the day and with interest that’s about, say-”

She ripped it out of his hands and tore the scroll up, prompting someone in the back to clear their throat. 

Eldstar himself step up, though cautiously behind the guard. “Don’t wear yourself out dear. As for you Zach-”

“It’s Dark Ztar!” the dark star remark pointedly.

“Okay fine, but I thought your cooperation was because of that grave thing Doomella almost did to the Star Spirits?”

Doomella yawned. “So I tried to destroy you all and take over the universe forever ago. What’s wrong with a little fun?”

“This is,” Eldstar stated, becoming serious. “You have a new banishment location where there are no loop holes regarding alien psionic powers mortals happen to have and such. I think you’ll like it actually. You will get to be your normal self!”

Her eyes lit up. “For real?? Get out of town! Still though, why is that crusty dude here?”

“Watch it, fool,” Dark Ztar hissed. “I had evidence from you back at Sarasaland that helped determine your new punishment. Do enjoy rotting away wherever you are going.” He showed off his broken cellphone. Some might say it’s still accidentally recording to this day.

Eldstar chuckled at that statement. “Why don’t you show her the way, Zach? Take a look at her banishing report right there.”

Dark Ztar picked up one of the many pieces of the scroll littering the floor. His monocle popped off his face. “She’s banished to the ‘Dark Realm?!’ I can’t share my bloody abode with her!” he scream over Doomella and eavesdroppers, prisoners and guards alike, laughing wildly.

Back at the Star Temple, back at his throne where it seemed it all started, Eldstar made sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. The mortals of Earth met the moral requirement for his computer to do a mild reset, (It broke and needed the Geek Squad right after, talk about good timing), the law enforcers were no longer breathing down the necks of his friends and charges were dropped, and he’d rectify his costly mistake made involving Doomella’s banishment location. As the epitome of fair and good the Great Eldstar thought he’d finally done well.

Or at least until the next cosmic screw up happened. He’d give it a week max.

 

THE END

* * *

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?! (YES AN EPILOGUE THING)

Dr. Toad was in his office hanging up his latest decoration, a medium sized water color painting he’d done when someone bang on his door. Muttering under his breath he sat it down and answered.

“What you do want, associate?” 

Morris poked him in the shoulder. “Lighten up, fellow. A few of us like the ‘Shrink’, the division five youngers, and Topper were going to head somewhere nice for breakfast.”

Dr. Toad frowned. “Nice? It’s just at your second job isn’t it?”

Morris nodded, holding a wrinkly coupon proudly. “Buy one family special and get a free entree. See?” 

Dr. Toad stared at it for a second. He DID need to get out more and it could take his mind off of other matters. Heck, maybe he should even catch up on what his family was doing back home. Yes, even his thug step brother. 

 

…

Thomas the castle front door guard was goofing off on his Nintendo DS as usual. He heard the clack of shoes and slipped the goods away just as Toadette kicked open the doors. 

“Help! Quick!” She held a bubbling pot.

Thomas toss the pot over the castle’s moat. 

“Thanks. I don’t know what went wrong.”

He grunt in reply, itching to return to Fire Emblem.

“Uh huh,” she continued, sticking around to his dismay. “I just wanted to use natural ingredients like these white pebble things. Mr. Toadsworth told me they were sodium crystals but honestly I- What’s that bubbling sound??”

SPLASH! Shooting up from the moat was a heap of water from the landmine that exploded. Water quickly swept them into the yard. 

Toadette finally stop coughing. “Does salt explode now?!”

Thomas spat up an entire fish. “Better call a bomb expert and I know one. My uncle’s shop isn’t far from this Dr. Toadley guy..”

Toadette looked at him funny.

 

…

 

At Mushroom Kingdom Hospital East, a tall sledge brother entered wearing a doctor’s coat and a fedora. He march straight up to Nass T.’s desk as it was a slow morning.

“Hello, can I help you?” the busy head nurse asked. The doctor slid a note her way under the glass. Nass saw it and blink a few times. “Who are you again?”

“Courtesy from the Giant Land Hospital, little lady,” the doctor said very low.

Nass glanced at the note one last time. It read: ‘You know the end is near for this facility. Let us pay you to help it along.’

“How much?” She mouthed without actually speaking, being reminded about MK East’s problems in recent times.

With a half smile, the doctor brought out a shiny pen and scribbled a huge number on the paper. At the sight of it, Nass’s hand lay on her phone to call Doctor Professor Koopa. Almost. 

“We’ll handle our problems our way,” she said decidedly, going back to the computer. She wasn’t perfect but she also wouldn’t go that low..

The doctor crumbled the paper with a start, shoving it deep in his pocket. “You will see that is a mistake!”

“Security!” she called.

In an instant a whomp guard with an eye patch was shoving the ‘visitor’ back out the doors.

…

 

Reggie Business bro, founder of Fungus Up was interrupted by a worker barging into his office. 

“Sir, you might want to look at this,” the magikoopa wearing a sun visor said. 

When Reggie came to the front door there were a group of young protesters, goombas, koopas, buzzy beetles, magikoopas, and more holding signs with a lone toad security guard in the back.

“There you are, scum!” the goomba girl in the front with purple hair and piercings scream through a megaphone. She was Raven, the leader of the Dark Land debate club. “We have evidence of your unsafe and speciesist labor practices!”

A skittish toad security guard with black glasses stroll up. “Yeah I have it on tape. I actually work for Morel Moxie. Is it weird that I tape everything? I’m recording right now- Hehehe.”

Raven’s boyfriend, the boomerang bro in a trench coat and trilby cleared his throat. “Could you just show the footage you showed us earlier?”

The toad guard slap his face. “Right! Take a gander at this, evil doer!” He dramatically presented footage from right inside the FungusUp factory via a drone in the window. Captured on film were the underpaid Dinosaur Land immigrants breaking their backs to work. Reggie went pale on the spot but his magikoopa worker shoved the tablet away. 

“No way! That footage is fake!” 

“Then let’s check,” Raven said. She along with the rest of the protesters storm the FungusUp building and Reggie was hopeless to stop any of it. 

His employee shivered. “What should we do?!”

“I have an idea...” Reggie regain his composure with a mischievous glint in his eye.

…

Somewhere just outside of Toad Town was an old trailer in a lot with a beat up work truck parked beside it, both spray painted colorfully. Inside Richard lay down his hand. Goombas didn’t have hands so it was a good thing that was a figure of speech. He had all aces with his deck of cards. “Go fish, wimps.”

Sebastian, a snifit seated across the table dropped his to the floor. “I can NEVER win.”

Parabilly shushed the snifit, clacking away on his laptop. “I’m wait’n for an email from my folks. There’s this restaurant down town and he can score us a deal.”

The old parakoopa was interrupted by the door trailer door swinging open. Their leader James pushed Wiggletron inside still holding paint cans. The monty mole on the other hand was covered in sweat.

“Boys,” James started, digging in a closet for his hazmat suit. “We gots an urgent one! Remember that fake story in the news ‘bout the Giant Land Hospital trying to bribe others out of business? An anonymous tip from just this morning says it’s true after all! We gotta bust em!”

This news shocked everyone into silence until Sebastian hesitantly faced the mega goomba’s way. “Umm… Aren’t you from Giant Land?”

“Yep,” Richard replied with a straight face. Believe it or not, he was fully convinced that ALL people from Giant Land were jerks. Yes, that included himself.

…

 

Somewhere in the galaxy, Rosalina was back at the Space Observatory’s library.

“Also, this!” screamed a random luma grunt. They and a few others dropped some cannonballs from Bowser on the floor for no reason, resulting in many bouncing and rolling. Rosalina ordered them to get rid of those relics of the past lest they start a time paradox, so why they were bringing them to her she haven’t a clue, especially when she was busy emailing her date who was running a little late!

“Take them away,” Rosalina repeated over her shoulder. She heard a noise. “He is here! Everyone prepare!”

Standing outside the library door was the most handsome man, tall, dark skinned, and wearing a traditional garb of royalty. Rosalina nearly fainted on sight, but held it all together enough to walk off with him in the distance chatting away.

Polari had his jaw to the ground. Who? How? The Nigerian prince was real.

 

…

Probabilly nailed the last board across the windows. The storm that wasn’t supposed to be until Saturday decided to sweep Southern Mushroom Kingdom early, locking most of the shanty town inside and leaving it up to him to secure the hospital’s leaky windows. At least that mess was done with. Back inside the lobby was toasty and warm, but Jr. Troopa was at his favorite table, the one under his very own fishing trophy on the wall. 

“What is all of this??”

Jr. Troopa leaned up from the calculus books. “I asked my buddy for help but I ain’t gonna get it in this weather. I asked Vick but he’s dumb as bricks and Laki doesn’t work till tomorrow. Rou T. gave it a look and got a headache. I’m desperate!”

Shaking his head, the elder paratroopa pulled a chair up. “Know how I can fix anything? It’s all math, hear?”

Jr. Troopa nodded. “Can you show me?”

Probabilly hovered the pencil over the worksheets for a minute before finally taking off his wet hood. “Get me a sec. I can never decide what formula I wanna use..”

That night, the Southern Mushroom Kingdom would get record rain fall for early spring- twelve inches in fact. Everyone was okay though, because hardly anyone was ever sick down South. It must be something in the water, but in a good way, hear?

…

Late back at the Mushroom Press, the staff were out aside from Mitch, who was showing Zoo something on his computer screen.

“So all of those people are like us?” Zoo asked. On the forums were numerous confused people earnestly believing that today Friday had repeated.

Mitch nodded. “This sort of thing is kind of a research project for me. Keep it on the hush, okay? So...” Mitch shut off the computer and began to pack up. “What are you gonna do with yourself now?”

Zoo thought for a moment. What would he do now as a ‘reporter’ who had lots to learn but also evenings off? “I got it.” Zoo snapped as he head out.

“-You’re gonna perform at Club Gamecube.” Mitch laughed, reading Zoo like a book. “Do you think your handsome noki friend would like that place?” 

Zoo froze in the doorway flushing. “Shut up! I was going to try to call him tomorrow with the office phone and it won’t be a prank call so don’t screw with me, bro!”

“What ever dude...” After a pause, Mitch found himself staring at Kylie’s office space. Maybe he had someone to check up on himself...

 

….

Friday April 3, 2016 had come and gone. Mario and a few others arrived at Peach’s castle to find the ground damp even though it didn’t rain in East Toad Town. Mario’s ears were still ringing from that Bowser Bomb that went off, but it could have been worse. At least they could say no one can possibly get involved in whatever the tainted soda thing was. 

“What did we miss?” Mario asked Dr. Toadley who was near the door.

“Will I tell you another day? Yes I will,” he replied, his expression hidden in the darkness. “Just be glad this day did not turn out the way it could have..”

Before Mario could interpret that, Luigi snuck up on him. “Check this out. Fresh from the factory today!” Luigi held a white can in his hand labeled ‘New FungusUp’ and took a sip. “The marking blurb is that it tastes the exact same minus any illegal ingredients, but I’m not so sure.”

“Me neither,” Daisy added, putting an arm around Luigi’s shoulder. “I think robots make it now. Yep. That has to be it.”

Mario tasted it and- Yuck, he wasn’t a fan. He didn’t protest when Bowser snatched it for his own taste but he did when Bowser spit it back out at him.

“Hey!”

Bowser shrugged. “Well, it sucks!”

“Why are you here?” Peach asked.

“Oh that, hotness? I just wanted to make sure I’d caught all the Dark Land protesters hanging around.”

“Why was that a thing? It was on the evening news I think,” Luigi said.

Bowser crossed his arms. “I hate those brats. Always complaining first being tired of being World 8, then if it’s possible to love a paper towel, then the pharmacies being overpriced. Heh. If anything my work force is too medicated. I can’t stand that stank fire flower plant the kids use. What now? Get to the point?? Oh yeah, the new topic was working conditions and they might stop here soon with the way you pay these toads ‘round here,” Bowser added with a chuckle.

Peach looked suddenly disturbed. “Every toad is getting a raise!” she announced loudly out of the blue. 

Bowser leaned in. “And for you, plumber breath.” 

Mario received a slip of paper while no one was looking with Bowser’s new phone number. “What a day,” he said, eager for Bowser’s next phone call that would lead to the next adventure. Maybe too eager.

Having a frenemy was complicated, but very worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note: Yeah, if not obvious this is a slightly different time line Mario and co. are living now. All for the better I say! Thanks for reading if you’re out there.
> 
> -Named after a story from a FF.net user named 12345678910111213141516171819.
> 
> Dates:  
> 9/18/18, 10/18/18, 19, 10/23/18, 10/29/18, 10/30, 11/9/18, 11/10/18, 11/19/18, 11/21, 11/27, 12/3, 6,7, 12/9, 12/10


End file.
